"..Had flings nearer home..usually with Colleagues.."


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Mar 16, 2005
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It just keeps getting better...;)


Flwg up from the earlier post here: "Don't blame the other woman if he strays"
http://forums.clubsnap.org/showthread.php?t=147718


Women should expect less from their man and understand that philandering is in his nature
Letter from Wilson Wong

I refer to the report, "Stay away from my husband, you hear!" (Aug 19) and the letter "Don't blame the other woman if he strays" (Aug 22) by Mrs Lam.

I am nearing middle age and all of my male friends are married — most with children.

When we get together, we always reminisce about the days gone by and take stock of what's left of our lives. And almost inevitably we end up talking about women in general and our wives in particular.

I discovered, at first to my shock, how commonplace it was that so many of my friends cheated on their wives.

Most confessed to doing so mostly on business trips, but others also told me that they had flings nearer home — usually with their colleagues.

These friends have no intention to file for divorce or pursue a life with the "other" woman.

Mrs Lam has correctly identified the key reason why they do this — after marriage and especially after childbirth, wives lose their sexual drive, creating a pent-up desire in men who are used to a higher degree of physical sexual expression.

This gets worse when the children are born, as wives not only lose their shape but also spend almost all their time and energy on the kids, almost ignoring their husbands.

So, is this an excuse for men to stray?

It depends on the age-old "nature-vs-nurture" debate and whether the male of a species conditioned to "go forth and multiply" can — by sheer exercise of discipline — curb his natural need to keep sowing his seed.

And it seems the older a man gets, and the more he is confronted with his mortality, the more he desires to prove — both to himself and maybe even his friends — that he is still able to "perform".

Certainly, all men stray if not physically, at least psychologically — by either looking at attractive women, watching porn or even fantasising about sex with others.

Traditions of love and marriage are nice. But reading all the letters and various discussions on the matter, I am tempted to say — and I know that this will cause controversy — that there is nothing to recommend marriage to a man.

Certainly not in law, where men always lose out in marriage, and neither in reality, where men face self-imposed restrictions on their natural tendencies.

Looking back, almost all my friends regret the act of marriage. Given a second chance, most would rather cohabit — not least because the legal consequences are less serious.

The concept of marriage was intended to protect women: It does nothing for the man. But times have changed and with the growing affluence of women, there is no longer a need for a man to provide for a woman.

Mrs Lam's letter may have struck a cord. Is it time for women to expect less from their man? To realise and even to expect that their man cannot, by nature, only have one woman for ever and ever?

Is it time for the concept of marriage to be done away with, and be replaced with a contract where both parties negotiate the terms of their cohabitation? Even to the extent where each party may have an allowable number of affairs a year?

As times change, maybe social expectation should too.

Link here:
http://www.todayonline.com/articles/68201.asp
 

jsbn

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Jul 24, 2002
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#2
Wad's it abt this 'motivation' to 'perform'.

Can shoot, cannot shoot its all up to u.
Wad business has others got to do with ur shooting ability? :dunno:
 

espn

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#3
Well, women are becoming liberal, they don't need the Women's Charter neither does marriage protects or prevents anything nowsadaze.

Figure goes or not I won't know, moral values have changed, the vows taken at wedding ceremonies are no longer sacred or kept. It's only motion + passing by of the hour. One man CAN live with one woman. It's by choice, not by cause.

The vows are no longer kept. The beauty of the matrimony is not there. "I do" is just a phrase to get over and done with.

So why marry? Hehe... cos you need to buy HDB flat. Now isn't that why everybody weds?
 

espn

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jsbn said:
Wad's it abt this 'motivation' to 'perform'.

Can shoot, cannot shoot its all up to u.
Wad business has others got to do with ur shooting ability? :dunno:
Three letters. E.G.O. :)
 

sORe-EyEz

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Jun 28, 2005
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espn said:
Three letters. E.G.O. :)
need a valve 2 control & limit its size- like a balloon (that nv burst). most become tumor, turn cancerous!!:bsmilie:

wads in 'there'? probably air...
 

dkw

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#7
itisnottheendorg said:
Traditions of love and marriage are nice. But reading all the letters and various discussions on the matter, I am tempted to say — and I know that this will cause controversy — that there is nothing to recommend marriage to a man.

Certainly not in law, where men always lose out in marriage, and neither in reality, where men face self-imposed restrictions on their natural tendencies.
What utter rubbish.

Read this --> http://health.discovery.com/centers/loverelationships/articles/marriage_myths.html

Married men live longer, are happier, less depressed, less overweight, have better sex life....the list goes on

itisnottheendorg said:
Looking back, almost all my friends regret the act of marriage. Given a second chance, most would rather cohabit — not least because the legal consequences are less serious.
Yah, the grass is always greener on the other side isn't it :rolleyes: . Wait till they try it, less commitment, less happiness, less wealth. What can I say, misguided and immature thinking.



itisnottheendorg said:
The concept of marriage was intended to protect women: It does nothing for the man.
Again rubbish. Please substantiate with some facts. The opposite is in fact true, some evidence to show tha more men stand to gain from being married than women. --> http://aolsvc.health.webmd.aol.com/content/article/73/88984.htm

I quote: "There's still that nagging question of why the average marriage is healthier for the average man than for the average woman. Timothy J. Loving, PhD, assistant professor in the University of Texas' Department of Human Ecology, has looked at this issue.


"Men identify their wives as their main support, someone who is there to talk to," Loving tells WebMD. "Women maintain a larger support network. They are able to use other relationships for support. Wives don't gain as much from marriage, on a psychosocial level, as a husband would."


That's true says Boston University psychologist Deborah Belle, EdD. Belle has studied the health effects of relationships for more than 20 years. She's also found that only happily married women benefit from marriage, but that married men get a benefit whether the marriage is happy or not.


Why? One reason, Belle says, is that women appear to be more sensitive to the negative aspects of relationships than men. Another reason: Women support their partners better than men do.


"What is most striking is that men's' support is so heavily dependent on one partner -- the wife," Belle tells WebMD. "Women specialize in providing support. Women's socialization and subordinate social status trains women to focus on others' needs -- and more than men, they believe that others' needs can be met. Often women dedicate their lives to providing support for others."



itisnottheendorg said:
Is it time for the concept of marriage to be done away with, and be replaced with a contract where both parties negotiate the terms of their cohabitation? Even to the extent where each party may have an allowable number of affairs a year?
As times change, maybe social expectation should too...
Please tell us where you are coming from.
 

dkw

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#8
Here is some more information-->

1) http://www.rand.org/publications/RB/RB5018/

I quote from the article above:

"The health benefits obtained by men who stay married or remarry stem from a variety of related factors, including care in times of illness, improved nutrition, and a home atmosphere that reduces stress and stress-related illnesses, encourages healthy behaviors, and discourages unhealthy ones such as smoking and excessive drinking. Influences of this type tend to enhance a man's immediate health status and may often improve his chances for a longer life."

2) http://www.city-journal.org/html/10_4_why_marriage_is.html


"Married people not only make more money, they manage money better and build more wealth together than either would alone. At identical income levels, for example, married people are less likely to report "economic hardship" or trouble paying basic bills. The longer you stay married, the more assets you build; by contrast, length of cohabitation has no relationship to wealth accumulation. "

"Marriage is good for your mental health. Married men and women are less depressed, less anxious, and less psychologically distressed than single, divorced, or widowed Americans."

"Married people are also the most likely to report a highly satisfying sex life. Wives, for example, are almost twice as likely as divorced and never-married women to have a sex life that a) exists and b) is extremely satisfying emotionally. Contrary to popular lore, for men, having a wife beats shacking up by a wide margin: 50 percent of husbands say sex with their partner is extremely satisfying physically, compared with 39 percent of cohabiting men."

Why is there an economic benefit to marriage, for both parties?

"How can a piece of paper work such miracles? For surprisingly, the piece of paper, and not just the personal relationship, matters a great deal. People who live together, for the most part, don't reap the same kinds of benefits that men and women who marry do. Something about marriage as a social institution—a shared aspiration and a public, legal vow—gives wedlock the power to change individuals' lives.

By increasing confidence that this partnership will last, marriage allows men and women to specialize—to take on those parts of life's tasks, from developing an interesting social life to getting money out of insurance companies, that one person does better or enjoys more than the other. Though this specialization is often along traditional gender lines, it doesn't have to be. Even childless married couples benefit from splitting up the work. Married households have twice the talent, twice the time, and twice the labor pool of singles. Over time, as spouses specialize, each actually produces more in both market and non-market goods than singles who have to shoulder all of life's tasks on their own.

But because marriage is a partnership in the whole of life, backed up by family, community, and religious values, marriage can do what economic partnerships don't: give a greater sense of meaning and purpose to life (a reason to exercise or cut back on booze, work harder, and to keep plugging even in the middle of those times when the marriage may not feel gratifying at all). Married people are both responsible for and responsible to another human being, and both halves of that dynamic lead the married to live more responsible, fruitful, and satisfying lives. Marriage is a transformative act, changing the way two people look at each other, at the future, and at their roles in society. And it changes the way significant others—from family to congregation to insurance companies and the IRS—look at and treat that same couple. Sexual fidelity, an economic union, a parenting alliance, the promise of care that transcends day-to-day emotions: all these are what give a few words mumbled before a clergyman or judge the power to change lives."

Get it?
 

espn

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#12
sORe-EyEz said:
need a valve 2 control & limit its size- like a balloon (that nv burst). most become tumor, turn cancerous!!:bsmilie:

wads in 'there'? probably air...
Well, men only has enough blood for one head... when the blood goes to the other... :think:
 

#13
itisnottheendorg said:
Is it time for the concept of marriage to be done away with, and be replaced with a contract where both parties negotiate the terms of their cohabitation? Even to the extent where each party may have an allowable number of affairs a year?
The married men should be issued with an "Affair Passbook" so that it could be dated and stamped by the "other women".

And if the affairs exceed the limit, next year's affair allowances will be reducted?

And for those who have an obssesive passion with a hobby such as photography and have no time for flings, could the unused affair allowances be accumulated or transferrable or sold to another person?

:bsmilie:
 

furrycake

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#15
why are there so many adultery threads lately...hmmmmm :think:

flings with colleagues?! yikes! im working in construction industry, more guys than gals. mostly cmi :rolleyes: looked at the way they worked & wished they dropped dead sometimes :X
 

Del_CtrlnoAlt

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#16
furrycake said:
why are there so many adultery threads lately...hmmmmm :think:

flings with colleagues?! yikes! im working in construction industry, more guys than gals. mostly cmi :rolleyes: looked at the way they worked & wished they dropped dead sometimes :X
heard blangah workers got the drive to perform leh... kamasutra... :bsmilie: :thumbsup:
 

furrycake

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#17
Del_CtrlnoAlt said:
heard blangah workers got the drive to perform leh... kamasutra... :bsmilie: :thumbsup:
:sweatsm: :sweatsm: :sweatsm: we dont hire blangadesh workers wor
 

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