World's Stoooopidest Jokes!


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iamasaint

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Jan 26, 2003
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#1
I found this really hilarious. So silly it hurts...

what do you call a deer with no eyes?

no idea.

what do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

still no idea.

what do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, mating with another?

still no f**king idea?

:sweatsm: :bsmilie: :sweatsm:
 

iamasaint

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#3
Another one that left me in stiches! (no offense to those who are dyslexic)


two dyslexic fellas working on a boiler.

one dyslexic fells turns to the other dyslexic fells and says 'can you smell gas?'

the other one replies 'smell gas? i can hardly smell my own name'.

:sweatsm: :sweatsm: :sweatsm: :bsmilie:
 

iamasaint

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#4
What follows has been scientifically proven (honest, it really has) to be the World's funniest joke.

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his phone and calls emergency services.

He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies: "Take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

Back on the phone, the hunter says, "Ok, now what?" :sweatsm: :bsmilie:
 

iamasaint

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#5
Another one before the Saints Pompey match starts at 335am....

A man walks into a bar with a lump of dogshit in his hand and says "f**k me, look what i nearly trod in"

:sweatsm:
 

Pro Image

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Oct 31, 2003
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#6
iamasaint said:
What follows has been scientifically proven (honest, it really has) to be the World's funniest joke.

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his phone and calls emergency services.

He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies: "Take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

Back on the phone, the hunter says, "Ok, now what?" :sweatsm: :bsmilie:
Wah still can create joke at this hour.........yawnnnnnn sleepy....... :bsmilie:
 

iamasaint

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#7
More bloke walks into bar joke....some are so corny, it really hurts. :sweatsm:

An Ah Beng walks into a bar and says "Ouch, that ****ing hurt"

A plate of spagetti walks into bar. The bartender says "Get out of here, we don't serve food!"

A scotsman, an englishman, a nun, a parrot and a crocodile walk into a pub and the bar man says, "whats this, some kind of a joke"
 

iamasaint

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#8
A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.
"Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners."
"F*ck off!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money" and she tried to close the door. Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open.
"Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration." And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse sh*t all over her hallway carpet. "If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse sh*t from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder."
"Well," she said, "I hope you've got a f*cking good appetite, because the electricity was cut off this morning."

:sweatsm: :sweatsm:
 

#16
A young boy asks his father, "Dad, is it OK for us guys to notice all
the different kind of boobs?"

Surprised, the father answers, "Well, sure son, we wouldn't be normal
if we didn't....there are all kinds of breasts...depending on a woman's
age.

In her twenties, a woman's breasts are like [#ff0000]melons,[/#ff0000] round and firm.
In her thirties to forties, they are like [#ff0000]pears[/#ff0000], still nice but hanging a
bit. After fifty, they're like [#ff0000]onions.[/#ff0000]

"Onions, Dad?"

[#ff0000][size 3] [/size][/#ff0000][#ff0000][size 3]"Yeah, you see them and they make you cry...."[/size][/#ff0000]

Not to be outdone, his sister asks her mother, "Mom, how many kind of
penises are there?"

The mother, delighted to have equal time answers, "Well, daughter, a man
goes through three phases. In a man's twenties, a man's penis is like an
oak, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it is like a birch,
flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree in
January."
"A Christmas tree in January?"
[size 3][#ff0000]"Yep, dried up and the balls are only there for decoration..."[/#ff0000][/size]
 

patch17

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Jun 30, 2003
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#17
this lady hears a knock at her kitchen door, when she opens the door, her next door neighbor's standing there and he asks "Do you have a vagina?"

Aghast, she slams the door in the man's face. The very next morning same knocking, same guy, same question "Do you have a vagina?" Again the woman slams the door in the guy's face.

That night she tells her husband what's been happening for the past couple of mornings with the neighbor. So the hubby says "I'll take some time off tomorrow morning and hide behind the door. If he comes knocking again, say 'Yes', and I'll jump out and give him a beating."

Next morning, same time, same thing, neighbor asks "Do you have a vagina?" The wife says "Yes." Then the neighbor says "Good! Then please tell your husband to stop ***king my wife!" :bsmilie:
 

AReality

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Jun 9, 2003
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#18
iamasaint said:
I found this really hilarious. So silly it hurts...

what do you call a deer with no eyes?

no idea.

what do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

still no idea.

what do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, mating with another?

still no f**king idea?

:sweatsm: :bsmilie: :sweatsm:

:D :D Believe it or not.... I actually made up the 1st part of this joke some months ago, & told some friends.... & I won the lamest joke of the year.. ;)
 

NitroTech

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#19
>
>
> An Irishman an Englishman and a Scot were sitting in a
> bar. The view was fantastic, the beer excellent, the
> food exceptional.
>
> "Y'ken," said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs
> back home. Why in Glasgow there's a wee bar called
> McTavish's. Now, the landlord there goes out of his
> way for the locals so much that when you buy 4 drinks
> he will buy the 5th drink for you."
>
> "Well," said the Englishman, "At my local, the Red
> Lion, the barman there will buy you your 3rd drink
> after you buy the first 2."
>
> "Ahhh, that's nothin," said the Irishman. "Back home
> in Dublin, there's Ryan's Bar. Now the moment you set
> foot in the place they'll buy you a drink, then
> another, all the drinks you like. Then when you've had
> enough drinks they'll take you upstairs and see that
> you get laid. All on the house!"
>
> The Englishman and Scotsman immediately pour scorn on
> the Irishman's claims. But, the Irishman swears every
> word is true. "Well," said the Englishman, "Did this
> actually happen to you?"
>
> "Not me myself, personally, no," said the Irishman.
> "But it did happen to me sister."
>
 

offspring

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Jun 3, 2003
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#20
AReality said:
:D :D Believe it or not.... I actually made up the 1st part of this joke some months ago, & told some friends.... & I won the lamest joke of the year.. ;)
Now that's funny.
 

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