It's not bad from my perspective. The expression counts in a portrait like this, and I don't see anything wrong with it.
If student were around, he would give you some very good improvement tips. If you like this style, keep sticking to it and improve. Cheers man, nice job.
i was actually going more on the aesthetics of the image as compared to the pose (which is probably an after thought as i dug up this neg from several months ago), but really interesting link nonetheless, would want to try it out to get the whole classic look going.