Gf's bro wanted my free service.

[Andy Ang]

Gently turn down the offer.

As long as you stand by your opinion: Either you get decently paid or he go engaged in another professional.

Your gf will love you for that. Girls don't like their guys giving in to anything unreasonable.
They may throw up a fuss, but as long as you can handle it, you will be scoring in their heart.

In fact by giving in, you are not showing that you are capable of defending yourself. No girls like a guy who can't protect themselves cos then how to protect the girls?

If your gf think otherwise, that's only b'cos she is still immature. :sweatsm:

 

[Chiang]

i m in the situation as u r,

i said this to my friend instead : " i m interested in photography but my skill is not that good enough to make a living, if i m paid , i can try harder , but if there is no reward, u dun come after me n say that my photographs is not to the standard u expected. "

in the end , he kuai kuai go engage a photographer for his AD, so i have my own photos shots, he got his own desire dream photograph n the AD is a great 1.

 

[jsbn]

I know Its not good to say bad things of my gf's bro in a public forum but it did made me a little furious.

See, during my gf bro's ROM, he did not want me to take pic for him. He only asked my gf to take using the P+S camera. My gf is quite concern over the quality of the photo and hence asked me to take for him. Ok, so i reluctantly take it for him using my DSLR and i was not appreciated that much. Its free service and i did it for my gf's request.

Then this time, her bro wants me to be the AD photographer for his wedding day and dinner. What he suggested was that i can go to the wedding dinner without giving him "ang pow" but i need to be the photographer for the day! Its like giving me a free meal for my effort.

The way he puts it, is telling me that my service is worth only the market price of the wedding dinner "ang pow".

So do you think i still take it for him for free? Cos he can easily engage a photographer from Malaysia and it cost only RM$500. But lets say if i charge him cheap price at $250. After giving him a $80 "ang pow", i still have $170 left!

Her bro is a little cheap skate. Pros out there, what are your advices?

Ah hahahaha....

Yet another 'free meal in exchange for photos'. Dumb but efficient trick.

It may be damn crude and callous, but u throw a 'take it or leave it' option. If he can hire an AD Photographer for 'just RM$500', den tell him to do so! What makes u think u'll be even appreciated when he says he has already such a good deal across the causeway? :bsmilie:

In short, tell him to kiss his ass (or urs to that matter). Look at it this way, even if the photos are 'free' for that matter, how abt ur DSLR's shutter life which decreases with every *KASHAK*? How abt the decreasing lifespan of ur CF/SD card which goes a notch down every time it gets written to? How abt ur flash? Ur batteries? And in the event he 'suddenly' demands prints becos 'his wife's side relatives wants it'. How abt the time u need to duplicate the CD? The time & moola for prints? The electricity needed?

Its not abt being neow or refusing a free service. This is definitely exploitation simply basing on a relationship u have with his sister. And assuming IF (lets say a 'if') u do refuse to help out ur gf's brother on his wedding, what do u think her brother would do? Spread blalant lies to his parents on how 'neow' u are and how u refused to help him when he's in 'dire straits' (when he's obviously not and trying to exploit and save a buck when he'd spent several thousands) and cause a breakup between ur gf and u?

U can choose to disregard this piece of grandmother's story and turn around to cuss me. But its ur choice my friend, ur pick. I'd shared my story, peace.

 

[jsbn]

on that very day u clear MC lol :bsmilie:

Having the runs is one way to siam the dinner, the ceremony AND the photoshoot without getting caught.

 

[Lmodel]

Very simple,

i. U pyscho him to engaged me.

ii. I charged him double.

iii. We split the extras.

Advantages:

i. U enjoy ur dinner.
ii. U need not worry about him commenting on your photos.
iii. U can recover back your angbao money and still have extras.

:bsmilie: :bsmilie: :bsmilie:

 

[deadpixel]

Firstly, I'd advise you to not listen to anyone who posts messages that tell you "My girlfriend/wife also..." Because each woman is different and no matter how long we live with them, they will still surprise us with some undiscovered side of their character. What works with someone else's girlfriend/wife will not work with yours.

Next, consider the following:

1. Did she ask you to do it? If 'yes' then you're screwed. It does not matter whether she did it because her brother asked her, you're still screwed
2. Did you express your reservations? If 'yes' then you're screwed. It does not matter whether she said it was 'ok' or that she 'understands', you're still screwed
3. Do you hope to settle down with her? If 'yes' then you're screwed. It does not matter whether she knows her family is weird, you're still screwed

On a more serious note, how many brothers/sisters does your girlfriend have? If he's the only one, then it isn't much of an issue, just do it. Weigh the advantages against the disadvantages...

Advantages

• You make her happy
• You make her brother happy
• You make her parents happy
• You score brownie points
• You won't have to sit through a lousy dinner feeling awkward at the main table
• You gain experience (wedding/event shoot and dealing with an asshole)
• You get closer to having a private model for "glamour" photography :bsmilie:

Disadvantages

• You make her brother happy (yes, it is also a disadvantage)
• You don't get to satisfy your sense of fairness (is it all that important)
• You become a potential source of cheap/free event photography and lose your self-respect (this is a non-issue if your profession isn't photography)

However, if she has enough young, unmarried releatives to form a village, then excuse yourself with one of the many excuses posted in this thread.

If your reluctance to shoot however, comes from a fear of mucking up the shoot, then explain it to him (not to your girlfriend) and gauge his reactions. If you do it carefully, you could scare him enough to hire a photographer. On the other hand, if he is a former Fear Factor champion, then just do it for him for the reasons I mentioned above.

_

 

[Ironman]

after looking 4 pages of thread so far, i've decided to give some of my inputs.

i can't remember how many times i've shoot for free already (of cos there are some paid jobs as well), be it covering events, weddings, functions etc etc both outside and at work. my policy is simple (shoot, burn to CD with no photo editting). like it or not, here's my work!

for your case, i believe you don't mind shooting for your future bro-in-law, but just that (it seems to me) he's not treating u what he should be treating u. of cos, who wish to just cover an important event without getting paid? Even though i don't like, but what to, some ppl are like that... taking advantage of such situation.

my personal take is, (ie. if i were you), i'll cover the wedding. like what i normally do, burn into a cd and pass it to him, no ps done, straight from your camera in jpg format (remember to tell him that in the 1st place). if he gives u an ang pao, u'll earned the extra. otherwise, u earned a meal from him (during the dinner). true, you won't be able to eat much (that's what your gf is there for, keep the food for you when u r shooting). in this case, you'll be able to build up your own portfolio and gained more experience. take it that you have signed up for a photography lesson as an AD photographer.

by doing so, u may increase your position with your gf's family (unless u r telling me she's just one of ur fling). i believe your future bro-in-law may not appreciate it, but i believe their parents will. yes, i know electricity cost, shutter count, time, cds etc are your hidden expenditure... but that can give u an excuse to upgrade your camera to a better one when time comes, eg. shutter reaching MTBF (its like safe deposit). ask how many of our wives, gfs forbid us to upgrade our camera, lens as they think its a waste of money. luckily for me, i manged to get approval (from my wife) to upgrade my camera to a D200 after using a D70 for less than 2 yrs with shutter count beyond 30,000 counts.

well, the final decision is in your own hands... one's once-in-a-lifetime experience is in your hands now.

 

[gktat1]

I was in the same situation as u a few months back.

But there is a little difference, my gf's bro is a nice bloke.(though a bit stingy)
I helped him, when he asked mi.
I din expect much in return.

In the end:
1) i got a gd angbao.
2) a few offers to shoot his friends and relatives next yr(paid of coz!).
3) the chance to mingle around with all my future relatives of the in-laws. (it's ez when u r the photographer)
4) he agreed to let mi use his pics as portfolio.
5) a tremendous sense of satisfaction when a famili matter goes well.

To mi, i find it's worth it if ur future bro in law is nice and appreciative of ur efforts.

 

[Splutter]

I think it's best not to shoot when you dun feel like. Doubt the shots will come out good when every frame you see someone's face you don't like :devil:

 

[Witness]

tell him nicely la....

"relatives and good friends i tink i would rather enjoy the wedding"

then give him the 80 bucks and save yaself all the trouble la..

hahaha

 

[Andry]

I was in the same situation as u a few months back.

But there is a little difference, my gf's bro is a nice bloke.(though a bit stingy)
I helped him, when he asked mi.
I din expect much in return.

In the end:
1) i got a gd angbao.
2) a few offers to shoot his friends and relatives next yr(paid of coz!).
3) the chance to mingle around with all my future relatives of the in-laws. (it's ez when u r the photographer)
4) he agreed to let mi use his pics as portfolio.
5) a tremendous sense of satisfaction when a famili matter goes well.

To mi, i find it's worth it if ur future bro in law is nice and appreciative of ur efforts.

vs.

I think it's best not to shoot when you dun feel like. Doubt the shots will come out good when every frame you see someone's face you don't like

Ok all joke aside, considering those who gave serious and constructive advices like the quoted :thumbsup: ... I guess it's down to personality and desire of TS

TS, confused yet?

 

[projekts]

Aiyah, easy lah...
Tell him you will engage someone as a main photographer and you'll do the candids.
Then go to CS Services Offered/Wanted and post a thread:

"FOC AD photographer wanted. Must have lots of passion, cos no money will be paid, not even transport claims, good experience...blah blah" ;p

There're sure to have some fellas who will bite the bait one...

in this way, the wedding is covered, you dun have to pay any ang pow money, and you can still get to do some candids shots for yourself or to give to them to please them even more.

Killing 3 birds with 1 stone :bsmilie: :bsmilie: :bsmilie:

 

[tltan]

Tough situation.

Are those in your gallery paid jobs?

Regards,
tltan

 

[furrycake]

I know Its not good to say bad things of my gf's bro in a public forum but it did made me a little furious.

See, during my gf bro's ROM, he did not want me to take pic for him. He only asked my gf to take using the P+S camera. My gf is quite concern over the quality of the photo and hence asked me to take for him. Ok, so i reluctantly take it for him using my DSLR and i was not appreciated that much. Its free service and i did it for my gf's request.

Then this time, her bro wants me to be the AD photographer for his wedding day and dinner. What he suggested was that i can go to the wedding dinner without giving him "ang pow" but i need to be the photographer for the day! Its like giving me a free meal for my effort.

The way he puts it, is telling me that my service is worth only the market price of the wedding dinner "ang pow".

So do you think i still take it for him for free? Cos he can easily engage a photographer from Malaysia and it cost only RM$500. But lets say if i charge him cheap price at $250. After giving him a $80 "ang pow", i still have $170 left!

Her bro is a little cheap skate. Pros out there, what are your advices?

i dont know how to advise you, but be it anyone who tries to take advantage of another person on the account that they are 'bestest of friends or closest of closest families', i can only ask this kinda ppl to fly kite.

if he thinks your service is really only worth the market price of wedding dinner 'ang pow', im assuming he meant S$80.00 equivalent ? so why not get a photograher who charges S$80 then ? i am no pro but i do have dignity when it comes to asking ppl NICELY for favours lor.

i think it's not a matter of money to you but it's rather he pits against you by starting the whole bull of money 1st. you sound like a nice guy but dont let others take you for granted. you can be nice yet still firm. think you're offending your gf instead, no ? perhaps can tell your gf to quote him the market price then. tell him your price of your DSLR for a start. one thing, if pictures turned out not ideal as they wanted, would they hold against you and then give comments like "you're a professional photographer" that kinda bull.

but if you're willing to stomach this whole thing for your gf , also becos you love your gf then good luck.

 

[centuryegg]

Keeping it short and simple

Most important question.
1) Are you going marry her?

If yes then I would suggest the following


1) Just bear it and do it that is if you want to. Because the person asking is not your gf's friend or relative, it is her brother who will become your brother in law. Not really nice to have her whole family think of you as a bloody proud fellow who wouldnt even help out at a family wedding. The reasoning he said no ang bao could be that he wanted to save money and hoped you can help as you are "family" ie future brother in law. Normally between family, do you really go calculate every cent?

2) If you really feel unhappy that your rights are at stake, then gently push it away saying that your skills are not up to par. Don't ever say you are busy and have another job . It will offend.

The saying goes a petty person can be a dangerous person. He can easily badmouth you till hell in front of your future in laws.

Tread with caution.

 

[maxmax]

Why let your decision control by your gf & his brother.
If you don't feel like shooting free for him & afraid if after shooting the result is not good, then tell them you are not shooting for him.
If your gf don't understand you, how can she still consider as your gf. Not even thinking about future bro-in-law.
Marriage is once & if a person want to save cost on photo taking, then better don't get married.

 

[jsbn]

Keeping it short and simple

Most important question.
1) Are you going marry her?

If yes then I would suggest the following


1) Just bear it and do it that is if you want to. Because the person asking is not your gf's friend or relative, it is her brother who will become your brother in law. Not really nice to have her whole family think of you as a bloody proud fellow who wouldnt even help out at a family wedding. The reasoning he said no ang bao could be that he wanted to save money and hoped you can help as you are "family" ie future brother in law. Normally between family, do you really go calculate every cent?

2) If you really feel unhappy that your rights are at stake, then gently push it away saying that your skills are not up to par. Don't ever say you are busy and have another job . It will offend.

The saying goes a petty person can be a dangerous person. He can easily badmouth you till hell in front of your future in laws.

Tread with caution.

The 'marry ur wife, marry ur wife's family' thinking huh?

Marriage sure doesn't sound like a relationship between 2 people but a whole lot more.

 

[centuryegg]

The 'marry ur wife, marry ur wife's family' thinking huh?

Marriage sure doesn't sound like a relationship between 2 people but a whole lot more.

Well if you love your wife, you wouldnt want to put her in a spot. If you know that by rejecting him outright and being brutally honest that you did so because he can't pay then not you but your wife might be the one getting the constant "your husband is a no good ....... etc etc" from her parents. And trust me no matter how much a girl loves you, end of the day she really doesn't need the additional pressure from her parents to dump you.

Similarly you would want your parents to like your wife and not have your mother go everyday... your wife hah... is this is that.... lousy cannot cook etc etc etc....

Over the long run, it will put a strain on your relationship with your wife. It is not marry your wife, marry the family. It is about respect. Marriage is not just between 2 persons, it is a bonding of the 2 families, that is why you call your wife's parents PARENTS IN LAW. Means in the eyes of the law, they are your parents. Unless you two plan to marry and then divorce all relations with parents then maybe one can not give a hoot about her parents.

 

[antacid]

send him this. say it's your portfolio that you show to potential clients like him.

http://www.antacid2.os3.sg/downloads/OUA-quotation06.JPG

((=

 

[blive]

The 'marry ur wife, marry ur wife's family' thinking huh?

Marriage sure doesn't sound like a relationship between 2 people but a whole lot more.

Well marriage is more than just between 2 person anyway.

To TS, didn't have time to read through all the post, but this my take.

If you want to shoot, do it, but let your gf bro know that it may not be up to standard, so cannot complain of any bad shots. Why don't you just save the images in a cd and get him to develop whichever photo he wants, so you don't have to pay for the development cost?

If you don't want to, then just tell him that it might be better to engage someone professional to do a dedicated job and give him and his wife good photos to remember the day by. Afterall, its once in a lifetime ( unless your gf bro intends to get married again...), so shouldn't save on something as important as photograph. Save on the wedding car and hotel, but photos will show for life...


Personally, I am not a professional photographer, but I do bring my stuff to shoot for family and friends events, just after that send them cd image. They can then decide if they want to develop photo or not. I never guarantee the picture quality, just that i will be there to capture the image. Sometimes, I do that without being asked too. Afterall, this is my hobby. Having said that, I never volunteer myself for such important events ever, cause I don't think I am good enough. Will shoot on the sideline for fun though.