persistent wooer...help!

[ping]

I actually second Deadpoet's suggestion. Drop a note to HR and keep your contact with him strictly within a business context.

This guy obviously can't get the clue even if it hits him in the face, so I don't see much point in being too "considerate". He is obviously interpreting your "niceness" as hope for him and his behaviour is at least borderline harassment. Stand up for yourself, you really shouldn't need to hide and be embarrassed about the whole thing when you're not the one at fault.

I haven't had the "good fortune" to be wooed so fervently but if that jacket thing ever happened to me, I would have marched straight to HR and lodged a complain. :devil:

 

[Benign]

disclaimer: i dont mean to start this thread to blow my own ego over cyberspace.


i need you guys' advice...again.

i have a VERY persistent colleague who's overly infatuated with me.
it has become like an obsession and it's really affecting me.

eg,

1)he'll wait at carpark lift lobby for me everyday to go in office with me
2)he'll come to my office and ask me if i want to dine out or whether i would like him to dabao for me
3)he'll persistently ask me out for movies/dinner/a walk in the park
4)he'll send me "have a nice day email" almost everyday, not to mention BD,and special occasions like valentines/xmas
5)he'll come over every time and ask if i have time as he has things to tell me.then he'll start telling me those mushy stuffs and i'll just brush and walk off.

these are just some examples of what irritates me.
i've turn him down up front in the face countless of times.but maybe men just dont get it?:dunno:

and they say being loved is much luckier than you loving someone else?
i seriously doubt this.

any suggestions?:embrass:

Date his boss :bsmilie:

 

[Terence]

This could constitute as sexual harrasment in the workplace and you could possibly get your management to tell the offender off.

I have a friend whose employee was experiencing something similar at her workplace and she had to take steps to warn the offending party to stop all advances or ship out.

 

[scandisk]

he's either madly in love with you or you are being harassed....agree with some of the guys here bring this up to HR...

 

[htthach]

ask him buy u a 400mm f/2.8

 

[xtemujin]

Jeanie,

Before this thread goes south and off topic, I concur with some of the posters here to talk with your human resource department for a resolution as this may constitute some form of harassment.

HTH.

 

[satay16]

if only singapore's economic growth was equilivent to the growth of this thread.:bsmilie:

 

[jeanie]

have to say jeanie your office is like a soap opera...got over perfumed coworker, obessed suitor...what's next? someone gets murdered?:bsmilie:

oh, lots of drama.
i havent even mentioned i got to pull out the daggers in my back.

but what to do?no job, no hobby, no car, no photography, no blah blah blah...
part and parcel of working life.
ask those who has been in the workforce for years.they'll know.
sometimes, i'm really tired.

 

[jeanie]

It sounds more like obsession than persistence as this juncture. I do not think it's wise to antagonize him further lest he becomes even more weird or violent.

I guess time will solve some issues though it's been a year. there's really nothing much you can do cos you tried almost everything.

However, i feel that 'jacket' incident is a little zealous on his side. That has to be given a stern warning. I remembered an ex-colleague of mine that received a warning letter from HR for sexual harassment. That worked for a while That could be an option if handled properly.

Other than that, i hate to say this but you may have to get used to it... :thumbsd:

:bigeyes::bigeyes::bigeyes::bigeyes:

 

[jeanie]

Let him do something impossible. Tell him you want a top of the line FF Nikon DSLR with a 2000mm f/5.6 lens. If cannot get for you, he can forget about you and find someone else.

Otherwise just forward his emails to everyone in the office. Just try to find something to put him off. Disgust him.

what if he REALLY gets it?
then i'll be in sh!t.

 

[jeanie]

I am not sure this is getting anywhere judging from the comments.

In anycase, my take is that normal guy folks will just give up and probably try another tack like asking you to be their godsister etc. Since he is so persistent and enamoured with you, my suggestion is to seek the help of another colleague...someone with a higher rank and tell him or her your problem and see if you can both work out a solution.

Being a third party in this saga, I do not think anyone would be able to give you any real help as you can judge from the responses plus most of us men folk do not have skin as thick as him and my guess is that he will not give up until there is a possibility of him losing his job over this or some hint of embarassment on him.

So have a chat with your boss whom I assume is also his boss or the HR manager and see what they can do to help you calm down his ardour while still remaining colleague. I won't even dare use the word friend as I think he has outstayed his welcome ages ago. Hope this helps.

thanks very much for the advice.
as for the thread going haywire, dont worry.i filter my reads.
for some people's posts, i dont even bother to read.

 

[jeanie]

This colleague of yours must have skin made of steel. He has the mindset that if this time fails, keep trying until one day will success. But the variable here is a human. He simply does sees it.

There's no good solution to your problem, it's either one day he wakes up from his dream or either of you left the company.

Tackle the waiting in carpark problem first. Obviously he must have come to office earlier than you. So if you come to office earlier, then you don't get to see him at the car park lift.

my hour starts at 9.
i already reach at 8.

how more early?any earlier and i'll register my car as red plate so i reach before 7.:cry:

 

[eow]

first thing first...how old r u?:think:
dun need to be exact.....late thirties early forties?
if yes...mai hiam liao

 

[jeanie]

Take a couple of day's half day leave and let him wait there for half a day. Or is there another lift? Walk out of the carpark ramp and take the lift from level 1?

talk about leave.when i'm on leave and i dont reach by 9, he'll msg me 'u on leave?', 'are u ok?', 'r u ill'?

 

[jeanie]

My suggestion to you is to marry him so that this thread won't become something like 99,999 views. :bsmilie:

i rather marry you with your pink heels than him.
i dont even want to mention looks ya...
i dont even want to go there as it will be very personal...

 

[jeanie]

LF, since u so big, ask Jeannie to bring u along with him in her 2-seater then u squeeze him lah! and then no more person to talk about! U so big like King Kong. Then, if he still very persistent, u chase after him like he chase after J. How's that?

tall doesnt mean fat mah!aiyo!
so shallow one huh!
for all you know, LF is a super chiobu!:bsmilie:

 

[jeanie]

The last resort would be to just go along with him, go out with him, but make sure you do all the things possible that he doesn't like you to be, in the end hope he will break up!

HS

i will not ever go out with him ever.

period.

 

[jeanie]

I actually second Deadpoet's suggestion. Drop a note to HR and keep your contact with him strictly within a business context.

This guy obviously can't get the clue even if it hits him in the face, so I don't see much point in being too "considerate". He is obviously interpreting your "niceness" as hope for him and his behaviour is at least borderline harassment. Stand up for yourself, you really shouldn't need to hide and be embarrassed about the whole thing when you're not the one at fault.

I haven't had the "good fortune" to be wooed so fervently but if that jacket thing ever happened to me, I would have marched straight to HR and lodged a complain. :devil:

thanks....

i was really so disgusted about the jacket thing.
but to make one lose his job.i think that's a little drastic.
maybe it's me.but i've yet to train a metal heart.


you guys always mention talk to boss, talk to hr.
ever wonder what will happen after that?it's even MORE awkward, more embarrassing to work.
not to mention if that turns the table around and he starts creating work-related-problems for me.
sigh....there's just no 'perfect way' aint it?:cry:

 

[jeanie]

he's either madly in love with you or you are being harassed....agree with some of the guys here bring this up to HR...

if this is his idea of love...it's SCARy.
i really didnt know guys can be so thick-skinned.
this is really my first experience...

 

[jeanie]

Jeanie,

Before this thread goes south and off topic, I concur with some of the posters here to talk with your human resource department for a resolution as this may constitute some form of harassment.

HTH.

ya.i'll seriously consider it.
thanks.