You know you're a Singaporean when...


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dslang

New Member
Jul 14, 2005
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#1
Somehow managed to find something I wrote ages ago buried deep in my cousin's email archives.

© 2003 David Lang

You know you're a singaporean when....

1. Borders is better known
>as the national library
>2. Newater tastes so bad you'd rather drink your own ****. Wwaaaiittt a
>minute
>3. Half of singapore's economy can be found in neoprint machines
>4. Your presidents' name rhymes with cockanarthan
>5. You'd willingly spend thousands of dollars on a car but blatantly refuse
>to pay $1.20 for parking
>6. Your girlfriends cant finish their 2.4km runs under half an hour but
>would cover the entire length of orchard road and back in 7 nanoseconds
>7. You cant remember the last time the "great robinsons sale" ended
>8. You elect PCK as the next prime minister
>9. You think chicken rice is the national food and is god's gift to the
>world next to beer and weed
>10. Talking **** is more believable than the local evening news
>11. You speak better english than your english teacher
>12. You're able to swear in hokkien so fluently the f word is redundant
>13. You cant punctuate a sentence without lah, leh or lor.
>14. When a green man means saunter across the road and a flashing green man
>means indecency
>15. Your mother loves you more when you get into RI than when you were born
>16. You'd rather SMS for 1/2 an hour than get the same message conveyed in
>3mins by talking on the phone.
>17. CS and IRC are national sports/activities and DDR gets you more
>motivated and worked out than the national "work out".
>18. A multi-million dollar world class center of the arts is better known
>as a spikey green fruit with a foul stench.
>19. You're not an honourable husband if you havent donated your liver to
>your wife.
>20. "SSCCCUUUSSSEEE" is an acceptable method of getting someone to shove
>off
>21. The entire day is spent reciting every-single-station on the MRT lines.
>22. You've forgotten what it feels like to speak softly into the phone.
>23. You still think you open and close a light.
>24. When boasting that you live in a culturally diverse society actually
>means you swear in 5 different languages.
>25. 3. When a british guy farts and says "pardon me", an american guy farts
>and says "excuse me", but a singaporean farts and says "wasnt me!"
>26. A red light means go unless there's a camera, a green light means hit
>the blind pedastrian crossing the road and an amber means disregard the old
>lady shuffling her way across the street for it's pedal to the metal
>27. When it doesnt phase you that 4 out of 4 million people turned up to
>protest against the war on iraq (whereby million and millions of innocent
>lives will be lost) but you'd fight over your mother's grave for a hello
>kitty doll
>28. You run for cover when there's a woman behind the wheel of a merc. You
>call the police when there's a taxi driver next to the woman in the merc
>and you hide for god given life when there's a SBS bus behind all of them
>29. When "isolate yourself in fear of SARS" becomes "Hey let's go down to
>orchard!"
>30. Porn is banned but most kids at 11 are getting their sex ed off kazaa
>and can teach their teachers a thing or two
>31. When you've sung the national anthem and said the pledge every morning
>for 15 years but still have absolutely no clue wtf they mean.
>32. When chicks dig bands like F4
>33. Give me a second, still trying to get over 32.
>34. oo and bands like "comic boyz" and "5566". wtf man?
>35. For the love of god, will someone kill zai zai and get it over and done
>with already?
>36. As the malaysian saying goes, "The chinese will do the work, the malays
>will get the credit and the indians will get the blame"
>37. When our education standards are among the worlds' highest but we
>persist to literally buying foreign talent.
>38. Foreign talent = ang moh who speaks chimology littered with random
>big/long/complicated words that have absolutely no use but to condenscend
>and intimidate.
>39. You're labelled a 'quitter' when you leave the country to contribute
>your talents elsewhere but its ok for stayers with a load of potential to
>be overshadowed by white foreign talent
>40. You cant tuck your shirt in without having the back part of it out.
>41. Disappearing forests of the world can be attributed to our students
>studying for their Os
>42. "Serving your nation" is merely 3 years of the prime of your male life
>wasted away to bad food and torture
>43. The singapore flag has exactly the same colours as the nation that
>tortured and mutilated our country just decades ago. repeat after me,
>rriissiiinnggg ssuuunnn
>44. You whince everytime a minister tries to make singapore a "fun city".
>MY GOD YOU JUST ALLOWED BAR TOP DANCING?! for the love of jesus dont get me
>started on chewing gum
>
>The list goes on, but i'm proud to say that i've fulfilled my duty as a
>singaporean. Most canadians around me now are now made wise to
>
>the geographical location of singapore (not the middle of mongolia)
>the national language (not mongolian)
>the national swearing phrase (knnccb)
>the fact that they can be fined for chewing gum and jailed for getting a
>blow job (the real reason why singapore's tourism is declining)

hope you enjoyed it. have a good new year everyone!
 

Apr 15, 2004
405
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0
#3
I like no.4. ha ha ha , can die laughing......
 

soma

Senior Member
Aug 13, 2005
1,609
0
0
Local
#4
Hahaha.. i like most of them and no. 25:thumbsup: :bsmilie: :bsmilie: :bsmilie:
 

idor

Senior Member
Nov 11, 2004
666
0
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42
Northern California
#5
hahaha my friend just made a comment which is applicable here....

it is easy to spot a singapore driver in a parking lot... cos the car is always reversed parked.
 

Ola

Senior Member
Oct 6, 2005
820
0
0
Hougang
#6
So that he can drive off faster when in emergency (Kia Si) .. ;)
 

DT_

New Member
Nov 4, 2005
883
0
0
#7
idor said:
hahaha my friend just made a comment which is applicable here....

it is easy to spot a singapore driver in a parking lot... cos the car is always reversed parked.

this is true.. a malaysian frd told me the same thing a year back, .. and it seem to me (drivin exp for bout 10 yrs) it is not just habit but also many locals seem had difficulty judging front parking.. dont know the theory behind it, .. oh i think was maybe our driving course only cover reverse & parellel parking and perhaps pple are making full use of wat was learned..

anyway i parked head in most of the time..
 

Mar 27, 2004
271
0
0
#8
idor said:
hahaha my friend just made a comment which is applicable here....

it is easy to spot a singapore driver in a parking lot... cos the car is always reversed parked.
reverse parking means you can drive off safer (you can see the traffic better) than if you have to reverse out of the lot (lots of blind spot). also car sits in the lot more squarely and evenly when reverse park as compare to head-in.
 

#10
dslang said:
Somehow managed to find something I wrote ages ago buried deep in my cousin's email archives.

© 2003 David Lang

You know you're a singaporean when....

1. Borders is better known
>as the national library
>2. Newater tastes so bad you'd rather drink your own ****. Wwaaaiittt a
>minute
>3. Half of singapore's economy can be found in neoprint machines
>4. Your presidents' name rhymes with cockanarthan
>5. You'd willingly spend thousands of dollars on a car but blatantly refuse
>to pay $1.20 for parking
>6. Your girlfriends cant finish their 2.4km runs under half an hour but
>would cover the entire length of orchard road and back in 7 nanoseconds
>7. You cant remember the last time the "great robinsons sale" ended
>8. You elect PCK as the next prime minister
>9. You think chicken rice is the national food and is god's gift to the
>world next to beer and weed
>10. Talking **** is more believable than the local evening news
>11. You speak better english than your english teacher
>12. You're able to swear in hokkien so fluently the f word is redundant
>13. You cant punctuate a sentence without lah, leh or lor.
>14. When a green man means saunter across the road and a flashing green man
>means indecency
>15. Your mother loves you more when you get into RI than when you were born
>16. You'd rather SMS for 1/2 an hour than get the same message conveyed in
>3mins by talking on the phone.
>17. CS and IRC are national sports/activities and DDR gets you more
>motivated and worked out than the national "work out".
>18. A multi-million dollar world class center of the arts is better known
>as a spikey green fruit with a foul stench.
>19. You're not an honourable husband if you havent donated your liver to
>your wife.
>20. "SSCCCUUUSSSEEE" is an acceptable method of getting someone to shove
>off
>21. The entire day is spent reciting every-single-station on the MRT lines.
>22. You've forgotten what it feels like to speak softly into the phone.
>23. You still think you open and close a light.
>24. When boasting that you live in a culturally diverse society actually
>means you swear in 5 different languages.
>25. 3. When a british guy farts and says "pardon me", an american guy farts
>and says "excuse me", but a singaporean farts and says "wasnt me!"
>26. A red light means go unless there's a camera, a green light means hit
>the blind pedastrian crossing the road and an amber means disregard the old
>lady shuffling her way across the street for it's pedal to the metal
>27. When it doesnt phase you that 4 out of 4 million people turned up to
>protest against the war on iraq (whereby million and millions of innocent
>lives will be lost) but you'd fight over your mother's grave for a hello
>kitty doll
>28. You run for cover when there's a woman behind the wheel of a merc. You
>call the police when there's a taxi driver next to the woman in the merc
>and you hide for god given life when there's a SBS bus behind all of them
>29. When "isolate yourself in fear of SARS" becomes "Hey let's go down to
>orchard!"
>30. Porn is banned but most kids at 11 are getting their sex ed off kazaa
>and can teach their teachers a thing or two
>31. When you've sung the national anthem and said the pledge every morning
>for 15 years but still have absolutely no clue wtf they mean.
>32. When chicks dig bands like F4
>33. Give me a second, still trying to get over 32.
>34. oo and bands like "comic boyz" and "5566". wtf man?
>35. For the love of god, will someone kill zai zai and get it over and done
>with already?
>36. As the malaysian saying goes, "The chinese will do the work, the malays
>will get the credit and the indians will get the blame"
>37. When our education standards are among the worlds' highest but we
>persist to literally buying foreign talent.
>38. Foreign talent = ang moh who speaks chimology littered with random
>big/long/complicated words that have absolutely no use but to condenscend
>and intimidate.
>39. You're labelled a 'quitter' when you leave the country to contribute
>your talents elsewhere but its ok for stayers with a load of potential to
>be overshadowed by white foreign talent
>40. You cant tuck your shirt in without having the back part of it out.
>41. Disappearing forests of the world can be attributed to our students
>studying for their Os
>42. "Serving your nation" is merely 3 years of the prime of your male life
>wasted away to bad food and torture
>43. The singapore flag has exactly the same colours as the nation that
>tortured and mutilated our country just decades ago. repeat after me,
>rriissiiinnggg ssuuunnn
>44. You whince everytime a minister tries to make singapore a "fun city".
>MY GOD YOU JUST ALLOWED BAR TOP DANCING?! for the love of jesus dont get me
>started on chewing gum
>
>The list goes on, but i'm proud to say that i've fulfilled my duty as a
>singaporean. Most canadians around me now are now made wise to
>
>the geographical location of singapore (not the middle of mongolia)
>the national language (not mongolian)
>the national swearing phrase (knnccb)
>the fact that they can be fined for chewing gum and jailed for getting a
>blow job (the real reason why singapore's tourism is declining)

hope you enjoyed it. have a good new year everyone!
You had a bit of free time in 2003? :)
 

nightwolf75

Moderator
Staff member
Dec 18, 2003
17,857
14
38
really MORE diaper changes
#11
u know when u're a singaporean when...

... u fly halfway across the world for a holiday, and all u want to eat is fried rice, chicken rice, kuay teow mee etc... :rolleyes:

(heck. even on a short trip to bangkok, all my tour grp people want to eat is fried rice.)
 

#12
mpenza said:
u know someone's a singaporean when he/she speaks ;p that's how we identify each other overseas....
I agree.
I went to Bangkok thrice in 2005. On my 2nd trip there, I was in this massage place. I was conversing with this guy at the counter who's the co-owner of the place. And he asked me whether I am a Singaporean as I spoke like one. And actually, ever since I started conversing with him, I suspected that he wasn't from Thailand. So since he asked me, I also asked him. And he told me that he is a Singaporean, and the massage place is one of his business ventures with his friends.
 

Stereobox

Senior Member
Dec 21, 2003
2,116
0
0
Cocteau Twins
#13
ok...let me try a 'eric khoo'-isque version of..

"you know you are singaporean when..."


1. you get into the lift with your neighbour, and both of you start looking up at the floor indicator, looking down at the floor..anywhere but at each other.

2. you get into the lift with your neighbour, and when you start talking to him, he goes "hnngh..hnngh..hnngh.."
 

ernie_ng81

New Member
May 26, 2004
343
0
0
Singapore
#14
'you know you are singaporean when...'

you are overseas studying and working, all you wanna do is go back home where you can stop faking ang moh slangs and speak 'proper' SINGLISH
 

idor

Senior Member
Nov 11, 2004
666
0
0
42
Northern California
#16
nightwolf75 said:
u know when u're a singaporean when...

... u fly halfway across the world for a holiday, and all u want to eat is fried rice, chicken rice, kuay teow mee etc... :rolleyes:

(heck. even on a short trip to bangkok, all my tour grp people want to eat is fried rice.)
HAHAHA reminds me many years ago when I joined a tour to US.... the tour included 3 meals a day... but the crafty tour guide asks the tour group..."do you miss home?" they answered yes... and he then asked.. "you like to eat chinese food?" and they said YES..... and we ended up in chinese restarutnt for every meal and having to pay out of our own pocket...... :angry: That was the last time I ever joined a tour....
 

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