Well, since I've started off, might as well share some of the better ones:
For many years molecular biologists have been mystified by the
fact that very little of an organism's DNA seems to serve any
useful function.
I have solved the mystery.
The reason why only 30% of human DNA performs any useful function
is that the rest of it is comments.
Once we decode a typical human genome, we see that the contents
begin as follows:
===
/* HUMAN_DNA.H
*
* Human Genome
* Version 2.1
*
* (C) God
*/
/* Revision history:
*
* 0000-00-01 00:00 1.0 Adam.
* 0000-00-02 10:00 1.1 Eve.
* 0000-00-03 02:11 1.2 Added penis code to male version. A bit
messy -- will require a rewrite later
on to make it neater.
* 0017-03-12 03:14 1.3 Added extra sex drive to male.h; took
code from elephant-dna.c
* 0145-10-03 16:33 1.4 Removed tail.
* 1115-00-31 17:20 1.5 Shortened forearms, expanded brain case
* 2091-08-20 13:56 1.6 Opposable thumbs added to hand()
routine.
* 2501-04-09 14:04 1.7 Minor cosmetic improvements -- skin
colour made darker to match my own
image.
* 2909-07-12 02:21 1.8 Dentition inadequate; added extra
'wisdom' teeth. Must remember to make
mouth bigger to compensate.
* 4501-12-31 14:18 1.9 Increase average height.
* 5533-02-12 17:09 2.0 Added gay option, triggered by high
population density, to try and slow the
overpopulation problem.
* 6004-11-04 16:11 2.1 Made forefinger narrower to fit hole in
centre of CD.
*/
/* Standard definitions
*/
#define SEX male
#define HEIGHT 1.84
#define MASS 68
#define RACE caucasian
/* Include inherited traits from parent DNA files.
*
* Files must be pre-processed with MENDEL program to provide
proper inheritance features.
*/
#include "mother.h"
#include "father.h"
#infndef FATHER
#warn("Father unknown -- guessing\n")
#include "*******.h"
#endif
/* Set up sex-specific functions and variables
*/
#include <sex.h>
/* Kludged code -- I'll re-design this lot and re-write it as a
proper library sometime soon.
*/
struct genitals
{
#ifdef MALE
Penis *jt;
#endif
/* G_spot *g; Removed for debugging purposes */
#ifdef FEMALE
Vagina *p;
#endif
}
/* Initialization bootstrap routine -- called before DNA
duplication. Allocates buffers and sets up protein file
pointers
*/
DNA *zygote_initialize(Sperm *, Ovum *);
/* MAIN INITIALIZATION CODE
*
* Returns structures containing pre-processed phenotypes for the
organism to display at birth.
*
* Will be improved later to make output less ugly.
*/
Characteristic *lookup_phenotype(Identifier *i);
===
...and so on.
[ Note that God uses three-space tabs ]
For many years molecular biologists have been mystified by the
fact that very little of an organism's DNA seems to serve any
useful function.
I have solved the mystery.
The reason why only 30% of human DNA performs any useful function
is that the rest of it is comments.
Once we decode a typical human genome, we see that the contents
begin as follows:
===
/* HUMAN_DNA.H
*
* Human Genome
* Version 2.1
*
* (C) God
*/
/* Revision history:
*
* 0000-00-01 00:00 1.0 Adam.
* 0000-00-02 10:00 1.1 Eve.
* 0000-00-03 02:11 1.2 Added penis code to male version. A bit
messy -- will require a rewrite later
on to make it neater.
* 0017-03-12 03:14 1.3 Added extra sex drive to male.h; took
code from elephant-dna.c
* 0145-10-03 16:33 1.4 Removed tail.
* 1115-00-31 17:20 1.5 Shortened forearms, expanded brain case
* 2091-08-20 13:56 1.6 Opposable thumbs added to hand()
routine.
* 2501-04-09 14:04 1.7 Minor cosmetic improvements -- skin
colour made darker to match my own
image.
* 2909-07-12 02:21 1.8 Dentition inadequate; added extra
'wisdom' teeth. Must remember to make
mouth bigger to compensate.
* 4501-12-31 14:18 1.9 Increase average height.
* 5533-02-12 17:09 2.0 Added gay option, triggered by high
population density, to try and slow the
overpopulation problem.
* 6004-11-04 16:11 2.1 Made forefinger narrower to fit hole in
centre of CD.
*/
/* Standard definitions
*/
#define SEX male
#define HEIGHT 1.84
#define MASS 68
#define RACE caucasian
/* Include inherited traits from parent DNA files.
*
* Files must be pre-processed with MENDEL program to provide
proper inheritance features.
*/
#include "mother.h"
#include "father.h"
#infndef FATHER
#warn("Father unknown -- guessing\n")
#include "*******.h"
#endif
/* Set up sex-specific functions and variables
*/
#include <sex.h>
/* Kludged code -- I'll re-design this lot and re-write it as a
proper library sometime soon.
*/
struct genitals
{
#ifdef MALE
Penis *jt;
#endif
/* G_spot *g; Removed for debugging purposes */
#ifdef FEMALE
Vagina *p;
#endif
}
/* Initialization bootstrap routine -- called before DNA
duplication. Allocates buffers and sets up protein file
pointers
*/
DNA *zygote_initialize(Sperm *, Ovum *);
/* MAIN INITIALIZATION CODE
*
* Returns structures containing pre-processed phenotypes for the
organism to display at birth.
*
* Will be improved later to make output less ugly.
*/
Characteristic *lookup_phenotype(Identifier *i);
===
...and so on.
[ Note that God uses three-space tabs ]
:bsmilie: