Programmer Jokes


Status
Not open for further replies.

StreetShooter

Senior Member
Jan 17, 2002
4,634
0
0
Katong
streetshooter.clubsnap.org
#1
Well, since I've started off, might as well share some of the better ones:

For many years molecular biologists have been mystified by the
fact that very little of an organism's DNA seems to serve any
useful function.

I have solved the mystery.

The reason why only 30% of human DNA performs any useful function
is that the rest of it is comments.

Once we decode a typical human genome, we see that the contents
begin as follows:

===
/* HUMAN_DNA.H
*
* Human Genome
* Version 2.1
*
* (C) God
*/

/* Revision history:
*
* 0000-00-01 00:00 1.0 Adam.

* 0000-00-02 10:00 1.1 Eve.

* 0000-00-03 02:11 1.2 Added penis code to male version. A bit
messy -- will require a rewrite later
on to make it neater.

* 0017-03-12 03:14 1.3 Added extra sex drive to male.h; took
code from elephant-dna.c

* 0145-10-03 16:33 1.4 Removed tail.
* 1115-00-31 17:20 1.5 Shortened forearms, expanded brain case
* 2091-08-20 13:56 1.6 Opposable thumbs added to hand()
routine.

* 2501-04-09 14:04 1.7 Minor cosmetic improvements -- skin
colour made darker to match my own
image.

* 2909-07-12 02:21 1.8 Dentition inadequate; added extra
'wisdom' teeth. Must remember to make
mouth bigger to compensate.

* 4501-12-31 14:18 1.9 Increase average height.

* 5533-02-12 17:09 2.0 Added gay option, triggered by high
population density, to try and slow the
overpopulation problem.

* 6004-11-04 16:11 2.1 Made forefinger narrower to fit hole in
centre of CD.

*/

/* Standard definitions
*/

#define SEX male
#define HEIGHT 1.84
#define MASS 68
#define RACE caucasian

/* Include inherited traits from parent DNA files.
*
* Files must be pre-processed with MENDEL program to provide
proper inheritance features.
*/

#include "mother.h"
#include "father.h"

#infndef FATHER
#warn("Father unknown -- guessing\n")
#include "*******.h"
#endif

/* Set up sex-specific functions and variables
*/
#include <sex.h>

/* Kludged code -- I'll re-design this lot and re-write it as a
proper library sometime soon.
*/
struct genitals
{
#ifdef MALE
Penis *jt;
#endif
/* G_spot *g; Removed for debugging purposes */
#ifdef FEMALE
Vagina *p;
#endif
}

/* Initialization bootstrap routine -- called before DNA
duplication. Allocates buffers and sets up protein file
pointers
*/
DNA *zygote_initialize(Sperm *, Ovum *);

/* MAIN INITIALIZATION CODE
*
* Returns structures containing pre-processed phenotypes for the
organism to display at birth.
*
* Will be improved later to make output less ugly.
*/
Characteristic *lookup_phenotype(Identifier *i);
===

...and so on.


[ Note that God uses three-space tabs ]
 

munfai

New Member
Apr 19, 2002
1,354
0
0
39
#4
Originally posted by ckiang
Looks more like regular C....

anyone got a .NET or Java version? :)

Regards
CK
Oh no... those would quite be unthinkable... they would never mature out of their Virtual Machine womb...
 

denizenx

Senior Member
Feb 1, 2002
4,058
0
0
41
L2TPYSG
Visit site
#6
Originally posted by munfai
Oh no... those would quite be unthinkable... they would never mature out of their Virtual Machine womb...
Let's just say Eden was JVM written by microsoft... :D:D
 

Status
Not open for further replies.
Top Bottom