I think the idea is there but it's a little bit too messy to be visually appealing for me. I think something graphic of this nature will gain more impact if it's clean and simple. the top is ok except for this stray strand that cuts across many others on the top right. The cutting across removes a lot of impact. I'd prefer the bottom to have less variations in tone as well, rather than a range of tones.
I would prefer this shot to be presented in landscape rather than portrait especially when there is nothing at the bottom. Try cropping off the bottom part? The color is a bit dull to me, prefer something more colorful, higher contrast. Also the WB is a bit towards the warm side?