yes, the background needs to be cleaner
i am not sure what post processing is done here, looks like selective orton to varying degrees, but frankly could be anything from lens softness to handshake
nonetheless, i would prefer more depth of field and sharpness, you do not need the orton effect to bring it out
the concept might also work better in stark b&w, and heavily desaturated tones.. and i'm sure a bit of vignetting applied tastefully would help to further emphasize the concept you are looking at
btw, if your idea is strong enough, you don't actually need to put those words there. people tend to be more impressed when you convey the idea without the help of a word or a title. it's amazing but true, i find. :dunno: