Hey...so do you have money or not?

[esoeij]

I once lent money to a good friend, was a lot to me at the time as I was quite fresh out of school. Certainly enough to buy a Leica! To cut a long story short, it's been 10 years and I never got all my money back, he broke his word many times and we are still 'friends' but its never the same anymore. Yes he did suffer real financial hardships n all and it took him a long time to get back on his feet. But what really annoyed me was when I found out not too long ago he had his wedding at a 5/6 star hotel and a nice photoshoot in Europe in the meantime!

 

[iguanavon]

I once lent money to a good friend, was a lot to me at the time as I was quite fresh out of school. Certainly enough to buy a Leica! To cut a long story short, it's been 10 years and I never got all my money back, he broke his word many times and we are still 'friends' but its never the same anymore. Yes he did suffer real financial hardships n all and it took him a long time to get back on his feet. But what really annoyed me was when I found out not too long ago he had his wedding at a 5/6 star hotel and a nice photoshoot in Europe in the meantime!

Ya, that's the worst thing... I too experienced that... But luckily I was still able to get it back...

 

[ed9119]

have him sign an IOU .... at least you can go to court and line up as a creditor if he goes bankrupt

otherwise lend him without hoping to get the money back ... be prepared not to see it back

IF HE IS APPROACHING YOU (someone of a different social and financial class) THAT IS ALREADY SAYING SOMETHING ABOUT THE STATE OF HIS FINANCIAL SITUATION ..... in short i suspect he is in an even WORSE state than he dare to tell you and grabbing straws already to 'stoop down' to you to ask you for money (sorry not insulting you )

How about asking him to pledge some collateral ? His car? Cameras/lenses? Rolex?

p/s THINK about it ..... even today so many banks are trying to get us to sign up for Cashline and credit cards .... straight away got cash leh !! Seems like he cannot even qualify for whatever reason ..... WHAT does that tell you ?

 

[ed9119]

Lend what you can afford to lose .... and make sure you collect interest

 

[silencer13]

Recently, I am in a catch-22 situation. I have a long time friend who every once in a while will ask me out for coffee or dinner. We are not the best of friends because of our difference in lifestyle but have known each other for almost 10 years, so let's say our relationship is luke-warm but I do enjoy his friendship. He lives in an expensive condominium in district 10, drives a luxury car and is a white collar. He socialises with the rich and often goes to posh restaurants. He travels business class and stays only in 5 stars hotels. While I stay in HDB, takes public transport, likes to go hawker center. So one day, much to my surprised! He wanted to borrow a sum of money from me. Ok, let's not go into details how much and for what purpose. It is not a lot but substantial. He does not gamble so must be needed to tide over a bad period. The dilemma here is he is supposed to be the richer among the 2 of us. If I don't lend him money, there goes the long time friendship over this not much but substantial amount of money. If I lend him the money, I find it very hard to justify that I am lending him money to upkeep his lifestyle.

So the question here is....if you are in my shoes, what will you do?

I am not sure if all the people who have posted ever been approached to lend money before. It is awkward especially if you know he has an expensive lifestyle to maintain. And yes, he can sell house and car but then he won't be able to maintain his image. The thing is he can't run away as he has more to lose. He can return the amount as he earns more than that easily in a month. I am ok even if he wants to split it up and repays over 3 months. Let's assume a hypothetical amount of $5k and to repay his credit card debts. You see, this amount is very tricky. He knows you can afford this amount. Even if he accepts that you don't want to lend him money, things will be different after that. Let's call this a test of friendship.

For those who are too young to understand. Let's use the scenario of a close girl friend you like but don't know if you should confess to her. If you do confess and she does not feel the same, you will lose a close friend. If you do not confess, you won't be able to take it to the next step.

There will always be friends who lives beyond their means. I have a friend who have no money but still want to buy condo based on future earnings. So every month is living from hands to mouth. If kena retrench, probably will jump from that condo. And another one who buys a car just because everyone else has one. Sometime goes petrol station and pump $20 petrol, saying lighter fuel tank means longer mileage. Of course I know his wallet is empty. But as a friend, I don't judge them. Everyone has their woes.

As mentioned, my dilemma is if someone is not doing so well and requires help. You would help him. If someone is doing well but still requires help. You should not help?

Thanks for all the advices. I am prepared to lose this friend. I will say no to him. I think I will spend this money on a Leica camera.

haha. Reality is I have already lent the money to him. I am a bit TL but LL . Now is my turn to test his value on our friendship. TL because I think we are seeing more of these people around. Asset rich but either cash poor or heavily in debt. Then when they are in better times, or after liability becomes asset, will sneer at the HDB dwellers.

A Leica is not a lot lah. The problem is what is left in the bank after purchasing one.

Are you Schizophrenic? Your posts looks like from 2 different people.

 

[ManWearPants]

....... Yes he did suffer real financial hardships n all and it took him a long time to get back on his feet. But what really annoyed me was when I found out not too long ago he had his wedding at a 5/6 star hotel and a nice photoshoot in Europe in the meantime!

Yes, that is the worst part. Here he is borrowing money and there he is living it up. Similar to my case. I guess their priority is to save face in front of colleagues, friends and relatives. He did not borrow from his rich friends but have to borrow outside his inner circle. I saw through that. Strictly speaking from risk management PoV, don't lend. But I am afterall human with emotions. How to leave a friend in a lurch.

.........
IF HE IS APPROACHING YOU (someone of a different social and financial class) THAT IS ALREADY SAYING SOMETHING ABOUT THE STATE OF HIS FINANCIAL SITUATION ..... in short i suspect he is in an even WORSE state than he dare to tell you and grabbing straws already to 'stoop down' to you to ask you for money (sorry not insulting you )
.........
p/s THINK about it ..... even today so many banks are trying to get us to sign up for Cashline and credit cards .... straight away got cash leh !! Seems like he cannot even qualify for whatever reason ..... WHAT does that tell you ?

From what I know, he has applied for cashline. Just that the cheque book has not arrived. He intends to pay me from his cashline account once he gets his cheque book. I know he is in deep dirty water. I know he earns quite a fair bit. I intend to give him a lecture when I got my money back so that he will think twice if he wants to borrow from me again. (which I think is likely)

Are you Schizophrenic? Your posts looks like from 2 different people.

haha.....just trying to encourage PoV from all angles. BTW, how do you pronounce this word - shi...zoo..hen..nick ?

 

[ManWearPants]

For those who understand.....

打肿脸皮充胖子.

really very TL!

 

[diver-hloc]

For those who understand.....

打肿脸皮充胖子.

really very TL!

TL don't lent...

Lent don't TL...

 

[Dfive]

Recently, I am in a catch-22 situation. I have a long time friend who every once in a while will ask me out for coffee or dinner. We are not the best of friends because of our difference in lifestyle but have known each other for almost 10 years, so let's say our relationship is luke-warm but I do enjoy his friendship. He lives in an expensive condominium in district 10, drives a luxury car and is a white collar. He socialises with the rich and often goes to posh restaurants. He travels business class and stays only in 5 stars hotels. While I stay in HDB, takes public transport, likes to go hawker center. So one day, much to my surprised! He wanted to borrow a sum of money from me. Ok, let's not go into details how much and for what purpose. It is not a lot but substantial. He does not gamble so must be needed to tide over a bad period. The dilemma here is he is supposed to be the richer among the 2 of us. If I don't lend him money, there goes the long time friendship over this not much but substantial amount of money. If I lend him the money, I find it very hard to justify that I am lending him money to upkeep his lifestyle.

So the question here is....if you are in my shoes, what will you do?

Say don't play play.... and not be tighter than a cats bum !

 

[ninelives]

If I don't lend him money, there goes the long time friendship over this not much but substantial amount of money. If I lend him the money, I find it very hard to justify that I am lending him money to upkeep his lifestyle.

 

[kei1309]

just don't lend anything.

 

[hanzohattori]

Lend him.. but keep your pants :bsmilie:

 

[donut88]

If I know that person well & know he/she is not that well off, and the money is use for some life & death matter.. Eg for hospital bill etc. I will help within my mean.
If for other reason, eg over spend etc.. most a few hundred (can't afford much anywhere) and be mentally prepare that won't be able to get back the $.
so have to see why he need that $.
Have to judge the situation before I decide.
Friends help each other .. But ..
Friendship not equal to how much I can & will loan him/her.
If not handle properly, will lose both friendship & $.

Many replies will tell you not to lend money to your friend.

My advice is you can lend to him, but ask for a collateral in return.

Your rich friend will definitely have some nice experience things like watch etc. Ask for something to keep while waiting for him to pay you back.

This is the most fair transaction in your situation.

I was in your situation before. And I got back what is owed to me. It's fair.

Another way is you can advise him to pawn his things to pawnshop in exchange of money.

 

[Sion]

i will lend a hundred dollars for each year i know him,max . ten years means thousand bucks.

lend him and write it off.

Please lend me $200 for the two years I know you.

 

[Sion]

Thanks for all the advices. I am prepared to lose this friend. I will say no to him. I think I will spend this money on a Leica camera.

"Money can lose.
But friends cannot lose.
Camera got money can buy.
But friends got money also cannot buy."
- Laozi

 

[oceanpriest]

"Money can lose.
But friends cannot lose.
Camera got money can buy.
But friends got money also cannot buy."
- Laozi

"The ball is my friend"
- Tsubasa Ozora (Captain Tsubasa)

substitute "ball" with "leica" ;p

 

[hanzohattori]

"Money can lose.
But friends cannot lose.
Camera got money can buy.
But friends got money also cannot buy."
- Laozi

Laozi had a camera meh ? Pinhole ? :bsmilie:

 

[Sion]

Laozi had a camera meh ? Pinhole ? :bsmilie:

I think he uses a Russia made camera:

 

[Yutaka Go]

If you are the one with financial problem, would he lend you money ???

If not, why bother to lend money to him.

The annoying part of lending money is that when they have the money to return you.
Sometimes, they choose to spent the money instead of returning it to you.

 

[ManWearPants]

Please lend me $200 for the two years I know you.

If I lend you $200, it will be the insult to our friendship. But if you want more, I just lent it out.

If you are the one with financial problem, would he lend you money ???

If not, why bother to lend money to him.

The annoying part of lending money is that when they have the money to return you.
Sometimes, they choose to spent the money instead of returning it to you.

Sad but true. After he got his cheque book. He says he is busy this week to drop the cheque.