Hey...so do you have money or not?


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ManWearPants

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Jul 14, 2008
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#1
Recently, I am in a catch-22 situation. I have a long time friend who every once in a while will ask me out for coffee or dinner. We are not the best of friends because of our difference in lifestyle but have known each other for almost 10 years, so let's say our relationship is luke-warm but I do enjoy his friendship. He lives in an expensive condominium in district 10, drives a luxury car and is a white collar. He socialises with the rich and often goes to posh restaurants. He travels business class and stays only in 5 stars hotels. While I stay in HDB, takes public transport, likes to go hawker center. So one day, much to my surprised! He wanted to borrow a sum of money from me. Ok, let's not go into details how much and for what purpose. It is not a lot but substantial. He does not gamble so must be needed to tide over a bad period. The dilemma here is he is supposed to be the richer among the 2 of us. If I don't lend him money, there goes the long time friendship over this not much but substantial amount of money. If I lend him the money, I find it very hard to justify that I am lending him money to upkeep his lifestyle.

So the question here is....if you are in my shoes, what will you do?
 

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Dec 2, 2011
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#2
I think you got it all wrong. Once you lend him money, you are no longer friends. Not the other way round.

Just tell him you are living hand-to-mouth and don't have savings. End of story.
Only an a$$ will probe further and if he does, he doesn't deserve the friendship anyway.
 

s1221ljc

Senior Member
May 7, 2006
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#3
Just tell him your mother taught you neither a borrower or lender be :) Seriously I agree with silencer13. And he can always sell his house or car. One thing I am sure, based on my experiences, once you lent him the money, perish any thought of getting it back...
 

kandinsky

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Apr 26, 2008
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#4
I don't know about you, but to me, if a relationship hinges on whether one party does the other a favour, it's not a friendship. At least not one I would cherish or care about losing. Friends ask favours, but with the understanding that regardless of the answer received, nothing in the relationship changes. There should be some respect for each others' boundaries. Unless I owe him my life or (some massive huge debt), or are blood brothers... I'd just say be honest and say "Sorry, I really wish I could help but I'm not comfortable with lending money to friends. It's a personal principle, not because I don't value your friendship. Hope you understand. Let me know if I can help in any other way."
 

Shizuma

Senior Member
Mar 19, 2012
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#6
i will lend a hundred dollars for each year i know him,max . ten years means thousand bucks.

lend him and write it off.
 

diver-hloc

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Apr 17, 2007
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#7
Nothing destroy a 'friendship' faster than loaning $$$$...

Agree with most of the rest before me... a few hundred is possible (below $500)... but not into the thousands, which I can't afford anyway.

Anyway... never loan money to a friend/family member/colleague that you are NOT willing to lose...
 

UncleFai

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Mar 10, 2010
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#8
Nothing destroy a 'friendship' faster than loaning $$$$...

Agree with most of the rest before me... a few hundred is possible (below $500)... but not into the thousands, which I can't afford anyway.

Anyway... never loan money to a friend/family member/colleague that you are NOT willing to lose...
HK star Carol Cheng was once asked this. Her reply was "if he or she is my friend, he or she won't ask me for money."
 

diver-hloc

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Apr 17, 2007
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#9
HK star Carol Cheng was once asked this. Her reply was "if he or she is my friend, he or she won't ask me for money."

While I totally understand what you are saying... in Life, sometimes... there are no choice but to ask a friend/family member/colleague for a loan... the issue is How Much & What's The Loan For...

And only the person being asked, could decide should he/she loan the $$$$... just be prepared/willing to forgo ever getting the $$$ back. :think:
 

ManWearPants

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Jul 14, 2008
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#10
I am not sure if all the people who have posted ever been approached to lend money before. It is awkward especially if you know he has an expensive lifestyle to maintain. And yes, he can sell house and car but then he won't be able to maintain his image. The thing is he can't run away as he has more to lose. He can return the amount as he earns more than that easily in a month. I am ok even if he wants to split it up and repays over 3 months. Let's assume a hypothetical amount of $5k and to repay his credit card debts. You see, this amount is very tricky. He knows you can afford this amount. Even if he accepts that you don't want to lend him money, things will be different after that. Let's call this a test of friendship.

For those who are too young to understand. Let's use the scenario of a close girl friend you like but don't know if you should confess to her. If you do confess and she does not feel the same, you will lose a close friend. If you do not confess, you won't be able to take it to the next step.
 

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huatman

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Nov 27, 2010
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#11
If I know that person well & know he/she is not that well off, and the money is use for some life & death matter.. Eg for hospital bill etc. I will help within my mean.
If for other reason, eg over spend etc.. most a few hundred (can't afford much anywhere) and be mentally prepare that won't be able to get back the $.
so have to see why he need that $.
Have to judge the situation before I decide.
Friends help each other .. But ..
Friendship not equal to how much I can & will loan him/her.
If not handle properly, will lose both friendship & $.
 

ManWearPants

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Jul 14, 2008
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#12
There will always be friends who lives beyond their means. I have a friend who have no money but still want to buy condo based on future earnings. So every month is living from hands to mouth. If kena retrench, probably will jump from that condo. And another one who buys a car just because everyone else has one. Sometime goes petrol station and pump $20 petrol, saying lighter fuel tank means longer mileage. Of course I know his wallet is empty. But as a friend, I don't judge them. Everyone has their woes.

As mentioned, my dilemma is if someone is not doing so well and requires help. You would help him. If someone is doing well but still requires help. You should not help?
 

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Mar 26, 2010
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#13
I would lend my friend the money if we known for more then 10 years. I am not supporting his lifestyle but hey... Not everyday is sunday and this is what the friendship put to test and you also can test him as well. If he return back your money, then he indeed a friend same goes to him, if you loan him the money, you are indeed his friend.

But you to judge yourself if you can afford the loan amount. No point lending but you yourself suffer. :)
 

Bukitimah

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Nov 28, 2010
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#14
A friendship loan is as good as a gift most times. Depending on your relationship and situation, lend what you think you can afford to lose and that friendship.

There will be situation where the other party badly need a loan and if you could, extend that token of help. If you think by giving out that loan will also brings appreciation, then you are also wrong. Sometimes it is the reverse. So do what is within your mean and your conscience is cleared. If the other party cannot appreciate, you didn't lose any friend.
 

iguanavon

New Member
Nov 30, 2010
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#15
I did lent to a friend, and I also told him straight in his face that regarding lending money, my principle is that I won't give a damn about our friendship if he fails to return the money... Told him to think about it first... A few days later, he told me that he felt that he was able to return me the sum through installment, so I made him signed an IOU...

When it comes to large sum of money, even the closest of friend will change... Never ever get pressured into lending money because of 'friendship'.. If you feel uncomfortable lending money, just tell your friend about it... If he's really your friend, he will understand...
 

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Shizuma

Senior Member
Mar 19, 2012
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#16
It is awkward especially if you know he has an expensive lifestyle to maintain. And yes, he can sell house and car but then he won't be able to maintain his image.
I will never lend money to anyone who is going to use it to feed a lavish, materialistic lifestyle. He can just sell off his car and take the taxi or bus or ride a bicycle. Sorry. I work hard for my money and will only lend for real necessity. Buy Milk Powder - ok. Buy petrol for BMW - not so ok.

I am young. but not unwise or unwary ;)
My cat ears are big and there are many wise men advising me. :)
 

ManWearPants

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Jul 14, 2008
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#17
Thanks for all the advices. I am prepared to lose this friend. I will say no to him. I think I will spend this money on a Leica camera.
 

esoeij

Senior Member
Apr 12, 2009
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#19
Thanks for all the advices. I am prepared to lose this friend. I will say no to him. I think I will spend this money on a Leica camera.
Wah, and you say the amount is not a lot :p
 

ManWearPants

Senior Member
Jul 14, 2008
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#20
If you have to ask, don't do it.

Cheers.
haha. Reality is I have already lent the money to him. I am a bit TL but LL . Now is my turn to test his value on our friendship. TL because I think we are seeing more of these people around. Asset rich but either cash poor or heavily in debt. Then when they are in better times, or after liability becomes asset, will sneer at the HDB dwellers.

Wah, and you say the amount is not a lot :p
A Leica is not a lot lah. The problem is what is left in the bank after purchasing one. :)
 

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