Helpdesk jokes!!


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Jan 23, 2005
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#1
Since it's Friday woohoo!, thought I start this thread to lighten up the weekend. Here are some jokes that Computer Helpdesk gets alot. Feel free to add in. :bsmilie:

Customer: I couldn't get on the Internet.
Helpdesk: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Helpdesk: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.


Helpdesk: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Helpdesk: OK, and, what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I Get the circle around it?

Get the second one circle around it... @

:)
 

espn

Deregistered
Dec 20, 2002
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#4
Personal experience...

Me: "Hi thanks for calling XXXX helpdesk, how may I help you?"
C: "I can't install the internet s/w on the disc"
Me: "Have you inserted the disc, did any screen pop up?"
C: "The disc is in the drive, but there's no screen"
Me: "Can you try Start->Run and key in D:\Setup.exe"
C: "Nope, no such drive was the error message"

*After half an hour of trying to figure out, getting the application to install*

Me: "Double click on my computer, do you see a CD ROM icon there?"
C: "Nope, there's A:, C: but no CD ROM drive"
Me: Does your system have a CD ROM drive?"
C: "Yes"

*5 mins more of thinking, decided to test the dummy way*

Me: "Is there a grey bar towards the right of the window that showed up after double clicking on 'My Computer'?"
C: "Oh yeah, there is!"
Me: "Can you use your mouse click on the bar and drag it down?
C: "Yeah yeah, now got CD ROM drive!!!"

*I mute the headset's microphone and laughed loudly*
 

#5
espn said:
Personal experience...

Me: "Hi thanks for calling XXXX helpdesk, how may I help you?"
C: "I can't install the internet s/w on the disc"
Me: "Have you inserted the disc, did any screen pop up?"
C: "The disc is in the drive, but there's no screen"
Me: "Can you try Start->Run and key in D:\Setup.exe"
C: "Nope, no such drive was the error message"

*After half an hour of trying to figure out, getting the application to install*

Me: "Double click on my computer, do you see a CD ROM icon there?"
C: "Nope, there's A:, C: but no CD ROM drive"
Me: Does your system have a CD ROM drive?"
C: "Yes"

*5 mins more of thinking, decided to test the dummy way*

Me: "Is there a grey bar towards the right of the window that showed up after double clicking on 'My Computer'?"
C: "Oh yeah, there is!"
Me: "Can you use your mouse click on the bar and drag it down?
C: "Yeah yeah, now got CD ROM drive!!!"

*I mute the headset's microphone and laughed loudly*
You are helpdesk or the user ? :bsmilie:
 

DTan

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Mar 10, 2004
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#6
:embrass: i dun understand..
 

Jan 23, 2005
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55
Tampines
#8
Wahaaa! you must have alot of these jokes then... once I heard a friend tell me that the user don't know what is a monitor or screen and he had to say what's on the "TV".

High blood pressure a common problem for Helpdesk? but I'm sure there are many good laughs to reduce the pressure.

Another one.

Helpdesk: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
 

Jan 23, 2005
181
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Tampines
#9
Helpdesk: What's on your monitor now madam?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.
 

Jan 23, 2005
181
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Tampines
#10
Helpdesk: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Helpdesk: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.
 

sykestang

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Jan 18, 2003
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sykestang.clubsnap.org
#11
My personal encounter:

ME: "Helpdesk... may I help you?"
C: "Yes... my files is missing, I cannot find them!"

ME: "Where did you save your files previously?"
C: "I saved them in the Recycle Bin"

ME: ...angry... "Why do you want to save your files in the Recycle Bin?"
C: "This is because I notice that when files save in the Recycle Bin, it doesn't takes any disk space... nevermind lah those files not so important anyway!"

ME: "I can't help you recover those missing files now. How many files did you see in the Recycle Bin now? And How long have you been saving files in the Recycle Bin?"
C: "There quite a lot... I have been saving files in the Recycle Bin back few years ago, there isn't any missing files until now."

ME: "Can you quickly move all your files out of the Recycle Bin to your C Drive before more starts to go missing?"
C: "Nevermind lah... I still prefer to save them in the Recycle Bin, more convenient!"

ME: .. angry... "Good luck to you then, please don't call me again for missing files. Thank You!"

*hangs the phone up and scold '... what an idiot!...' ;(
 

sykestang

Senior Member
Jan 18, 2003
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sykestang.clubsnap.org
#13
My 2nd encounter...

ME: "Helpdesk... may I help you?"
C: "My excel got problem. Can you come and help me?"

... 2min later when I am at the user station...

ME: "Nope no prob... your excel is running... what's the problem?"
C: "I don't seems to be able to see the data I keyed yesterday in the file"

... User opened a Excel spreadsheet... All data intact.

ME: ...angry... "What data is missing that you cannot see?"
C: "I cannot see beyond the J column... yesterday I type until P column"

ME: ...angry and flustrated... Drag the horizontal scroll bar to column P... "Ok what. Your column P is still there what!"
C: "A.... how did you do it? How about the data below?"

ME: ...very angry and flustrated... Drag the vertical scroll bar to the lower rows... "Your data is still here!"
C: ...Argue Tone... "But last time I open this file, I can see everything on the screen. Can I see everything on the screen"

ME: ...very very angry... "That is because you have not type in so much data!!! Is this your first day using Excel?"

...flustrated and click on the menu 'Tools -> Zoom -> 25%'...

"Now you see everything damn thing on 1 screen, but I don't know how you going to read it, use a magnifying glass maybe... And stop disturbing me anymore!!!"


'... Another one of those idiot!!!...' ;(
 

nightwolf75

Moderator
Staff member
Dec 18, 2003
17,857
14
38
really MORE diaper changes
#14
personal experience during my time as a student assistant in NUS comp lab during the exam online registration exercise

freshie: excuse me? i got some problem with the registration.
me: wat seems to be the problem?
freshie: erm.. i can't proceed onto the next screen...
me: well, u need to put the mouse on this icon and click.

now, wat happened next was really the god-honest truth and not some twilight zone story...

freshie: like this ah? (took the mouse off the table, place on screen and click)
me: .... (took me a while to recover from shock and not to die laughing on my feet...)

 

Zplus

Senior Member
Mar 16, 2002
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Some equitorial, tropical isle
#15
nightwolf75 said:
personal experience during my time as a student assistant in NUS comp lab during the exam online registration exercise

freshie: excuse me? i got some problem with the registration.
me: wat seems to be the problem?
freshie: erm.. i can't proceed onto the next screen...
me: well, u need to put the mouse on this icon and click.

now, wat happened next was really the god-honest truth and not some twilight zone story...

freshie: like this ah? (took the mouse off the table, place on screen and click)
me: .... (took me a while to recover from shock and not to die laughing on my feet...)

So... was she a cute freshie?? :lovegrin:
 

hwchoy

Senior Member
Jul 16, 2003
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#16
espn said:
Personal experience...

Me: "Hi thanks for calling XXXX helpdesk, how may I help you?"
C: "I can't install the internet s/w on the disc"
Me: "Have you inserted the disc, did any screen pop up?"
C: "The disc is in the drive, but there's no screen"
Me: "Can you try Start->Run and key in D:\Setup.exe"
C: "Nope, no such drive was the error message"

*After half an hour of trying to figure out, getting the application to install*

Me: "Double click on my computer, do you see a CD ROM icon there?"
C: "Nope, there's A:, C: but no CD ROM drive"
Me: Does your system have a CD ROM drive?"
C: "Yes"

*5 mins more of thinking, decided to test the dummy way*

Me: "Is there a grey bar towards the right of the window that showed up after double clicking on 'My Computer'?"
C: "Oh yeah, there is!"
Me: "Can you use your mouse click on the bar and drag it down?
C: "Yeah yeah, now got CD ROM drive!!!"

*I mute the headset's microphone and laughed loudly*


how you know it was a grey bar huh? sekali he use some themes and the bar was green siaz. :p
 

paradigm

Senior Member
Aug 12, 2004
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#17
sykestang said:
My 2nd encounter...

ME: "Helpdesk... may I help you?"
C: "My excel got problem. Can you come and help me?"

... 2min later when I am at the user station...

ME: "Nope no prob... your excel is running... what's the problem?"
C: "I don't seems to be able to see the data I keyed yesterday in the file"

... User opened a Excel spreadsheet... All data intact.

ME: ...angry... "What data is missing that you cannot see?"
C: "I cannot see beyond the J column... yesterday I type until P column"

ME: ...angry and flustrated... Drag the horizontal scroll bar to column P... "Ok what. Your column P is still there what!"
C: "A.... how did you do it? How about the data below?"

ME: ...very angry and flustrated... Drag the vertical scroll bar to the lower rows... "Your data is still here!"
C: ...Argue Tone... "But last time I open this file, I can see everything on the screen. Can I see everything on the screen"

ME: ...very very angry... "That is because you have not type in so much data!!! Is this your first day using Excel?"

...flustrated and click on the menu 'Tools -> Zoom -> 25%'...

"Now you see everything damn thing on 1 screen, but I don't know how you going to read it, use a magnifying glass maybe... And stop disturbing me anymore!!!"


'... Another one of those idiot!!!...' ;(

maybe your company should start using 50" monitors for those who need to see all their data on the screen ;p

cheaper still, use a projector with a white wall but for goodness sake, ask the user not to stand between the projector and the wall ;p
 

seewhy

New Member
Jan 20, 2005
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Singapore
#18
hwchoy said:
how you know it was a grey bar huh? sekali he use some themes and the bar was green siaz. :p
If he don't even know what is a scroll bar, I doubt he know how to change the colour scheme. Unless he is still using a monochrome green monitor. :bigeyes: :bsmilie:
 

Astin

Senior Member
Mar 2, 2002
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astin.clubsnap.org
#19
Me : (dial the Helpdesk number)
Helpdesk : (ring, ring, ring...)
Helpdesk : (ring, ring, ring...)
Helpdesk : (ring, ring, ring...)
Helpdesk : (ring, ring, ring...)
Helpdesk : (ring, ring, ring...)
Helpdesk : (ring, ring, ring...)
Helpdesk : (ring, ring, ring...)
Helpdesk : (ring, ring, ring...)
Helpdesk : (ring, ring, ring...)
Helpdesk : (ring, ring, ring...)

End of story.
 

ninelives

Senior Member
Jan 16, 2002
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BB
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#20
Astin said:
Me : (dial the Helpdesk number)
Helpdesk : (ring, ring, ring...)
Helpdesk : (ring, ring, ring...)
Helpdesk : (ring, ring, ring...)
Helpdesk : (ring, ring, ring...)
Helpdesk : (ring, ring, ring...)
Helpdesk : (ring, ring, ring...)
Helpdesk : (ring, ring, ring...)
Helpdesk : (ring, ring, ring...)
Helpdesk : (ring, ring, ring...)
Helpdesk : (ring, ring, ring...)

End of story.
the help desk is not serving 50 or 100 persons, but they are serving 3000-10000 persons. the helpdesk is run by 10 persons. With 10 persons only, they can't possibly handle so many calls.

So....that explained why line was busy.
 

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