Dead Man Impregnates woman


Draken413o

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Jan 1, 2009
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#1
http://www.deadseriousnews.com/?p=524

From the link for all the lazy fellas that dont click links..

"The Rolling Stones said it best, “You, you make a dead man cum.” A 38 year old female mortuary worker is being held on $250,000 bond after becoming pregnant by one of her clients-a dead man. The alleged crime took place at the Mourning Glory Mortuary just outside of Lexington, Missouri. Police have charged Felicity Marmaduke with desecration of the dead and necrophilia.
According to a statement made to police by Marmaduke, the alleged victim experienced a post mortem erection while being bathed. Being alone, Marmaduke straddled the dead man and proceeded have sex with him. Much to her surprise, the alleged victim came to orgasm after several minutes. A few weeks later, Marmaduke had a positive pregnancy test while receiving a routine medical exam. Upon telling her doctor the circumstances leading to the conception, the police were notified. Marmaduke was arrested without incident at her dilapidated trailer home a few blocks from the mortuary.
In a bizarre twist, Marmaduke plans to sue the dead man’s estate for child support."

Don't go effing the dead or you'll regret it. Life after death as best explained comedically by me..
 

Draken413o

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Jan 1, 2009
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#6
http://www.deadseriousnews.com/?p=445

"Apple has had a cultlike following for years. Apple devotees, or ”fanboys” as they refer to themselves, have always been willing to pay a premium for any product with the famous Apple logo on it. When Steve Jobs, Apple’s CEO, takes the stage during a webcast, the fanboys’ eyes are glued to their computer monitors, blissfully impervious to the world around them.
An undercover investigation by Dead Serious News has revealed a much more serious side to the blind devotion of the Apple fanboys. A loose knit group of up to 10,000 fanboys around the world have formed a suicide pact. They communicate via an invitation only online group. They refer to the death of Steve Jobs as “Doomsday”. The fanboys revere the Apple CEO as their “Savior”.
Steve Jobs was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in 2004, plus he had a liver transplant in 2008. His prognosis has been described as “excellent”. Despite the positive news, there’s a lot of chatter between the fanboys on preparation for Doomsday.
On August 28, 2008, Bloomsberg mistakenly published Steve Jobs’ obituary, which was picked up by a number of news outlets. The rumor among the Apple fanboys is up to 50 of them committed suicide before the story was retracted. The fanboys now have ”some safeguards” in place to prevent anyone in their group from committing suicide based on a false rumor.
When Steve Jobs does finally pass away, the fanboys will gather in person and via webcams to “drink the Kool-aid”, a reference to the suicide method used in Jonestown. The fanboys will toast their Savior and take their last drink together.
“The death of Steve Jobs will prove there’s no God and life won’t be worth living after that,” wrote “iMacDonald”, a seemingly depressed Apple fanboy."

If only it was real.. haha
 

Draken413o

Senior Member
Jan 1, 2009
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#7
http://www.deadseriousnews.com/?p=124

"Hoping to capitalize on her sordid affair with Tiger Woods, Joslyn James has sold the rights to her private text messages from Tiger Woods to an undisclosed publisher. James said in a statement that the text messages would be published in an audio book. Although James refused to disclose how much she sold the rights for, a close friend of hers said it was for a “seven figure sum”.
In a related story, rumors abound that Jamie Foxx has signed a deal with the publisher to narrate the audio book. Wesley Snipes’ agent had initially approached the publisher, but Snipes was thought to be a liability given all his legal problems."

Hmm. I think I've found my new time waster.. Good bye photography.. you've been replaced by the internet!
 

kwttan

New Member
Jan 8, 2010
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Concrete jungle
#8
Like that also can? What if the corpse is a dead dog or cow, will the crazy bxxxh rape it? :bsmilie:
 

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