*A seriously tongue-in-cheek* Noobie guide to your first DSLR


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nightwolf75

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#1
*JOKE MODE ON* a compilation of friendly FAQs to some noobie queries abt buying his/her 1st DSLR. compiled over a few sessions of chit-chats with my frens. ;p

1) you CANNOT aim thru the LCD screen in a DSLR...
2) you CANNOT take movies with ur DSLR (no... 'M' is not movie mode. see below for definition)
3) to be a real professional cameraman, use "P" mode (as in "Professional" mode)
4) you DO NOT need VR/IS in your lens... after all, at f22, everything shld be sharp
5) the standard setting for any pic to get the most perfect results - ISO1600, 1/4000sec, f22, mount on tripod (perferably Manfrotto 055 tripod and tie a brick to the center column and use MC-30 remote to trigger the shutter and mirror lock-up...phew...)
6) no... by turning to AV mode doesn't make a Jap actress appear in ur viewfinder
7) To take nice pictures, turn to "S". Sure to give you "swee" pictures.
8) Remember to set camera to AF-C all the time... to give u "All Frame Chio" Pics
9) btw... u do not cut ur film into little squares to stuff into the little slot marked 'CF'...
10) for super sharp, super colours etc... pics, use 'M' mode. after all, 'M' stands for 'mou tuck teng'.... rite?


feel free to add ur suggestions here for the future reference to all noobies! :bsmilie:

*JOKE MODE OFF*
 

tokrot

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Jun 2, 2003
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#2
:bsmilie: :bsmilie:

ok I will add my one:

11) how come no zoom in zoom out button??
 

jsbn

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Jul 24, 2002
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#8
17) Good pictures = sharp pictures.
18) This small camera 7MP and so cheap! Your big camera 4MP and so expensive! Hahaha...
19) My pictures from my small camera better den yours cos I no need to photoshop.
20) Real professionals use film, cos cannot manipulate the image. Only lousy photographers use digital and photoshop, cos u can manipulate the image (Damn! This one had me cracking!! :bsmilie: )
 

S11loop

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Feb 11, 2005
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#9
jsbn said:
20) Real professionals use film, cos cannot manipulate the image. Only lousy photographers use digital and photoshop, cos u can manipulate the image (Damn! This one had me cracking!! :bsmilie: )
one day while i was out shooting with my friend he make a statement saying that a good photographer will not manipulate the image , only people who dont know anything about photography do that :rolleyes: . Now he is trying hard to learn PSing LOL really makes me feel like asking him what he said last time , he even said that nowsaday no need to learn good technique to take gd photographs but just learn PS can liao ! I am really impress by his universal knowledge of "double sided" photography :bsmilie:
 

jsbn

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Jul 24, 2002
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#10
Nah... I got this rush of inspiration by a friend's wife who told me that one of her company's colleague can take her AD wedding for free and den he's a PROFESSIONAL who uses film.

Of cos, this rush of inspiration is also courtesy of a office colleague who claimed that 'Professionals use film' and the last time I heard, she had spent a couple of thousand bucks on a film SLR and lenses and is 'deep' into photography now but I haven't seen any of her works till now.

Maybe its becos I din ask. But I think otherwise. :think:

Anyway, image manipulation had been there since the good ol' days of so-called 'spirit photography'.
Its obvious where one's skills are when they say that, "Its impossible to manipulate images in film."
You can throw ur head back and bay like a donkey when that happens. :bsmilie:
 

Canonised

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Aug 27, 2003
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#11
21. No, Kenko does not produce 3x teleconverter.
 

TopGun

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Jan 7, 2003
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#12
Some very common questions....

Why the LCD no image?
Where is the zoom button?
I want to take movie!

Most of these people ask out of curiosity. No ill-intent. So normally I take my time to explain.
 

Ah Pao

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Nov 7, 2003
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#15
nightwolf75 said:
1) you CANNOT aim thru the LCD screen in a DSLR...
tokrot said:
11) how come no zoom in zoom out button??
These two are the most common questions/confusion I get from people who never use DSLRs before.

Those using Canon EOS DSLRs should know there's the <*> and AF-point select buttons where the thumb rests on...and of couse, they press them furiously while asking "eh, how to zoom in zoom out huh?" I get this question even when they use my film SLR...:bsmilie:
 

S11loop

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#16
Ah Pao said:
These two are the most common questions/confusion I get from people who never use DSLRs before.

Those using Canon EOS DSLRs should know there's the <*> and AF-point select buttons where the thumb rests on...and of couse, they press them furiously while asking "eh, how to zoom in zoom out huh?" I get this question even when they use my film SLR...:bsmilie:
And my friend ask me is the [>] button on the top left " Movie Mode " on my nikon ? :bsmilie:
 

jbma

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Dec 28, 2003
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#17
Wah so lousy, cannot use AA batteries. My one can you know.:bsmilie:
 

evq

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#18
guys, did u notice that most of the times, 'photographers' featured in the TV series, movies & TV Ad etc, use both their hands to hold the camera body, like holding a P&S camera. I usually can't help myself laughing:bsmilie: :bsmilie: . Wonder if they bother to find a SLR camera just for the 5-10sec shot, why don't they bother to find out how to hold it correctly?
 

#19
evq said:
guys, did u notice that most of the times, 'photographers' featured in the TV series, movies & TV Ad etc, use both their hands to hold the camera body, like holding a P&S camera. I usually can't help myself laughing:bsmilie: :bsmilie: . Wonder if they bother to find a SLR camera just for the 5-10sec shot, why don't they bother to find out how to hold it correctly?
hehe the biggest joke is the one featuring Steve Curry who shot that "infamous" Afghan Girl that was feature in the Natinal Geography that made him famous? He was feature in a promote Singapore Cultural ad seen in Cable TV. See how he holds his Nikon F6 with only his fingers on both side of the body and jerk the camera by snatching his finger firing the shutter a couple of times! heheheh..that is a laugh! You would think a pro photographer would know how to act out how to fire his camera lah hehe or he just want to make sure you know he is endorsing a Nikon F6 too heheheh. Anyone spotted that too?
 

~Arcanic~

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Feb 27, 2005
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#20
nightwolf75 said:
*JOKE MODE ON* a compilation of friendly FAQs to some noobie queries abt buying his/her 1st DSLR. compiled over a few sessions of chit-chats with my frens. ;p

6) no... by turning to AV mode doesn't make a Jap actress appear in ur viewfinder
9) btw... u do not cut ur film into little squares to stuff into the little slot marked 'CF'...

:bsmilie: :bsmilie: #6 and #9 makes my day sia... lolx
 

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