Actually, I do understanding the
meaning behind those actions. I'm not claiming that they're
meaningingless. I'm claiming that it's not necessarily a Chinese
tradition. But I'm sure you already see my point.
While I do see the meaning, I don't agree with it, as I always believe that the wedding day should belong to the bride and groom. They've went through a long journey of self-discovery, of learning to accept and appreciate each other's strengths and weaknesses. They've made up their mind to live with each other despite the sacrifices they may have to make, and the uncertainty of the future as a result of the sacrifices. The wedding day marks a new beginning of their love journey as one. So it
should be for the bride and groom.
Not for the friends' and relatives amusement.
Of course, the celebration should involve the friends and family where everyone has fun. But it doesn't have to be at the expense of the groom. Not in terms of public humiliation. Not in terms of financial stress, when the next page of life is gonna hold lots of financial pressures.
I have couples who have lots of ideas for their dream wedding (which is what it should be about). I would understand that they have to sacrifice it, if they cannot afford it on their own. But it comes down to:
"Oh, we always wanted to have an outdoor wedding at sunrise, but we need to follow
tradition" (huh?)
"Oh, we must have table shots, because it's tradition" (At the expense of neglecting their best friends who want so much to be part of the day? At the expense of fun and games they actually would have preferred? Even if they're already dead tired by then? Is this 'attendance taking' gonna be any use at all? Are the relatives gonna put into a photo frame and look at it? I mean for Table no. 20 - 30?)
"Must sabo, otherwise my sisters don't like" (Huh? Whose wedding is it again? Plus there was one session which got the groom so sick and pale for the banquet, to the amusement of the 'good friends')
Most of my clients are thinking folks who are non-conformists like myself, so I love being part of their weddings. But when I see couples who have to devote the most important day of their lives to the pseudo tradition, at the expense of their own memories, their own romance, their own magical moments, I feel sorry for them. They want that first dance during banquet. But no time, they say. Need table shots and too many tables. I can never forget the time when I attended my best gal friend's wedding. I was so happy for her and I had so much to say to her. In the end, I could only talk to her for a few seconds during the 'table shots' for the most important day of her life! I wasn't there to celebrate the big day with her. I was just there to have a very expensive dinner with people I don't really know.
Most couples want their wedding to be a fairytale come true. Not wearing red panties over pants and showed over the large screen to 200 over strangers laughing at them. They want it to be a day of fun and romance, but can't help it but fulfill the obligations of those around them. I dare say many of us are responsible for perpetuating this as well.
I believe the wedding day should not, and need not a day of fatigue and responsibility. If the sacrifice is for a reason, then I understand. If the sacrifice is a result of 'following the next guy', I can't help but feel sorry for the couple.
Well, the S'porean Chinese community (I am also Chinese, btw) has developed its own version of "culture" that is unique to this country. Yes, much of it is probably based on the impact of modern society? Nobody really knows why the whole process must start so early. Some say its due to "auspicious timing", but even those who do not believe in this notion will start the wedding process at 7am anyway.
"Ang pao" bargaining, I think I can understand. It's a symbol of wealth, and hence shows that the husband is financially stable enough to support the wife (The Malays also have this practice). Then there's this bit about the symbolic gesture of the husband overcoming obstacles to prove his love for his wife, which explains the mushy poems and singing of sentimental songs out loud. But I think this sabo thing is really a case of pushing it too far.
And ah, as for photos of table-to-table shots, it's purely for marking attendance and as a means of evidence that you (as guest) have given the couple enough face to show up.
Well, I guess a lot of it is about following trends and yup, monkey see, monkey do. Might be because we don't understand our own culture, so we invent stuff along the way and call it "tradition".
