This was posted on the Pentax forum, but I thought the Nikonians deserve to read this.
Credit goes to felixcat8888.
This is hilarious. From DPREview.com:
This is a copy of a police report recently leaked at Wikileaks who mentions DPReview on the complaint. Names are blacked out for safety. I re-posted this here because it concerns this forum too.
UNDERCOVER GANG CRIME UNIT
Date Reported: 09/15/2010
Time Reported: 08:54 AM
Copies To: Honorary Judge xxxxxxx xxxxx
How Received: Investigation Complaint
Reporting Officer Name(s):
xxxxxx xxxxxx TAG: xxxxx908
xxxxxx xxxxxx TAG: xxxxx177
xxxxxx xxxxxx TAG: xxxxx254
Case No: 654-091510B
File No: 455B-2
Request: SEARCH WARRANT - ARREST
Our undercover unit was assigned the case No. 654-091510B regarding a reported illegal activity at DPreview.com forums (aka DP). Officer xxxxxx xxxxxx TAG:xxxxx908 participated in month long investigation during the month of August/2010. All the data recovered, along with recordings of the conversations between the members has been turned over to processing under the file No. 455B-2
Our officer’s corroborated the presence of heavy gang activity on the premises.
The gangs that are more heavily involved in a heated rivalry go by the names "The Canonites" and "The Nikonians". Some other gangs exist but are routinely despised and considered too poor for territory competition: "The Sonys" (Italians?) and "The Olympus" (Greeks?)
In the investigation we uncovered that a disbanded gang "The Minoltas" have joined the Sonys but presents little or no threat to the Nikonians and Canonites.
The main activity seems to center around shooting. In some cases we suspect mass murder since has been recorded members of both gangs talking about "going shooting all day".
Each new gang member undergoes a hazing ritual in which the most vicious and old members curse them for their skills, call them 'amateurs' and tell them to 'go shooting' with 'the Rebels'. We could confirm that 'The Rebels" usually shoot indiscriminately at anything that flies, walks or swims and sometimes even at stationary objects using 'plastic' guns.
The material of the weapons seems to give the members a status in the gang. For example weapons made of Magnesium-Alloy enjoy a high reputation (and price) and weapons made of Plastic are routinely derided. It does not matter if the weapon possessor cannot shoot to save his life – the weapon gives them some better ‘status’.
Some gangs like the Nikonians have members that do not seem to be very brilliant since they give away the coordinates of their shooting using an embed GPS unit on their weapons. This could be also considered a bravado act - we are just not too sure yet.
A group that seems to be routinely hated by each rival gang is "The Trolls". It's common that member of each gang accuse other members with a dissenting opinion of being 'trolls', while they themselves go trolling from time to time just for fun.
After a few weeks of investigation, we concluded that the motivating factor on this criminal gang activity seems to be 'The Glass'. We could collect several samples of 'glass' and submitted them to evidence. We have to note that the gang members have different denominations for them, as in Canonites "L" glass, or Nikonian "VR" glass. Members that are just starting their criminal life usually cannot afford to purchase the goods, so they settle for "Tamron" glass, which some members of the high echelon deride and consider of poor quality but they still have it in their reserves and admire it while nobody is looking.
It's common to observe 'flame wars' break out in which one community 'hammers' the other over the gun purchases and quality. Most recently the Nikonians are bragging about their new line acquisition "D7000" while the Canonites are mad that the expected firepower did not come with the new "60D" line. Pictures and references of the weapons are routinely found at DPreview and thus we need a search warrant to raid the location in question.
We obtained detailed specifications and confessions from gang members. Traitors and deserters are found in both groups and risk their life on each switch in order to obtain better weapons and purchase more 'glass'. This activity is commonly called ‘To jump ship’.
We recommend a more detailed investigation and possible interrogations of suspects of both gangs. One particular individual mentioned quite frequently in the forums is Chase Jarvis (aka Chase-San) with apparent strong international connection to the Japanese Nikonian Yakuza.
We also recommend witness protection and police escort for the members of a very poor gang group who are routinely derided by all the other gangs "The point and shooters". Apparently their criminal skill level and weapons are not at par with the rest.
We also suggest the creation of a task force to investigate the 'glass' contraband and the confiscation of the weapons in question.
To know more, proceed to the crime scene: