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Thread: Canonites vs. Nikonians

  1. #1

    Default Canonites vs. Nikonians

    This was posted on the Pentax forum, but I thought the Nikonians deserve to read this.

    Credit goes to felixcat8888.

    Quote Originally Posted by felixcat8888 View Post
    This is hilarious. From DPREview.com:

    This is a copy of a police report recently leaked at Wikileaks who mentions DPReview on the complaint. Names are blacked out for safety. I re-posted this here because it concerns this forum too.

    UNDERCOVER GANG CRIME UNIT

    INVESTIGATION REPORT

    Date Reported: 09/15/2010
    Time Reported: 08:54 AM
    Copies To: Honorary Judge xxxxxxx xxxxx
    How Received: Investigation Complaint

    Reporting Officer Name(s):

    xxxxxx xxxxxx TAG: xxxxx908
    xxxxxx xxxxxx TAG: xxxxx177
    xxxxxx xxxxxx TAG: xxxxx254

    Case No: 654-091510B
    File No: 455B-2

    Request: SEARCH WARRANT - ARREST

    NARRATIVE

    Our undercover unit was assigned the case No. 654-091510B regarding a reported illegal activity at DPreview.com forums (aka DP). Officer xxxxxx xxxxxx TAG:xxxxx908 participated in month long investigation during the month of August/2010. All the data recovered, along with recordings of the conversations between the members has been turned over to processing under the file No. 455B-2

    FINDINGS

    Our officer’s corroborated the presence of heavy gang activity on the premises.

    The gangs that are more heavily involved in a heated rivalry go by the names "The Canonites" and "The Nikonians". Some other gangs exist but are routinely despised and considered too poor for territory competition: "The Sonys" (Italians?) and "The Olympus" (Greeks?)

    In the investigation we uncovered that a disbanded gang "The Minoltas" have joined the Sonys but presents little or no threat to the Nikonians and Canonites.

    The main activity seems to center around shooting. In some cases we suspect mass murder since has been recorded members of both gangs talking about "going shooting all day".

    Each new gang member undergoes a hazing ritual in which the most vicious and old members curse them for their skills, call them 'amateurs' and tell them to 'go shooting' with 'the Rebels'. We could confirm that 'The Rebels" usually shoot indiscriminately at anything that flies, walks or swims and sometimes even at stationary objects using 'plastic' guns.

    The material of the weapons seems to give the members a status in the gang. For example weapons made of Magnesium-Alloy enjoy a high reputation (and price) and weapons made of Plastic are routinely derided. It does not matter if the weapon possessor cannot shoot to save his life – the weapon gives them some better ‘status’.

    Some gangs like the Nikonians have members that do not seem to be very brilliant since they give away the coordinates of their shooting using an embed GPS unit on their weapons. This could be also considered a bravado act - we are just not too sure yet.

    A group that seems to be routinely hated by each rival gang is "The Trolls". It's common that member of each gang accuse other members with a dissenting opinion of being 'trolls', while they themselves go trolling from time to time just for fun.

    After a few weeks of investigation, we concluded that the motivating factor on this criminal gang activity seems to be 'The Glass'. We could collect several samples of 'glass' and submitted them to evidence. We have to note that the gang members have different denominations for them, as in Canonites "L" glass, or Nikonian "VR" glass. Members that are just starting their criminal life usually cannot afford to purchase the goods, so they settle for "Tamron" glass, which some members of the high echelon deride and consider of poor quality but they still have it in their reserves and admire it while nobody is looking.

    It's common to observe 'flame wars' break out in which one community 'hammers' the other over the gun purchases and quality. Most recently the Nikonians are bragging about their new line acquisition "D7000" while the Canonites are mad that the expected firepower did not come with the new "60D" line. Pictures and references of the weapons are routinely found at DPreview and thus we need a search warrant to raid the location in question.

    We obtained detailed specifications and confessions from gang members. Traitors and deserters are found in both groups and risk their life on each switch in order to obtain better weapons and purchase more 'glass'. This activity is commonly called ‘To jump ship’.

    CONCLUSION

    We recommend a more detailed investigation and possible interrogations of suspects of both gangs. One particular individual mentioned quite frequently in the forums is Chase Jarvis (aka Chase-San) with apparent strong international connection to the Japanese Nikonian Yakuza.

    We also recommend witness protection and police escort for the members of a very poor gang group who are routinely derided by all the other gangs "The point and shooters". Apparently their criminal skill level and weapons are not at par with the rest.

    We also suggest the creation of a task force to investigate the 'glass' contraband and the confiscation of the weapons in question.


    To know more, proceed to the crime scene:
    http://forums.dpreview.com/forums/re...ssage=36354349

  2. #2
    Moderator catchlights's Avatar
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    Default Re: Canonites vs. Nikonians

    this does not related to Canon nor Nikon, maybe some light hearted reading after a cup Kopi O.

    Thread move to kopitiam.
    Shoot to Live, Live to Shoot
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  3. #3

    Default Re: Canonites vs. Nikonians

    somebody mentioned my nickname..

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Canonites vs. Nikonians

    chey... i thought it's some iPhone game...
    Mythbusters - the bigger the explosion, the better it is.

  5. #5
    New Member kriegsketten's Avatar
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    Default Re: Canonites vs. Nikonians

    Damn... no gang is complete without Tattoos! Now... I need to get an image of a Nikon DSLR with oakleaves... Or a crossbones with a Nikon DSLR strapped to the bones...
    Myflickr | Zoom in for the KILL!

  6. #6
    Senior Member Sion's Avatar
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    Default Re: Canonites vs. Nikonians

    Quote Originally Posted by catchlights View Post
    this does not related to Canon nor Nikon, maybe some light hearted reading after a cup Kopi O.

    Thread move to kopitiam.
    It's about Canon.


  7. #7

    Default Re: Canonites vs. Nikonians

    Quote Originally Posted by Sion View Post
    It's about Canon.

    It must have been rather painful on her :::;
    always the Light, .... always.

  8. #8
    New Member kriegsketten's Avatar
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    Default Re: Canonites vs. Nikonians

    Quote Originally Posted by Canonised View Post
    It must have been rather painful on her :::;
    This is where we Nikonians truly fail... we never have been able to rope in girls like her to do commercials for Nikon mafia...
    Myflickr | Zoom in for the KILL!

  9. #9

    Default Re: Canonites vs. Nikonians

    Quote Originally Posted by kriegsketten View Post
    This is where we Nikonians truly fail... we never have been able to rope in girls like her to do commercials for Nikon mafia...
    don say until lik that ... if this is reassuring, take peace that these mentioned here are only juvenile gangsters from Japan, with top bosses changing every once in a couple of months
    The real mafia are mostly the Germans ... these heavyweight Godfathers have been around for a long time, with such legendary families, the Hassies, the Leicans, the Linhofs, etc...
    When they appeared, these Canonites, Nikonians, etc.. all appeared shock and in awe of their statues ...
    always the Light, .... always.

  10. #10
    New Member kriegsketten's Avatar
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    Default Re: Canonites vs. Nikonians

    Quote Originally Posted by Canonised View Post
    don say until lik that ... if this is reassuring, take peace that these mentioned here are only juvenile gangsters from Japan, with top bosses changing every once in a couple of months
    The real mafia are mostly the Germans ... these heavyweight Godfathers have been around for a long time, with such legendary families, the Hassies, the Leicans, the Linhofs, etc...
    When they appeared, these Canonites, Nikonians, etc.. all appeared shock and in awe of their statues ...
    Yealor... even Iphone is a Leica-wannabe... The rest of us yakusaians are only kids in a sandbox: "Ouch! You threw sand into my eyes! Buawahaha! Maaaammmieeeee, he threw sand at me!".....
    Myflickr | Zoom in for the KILL!

  11. #11
    Senior Member cichlid's Avatar
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    Default Re: Canonites vs. Nikonians

    very funny story

  12. #12
    Member leowyien's Avatar
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    Default Re: Canonites vs. Nikonians

    LOL Dont underestimate nikon's prowess though @sion
    indie

  13. #13

    Default Re: Canonites vs. Nikonians

    Quote Originally Posted by Sion View Post
    It's about Canon.

    2 big Canons!
    cuiusvis hominis est errare, nullius nisi insipientis in errore perseverare

  14. #14
    New Member kriegsketten's Avatar
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    Default Re: Canonites vs. Nikonians

    Sion, can you do us Nikonians a big favor?
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  15. #15
    Senior Member Sion's Avatar
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    Default Re: Canonites vs. Nikonians

    Nikon to our disappointment doesn't believe that size is everything.


  16. #16
    Senior Member Sion's Avatar
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    Default Re: Canonites vs. Nikonians

    However the rebel Nikonian in Korea can be hard to control.


  17. #17
    New Member kriegsketten's Avatar
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    Default Re: Canonites vs. Nikonians

    I have a lump in my throat...
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  18. #18
    Senior Member zac08's Avatar
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    Default Re: Canonites vs. Nikonians

    Quote Originally Posted by kriegsketten View Post
    I have a lump in my throat...
    You sure it's the throat and not some other regions?
    Michael Lim
    My Flickr Site

  19. #19
    New Member kriegsketten's Avatar
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    Default Re: Canonites vs. Nikonians

    Quote Originally Posted by zac08 View Post
    You sure it's the throat and not some other regions?
    You must be speaking from personal experience! Urm... urm...
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  20. #20
    Senior Member zac08's Avatar
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    Default Re: Canonites vs. Nikonians

    Quote Originally Posted by kriegsketten View Post
    You must be speaking from personal experience! Urm... urm...
    not me... I am not into fake lumps of meat. IIRC, that was a guy before...
    Michael Lim
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