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Thread: Seeking advice: Divorce

  1. #1

    Question Seeking advice: Divorce

    Hi Guys,

    I dunno whether I should discuss this in the forum but I am really really helpless... My marriage is on the rock and gonna end soon. OK here's my story. We were married in yr 2000 and had no customary marriage and had a 5-room flat two yrs later. My Wife (a SG PR) refused to share same bed, bedroom, refused customary marriage, refused sex. Now my wife being tired of me, wants to dump me. She's hiring a lawyer based on the facts that she thinks I am impotent (which I am NOT! ) and uncompatible. She told me all I have to do is to sign the paper agreement and there we go our seperate ways.

    Throughout the 4 yrs, I have given her monthly allowances and many cash ( she insists on cash basis) on her birthdays, her dad& mom's birthday, Christmas, CNY, Wedding anniversaries and shopping. What she does is come home late with 1 am plus half drunken occassionally. She even refused to contribute to Household exspense at all.

    Based on my friend's account, it is useless for me to get the lawyer to fight this case as a divorce case is still a divorce case in the end. The Women Charter Laws protects the women here. But what I want is the truth to be out and show what kind of person she is. My question now is should I get a lawyer to "fight" the case for me? will this divorce case have any affect on my next case of maintainence fee? Please advise.....
    Last edited by tokrot; 26th February 2004 at 09:03 PM.

  2. #2

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    I respect people who is so open and frank like you.

    /salute.
    Objection !!!

  3. #3

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    Hey fren

    May I ask:

    What is it about her that you love?

    Was she a party gal before marriage?

  4. #4

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    seemslike you are being con. you could have save up all the money and buy youself better photography equipment. my personal opinion is that if you give up you are going to loose more. keep on fighting brother.

  5. #5

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    My advise to you based on what I've heard is to get the best divorce lawyer you can afford.

  6. #6

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    i'll answer your questions.


    if you feel that you've been wrongfully put into a divorce
    you can fight your case.

    as in.. yes a divorce case is still a divorce case, but often there has to be reasons. if all she asks for is signing of papers, then so be it. but if there's after-service like all that maintenance fees and all, then it would be better to put your case forward that she is the one who refused sex, refused to have a marriage, you are not impotent... etc etc. just try to rebutt whatever you feel she has wrongfully accused you of.

    because personally i think that if this is brought up to court or something the judge or something will use these "evidence" to decide how much monthly maintenance fee you have to give her after the divorce.

    so if there is nothing to do but divorce, then divorce but don't lose out on the facts.


    personally i feel that if there is still room to talk, the both of you sit down and talk it over, and decide what you guys really want. if not then just divorce. because sometimes parting is the best solution.


    all the best to you and your future life.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Cheesecake's Avatar
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    my best self interest protective measures would be...

    to refuse to sign the papers first... buy time?

    and to engage P.I to find out what she's been up to... and what she has always been up to(behind my back?) with all her drunken stupor and frequent late nights back...
    You'll Never Walk Alone! - i have the best job in the world!

  8. #8
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    Cheesecake got the answer. I totally agree. Buy time and hire a P.I. Chances are you can get some pics of her flirting and this would give you some weight to fight the case. Whst she is trying to do is to make you take the blame for the divorce e.g. impotent, incompatible etc. Don't let her get to that stage. From what you say I think her marriage to you is for convenience only. Go all out bro...fight!

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cheesecake
    my best self interest protective measures would be...

    to refuse to sign the papers first... buy time?

    and to engage P.I to find out what she's been up to... and what she has always been up to(behind my back?) with all her drunken stupor and frequent late nights back...
    the clubsnappers would help haha and yeah this is good idea get P.I to investigate then got more prove on what she had done is more unfair to u..

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by metals99
    the clubsnappers would help haha and yeah this is good idea get P.I to investigate then got more prove on what she had done is more unfair to u..


    how ? with 1200mm ? lol

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by tokrot
    Hi Guys,

    I dunno whether I should discuss this in the forum but I am really really helpless... My marriage is on the rock and gonna end soon. OK here's my story. We were married in yr 2000 and had no customary marriage and had a 5-room flat two yrs later. My Wife (a SG PR) refused to share same bed, bedroom, refused customary marriage, refused sex. Now my wife being tired of me, wants to dump me. She's hiring a lawyer based on the facts that she thinks I am impotent (which I am NOT! ) and uncompatible. She told me all I have to do is to sign the paper agreement and there we go our seperate ways.

    Throughout the 4 yrs, I have given her monthly allowances and many cash ( she insists on cash basis) on her birthdays, her dad& mom's birthday, Christmas, CNY, Wedding anniversaries and shopping. What she does is come home late with 1 am plus half drunken occassionally. She even refused to contribute to Household exspense at all.

    Based on my friend's account, it is useless for me to get the lawyer to fight this case as a divorce case is still a divorce case in the end. The Women Charter Laws protects the women here. But what I want is the truth to be out and show what kind of person she is. My question now is should I get a lawyer to "fight" the case for me? will this divorce case have any affect on my next case of maintainence fee? Please advise.....
    it's best you also seek some legal advise. perhaps a lawyer specialised in family law can help you, or give you some idea where to go...

  12. #12

  13. #13

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    Quote Originally Posted by tokrot
    Hi Guys,

    I dunno whether I should discuss this in the forum but I am really really helpless... My marriage is on the rock and gonna end soon. OK here's my story. We were married in yr 2000 and had no customary marriage and had a 5-room flat two yrs later. My Wife (a SG PR) refused to share same bed, bedroom, refused customary marriage, refused sex. Now my wife being tired of me, wants to dump me. She's hiring a lawyer based on the facts that she thinks I am impotent (which I am NOT! ) and uncompatible. She told me all I have to do is to sign the paper agreement and there we go our seperate ways.

    Throughout the 4 yrs, I have given her monthly allowances and many cash ( she insists on cash basis) on her birthdays, her dad& mom's birthday, Christmas, CNY, Wedding anniversaries and shopping. What she does is come home late with 1 am plus half drunken occassionally. She even refused to contribute to Household exspense at all.

    Based on my friend's account, it is useless for me to get the lawyer to fight this case as a divorce case is still a divorce case in the end. The Women Charter Laws protects the women here. But what I want is the truth to be out and show what kind of person she is. My question now is should I get a lawyer to "fight" the case for me? will this divorce case have any affect on my next case of maintainence fee? Please advise.....
    Hey bro, i would say, go all out and fight for your own rights! Maybe u can find some useful info from here. All the best!

    http://freeadvice.com/
    http://www.familycourtofsingapore.go...Q_marriage.htm
    http://www.familycourtofsingapore.gov.sg/

  14. #14

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    ok, here are some advise I can give you based on what I learnt from my law module during uni.

    1) don't sign any paper
    2) hire a PI, if you can prove infidelity, you'll be saved
    3) I think you can have the wedding annuled if you she refuse to consumate the marrige

  15. #15
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    is she a *** national?

  16. #16

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    Poor guy ...

    The concern here after the divorce is the 5 room flat. If both of you got the name to it, you will tends to lose out as both of you have 50% legal right to own the property. You can only take half of it ...

    Maintenance fees ? Well you needs to prove to the judges you did gave what you had given to her for the past history and she has no contribution to the household chores, a relieve was both of you got no children and hence this need not to be discussed. Maintenance to her can be waived if the is a case to fight.

    Get a P.I. ? Yes if you want to find out what she has been doing ... can be an useful evidence to help you prove your case if she done you wrong.

    Seem likes there is no turning back and is you really love her .. think twice. But if she insisted divorce, then get yourself prepared so you will not lose out more. Bare in mind you already lose the 5room flat to her 50%. If you need lawyer, I may recommend but the final decision is yours ..
    AMPA * WPPI * J team

  17. #17
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    My sympathy....from the word go seems you got the short end, and for 4yrs tolerating it. Your fault was that you should put a stop to it , when it came to separate room and separate bed part, and cash presents. If you do not do anything you going to bleed with many years of maintenance (unless she re-marry asap).

    "jbma" & "cheesecake" suggestions sounds good , you cannot afford to stand still and take more **** from her. Fight back...check with lawyer whether there are grounds to null the marriage. But if she is agreeable on no maintenance, all your barang2 still yours except the matrimonial home 50 / 50 after CPF....then quickly sign on the dotted lines and move on .

    Men always end up big hole in the pocket and licking wounds for many years.

    Good Luck.......

  18. #18

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    What I would advise you to do is:

    The way you are putting things, there does not seem to be much of a marriage between the two of you. A marriage is not just getting a marriage cert, it involves much more than this.

    I dunno about you guys but if my girlfriend or wife (i dun have either right now and not interested because i just came out of rel.... long story) goes out and comes back at around one half drunken, well, I think there is something majorly wrong here, especially if I am paying for her maintainance.

    I always thought and still think that a marriage which is dysfunction serves no purpose. You might as well be having an on-off fling who would give you as much as your wife right now and sex on top of that (but then again maybe you love her very much).

    I personally think that you decide to end it all when you stop at some point and think about what the hell you are making of your life and balance the pros against the cons.

    Right now you have given us the cons, maybe you might wanna stop and think about the pros. Someone up there said that you should think why you love her. I would add that you should do that indeed and see if this is sufficient to keep you guys together.

    I think, as much as i know, that if you get into a divorce and that your wife has not been fulfilling her part of the marriage (having sex at least once in a long while besides many other things) then you shouldn't be getting out of the whole process too badly hit financially. However maybe you would wanna consult a lawyer about this.

    Anyway, take care, hire that PI, maximize relationship with your friends, try to go out, shoot like crazy and stuff like that. Helps the process of healing. And WATCH OUT WHAT YOU SIGN!

  19. #19

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    bro, i am sorry to hear bout your tragedy but from what you described, i feel that she may just be using you to obtain PR. It may be hard on you but i think it's wiser for you to let go.

    What to do depends on what you want. If you insist on knowing the truth, hiring a P.I will be the only way i guess. But seriously, would knowing the truth really make you happier? if it isn't then waste the effort and money? might as well get better photographic equipments?

    But the thing about finding out is...
    It will further protect you from having to split your flat value, paying maintenance fees, etc. Get what i mean? But if she states that she does not want those after signing the papers, then it's all bout whether you REALLY want to know the truth. Well, sometimes you just have to ask and you'll get the answer, especially after signing the papers.

    But my main advice is, DON'T pay anymore after the divorce cos you already have been ripped off enough bro. Read the other comments carefully too cos i think all of them makes lotsa sense.

    Hope this helps. Take care buddy...

  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by tokrot
    Hi Guys,

    I dunno whether I should discuss this in the forum but I am really really helpless... My marriage is on the rock and gonna end soon. OK here's my story. We were married in yr 2000 and had no customary marriage and had a 5-room flat two yrs later. My Wife (a SG PR) refused to share same bed, bedroom, refused customary marriage, refused sex. Now my wife being tired of me, wants to dump me. She's hiring a lawyer based on the facts that she thinks I am impotent (which I am NOT! ) and uncompatible. She told me all I have to do is to sign the paper agreement and there we go our seperate ways.

    Throughout the 4 yrs, I have given her monthly allowances and many cash ( she insists on cash basis) on her birthdays, her dad& mom's birthday, Christmas, CNY, Wedding anniversaries and shopping. What she does is come home late with 1 am plus half drunken occassionally. She even refused to contribute to Household exspense at all.

    Based on my friend's account, it is useless for me to get the lawyer to fight this case as a divorce case is still a divorce case in the end. The Women Charter Laws protects the women here. But what I want is the truth to be out and show what kind of person she is. My question now is should I get a lawyer to "fight" the case for me? will this divorce case have any affect on my next case of maintainence fee? Please advise.....
    HI have pmed u.

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