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Thread: Parents! Please give your opinion!

  1. #21
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    Default Re: Parents! Please give your opinion!

    I feel that violence is not the way to teach disipline to a child. We asians use force rather than thinking in different way.

    What can we achieve by caning? The child will cry, you will feel sad for having to cane your own blood and flesh. The child would never know why what he/she did was considered wrong. The child would not do the same mistake again, definitely, not because he/she understood why he/she should not do such a thing, but rather, out of fear. Fear being caned again.

    I believe, everyone makes mistakes. And a child, makes more mistakes than anyone. But come to thing of it, let them make all the mistakes they can at that age. Let them learn. It's better to make those small mistakes at that age. Compared to the mistakes children do, it's nothing when compared to the mistakes we adults do. We commit crimes, adultery...etc. And what mistake does a child do? Maybe not his/her homework, a couple of lies.


    Yes, i would agree nip the bud, before the flower blooms. But you can always do it in a different approach. If the child makes a mistake, it's alright for the parent to get angry, but rather than take the cane, tell the child why it's wrong to do such a thing.

    When a child is of a young age, most of the mistakes he/she does is by influence, lonelyness, but most of the time, just to seek attention. Simple reason, the child feels lonely, parents don't spend much time with him/her, and the easiest way to get attention is to make a mistake.

    Rather than use the cane, let all parents pause a little and think. If your child doesn't want to do homework, explain to them the benefits of homework. In simple terms though. Encourage them by sitting next to them and guide them with their homework. Use simple methods. You don't need special methods. Just a smile or two inbetween. Praising them when they get their homework right.

    Pace out work and play time. Maybe an hour of homework, then an hour of playtime. Then you can have a bonding session, maybe, read a story to your child.

    It's at this young age, that you want and must bond with your child. Don't try when he/she is 21 or etc. It will never happen.

    Establish a strong bonding since young, and when your child grows older, he/she will understand you better. Let's say if your child is 18, and she dresses sexily, you can tell her about how you feel she dresses when she goes out. Then you two can talk and come with a compromise. Of course, if you had established a good bond when the child was younger, it would be very easy for the child to understand what the parent is trying to say.


    This is how i view my perspective. Hoping to be a pediatrician soon.


    Take care everyone.

  2. #22
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    Default Re: Parents! Please give your opinion!

    Random, but "Smacked children more successful later in life, study finds"

    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/he...udy-finds.html

  3. #23
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    Default Re: Parents! Please give your opinion!

    Quote Originally Posted by germ_boi View Post
    I am not very sure about the demographics of CS but I hope there are parents who have children who have reached around 17.

    In your opinion, is corporal punishment useful? Do you take heed to spare the rod, spoil the child?

    Other CS-ers who are parents, feel free to chime in too. And when I mean corporal punishment, I do not refer to the token palm smack.

    I refer to the full blown tied to doubledecker bed and whacked with cane with (temporary) scars, or at the very least, hard caning on the palms.
    ~~ dun need ask parents. we here got teenagers too.

    okkies my opinion on this case. caning a child does make him less self confident when he grows up. i assure u that. he becomes quite er. weak. little bit also cry. i'm a victim so i can tell u tat. dad uses not ur those thin 0.5cm cane. his is diameter 2cm at least one. sibei pain.

    it never works as a guidance. cause ur child just wont understand why cannot. rather he will feel more tempted to do again. initally may pause a while. after that wont care already.

    now, PLUS side:
    ur child gets really strong at desperate moments.
    i dunno why but. if for me i may be emotionally weak, but at desperate moments, like deadlines, kenna threaten, i feel suddenly quite reckless and way stronger:x its like ur child suddenly inbuilt very strong survival instincts. tats the plus side.

    me no expert. just plain experience.

  4. #24
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    Default Re: Parents! Please give your opinion!

    actually, thinner is more pain, personal experience. hahaha

    I was beaten/spanked/caned/emotionally threatened when young too, haha, no side effects personally, and in fact, I'm thankful for it!

  5. #25
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    Default Re: Parents! Please give your opinion!

    Quote Originally Posted by germ_boi View Post
    actually, thinner is more pain, personal experience. hahaha

    I was beaten/spanked/caned/emotionally threatened when young too, haha, no side effects personally, and in fact, I'm thankful for it!

    but if ur dad is a boss of construction company, has loads of muscles, i think bigger one = larger force. i got kenna cane till blood before.

    shudders ~~

    last time he wanna take knife too~~ i was abt... wad. 13-14? so i raised mine too lol. see. cannot too extreme. its quite traumatising for the child.

  6. #26

    Talking Re: Parents! Please give your opinion!

    Canning should be fine. Nowadays, kids and teens are getting spoilt too much. They had too much luxury now. I will definitely use the cane on my son one day... No mercy! Until he grows up to certain age, I will stop then..

  7. #27

    Default Re: Parents! Please give your opinion!

    i am 35 and i am still beaten by my parents.

    "Love is a Boy,
    by Poets styl'd,
    Then Spare the Rod,
    and spill the Child."

    i am a firm believer that children will only flourish if chastised, physically or otherwise, for any wrongdoing.

  8. #28
    Deregistered allenleonhart's Avatar
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    Default Re: Parents! Please give your opinion!

    Quote Originally Posted by pokiemon View Post
    i am 35 and i am still beaten by my parents.

    "Love is a Boy,
    by Poets styl'd,
    Then Spare the Rod,
    and spill the Child."

    i am a firm believer that children will only flourish if chastised, physically or otherwise, for any wrongdoing.
    well. if it needs to be then do so. acts such as stealing yes cane pls.
    well to give u a rough idea... wad adults get caned for in jail, tat is wad are the ones u can cane.

    steal rob fight yes cane pls. and explain later.

    disrespect, stubborness etc etc. explain.

  9. #29
    Member 9V-Orion Images's Avatar
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    Default Re: Parents! Please give your opinion!

    My dad used to be a marine engineer who used to come back home only after every few months out at sea and he will often use the cane on the most trivial of incidents when I was a child and now he is wondering why I don't speak to him anymore.

    Quote Originally Posted by xhui View Post
    Please please please, and please, communicate with your child. Even if you so decide on corporal punishments, explain to them why you are doing those for. Do not allow your child to think you are punishing, caning them because you don't love them anymore. This is what a child will and definitely thinks when they you hit them. No doubt. Explaining (depending on age, so just adjust), communicates your boundary for them but also it allows them to see and know WHY you are hiting them.

    Oh, please do it without the rage anger? Else it can really just turn all the way down thereafter. Have seen too many of such, in pretext of "I want to teach them a lesson and to not disobey me blah blah)". Who's benefits are those for? Yours or your child? It is the motive, remember. Even if you are really frustrated with your child's behaviours, that is not the reason for hitting them. Make sure you yourself are able to go through calmly in your head what had just happened before approaching your kid and working through what had just happened and if it was unacceptable and WHY, by whose standards, what were their thoughts when they did that, how can they better do it etc etc.

    Youths wants to be respected, heard but they'll ask for those in a really different manner. Oh, by the way, they want to be treated as an adult but really, their brain isn't even fully formed (especially in the area of making sound decisions and seeing actions and consequences).
    Exactly.
    Last edited by 9V-Orion Images; 10th January 2010 at 07:27 PM.
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  10. #30
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    Default Re: Parents! Please give your opinion!

    Quote Originally Posted by 9V-Orion Images View Post
    My dad used to be a marine engineer who used to come back home only after every few months out at sea and he will often use the cane on the most trivial of incidents when I was a child and now he is wondering why I don't speak to him anymore.


    Exactly.
    u realised ts said in his first post he wanna tie to bed and whallop kid?

    BIG GRIN

  11. #31

    Default Re: Parents! Please give your opinion!

    To TS, are u asking because u are the kid who is tied to the bed and getting hammered? Or u intend to tie your kid to the bed and hammer him or her?

    at 17... i dont think corporal punishment should be applied. It should stop at around 8. In fact if possible educate and talk, not hammer and whack... they are kids... not dogs.....

  12. #32
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    Default Re: Parents! Please give your opinion!

    Uhh I'm 21, I used to be punished like that hahaha, just wondering if my dad had been extreme lol

  13. #33

    Default Re: Parents! Please give your opinion!

    Quote Originally Posted by aeskywan View Post
    To TS, are u asking because u are the kid who is tied to the bed and getting hammered? Or u intend to tie your kid to the bed and hammer him or her?

    at 17... i dont think corporal punishment should be applied. It should stop at around 8. In fact if possible educate and talk, not hammer and whack... they are kids... not dogs.....
    woaaaaaahhhhhhh. doesn't mean we can abuse dogs too.

    impt thing is the kids must understand why/what they have done wrong.

    then you will have to choose an effective mode (i.e. through explanation or beating or caning) of communication to prevent deterence

  14. #34
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    Default Re: Parents! Please give your opinion!

    Caning at 17!!!?No, no. At this age if you caned ur kid, they turn more violence and more rebels. At this age kids always want explore new things and very easily get influence. You as a parents need to start treat him as grown up young man and treat him as ur good friend. Need to talk to them more often, share their problems and need to be firm instead of strict. We parents are the role model to our own children. You treated them with canes and belts, they end up become violence and rebel kids. You treated them with diplomacy, they will respect you.

    Yes, I did caned my kids( when he was around 7-9 years ) but not that extreme. The reason why because he did some offence which he deserves to be canned. And after that, I will talked to him nicely and advise him why I have to cane him.
    Last edited by mdzmr; 11th January 2010 at 12:31 PM.

  15. #35

    Default Re: Parents! Please give your opinion!

    Everything must starts from very young.

    I was given a very strict routine.

    Monday to Friday, from 7pm to 10pm no TV program, only news and watch them with my parents. My parents too do not watch TV program other than those mentioned. We also watch documentary program together.

    Saturday and Sunday 2 hours of revision and control activities e.g must obtain approval.

    School holidays - 10am to 12pm revision same goes to Sat and Sun.

    Overnight camp - yes for school acitivities only.

    Friends outing

    Pri 1 to Pri 6 until 9pm - my dad will pick us up at 9pm

    Sec 1 to Sec 4 until 10pm or 11pm must seek approval. My dad will pick us up.

    JC 1 & 2 - ill 12am and grad night until 2am, again my dad will pick us up.

    Unversity - we decide but just inform them.

  16. #36

    Default Re: Parents! Please give your opinion!

    Quote Originally Posted by pokiemon View Post
    i am 35 and i am still beaten by my parents.
    Last edited by sci80899; 11th January 2010 at 12:50 PM.

  17. #37
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    Default Re: Parents! Please give your opinion!

    If you want to teach your children with caning do it before age 10 yrs old.
    Above that you have to beat harder and that is considered very abusive, plus they will have a very good memory of it.
    That is what my parents did.
    Always make a point the child understand their mistake and know the consequence.
    Never threaten without actually delivering it, because they will learn that it is empty threat.

  18. #38

    Default Re: Parents! Please give your opinion!

    cane them, but do explain to them why are u doing so. if its a boy, let him know, what makes a real man. if its a gal, just cane on the palm, let her know what makes a gentle lady.

  19. #39
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    Default Re: Parents! Please give your opinion!

    Caning has to be on the leg. if you hit too hard on the hand, it might affect the nerve. Hand needed for work, it is more delicate.
    My parents never hit me on my head, never pull my ears, just cane the legs. That probably also make my leg most muscular part of the body LOL.

  20. #40
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    Default Re: Parents! Please give your opinion!

    we must follow garmen's example. small bad behaviour = corrective work order. big bad behaviour = rotan.
    sigh.

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