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Thread: Parents! Please give your opinion!

  1. #1
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    Default Parents! Please give your opinion!

    I am not very sure about the demographics of CS but I hope there are parents who have children who have reached around 17.

    In your opinion, is corporal punishment useful? Do you take heed to spare the rod, spoil the child?

    Other CS-ers who are parents, feel free to chime in too. And when I mean corporal punishment, I do not refer to the token palm smack.

    I refer to the full blown tied to doubledecker bed and whacked with cane with (temporary) scars, or at the very least, hard caning on the palms.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Parents! Please give your opinion!

    No kid yet but I think I will adopt my parents method when I grew up. Can beat but only at buttocks and legs.
    Never use wood as that would bruise, only feater duster, will lash a few time only until red. My mum or dad takes turn for playing good cop / bad cop. One will smack and the other will put medicine.

    Beating arms/hand can damage the nerve system
    Beating body can damage internal organ.
    Beating head - concussion (no need that from my parents - I was an accident prone baby and tumble on stairs many many times).

    LOL.

    No more beating after I finish primary school. My mum told me I was big boy already and she was too old already.
    She just told me she will not be beating me but instead other people may beat me if I am naughty so well ... I stop being naughty LOL
    Last edited by aryanto; 26th September 2009 at 09:06 PM.

  3. #3

    Default Re: Parents! Please give your opinion!

    Quote Originally Posted by germ_boi View Post
    I am not very sure about the demographics of CS but I hope there are parents who have children who have reached around 17.

    In your opinion, is corporal punishment useful? Do you take heed to spare the rod, spoil the child?

    Other CS-ers who are parents, feel free to chime in too. And when I mean corporal punishment, I do not refer to the token palm smack.

    I refer to the full blown tied to doubledecker bed and whacked with cane with (temporary) scars, or at the very least, hard caning on the palms.
    Sounds like there are serious struggles. I see that as a lack of spending quality communication and also as Parents need to exert control over their children through the most primitive means. I would also say that parents might have fears themselves too that they are not able to resolve or have learn through past experience that these were the only mainly way/ channel between Parent/ Child communication.

    It serious looks like some communicating needs to done. Get a relative to help/ informed maybe...

    More can be explored. Anyways, the child can always approach the Law Authorities like the police. The injury if serious enough would render the medical authorities to come in to furher investigate. People can get killed in these struggles. Better watch out.

    Cheers
    心到,眼到,手到。
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    Default Re: Parents! Please give your opinion!

    wao.

    you guys are lucky man..
    my mum is like ... ...fierce man !!!

    beat legs and buttocks only !! thats like soooooooooooooooooooooo not happening when im getting punished..

    cane was like......really really really young that time..
    then migrate to the metal broom stick

    once i even had to fend of a knife attack

    i know i did wrong but till what extend till it draws outa knife that puzzles me !??

    i will nvr resort to violence on my kids next time..

    yes beating is the best way to get ones attention to make sure it gets the msg to the head..but please moderate ...physical scars can heal...but not the psycological / mental one..

  5. #5

    Default Re: Parents! Please give your opinion!

    Quote Originally Posted by kkenji View Post
    wao.

    you guys are lucky man..
    my mum is like ... ...fierce man !!!

    beat legs and buttocks only !! thats like soooooooooooooooooooooo not happening when im getting punished..

    cane was like......really really really young that time..
    then migrate to the metal broom stick

    once i even had to fend of a knife attack

    i know i did wrong but till what extend till it draws outa knife that puzzles me !??

    i will nvr resort to violence on my kids next time..

    yes beating is the best way to get ones attention to make sure it gets the msg to the head..but please moderate ...physical scars can heal...but not the psycological / mental one..
    KNIFE?!?!

    I think it's ok to cane kids, as long as you explain to them why you're caning them... kids need to be caned sometimes, but as long as they learn (with your reasoning+ caning, they'll learn to respect you, and not think that you're caning them as and when you wish), i'm sure they'll turn out pretty well... I think nowadays, kids are too spoilt... their parents treat them too well.

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    Default Re: Parents! Please give your opinion!

    no kids yet, but from my past experience, if you physically beat a child, he/she will definitely tense to rebel even more. try to talk sense into them and tell them where they went wrong and tell them not to do it again.. sooner or later they will mature and think what they did wrong.

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    Default Re: Parents! Please give your opinion!

    Quote Originally Posted by domdomino View Post
    no kids yet, but from my past experience, if you physically beat a child, he/she will definitely tense to rebel even more. try to talk sense into them and tell them where they went wrong and tell them not to do it again.. sooner or later they will mature and think what they did wrong.
    i think this is true only to a certain extend though.
    eventualy it all boils down to the kids if they want to see thr right path and take it.
    you can cane them but if they dont want to heed the advice then they are just ruining themselves.

    yes i too feel that kids are getting rather spoilt.
    i have to work constantly for my own gear and lens although my dad did supported me alil.
    but now all i see is : dad, can i have a camera....the next day a dslr appears.
    dont need cameras, one good example is handphones.
    kids in pri schools are getitng handphones and i only got mine like 3 4 years ago only
    lmao..
    times are changing..people are changing..but in which direction ?!

  8. #8

    Default Re: Parents! Please give your opinion!

    the older generation believed in "spare the rod and spoil the child".... i think this is the most effective rule whenever i see my friends.... the most filial and successful ones are usually from parents who believe in canning for punishment ....
    always the Light, .... always.

  9. #9

    Default Re: Parents! Please give your opinion!

    Quote Originally Posted by germ_boi View Post
    I am not very sure about the demographics of CS but I hope there are parents who have children who have reached around 17.

    In your opinion, is corporal punishment useful? Do you take heed to spare the rod, spoil the child?

    Other CS-ers who are parents, feel free to chime in too. And when I mean corporal punishment, I do not refer to the token palm smack.

    I refer to the full blown tied to doubledecker bed and whacked with cane with (temporary) scars, or at the very least, hard caning on the palms.
    As a father of 2, let me share. I agreed on giving hard punishment. However, the parents must ask themselves the following before they do it:-

    1. Do they have a clear objective of the punishment?
    2. Is the child's negative behaviour a reflection of the parents?
    3. Have the parents spent enough time communicating and build bond with the child?
    4. Do the parents understood the child on their negative behaviour?

    Well, if "no" for any of the above, then perhaps despite how many hard punishment were given, it will not work. So, what's the point?

    Many parents, especially with the encouragement from the Government plus the higher living standard, are struggling hard to make money. After they gave birth, the next thing is to look for a child care centre to look after their kids. While leaving their kids to the "professionals", what they can do is to provide material and "logistics" support, which of course most of the case is to comfort their own guilt for not spending enough time to understand their children, to build trust, bond,...

    So, how many children will really listen to their parents teaching, if they don't even know their parents? Come on, our children are also human too. Do we just listen to anyone who think they are higher, like parents? Especially, when we grow up to 17, able to join beauty contest and fraud credit cards. Who cares if they scold and scold?

    We can punish them whatever way we think it will work, but we have to be very conscious of what we are doing. It can be a very negative result, especially if we ourselves as parents is not do our parenting job properly. Perhaps, it's better to give a different approach.

    Cheers!

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Parents! Please give your opinion!

    17 is too old already, got to explain it to them over a beer in their own lingo for them to understand

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    Default Re: Parents! Please give your opinion!

    Well, I am a believer of corporal punishment but with proper communication. However, once above 12 years old, canng will not work. Instead, teenagers require less communication time but more heart-to-heart talk to their kids. Kids these days learn a lot from each other and as parents we will not understand the stress they go through in school. That is why communication is important.

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    Default Re: Parents! Please give your opinion!

    Quote Originally Posted by cheeseme View Post
    ...

    1. Do they have a clear objective of the punishment?
    2. Is the child's negative behaviour a reflection of the parents?
    3. Have the parents spent enough time communicating and build bond with the child?
    4. Do the parents understood the child on their negative behaviour?

    Well, if "no" for any of the above, then perhaps despite how many hard punishment were given, it will not work. So, what's the point?
    ...
    Very good, cheeseme. I like the way you have put forth your four points. Most valid.

    Quote Originally Posted by ortega View Post
    17 is too old already, got to explain it to them over a beer in their own lingo for them to understand
    Ditto that.

    Quote Originally Posted by Calahan View Post
    Well, I am a believer of corporal punishment but with proper communication. However, once above 12 years old, canng will not work. Instead, teenagers require less communication time but more heart-to-heart talk to their kids. Kids these days learn a lot from each other and as parents we will not understand the stress they go through in school. That is why communication is important.
    Ditto that too.



    Sorry, TS. I thought I would just share this way. May not have answered your question, though.
    Last edited by limwhow; 11th January 2010 at 09:47 PM.

  13. #13
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    Default Re: Parents! Please give your opinion!

    I gave 17 because it would mean the parent has seen the child from a young and fearful tyke to a rebellious teenager to a slightly more mature young adult and be able to see the results of his/her parenting.

    But yup, at the age of 17, it's too old to change anything on the parents part already.

  14. #14
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    Default Re: Parents! Please give your opinion!

    Boys basically once pass 12 yrs old basically they will think on their own already.
    For girls probably will be younger now, they grow up much much faster (and that could be a problem).

    The problem for Singapore is that most parents (both parents) do not spend enough time with their children. F* quality time. There is no such thing. Kids when they need their parents they will need it immediately and not wait when parents have time for them. If they experience rejection since young (sorry daddy/mommy not have time now), guess what, they will look for someone who will be there almost immediately when they need it. Parents who think can love their kids by lavishing them with materials will suffer at old age, when it is their turn to need company.

    My mum is a housewife. Anytime I need her (when I was growing up) she is there. I have seen my friends whose parents works (even owning their own business - basically the parents dont spend time with them) are more rebelious - they kind of support each other and influence each other - some turns out ok but there are some goes for drugs, get involved with crimes (gang fights), or have sex too early.

    Basically if parents has to shape their kids before they can make up their own mind already.
    If not, it will be too late.
    Last edited by aryanto; 27th September 2009 at 10:12 PM.

  15. #15

    Default Re: Parents! Please give your opinion!

    Quote Originally Posted by aryanto View Post
    ...
    The problem for Singapore is that most parents (both parents) do not spend enough time with their children. F* quality time. There is no such thing. Kids when they need their parents they will need it immediately and not wait when parents have time for them. If they experience rejection since young (sorry daddy/mommy not have time now), guess what, they will look for someone who will be there almost immediately when they need it. Parents who think can love their kids by lavishing them with materials will suffer at old age, when it is their turn to need company.
    ...
    Absolutely agreed.

    But sadly, even our government don't recognize this. On one hand they are asking everyone to come out and work, but on the other hand they want promote balanced life, balanced family, what quality times. We as adults, of course we know how this may work, but as a child, do u think they can understand this?

    Bottomline is. If you wanted to give birth and have your children, then perhaps you will have to make "a lot of" sacrifices. I stressed, it's not "some". And this include financially and even giving up reading Clubsnap. Leaving them fully to the "professionals" will never work. Leaving them to your maid or your older parents worse. Nothing can compare to the actual feel the parents can give to their children. Unless your kid's character is so heavenly unique that no devils can touch, else it's just a matter of times. By the time you feel that they are out of control, it's really too late to correct them.

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    Default Re: Parents! Please give your opinion!

    SOMEBODY'S GONNA GET A HURT REAL BAD... SOMEBODY - Russell Peters

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nn5jlrxcpkI

    I grew up being whooped by my mom, hey, we're from HK, so bamboo sticks and feather duster beatings are common for a hard-headed, lazy student youth like myself haha. I've never, ever seen my goody sis got into trouble though. Still love my mom a lot, and after a while, they'll get tired of doing so haha.

    I rarely hit my boy at all beyond the butt spanking with my palm if he really doesn't listen, but we talk a lot so a lot of times we don't reach the "painful" stage. I can't stand seeing him cry. Then again, he's only 5.

  17. #17
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    Default Re: Parents! Please give your opinion!

    Just sharing my thought.
    I hv 2 daughter, 12 yo and 5 yo.
    I ever cane my elder daughter when she was young, but now, cane doesn't work on her anymore, and seem getting worse after I cane her.
    Ok, the last time I cane her 6 months ago, and I promise myself, never will cane her again.

    I try to talk to her now. also try to keep myself cool.
    Not easy, nowadays dealing with teenager extreme difficult

    Recently I listen to Alan Yip, if you listen to 93.8 live radio, every Thursday 7.10am to 7.30am.
    He inspire me alot...
    We all human, we made mistake, most of the time very hard for us to "forgive" or say "sorry".

    Quote:
    If someone feels that they had never made a mistake in their life, then it means they had never tried a new thing in their life... (Albert Einstein)

    Just my 2cents

  18. #18

    Default Re: Parents! Please give your opinion!

    As a kid who grow up getting cane for the slightest mistake, I dare say my mum cane primarily to vent her anger and disappointment. She hardly communicate and feels that caning is to instill fear and authority over me and then she can control me the way she wanted me to behave. but sadly, i'm the kind the harder it comes, the harder i will become.

    the caning only gradually dies off when mum starts to realize that she is loosing control of me totally as i grow up. i.e. no amount of caning is going to change my opinion.

  19. #19

    Default Re: Parents! Please give your opinion!

    Please please please, and please, communicate with your child. Even if you so decide on corporal punishments, explain to them why you are doing those for. Do not allow your child to think you are punishing, caning them because you don't love them anymore. This is what a child will and definitely thinks when they you hit them. No doubt. Explaining (depending on age, so just adjust), communicates your boundary for them but also it allows them to see and know WHY you are hiting them.

    Oh, please do it without the rage anger? Else it can really just turn all the way down thereafter. Have seen too many of such, in pretext of "I want to teach them a lesson and to not disobey me blah blah)". Who's benefits are those for? Yours or your child? It is the motive, remember. Even if you are really frustrated with your child's behaviours, that is not the reason for hitting them. Make sure you yourself are able to go through calmly in your head what had just happened before approaching your kid and working through what had just happened and if it was unacceptable and WHY, by whose standards, what were their thoughts when they did that, how can they better do it etc etc.

    Youths wants to be respected, heard but they'll ask for those in a really different manner. Oh, by the way, they want to be treated as an adult but really, their brain isn't even fully formed (especially in the area of making sound decisions and seeing actions and consequences).
    Licence to shoot.

  20. #20

    Default Re: Parents! Please give your opinion!

    Corporal punishment should be avoided and most importantly negative personal remarks should be avoided. Communication is key and showing love and care is vitally important. I see both my children gaining self confidence, improvement and most important the relationship gets better. I would share the experience from my past my failures and what shared could have been done better in order they would learn. Being a violent person myself, it takes self control and above all LOVE to influence, care and teach them. Hope you have success with your relationship, don't wait for the other person to make the change. Let yourself take control and make the change.

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