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Thread: Speak Engrish...

  1. #1
    Senior Member
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    Default Speak Engrish...

    Do read this with your tongue firmly lodged in yoru cheek.

    Information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner in Japan:

    COOLES AND HEATES: IF YOU WANT JUST CONDITION OF WARM AIR IN YOUR ROOM, PLEASE CONTROL YOURSELF.


    Car rental brochure in Tokyo:

    WHEN PASSENGER OF FOOT HEAVE IN SIGHT, TOOTLE THE HORN. TRUMPET HIM MELODIOUSLY AT FIRST, BUT IF HE STILL OBSTACLES YOUR PASSAGE THEN TOOTLE HIM WITH VIGOR.


    Dry cleaners in Bangkok:

    DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.


    Doctor's office in Rome:

    SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.


    Hotel in Acapulco:

    THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL THE WATER SERVED HERE.


    In a Nairobi restaurant:

    CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER


    On the grounds of a private school:

    NO TRESPASSING WITHOUT PERMISSION


    On an Arctic River highway:

    TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.


    On a poster designed to help reduce Illiteracy:

    ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO, WE CAN HELP.


    In a City restaurant:

    OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS.


    A sign seen on an automatic restroom hand dryer:

    DO NOT ACTIVATE WITH WET HANDS.


    In a cemetery:

    PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.


    Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations:

    GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIORS IN BED.


    On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:

    OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.


    In a Tokyo bar:

    SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.


    In a Bangkok temple:

    IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN EVEN A FOREIGNER IF DRESSED AS A MAN.


    Hotel room notice in Chiang-Mai, Thailand:

    PLEASE DO NOT BRING SOLICITORS INTO YOUR ROOM


    Hotel brochure in Italy:

    THIS HOTEL IS RENOWNED FOR ITS PEACE AND SOLITUDE. IN FACT, CROWDS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD FLOCK HERE TO ENJOY ITS SOLITUDE.


    Hotel elevator in Paris:

    PLEASE LEAVE YOUR VALUES AT THE FRONT DESK.


    Hotel in Yugoslavia:

    THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.


    Hotel in Japan:

    YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.


    In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:

    YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS, AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.


    From the "Soviet Weekly":

    THERE WILL BE A MOSCOW EXHIBITION OF ARTS BY 15,000 SOVIET REPUBLIC PAINTERS AND SCULPTORS. THESE WERE EXECUTED OVER THE PAST TWO YEARS.


    Hotel in Vienna:

    IN CASE OF FIRE, DO YOUR UTMOST TO ALARM THE HOTEL PORTER.


    Hotel in Zurich:

    BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.


    Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:

    WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?


    In the window of a Swedish furrier:

    FUR COATS MADE FOR LADIES FROM THEIR OWN SKIN.


    In a Swiss mountain inn:

    SPECIAL TODAY - NO ICE-CREAM.


    Airline ticket office in Copenhagen:

    WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.


    On the door of a Moscow hotel room:

    IF THIS IS YOUR FIRST VISIT TO THE USSR, YOU ARE WELCOME TO IT.


    A laundry in Rome:

    LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING GOOD

    TIME.
    --
    "High Wired, Dream Sired"

  2. #2
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    Everywhere where e sun shines
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    Default


    HAR HAR...sure breaks up the monotonous day I'm having at work man...

  3. #3
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    Default

    "ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US!!"

  4. #4
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    Default

    :bsimilie:

  5. #5

    Talking

    Haa.. Ha... this is so funny.. had a good laugh with my colleague.. thanks for sharing.... it really perks up my day

  6. #6
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ruthpoh
    Haa.. Ha... this is so funny.. had a good laugh with my colleague.. thanks for sharing.... it really perks up my day
    Hehehe... i'm glad you guys enjoy it. Helps that we get to laugh and perk ourselves up.
    --
    "High Wired, Dream Sired"

  7. #7

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Wolfgang
    Hehehe... i'm glad you guys enjoy it. Helps that we get to laugh and perk ourselves up.
    certainly cracks me up

  8. #8
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    Default

    Here are two more from my own real observation....

    Sign on Indonesian Inter-city buses:

    "FULL AC, FULL MUSIC, FULL TV"


    Hotel in Narita, Japan (electrical outlet for shaver in the bathroom)

    "220 VOLTAGE"

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