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Thread: girls..trouble...

  1. #1

    Angry BGR..trouble...pls advice

    Got a fren whose gf insisted to remain as 'frens' with her ex. My fren is very sad as she promised to forget her ex but has now changed her mind.

    Now my fren's gf says she is sick and tired of my fren's jealousy.

    (my fren: so u do not want to break off contact with ur ex

    my fren's gf: can i?)

    Any advice?

    Why do gals still want to maintain a relationship with their ex when she was so hurt by him last time? my fren is really hurt..
    Last edited by tweakmax; 26th November 2003 at 12:59 AM.
    Canon 10D/550D /Sigma 17-50mm/Sigma 30mm/Canon 50mm/Sigma 85mm

  2. #2

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    I don't see anything wrong with that if they're really just friends. Your friend is just paranoid.. No use restricting her freedom? She has her freedom of choice, well, in this case, to forgive her ex and be friends with him

  3. #3

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    Quote Originally Posted by junyang
    I don't see anything wrong with that if they're really just friends. Your friend is just paranoid
    the ex has been calling her several times a day in these months and the girl kept the ex's ring in her wallet

    when found out she told my fren she did not notice the ring
    Canon 10D/550D /Sigma 17-50mm/Sigma 30mm/Canon 50mm/Sigma 85mm

  4. #4

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    If your friend really loves her, he should trust her, and not doubt her.

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by junyang
    If your friend really loves her, he should trust her, and not doubt her.
    I think if the girl is sensitive to her bf's feeling, she should not keep in contact with her ex so often. On the other hand, the bf should not demand her to totally break off all contact with her ex too, if she has already said they are only frens. Love works when there is give and take from both sides.

  6. #6

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    when my fren ask her:"if i am not with u now, ur ex called u and want to patch with u, will u do tat."

    the girl remained silent
    Canon 10D/550D /Sigma 17-50mm/Sigma 30mm/Canon 50mm/Sigma 85mm

  7. #7
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    Rick Price's song 'HEAVEN KNOWS':

    "MY friends keep telling me, that if you really love her, you gotta set her free. And if she returns in time, I know she's mine."

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by SniperD
    Rick Price's song 'HEAVEN KNOWS':

    "MY friends keep telling me, that if you really love her, you gotta set her free. And if she returns in time, I know she's mine."
    hhaa! good one!

    personally i think still can maintain contact with ex, of course need to moderate the contact la. why die die have to break off all contacts leh ...

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by beivied
    hhaa! good one!

    personally i think still can maintain contact with ex, of course need to moderate the contact la. why die die have to break off all contacts leh ...
    the gal told my fren:"My ex hurt me very much...i am going to forget him."

    now:"can i (maintain as fren)?"

    why the sudden change? and then when my fren ask her why maintain as fren when he hurt her so much she told my fren there are many things my fren dun noe abt....makes my fren unstable
    Canon 10D/550D /Sigma 17-50mm/Sigma 30mm/Canon 50mm/Sigma 85mm

  10. #10

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    well...i have some advice for ur friend...personally.. i went through something like tat...though not totally similiar...well..if ur friend likes her enough.. don't totally restrict her.. then again..dun totally allow her.. wat i'm trying to say is..there must be a balance..if ur friend starts to restrict whoever she meets.. then i can tell u that the relationship will be over very soon.. dun forget..she's just a girlfriend...not a wife..being someone's girlfriend does not restrict her freedom nor choices.. like all human beings.. even here in CS... u may ask why do some ppl, after having the d60..still upgrade to the 10d?? u may think that i cannot compare cameras against humans..but ain't the theory the same.. all humans want the better regardless of sexuality..

    well.. if u retain a person but not her heart..its the same as having a camera without any media cards or film..wats the use?? wats the use of retaining a person..if u really love a person..wouldn't u want the person to be happy.. giving and not receiving is the highest level one can attain in "love"...most of us aren't there yet..we all tend to expect some form of return when we give...

    anyway..i post this question to all guys here.. upon a time when we were after our gf/wives... the amount of effort, attention and heart and soul we put in.. does it increase or decrease after they become our gf/wives??? i once made the mistake of doing so.. anyway..ask ur friend..why does the gf still think of her ex? does ur friend really understand her?? i'm not trying to say that he does not.. but understanding one person goes beyond knowing her fav food, colour, fav song..blah blah...its also abt her inner thoughts..i myself is still trying to do so..

    well..ask ur friend to have a good talk with his gf...there no point guessing and assuming...sit down and work things out.. if one cannot go beyond the topic of daily events, tv shows, movies..blah blah..why should one still be together with his/her partner???

  11. #11

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    Quote Originally Posted by tan131
    well...i have some advice for ur friend...personally.. i went through something like tat...though not totally similiar...well..if ur friend likes her enough.. don't totally restrict her.. then again..dun totally allow her.. wat i'm trying to say is..there must be a balance..if ur friend starts to restrict whoever she meets.. then i can tell u that the relationship will be over very soon.. dun forget..she's just a girlfriend...not a wife..being someone's girlfriend does not restrict her freedom nor choices.. like all human beings.. even here in CS... u may ask why do some ppl, after having the d60..still upgrade to the 10d?? u may think that i cannot compare cameras against humans..but ain't the theory the same.. all humans want the better regardless of sexuality..

    well.. if u retain a person but not her heart..its the same as having a camera without any media cards or film..wats the use?? wats the use of retaining a person..if u really love a person..wouldn't u want the person to be happy.. giving and not receiving is the highest level one can attain in "love"...most of us aren't there yet..we all tend to expect some form of return when we give...

    anyway..i post this question to all guys here.. upon a time when we were after our gf/wives... the amount of effort, attention and heart and soul we put in.. does it increase or decrease after they become our gf/wives??? i once made the mistake of doing so.. anyway..ask ur friend..why does the gf still think of her ex? does ur friend really understand her?? i'm not trying to say that he does not.. but understanding one person goes beyond knowing her fav food, colour, fav song..blah blah...its also abt her inner thoughts..i myself is still trying to do so..

    well..ask ur friend to have a good talk with his gf...there no point guessing and assuming...sit down and work things out.. if one cannot go beyond the topic of daily events, tv shows, movies..blah blah..why should one still be together with his/her partner???
    hi, thanks for sharing ur advice

    my fren did have a few talks with the gal, but besides she saying "i am sorry..i am confused.." and then keeping silent, the reason tat she wanted to keep in contact with her ex is :"we did not end the relationship in a big quarrel, and i dun want to make it ugly"...

    sometimes, IMHO, gals are too soft hearted;when the ex wants to makes a comeback, it's easy ... sad thing
    Canon 10D/550D /Sigma 17-50mm/Sigma 30mm/Canon 50mm/Sigma 85mm

  12. #12
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    Tweakmax: one word of advice for your fren. If he still keeps on pushing her to "forget" the ex.. it will be counterproductive and his actions will drive her further from his side and her to her ex.

    Jealousy is a very powerful emotion and a double edged sword. Use carefully.

    My advice: accept the fact that she hasn't forget the ex but continue to shower her with love and to convince her that he is the one for her. Only with true convinced notion then their relationship can last.

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by SniperD
    Tweakmax: one word of advice for your fren. If he still keeps on pushing her to "forget" the ex.. it will be counterproductive and his actions will drive her further from his side and her to her ex.

    Jealousy is a very powerful emotion and a double edged sword. Use carefully.

    My advice: accept the fact that she hasn't forget the ex but continue to shower her with love and to convince her that he is the one for her. Only with true convinced notion then their relationship can last.

  14. #14

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    Sometimes when you loved someone deep enough, it is hard to forget that person no matter how hard you try. Even if that person hurt you, you will find it easy to forgive him/her.
    I believe your friend's gf has not fallen out of love with her ex. And I think it is unfair of her to treat him this way. If your friend is willing to try this, tell him to stop seeing the gf for a while. He has to explain why he's doing this and tell her she is hurting him. This will give her some time to think over her actions and not be pressured into doing something she's not willing to i.e. stop contacting her ex. And after that short separation, if she still wants to maintain contact with her ex, I'd advise your friend to prepare for the worst.
    Also, I think your friend and his gf have not been together for long and she probably sees more of what she wants in her ex. Both men and women like to compare with what they have. Tell him to do more romantic stuff to win her heart over completely. If this still fails, tell him to cast another line. There's always other fish in the sea.
    Last edited by Newman; 26th November 2003 at 01:52 AM.

  15. #15
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    i am the 'frend"

    if from the beginning she told me that she has no feelings for the ex and she still keep in contact caus they just friends its ok. i understand its impossible to forget.

    BUT that is not the case.even befor we were together ..she said she "want to forget him". so i tried my best to win her heart . seems i did....cause 2-3 weeks befor i poped the question she told me" i realise he never existed in my life" i was so godamnm happy to hear that. i was so happy.....so
    really happy...then after we together for 2 weeks i saw the ring( she kept the ex's ring in her wallet ..i saw when she diggin for coins..)...i asked again whats her stand bout the ex...she said.....sorry blah blah...she "want to forget him". ok. i still believed . but i felt stabbed already. or maybe i really wanted to believe that.all along she said this of her on will...i never pushed..never raised my voice..i jst ask gently......

    then after the ex start calling she tell me she wanted to remain as friends...refer to tewakmax's accurate recount of the story....

    The CRUCIAL thing here is she CHANGE HER MIND...thats the issue...the issue is not bout retaing contact....

    when we suppose to be head over heals over each other 2 months into our relationship she say this....and sorry blah blah.....when i tell her i
    hurt and blah blah..naturally i will be devasted and mybe i did not call her as often ...but i still take her calls and i still make her laugh....but she thinks that i cannot forgive her and that she' sick and tired of my jeaslosy"...and the worst thing is that i told her a million times i forgave her....just bacuse i was so damn hot and good to her and the past few days i told her i need time to get over it she say this....maybe she thinks i dun call her as often or sweettalk as much...but ...can ANYONE stil react to yr gf the sameafter this...? i also human...i cantPRETEND TO BE THE SAME wat...definately i will sound depressed over the phone......morever i can still make her laugh ...but she thinks i still cant 4give her and she's sick of my jealousy.....how unfair and hurt can that get......its so unfair....i did so much...so goddamn blarrdy hurtful....

    i did not show her attitude...i even forgave her...now she showing me attitude when she' the one whs misleaded me and did not keep her promise.....when she's the one who in a way lied and cheated me.....

    now she's giving me the cold shoulder....wat the hell...i feell so used...like a subsitute for her ex.....

    i even compromised. i say she can take his calls just dun go out wif him. i back off a step..she back off a step. she say OK. ...actually when i allowed her to take his calls i feel so blarrdy sad....its the ex after all..not just any other guy friend.....after what has happened ...(from "forget" to "be friends") can anyone still trust her COMPLETELTy?..yet i allowed...i gave in.i took the riak and trust her...now she say she sick of my jealouy...??? i dun understand...i thougt she was the one at fault.?.what did i do..? now i have to pacify her instead..? i confused and super super disappointed she said that.....no words can describe....it terribe...i suppose to be pissed but i m not ...just disapponted..now she's pissed...???i never show her any anger whe i could rightly have...but she show me anger instead...?? whats going on ...whats going on .....wat wat wat wat........

  16. #16

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    Who initiated the breakup between her and her ex?
    And did you two start going steady soon after the breakup? If so, you may be right that she's using you as the substitute. When a person suffers a breakup, there usually is a need to fill that void. Be it getting another partner, drinking, smoking, etc.
    YeoTao, you have to be ready to accept the fact that she's not the one for you. It is better to call it off if nothing improves. Otherwise your relationship won't be a happy nor healthy one. Many if not most of us go through situations like this and we learn to accept things after some time.
    Like the saying goes, 'Time Heals All Wounds'.

  17. #17
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    Remains as friends seems fine but the constant calls are a no-no. It is the other chaps attempt to revive the relationship. Who knows, he regerts it for some reason and she MAY forgive him and forget about you.

    If on a BGR basis she can do this, what more will she not do after settling down ?

    Human relationship may be a complicated thing but sometimes a line has to be drawn, it has to be drawn. Esp after you have spoken to her serveral times on this topic.

    I think she is not worth your true heart and soul. Time to reconsider....

  18. #18
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    advice? don't give any. not because i'm not trying to be helpful - but let others settle their own matters of the heart - when they seek opinions, then we'll give our opinions - because whatever the decision, it has to be made by your friend

  19. #19
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    My advice is, let nature takes it's own course, worrying and trying ways and means to get somebody back or resolve a situation normally only gets no where

    Remaining as friends after a breakup is not something both parties can do without great determination.

    Like SniperD's post mentioned - Rick Price's Heaven Knows, I think quite appropriate for this case, let it be, let it go, nature will kick in.

    Love is blind right now, you will not be able to see things in a clearer way then what we bystanders can or think we see.

    Come on bub, cheer up.

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    Advice.

    Was sought for by the "victim".

    In seeking opinions, the experience and advice from others may provide, to the issue, a different angle or solution that could have been overlooked.

    Yes, I do agree that he will have to make the final decision, no doubt.

    If it turns out to be a happy ending, we could kena "summoned" with red envelopes too. That would be a double gain for him and double whammy for us.

    Quote Originally Posted by sehsuan
    advice? don't give any.....

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