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Thread: Funny truths about life in small small Singapore ....

  1. #1

    Default Funny truths about life in small small Singapore ....


    1.
    Nite - Sleep with air-con; Day - Bathe with heater on
    2. Day - Cannot Wake up; Nite - Cannot Sleep
    3.
    Cigarettes - Convenient to buy; not convenient to smoke
    4.
    Chewing Gum - Can Chew, Cannot buy?? (Restricted to buying)
    5.
    Smell Of rubbish besides letterboxes; Rubbish inside Letterbox
    6.
    Private Cars - Cheaper & Cheaper to Buy, harder & harder to Maintain
    7.
    Education - Teachers teaching Less but expects students to learn More
    8.
    High-tech barbaric singaporeans - know how to use state-of-the art equipment, but dunno how to use a simple dustbin or a toilet
    9. There are quite a number of rich/poor in spore - They have Car,
    Credit Card, CPF .... but no Cash and lots of loans
    10. Translation is needed between Singaporean Chinese and Mainland Chinese
    11.
    Sporean never like to vote, but like to complain
    12.
    Half Sporeans rushed to buy Hello kitty, but the other half busy killing stray cats
    13.
    Public Bus - Half the Crowd squeeze in front section of the Bus, Second section is for Carrying Ghost
    14. MRT Trains - Some young slobs sleep on the seats while the older folks are left standing on their feet.
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  2. #2
    Senior Member
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    Default Re: Funny truths about life in small small Singapore ....

    12 is too much....
    Sony Alpha 700 hobbyist

  3. #3

    Thumbs up Re: Funny truths about life in small small Singapore ....

    15 Singaporeans want quality goods but don't want to pay quality price.
    16 Singaporeans buy electronic stuff like camera but don't bother to read the manual.
    17 Singlish is more popular than english. Usage of lah, lor, ler, hor is almost heard everyday.
    18 MCs are taken most often during sales and during World Cup football matches.
    19 Singaporeans often go to the wrong terminal to take flights out of changi airport.
    20 Interestingly, most singaporeans don't know what is a code-sharing flight where basically there are a few different airlines flying out from the same location at the same time but only using one plane.
    21 Singaporeans love face and are often too afraid to ask questions that they do not know.
    22 Singaporeans can afford to party at Zouk but have no money to pay taxi-fare.
    23 Tourists prefer to take taxis from one terminal to another rather than taking the sky-train / shuttle bus.
    24 The average male performance in bed takes a shorter time as compared to our world counterparts.
    Last edited by Dovedo; 24th February 2009 at 03:32 PM.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Funny truths about life in small small Singapore ....

    22) Singaporeans often travel to the other side of the island for meals and coffee when there's a kopitiam downstairs.

    23) Singaporeans often curse and swear when other cars cut in front of them, but they cut in front of other cars, they say "serves them right".

    24) Singaporeans like to complain about the police, but when a thief is entering their front door, the first number they call is 999.

  5. #5

    Default Re: Funny truths about life in small small Singapore ....

    they're discuss where to get the best chicken rice... when they are eating chicken rice during lunch.
    i don't bite. i shoot.

  6. #6

    Default Re: Funny truths about life in small small Singapore ....

    haha, I second #16 & #24
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  7. #7

    Default 88 ways to know if you are Chinese & Singaporean...

    here's 88 ways to know if you're Chinese.... I'm sure we'd all identify with at least a few of these!


    1. You look like you are 18.
    2. You like to eat chicken feet.
    3. You suck on fish heads and fish fins.
    4. You have a Chinese knick-knack hanging on your rear view mirror.
    5. You sing Karaoke.
    6. Your house is covered in tiles.
    7. Your kitchen is covered by a sticky film of grease.
    8. Your stove is covered in aluminum foil.
    9. You leave the plastic covers on your remote control.
    10. You've never kissed your mom or dad.
    11. You've never hugged your mom or dad.
    12. Your unassisted vision is worse than 20/500.
    13. You wear contacts, to avoid wearing your coke bottle glasses.
    14. You've worn glasses since you were in fifth grade.
    15. Your hair sticks up when you wake up.
    16. You'll haggle over something that is not negotiable.
    17. You love to use coupons.
    18. You drive around looking for the cheapest petrol.
    19. You drive around for hours looking for the best parking space.
    20. You take showers at night.
    21. You avoid non-free snacks in hotel rooms.
    22. You don't mind squeezing 20 people into one motel room.
    23. Most girls have more body hair than you, if you are male.
    24. You tap the table when someone pours tea for you.
    25. You say Aiya! and Wah! frequently.
    26. You don't want to wear your seatbelt because it is uncomfortable.
    27. You love Las Vegas, slot machines, and blackjack.
    28. You unwrap Christmas gifts very carefully, so you can reuse the paper.
    29. You only buy Christmas cards after Christmas, when they are 50% off.
    30. You have a vinyl table cloth on your kitchen table.
    31. You spit bones and other food scraps on the table. (That' s why you need the vinyl tablecloth.)
    32. You have stuff in the freezer since the beginning of time.
    33. You use the dishwasher as a dish rack.
    34. You have never used your dishwasher.
    35. You keep a Thermos of hot water available at all times.
    36. You eat all meals in the kitchen.
    37. You save grocery bags, tin foil, and tin containers.
    38. You have a piano in your living room.
    39. You pick your teeth at the dinner table (but you cover your mouth).
    40. You twirl your pen around your fingers.
    41. You hate to waste food.
    42. You have Tupperware in your fridge with three bites of rice or one leftover chicken wing.
    43. You don't own any real Tupperware only a cupboard full of used but carefully rinsed margarine tubs, take out containers, and jam jars.
    44. You also use the jam jars as drinking glasses.
    45. You have a collection of miniature shampoo bottles that you take every time you stay in a hotel.
    46. You carry a stash of your own food whenever you travel (travel means any car ride longer than 15 minutes). These snacks are always dried and include dried plums, mango, ginger, and squid.
    47. You wash your rice at least 2-3 times before cooking it.
    48. Your dad thinks he can fix everything himself.
    49. The dash board of your Honda is covered by hundreds of small toys.
    50. You don't use measuring cups.
    51. You beat eggs with chopsticks.
    52. You have a teacup with a cover on it.
    53. You always look phone numbers up in the phone book, since calling information costs 50 cents.
    54. You only make long distance calls after 11pm.
    55. If you are male, you clap at something funny and if you are female, you giggle whilst placing a hand over your mouth.
    56. You love Chinese films in their original undubbed versions.
    57. You love Chinese Martial Arts films.
    58. You've learnt some form of martial arts.
    59. Shaolin actually means something to you.
    60. You like congee with thousand year old egg.
    61. You prefer your shrimp with the hands and legs still attached.
    62. You never call your parents just to say hi.
    63. If you don't live at home, when your parents call, they ask if you've eaten, even if it's midnight.
    64. When you're sick, your parents tell you not to eat fried foods or baked foods due to yeet hay.
    65. You know what yeet hay is.
    66. You e-mail your Chinese friends at work, even though you are only 10 feet apart.
    67. You use a face cloth.
    68. You starve yourself before going to all you can eat places.
    69. You know someone who can give you a good deal on jewellery or electronics.
    70. You save your old Coke bottles glasses even though you're never going to use them again.
    71. You own your own meat cleaver and sharpen it.
    72. Your toothpaste tubes are all squeezed paper-thin.
    73. You know what moon cakes are.
    74. When there is a sale on toilet paper, you buy 100 rolls and store them in your closet or in the bedroom of an adult child who as moved out.
    75. Your parents know how to launch nasal projectiles.
    76. You iron your own shirts.
    77. You play a musical instrument.
    78. Even if you're totally full, if someone says they're going to throw away leftovers on the table, you'll finish them.
    79. You've eaten a red bean popsicle.
    80. You bring oranges (or other produce) with you as a gift when you visit people's homes.
    81. You fight over who pays the dinner bill.
    82. You majored in something practical like engineering, medicine or law.
    83. You live with your parents and you are 30 years old (and they prefer it that way). Of if you're married and 30 years old, you live in the apartment next door to your parents, or at least in the same neighborhood.
    84. You don't tip more than 10% at a restaurant, and if you do, you tip Chinese delivery guys/waiters more.
    85. You have acquired a taste for bitter melon.
    86. You eat every last grain of rice in your bowl, but don't eat the last piece of food on the table.
    87. You know why there are 88 reasons.
    88. You see the truth in this and then send it to all your Chinese friends.

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  8. #8
    Senior Member denniskee's Avatar
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    bukit batok
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    Default Re: Funny truths about life in small small Singapore ....

    89, cinemas, office are so cold my friends from europe are complaining.
    photography makes one sees things from all angles.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: 88 ways to know if you are Chinese & Singaporean...

    Quote Originally Posted by petetherock View Post
    here's 88 ways to know if you're Chinese.... I'm sure we'd all identify with at least a few of these!


    1. You look like you are 18.
    2. You like to eat chicken feet.
    3. You suck on fish heads and fish fins.
    4. You have a Chinese knick-knack hanging on your rear view mirror.
    5. You sing Karaoke.
    6. Your house is covered in tiles.
    7. Your kitchen is covered by a sticky film of grease.
    8. Your stove is covered in aluminum foil.
    9. You leave the plastic covers on your remote control.
    10. You've never kissed your mom or dad.
    11. You've never hugged your mom or dad.
    12. Your unassisted vision is worse than 20/500.
    13. You wear contacts, to avoid wearing your coke bottle glasses.
    14. You've worn glasses since you were in fifth grade.
    15. Your hair sticks up when you wake up.
    16. You'll haggle over something that is not negotiable.
    17. You love to use coupons.
    18. You drive around looking for the cheapest petrol.
    19. You drive around for hours looking for the best parking space.
    20. You take showers at night.
    21. You avoid non-free snacks in hotel rooms.
    22. You don't mind squeezing 20 people into one motel room.
    23. Most girls have more body hair than you, if you are male.
    24. You tap the table when someone pours tea for you.
    25. You say Aiya! and Wah! frequently.
    26. You don't want to wear your seatbelt because it is uncomfortable.
    27. You love Las Vegas, slot machines, and blackjack.
    28. You unwrap Christmas gifts very carefully, so you can reuse the paper.
    29. You only buy Christmas cards after Christmas, when they are 50% off.
    30. You have a vinyl table cloth on your kitchen table.
    31. You spit bones and other food scraps on the table. (That' s why you need the vinyl tablecloth.)
    32. You have stuff in the freezer since the beginning of time.
    33. You use the dishwasher as a dish rack.
    34. You have never used your dishwasher.
    35. You keep a Thermos of hot water available at all times.
    36. You eat all meals in the kitchen.
    37. You save grocery bags, tin foil, and tin containers.
    38. You have a piano in your living room.
    39. You pick your teeth at the dinner table (but you cover your mouth).
    40. You twirl your pen around your fingers.
    41. You hate to waste food.
    42. You have Tupperware in your fridge with three bites of rice or one leftover chicken wing.
    43. You don't own any real Tupperware only a cupboard full of used but carefully rinsed margarine tubs, take out containers, and jam jars.
    44. You also use the jam jars as drinking glasses.
    45. You have a collection of miniature shampoo bottles that you take every time you stay in a hotel.
    46. You carry a stash of your own food whenever you travel (travel means any car ride longer than 15 minutes). These snacks are always dried and include dried plums, mango, ginger, and squid.
    47. You wash your rice at least 2-3 times before cooking it.
    48. Your dad thinks he can fix everything himself.
    49. The dash board of your Honda is covered by hundreds of small toys.
    50. You don't use measuring cups.
    51. You beat eggs with chopsticks.
    52. You have a teacup with a cover on it.
    53. You always look phone numbers up in the phone book, since calling information costs 50 cents.
    54. You only make long distance calls after 11pm.
    55. If you are male, you clap at something funny and if you are female, you giggle whilst placing a hand over your mouth.
    56. You love Chinese films in their original undubbed versions.
    57. You love Chinese Martial Arts films.
    58. You've learnt some form of martial arts.
    59. Shaolin actually means something to you.
    60. You like congee with thousand year old egg.
    61. You prefer your shrimp with the hands and legs still attached.
    62. You never call your parents just to say hi.
    63. If you don't live at home, when your parents call, they ask if you've eaten, even if it's midnight.
    64. When you're sick, your parents tell you not to eat fried foods or baked foods due to yeet hay.
    65. You know what yeet hay is.
    66. You e-mail your Chinese friends at work, even though you are only 10 feet apart.
    67. You use a face cloth.
    68. You starve yourself before going to all you can eat places.
    69. You know someone who can give you a good deal on jewellery or electronics.
    70. You save your old Coke bottles glasses even though you're never going to use them again.
    71. You own your own meat cleaver and sharpen it.
    72. Your toothpaste tubes are all squeezed paper-thin.
    73. You know what moon cakes are.
    74. When there is a sale on toilet paper, you buy 100 rolls and store them in your closet or in the bedroom of an adult child who as moved out.
    75. Your parents know how to launch nasal projectiles.
    76. You iron your own shirts.
    77. You play a musical instrument.
    78. Even if you're totally full, if someone says they're going to throw away leftovers on the table, you'll finish them.
    79. You've eaten a red bean popsicle.
    80. You bring oranges (or other produce) with you as a gift when you visit people's homes.
    81. You fight over who pays the dinner bill.
    82. You majored in something practical like engineering, medicine or law.
    83. You live with your parents and you are 30 years old (and they prefer it that way). Of if you're married and 30 years old, you live in the apartment next door to your parents, or at least in the same neighborhood.
    84. You don't tip more than 10% at a restaurant, and if you do, you tip Chinese delivery guys/waiters more.
    85. You have acquired a taste for bitter melon.
    86. You eat every last grain of rice in your bowl, but don't eat the last piece of food on the table.
    87. You know why there are 88 reasons.
    88. You see the truth in this and then send it to all your Chinese friends.
    i think any 2nd generation non chinese here can identify with 80% of the list too. keke..
    sigh.

  10. #10

    Default Re: Funny truths about life in small small Singapore ....

    You forgot the 5Cs!

  11. #11
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    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
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    Default Re: Funny truths about life in small small Singapore ....

    5 Cs?? change liao... changed to 5 Bs liao... hahaha

  12. #12

    Default Re: Funny truths about life in small small Singapore ....

    Quote Originally Posted by Dovedo View Post

    24 The average male performance in bed takes a shorter time as compared to our world counterparts.
    May I know how you compare?

  13. #13

    Default Re: Funny truths about life in small small Singapore ....

    Quote Originally Posted by Jukon View Post
    May I know how you compare?
    Did you just come out from a cave on some remote island?

    There are sex surveys conducted globally by condom companies every year which have been reported by the global media and also by the Singapore media. The results speak for themselves.

    Why? Are you feeling threaten or worried about your manhood?

  14. #14

    Default Re: Funny truths about life in small small Singapore ....

    I only got 10 of those..... then again... I'm eurasian... lol

  15. #15

    Default Re: Funny truths about life in small small Singapore ....

    Quote Originally Posted by Dovedo View Post
    15 Singaporeans want quality goods but don't want to pay quality price.
    16 Singaporeans buy electronic stuff like camera but don't bother to read the manual.
    17 Singlish is more popular than english. Usage of lah, lor, ler, hor is almost heard everyday.
    18 MCs are taken most often during sales and during World Cup football matches.
    19 Singaporeans often go to the wrong terminal to take flights out of changi airport.
    20 Interestingly, most singaporeans don't know what is a code-sharing flight where basically there are a few different airlines flying out from the same location at the same time but only using one plane.
    21 Singaporeans love face and are often too afraid to ask questions that they do not know.
    22 Singaporeans can afford to party at Zouk but have no money to pay taxi-fare.
    23 Tourists prefer to take taxis from one terminal to another rather than taking the sky-train / shuttle bus.
    24 The average male performance in bed takes a shorter time as compared to our world counterparts.
    I don't agree with 19, 20.
    23 does not apply to us, so i think cannot be in the list.
    24 does not apply to every single male singaporean. some perform better than others.

  16. #16
    Member
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    Location
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    Posts
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    Default Re: Funny truths about life in small small Singapore ....

    Quote Originally Posted by loserow View Post
    22) Singaporeans often travel to the other side of the island for meals and coffee when there's a kopitiam downstairs.

    23) Singaporeans often curse and swear when other cars cut in front of them, but they cut in front of other cars, they say "serves them right".

    24) Singaporeans like to complain about the police, but when a thief is entering their front door, the first number they call is 999.
    25) Singaporeans always complains that there are not enough jobs for them, but a lot of companies have difficulties in recruiting locals.

    26) Singaporeans always complains that they are too many foreigners here, but they themself unwilling to do what those foreigners do.
    Achetez ce que vous souhaitez, pas ce que vous voulez...

  17. #17

    Default Re: Funny truths about life in small small Singapore ....

    Quote Originally Posted by daanis View Post
    I don't agree with 19, 20.
    23 does not apply to us, so i think cannot be in the list..
    19 and 20 is true because people don't bother to read their tickets. They have this mindset that just because they bought their tickets for planes for an SQ flight, they will take an SQ plane. There is this thing called code-sharing which explains why people tend to be late for their flights and which in turn causes flights to be delayed taking off. Asians do have this mindset of taking things easy as compared to our UK and US passengers.

    23 is you never read the title properly which is ----> (Funny truths about life in small small Singapore) and not just funny truths about Singaporeans althought Singaporeans was mostly mentioned.

    Not withstanding that, both Singaporeans and tourists also do take taxis from one terminal to another if they cannot afford to wait for the shuttle bus especially during shutdown of skytrain between 0230 AM to 0530 AM and between budget terminals and the main airport terminals. It is more time efficient to take a taxi to terminal 3. A transfer between terminal 3 and budget terminal can take about 45 mins to an hour and 15 mins during off peak hours. If you were in a rush, would you want to wait?

    Quote Originally Posted by daanis View Post
    24 does not apply to every single male singaporean. some perform better than others.
    That is why there is this word called AVERAGE in my post in case you never read properly.

  18. #18

    Default Re: Funny truths about life in small small Singapore ....

    Quote Originally Posted by Dovedo View Post
    Did you just come out from a cave on some remote island?

    There are sex surveys conducted globally by condom companies every year which have been reported by the global media and also by the Singapore media. The results speak for themselves.

    Why? Are you feeling threaten or worried about your manhood?
    How true are the surveys? The media work for the companies that pay them.
    I am very confident of my manhood so I never compare.

    True Man

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