15th August 2008, 02:22 PM
10 types of women (according to men)
THE 10 TYPES OF WOMEN (according to men)
1 Search and Destroy
The female version of the male player. Classy, yet unapologetically sexually liberated, they attract looks of hate from other women.
They ooze confidence, are independent and unaffected.
Sultry and dressed to kill, they seductively eye up their prey across the room.
These cover girls move from man to man. Apathetic and icy, they leave many casualties.
2 Load and Lock Up
Unsuspecting, the bloke feels lucky in love to have secured a really cool and hot chick. She applies adequate pressure for the bloke to commit and inevitably the rules change.
Ball and chain attached, he can forget life as he once knew it. Without copping grief he won’t ever play golf, attend smoky card nights or go out drinking with his mates.
When arriving home at 4am intoxicated, he’ll be locked out of the house and yelled at: “You could have at least called!”
3 The Gold Digger
In search of an easy ride, these girls forgo love for money.
The bloke pays for everything and then some. A la carte dining, Moet, her credit card debts, big-ticket gift items, first-class travel and an apartment with skyline views.
She spends her time doing lunch and lattes and always looks amazing, darling. That costs a fortune too!
There’s never enough, so when mixing in the right circles, she’s always on the lookout for a pay rise.
4 Bay 13 Girls
Tomboys who booze and smoke way too much. They need their mouths washed out with soap.
Untidy, they slur as they as they pointedly lecture their prey, confusing grandstanding with flirtation.
They haven’t outgrown childhood arm punches as a display of affection.
These ladettes watch more sport than their male counterparts and dream of scoring the likes of Nathan Buckley or Shane Warne.
The only reason men want to see these girls drunk is because it’s easier to get them into bed.
5 Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time
Guys are prepared to sleep with these girls, but not talk to them. These girls hang around bars and nightclubs until stumps. By the early hours and in dimmed lights, they start to look better and better.
Blokes’ standards slip further as time passes and they drink more.
After waking up, beer goggles off and deciding against chewing their arm off, the bloke calls the girl a cab.
He asks himself: “What was I thinking? Did I close my eyes and think of Jennifer Hawkins?”
6 The Turbo Dater
These women are unable to go with the flow and let a relationship progress naturally.
Having spent time focusing on their career or overseas travels, they are usually in their 30s or early 40s and worried their ship has sailed.
They are looking to settle down and have a baby, fast.
Worried their biological clock is ticking, they want too much too soon.
They have no time to waste on a relationship that isn’t going anywhere.
Consequently, the relationship is treated more like a business transaction than a love story.
The bloke tends to run for the hills.
7 The Bunny Boiler
Initial symptoms of the Bunny Boiler include distrust, making sweeping accusations and behaving neurotically.
The Boiler snoops through the boyfriend’s drawers, read his emails and text messages, listens to his voicemail and obsesses over pictures of former girlfriends.
She always asks their boyfriend, “Do you love me?” and “What are you thinking?”
Once her insecurities and low self-esteem get the better of her, she starts stalking the bloke.
She secretly follows him around, checking up on him, and becomes vindictive and spiteful if she unearths anything she doesn’t deem appropriate.
8 Lights On, But No One’s Home
These women have hot bods and model looks.
A bloke can’t believe his luck when he manages to pick one up and becomes the envy of all his mates.
Midway through the first date reality kicks in – she’s not the sharpest tool in the shed.
He’s happy for casual sex and to show her off at the pub, but he won’t be taking her home to meet mum.
He’s seduced in the short term, but the novelty soon wears off.
9 The Baggage Handlers
Scarred lovers who have dated a bunch of duds and can’t pull their self-esteem together when they finally meet Mr Wonderful.
The potential boyfriend always walks on egg shells.
This type asks a bloke to tell her the truth in order for her to trust him, then freaks out when he tells her something honestly.
She ensures the past is unnecessarily destructive for the future of the relationship.
As a result of attachment issues with her father, she says, “You’re just going to love me and leave me”.
“All guys are *******s” and “I’m just not sure if you’re the one”.
10 The Divorcee
Been there and done that with nothing to lose.
The divorcees fall into three sub-categories:
A: Not afraid to go after what they want. They are way ahead of the game and romance is secondary.
B: On the rebound. Watch out, you could be next.
C: Ready-made family. Forget about being asked in for coffee. There’s a babysitter and kids inside. Compensation is a sexual favour in the car.
15th August 2008, 04:41 PM