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Thread: Marriage in Singapore

  1. #61
    Senior Member sammy888's Avatar
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    Default Re: Marriage in Singapore

    Quote Originally Posted by Canonised View Post
    I think many young ppl view the concept of marriage like having an expensive holiday. Actually marriage is like taking a journey that will last a lifetime. It is a mutual commitment and actually involved not only the couples, but including both the in-laws.

    Generally, any parents would usually want to have a daughter-in-law and looking forward for grandkids and IMO usually they are more than happy to help foot some bills, or in many cases, classify it as loan. Of course there are also ppl who do not have such understanding parents, but in a "healthy" relationship family will usually help each other.

    For the 20's or early 30's couples, incomes are usually not so high but with hardwork, good luck, thrifty and good planning, after 5 to 10 years after marriage, new family shouldn't be that difficult to survive.

    As for the couples, both parties must be matured to have a realistic living std and expectations. It is incredible to see many Malay couples with small incomes and having many kids, seemingly happy and close, and having a good time camping or enjoying themselves at the beaches every fri, sat and sun.
    Isn't this is so much more meaningful and fun than to spend every Sat and Sun in a shopping mall, food court, etc?

    The secret to happiness is actually very simple - simple expectation! There is no need for fanciful wedding, fanciful gown, rings, hotel, etc... Just spend what is necessary, and within your means.

    Frankly, it is really not that difficult to maintain a simple lifestyle and having a happy family with kids! But of course you must get the right partner first ...
    Right on man...

  2. #62

    Default Re: Marriage in Singapore

    Quote Originally Posted by sammy888 View Post
    Right on man...
    Frankly, most couples with a successful marriage (which is still the majority) would surely understood what i have written, and they must surely have gone thru the same experiences. Both couples must contribute (financially, time, sacrifices, love, etc) to make any marriages successful.

    Also ask yourself this: in 25 years time, will you want to help your son to start a family?

    Money is never the issue, and should not be the issue to a good marriage, if you are matured and committed, and have a direction in life, and have a good and understanding relationship with the in-laws ...... believe me!
    Last edited by Canonised; 16th July 2008 at 10:09 PM.
    always the Light, .... always.

  3. #63
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    Default Re: Marriage in Singapore

    its all about managing expectations of yourself, your partners, your in-laws and being honest about your self.

    Those that pretend to be more successful than they are actually are the ones that will fail.

    Set realistic expectations and things will fall in place.
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  4. #64

    Default Re: Marriage in Singapore

    Quote Originally Posted by razor View Post
    its all about managing expectations of yourself, your partners, your in-laws and being honest about your self.

    Those that pretend to be more successful than they are actually are the ones that will fail.

    Set realistic expectations and things will fall in place.
    Totally agree with Razor

  5. #65

    Default Re: Marriage in Singapore

    Quote Originally Posted by blurrblurr View Post
    kcuf, You are wrong

    Money = Love + Marriage
    No money = No Love + No Marriage

    Your equation works only if the girl is very realistic type. Who see only money, who wants only luxury living. Once no money she runs.

    Marriage = love+no money
    Wedding = high loans

    Marriage is always not equal to divouce eventually.

    Wedding needs money but marriage do not need money.



    Breakdown for 2k household for 2 person per month - breakdown from a friend.
    $300 for transport
    $300 for bills
    $400 for both parents
    $500 for simple home cook meal
    $500 left for saving or for rainy days.

    $2k in total

    Unless you rent a house else you use only your CPF to pay your housing.

    Now they had a kid. So the wife had to go out to work part time getting home another 1K+ for the baby milk powder
    u missed out one item > Photography Expenses

  6. #66
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    Default Re: Marriage in Singapore

    Quote Originally Posted by AhSeng View Post
    Please also remember this, "Do it once, do it well". You don't want your life partner to be grumbling about the same thing all your life

    best advice ever.
    chezburgr i can haz?

  7. #67
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    Default Re: Marriage in Singapore

    Quote Originally Posted by AhSeng View Post
    The 8K ring is already on a discounted price la. I've sourced for a stone oversea and ship it back here to have it set into the ring. A similar grade & cutting stone from Lee Hwa will set me back at least 20K. I'm the kind of person that does thorough research before buying stuff. The stone can be return anytime and 75% of its price can be gotten back. Local diamond store won't buy back the stone u bought from them. Furthermore, a small stone really has no value as it's too common. When you want to sell it, cannot get anything back as well.
    eh.. share! where to source these stones?
    chezburgr i can haz?

  8. #68

    Default Re: Marriage in Singapore

    I would think that there are quite a few families out there who have with 3-4 kids, a car, comfortable HDB dwelling and parents still seeing of some, if not all, of their kids up to university studies.. and all this with less than 4k total household income..

    actually, quite a few of my friends grew up in such families, with no dire financial difficulties.. i would say its all about proper financial planning..

    i know its not a matter of if you really want it, you will surely get it.. but with careful spending habits coupled with realistic aspirations, i don't think it's as bad as some makes it out to be..

    but of course, if what someone wants is a bit better life for themselves (living in a private estate, driving a nice car, more money to spend on expensive hobbies-yes i'm talking about the photographers here - etc. ) , then maybe going for a high paying job would be of higher priority..

  9. #69

    Default Re: Marriage in Singapore

    Different people , different expectation. It is how we manage our expectation.

    I have to feel that if there is a major "cost" to marriage, then it is the housing and the babies.

    However, I have to agree many Singaporean couples are putting off marriage or kids due to high cost of living in Singapore. Raising a kids can be very expensive in this city island for many parents.

    But, in a marriage , there are more than this cost "$". Cost is just a part of the equation, not the whole. We have to guage what is our individual values towards marriage.

  10. #70
    Member sunboi80's Avatar
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    Default Re: Marriage in Singapore

    expenses of 1.5k a mth?? wow
    my daily expenses is only aby $500-600 inclusive of transport, lunch, sometimes go out with friends etc...
    ;) L-plate Photog: I come, I see, I shoot

  11. #71
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    Default Re: Marriage in Singapore

    Quote Originally Posted by sunboi80 View Post
    expenses of 1.5k a mth?? wow
    my daily expenses is only aby $500-600 inclusive of transport, lunch, sometimes go out with friends etc...
    Wow You spend $500-600 per day? Your monthly expenses would be almost $15k to $18k!
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  12. #72

    Default Re: Marriage in Singapore

    Quote Originally Posted by psychobiologist View Post
    eh.. share! where to source these stones?
    www.goodoldgold.com

  13. #73

    Default Re: Marriage in Singapore

    Quote Originally Posted by Exposure View Post
    u missed out one item > Photography Expenses
    there isnt
    cos is free from CS

  14. #74
    Senior Member jOhO's Avatar
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    Default Re: Marriage in Singapore

    Quote Originally Posted by kcuf2 View Post
    Maybe my definition of marriage in the title is too vague, sorry about that.

    Perhaps i should state that my definition of the word "marriage":
    Marriage equals settling down and starting a family and not just the $20 ROM fee.

    I linked up love/marriage with money is because:
    a) of this thread http://www.clubsnap.com/forums/showthread.php?t=394239

    b) and because of these recent news article http://justwoman.asiaone.com/Just%2B...715-76796.html

    c) and because my peers around me are at the marrying age, and they are very excited and looking forward to getting married which i dun understand why. My peers are typical singaporeans earning <$3k/month

    d) and because of these, I did the calculations and I really couldn't understand why do people wanna get married when their financials is not there yet (that is why i brought out one example of my friend)

    Point to note is that, i am not against anyone who is getting married/getting married early. The thing is I could forsee all the financial problems that are bound to happen in the future, isn't taking such a decision to marry when the financials is not there yet too risky?

    And dear jOhO, i totally agree with you that
    "everyone has commitments, if it's not a spouse/kid(s), it could be a (sick) parent, or a relative or a dog even... single or married we need a house/home (another commitment) too?" These are items that i did not take into account in the calculations..

    Your statement further cement the arguement for our environment being too negative for marriage... I still dun understand why people are happy/looking forward to marriage, and ppl are rushing for it...
    Well perhaps our thoughts don't align fully not only because we are different individuals, but another point which i am sure (i assume) we differ greatly, i spent 10 odd years living overseas while studying, AND staying with my gf.

    As a poor student, we managed to live together, rent our place together, send her to school, take her home, had a joint bank account, blah blah the rest of it as if we were married, but of course no kids.

    Yes given that the context of your thread here is a local singaporean one, but i still wonder what difference would it make that i lived alone, or with her? I still had to pay the same rent, and i wouldn't have had a bigger bed becos even when i am/was single i also sleep on a queen size bed....

    here in sg, i live alone still. i rent a condo and still sleep on a queen sized bed. if i meet someone and marry her (or if she moved in) i would still spend the large sum of money every month to support my lifestyle as if i was single.

    of course, kids are a different matter. i'm just talking about single vs married. kids no matter how u look at it, surely costs more. of course we're not talking about the "emotional gains" here and so i won't go off topic there.

    so back to my point, single or married, i'm sure i'll be spending the same amts every month..... i see absolutely no marked difference.. if anything, we can pool our resources, one big factor for me is rent, so if i meet a girl who is also renting, wow, we save one month rent just by living together!

    of course, most unmarried singaporeans live with parents, but just an example, at least one that's close to me.

    on a last point, even if it REALLY DOES work out that marrying early without "proper" financial backing is detrimental, perhaps the emotional aspect will more than make up for it. u cannot deny that emotion is a very important factor when pple decide to marry (i sure bloody hope so anyway!).

    i really do think that being a couple is not a big deal (i/we aren't really talking about throwing a wedding - that's quite costly), perhaps (as in the article you linked) starting a family with kids, yes u will have to make sure u can support financially if not all suffer. do remember that my point was about marriage part, as a couple without kids. they can start earning more while being married before having kids, but i dun see why u need more money to BE married itself.

  15. #75
    Senior Member jOhO's Avatar
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    Default Re: Marriage in Singapore

    Quote Originally Posted by chongkm View Post
    Idealists will die in SG...

    The situation in SG right now is pretty daunting for new couples now due to wages being stagnant for a long time, inflation and housing costs... so it never hurts to over-analyze or overestimate your finances, 'coz the risk of not doing so will simply land you in a financial mess.

    Personally, I am just looking forward to migrating... SG is not a country you can retire easily, sigh...
    i'm sure melvin's comment was slightly tongue in cheek and being mischeivous, nevertheless:

    my previous reply to kcuf2 mentions that i see no marked difference between a single person's expenditure vs a couple's (combined average) expenditure. do take note that i'm talking about the couple only, without kids.

    of course if one party has tonnes of debt etc etc and the burden is transferred over to the other party then it is a different story.

    i agree that it won't hurt to analyse and over estimate finances (some pple have different levels of "anality") but my point is that u have to do it whether u are single or married.

    it comes to mind that with 2 pple instead of one, if one gets retrenched or jobless or the like, the other will have to bear the burden. perhaps melvin's statement isn't so untrue after all.

    imagine u were the party that got let off, but u have a loving wife who will see u thru till u get back on ur feet. i guess it's kinda hard to put away the emotional/psychological attachment and "gain" when we talk about being a couple huh?

  16. #76
    Senior Member jOhO's Avatar
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    Default Re: Marriage in Singapore

    Quote Originally Posted by dkw View Post
    Why do people think marriage makes you poorer, when so many studies show that married couples do better? Are you more likely to be able to afford a car by yourself or share one with a partner? Can you rent better with 2 incomes if you wish to move out of your parents'? Utility and other bills (Cable TV, groceries) are far lighter when shared.

    You can't afford to get married? I'd say you can't afford NOT to get married! Get Married, Get Wealthy!
    a little daring, but... nice one!! i love the positivity in your short and sharp statement!

  17. #77
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    Default Re: Marriage in Singapore

    Quote Originally Posted by AhSeng View Post
    Hey I also got my ring from them. The boss is call jonathan.

  18. #78
    Senior Member jOhO's Avatar
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    Default Re: Marriage in Singapore

    Quote Originally Posted by chongkm View Post
    The baby bonus thing is a scam la. $3k to bluff you into making a baby that will cost you 1000 times more to bring up, and subsequently grow up and contribute to the CPF blackhole and Ministers' pay only... Ooops... :X

    If really got marriage bonus then you will only seem more marriage scams... applicable for a 60yr old?
    well i'd like to be a bit more positive to say that this bonus helps pple who ALREADY intend to have kids....

    anyone who has kids JUST BECAUSE of this fact is RETARDED....

  19. #79
    Senior Member jOhO's Avatar
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    Default Re: Marriage in Singapore

    Quote Originally Posted by Garion View Post
    Well better that than more divorces, right?

    In Sg, money is always a crucial factor in marriages, like it or not, you can never ever avoid this issue. Especially when kid(s) come into the picture.
    i ONLY agree with your last sentence.

  20. #80
    Senior Member jOhO's Avatar
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    Default Re: Marriage in Singapore

    Quote Originally Posted by aeskywan View Post
    I beg to differ... I think marriage is to be thought about hard.... Don't one notice how many a lower income family marry young, give birth to tons of kids and the cycle carries on to the next generation. They are forever poor and most likely to remain at the bottom of the social ladder. Ask them why marry and have so many kids when they cannot afford it, same reason. Part of life is to marry and give birth.

    I would say be responsible to yourself and your family. Only marry if you can afford to do so and don't marry for the sake of society pressure. End of the day you suffer yourself when you cannot afford to pay your bills. On the contrary, many a thing can go wrong. Your wife loses her job due to having a kid, your wife have to stay home to look after kid cos you both cannot afford a maid due to your low income, you get retrenched and find out your savings are not enough now that you have so many mouths to feed.

    Just to name a few of the problems that can happen. I would say marriage is a beautiful thing but please think hard and carefully before jumping in.
    well i don't see how blurrblurr has not done all things that you have stated in your post for his own marriage....?

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