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Thread: His last post as an NSF

  1. #1
    Senior Member josho's Avatar
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    Default His last post as an NSF

    Saw on HWZ forum and linked to his blog.

    His writing totally made me feel so touched.... Sighs..
    Therefore I wanted to share with you all....

    http://sometimesifart.blogspot.com/2...st-as-nsf.html

    Thursday, January 17, 2008
    My Last Post as an NSF...


    It's 3 45am. I can't sleep. it's 18 Jan 2008. Look up at the top of the page.
    Joy to the world.
    I'm going to ORD. ROD to be exact.

    Anyway, the past few days there had been many flashbacks of my NS days.

    On the fine Jaunary morning of 2006,
    the 20th 10am,
    the Sun was shining, but it never was this gloomy.
    I had my farewell dinner with my friends,
    the previous night before.
    Didn't know what was coming,
    wasn't really prepared.
    Took my bag and swing it behind my back.
    At pasir ris interchange boarding the bus,
    straight towards Tekong Ferry Terminal.
    With my good friends, no family nobody else.
    I sighed.

    Bloody Pengiun Express,
    took forever to reach the Island.
    I was separated from my friends,
    ushered into the back of the hall.
    Told to scream and shout like a man,
    to assure the parents (audience) i'm a grown man.
    But my heart felt otherwise.
    Entering the theater, i wasn't allowed,
    to smile and to wave.
    The solemn expressions of my coursemates however,
    was hilarious.
    We clapped at the appointed time, we took the oath.
    Now we are bind to the country and land,
    with our lives.
    I wondered.

    Loyalty to country was the first on the core values,
    care for soldiers the last.
    Oh how realistic, and the irony that it is even there.
    I had a good lunch with my friends for the last time,
    waved, smiled and goodbyed them.
    They left, walking towards the terminal.
    My heart yearns to follow them,
    but the sgt pulled and restrain me.
    And gave a good whack on our heads.
    I teared.

    Panic came next,
    we were all rushed to collect,
    our bloody boots, bags and various items.
    It was chaotic, incredible scary,
    but strangely fun.
    Never in my life,
    i heard so many vulgar words,
    yelled in a single sentence.
    (Self-censor the following please)
    Chee bye, chao recruit,
    **** your mother good bye,
    I sighed again.

    In the bunk I was waiting.
    looking at my new found room mates.
    staring , unbelievably.
    Why a 40year-old man was sitting across,
    only to find out he was my age.
    I stared.

    Down we went to shave our heads,
    as the hair lands on the ground,
    so did our spirit.
    On the hair-missing head,
    i rubbed.

    Ordered to keep our home clothes,
    put on the grey shirt,
    black shorts,
    Wondering if i'm in jail.
    Or hell.
    Only to realise, it's both.
    I prayed.

    Fang Quan the smart, Hafiz the buddy
    Qing Long the dragon, Andrew the fit,
    Kahlid the silent, Jia Jun the handsome,
    Alan the fat, Loysius the sad-case,
    Ron the monkey, manyiu fellow prayer.
    I smiled.

    Swinging our arms,
    never coordinating,
    we were screwed over and over.
    Down to the cookhouse,
    into the medical centre,
    towards the various places,
    I marched.

    Betrayed by another guy,
    the sgt questioned him why he laughed,
    he pointed at me,
    saying i made a joke.
    Gary the sgt asked me to repeat,
    or I had to suffer the consquences.
    He made me sing.
    I sang.

    Life was hell much easier,
    after I won him over,
    with phantom of the Opera.
    Never knew choir was of use.
    I grinned.

    "Who am I?"
    Sgt Gary shouted.
    "YOU ARE SGT, SGT"I replied.
    "Who are you?"
    "I am Chao Recruit!"
    He smiled.
    I pumped.

    Cleaning the Rifle,
    Going for Route March,
    Into the Outfields,
    Setting up my bloody Bahsha,
    wondering if my sgt will steal my gun,
    and if i should ever run.
    Into the gym, onto the track,
    I ran.

    Camo ourselves,
    prepare for war,
    go touch that tree.
    wanted to call,
    but no battery.
    eating junk food,
    getting fat,
    sweeping, cleaning never ends.
    I yawned.

    Something i must share,
    Alan stinks.Real bad,
    9 metres his aura,
    everyone choked.
    We saw him showered only twice,
    in the whole BMT course.
    First thing i did when i book out,
    purchased medical oil.
    Whenever I saw him.
    I applied.

    Before I got my Alvl results,
    I fell into depression.
    If I were to fail my exams,
    at least let me die outside,
    with dignity.
    I didn't.

    Posted out of BMT,
    we threw our sgts into the air,
    and the bloody PC,
    was way too heavy.
    Sgt Gary was thrown on to the ground,
    he landed with a THUD.
    Knock it down he said,
    may it be the last.
    I pushed.

    Failed my MDC audition,
    i was lost, didn't know what to do,
    I thought I did very well,
    but was posted to SAFAC,
    as a storeman,
    to guard Ammunition.
    Looking at my eczema,
    i knew i was in trouble.
    I knew.

    On the 2nd day of course,
    i went to report sick with my fellow,
    eczemarians, Alvin and loyisus.
    the doctor looked at them,
    told me to go back,
    "not serious enough"
    I pouted.

    finish the course,
    mostly by cheating.
    They were openly helping us,
    because nobody really needs to know,
    Ammo to keep them.
    I was posted to Glouchester camp with Brendan.
    First saw Julian, Lingo and Cheng.
    Alex, Alvin and Eric
    Louis and Shiqiang.
    I laughed.

    Opening up the office,
    doing duty, cleaning cups,
    filing, typing and stoning.
    The fun never ends.
    It was heaven,
    when there were so many breaks,
    long hours of lunch.
    I really had fun.
    But my skin was sensitive to the,
    incredible amount of dust.
    Neither did Julian's hands,
    his mum gave me a bottle of lotion.
    i was touched.
    My skin grew worse and so did my eyes,
    they were red and in pain all the time,
    i reported sick until people told me,
    my officers were angry.
    Maj Adrian especially,
    did not let me have my day-off,
    when i did all my duties and was entitled.
    I was afraid, thus i reduced the number of reporting sick.
    I requested for post-out many times,
    the officers knew.
    they send me Victor, claiming that he was my understudy,
    but in the end, he knew more than me.
    I couldnt take the stress,
    the pain was overwhelming.
    i went to National Eye Centre,
    and the doctors told me i had glaucoma.
    I guess that was the steriod eye drops,
    given to cope with the dust in the office,
    mind you, it's hell lot of dust in the office.
    Stepping in and out of the room even made a difference.
    The Branch was moving, so off with the documents
    We spoilt 3 shredding machines,
    trying to clear the office.
    Dust was everywhere, and everybody knew.
    But no, i was not excused.
    I whined.

    Sent for counselling,
    Mr Keith was my consellor.
    He made me laugh, joked around with me,
    and told me to go back work.
    after all, what's the point?
    We cant win the system.
    If you have a penis, you serve.
    I told him my deepest secret,
    trusting him completely.
    that my family was bankrupt,
    my father in debt and about loan sharks,
    about my teacher threatening in school,
    about my friends betraying me,
    about my hopes and dreams, ambitions
    and everything
    He nodded, listened.
    I trusted.

    In December, I woke up.
    Blind. Couldnt see clearly at all,
    i went to my eye doctor.
    He panicked, telling me that my eye pressure
    was dangerously high.
    Every hour was significant.
    He wrote a letter to the office,
    asking them to excuse me from work.
    It's an emergency case,
    I was so scared. I told Mr Keith.
    He quitted the very same day,
    made me sign papers to stop counselling,
    telling me he will contact me to help me with it,
    but i never heard him ever again.
    I crumbled.

    on Valentine's day,
    I was lying on the operation table.
    In physcial pain you can't imagine.
    Wondering what I did wrong,
    how it happened.
    The doctors tried to save the better eye,
    and move on to the 2nd eye 3 weeks later.
    It was excruitating, to be awake,
    knowing ur eyeballs are being poked.
    Not brave enough to scream,
    too scared to jerk and fighting all ur natural instinct,
    And in all these pain i could only manage,
    I gasped.

    I went back to work in May.
    But I kept bumping, falling down.
    Tripping on everything,
    bleeding and cutting myself,
    the laughters of others,
    the stares of strangers,
    the pain of my heart and body,
    i had enough.
    I question my doctor,
    and he told me the truth.
    That I will be forever,
    visually handicapped.
    my world collapsed.
    I cried.

    At night, i wake my hand violently,
    in front of my face,
    hoping to see something
    hoping the image will form
    it never did and never will,
    i was afraid of my eye pressure increasing,
    i crawled to the toilet, afraid to fall down,
    couldn't see.
    couldn't tell my parents i was afraid,
    couldn't believe this was happening.
    Loyalty to country,
    the price is too high.
    I despaired.

    I was sent to the IMH,
    i couldnt control my tears.
    Why was this happening?
    Where did it go wrong?
    What did I do?
    why me?
    Questions that didn't matter,
    answers that never answered them.
    I am alone, always will be.
    It's one thing to lose ur sight at birth,
    another in childhoold,
    the worst just before stepping into adulthood.
    Whatever's gonna happen to my family now?
    Who will support them?
    Am I to sell Tissue? Beg?
    Let's be realistic.
    Who will employ me?
    What about my future?
    My dreams, my hopes, my ambition.
    Who will love me?
    I weeped.
    Last edited by josho; 13th March 2008 at 05:00 PM.

  2. #2
    Senior Member josho's Avatar
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    Default Re: His last post as an NSF

    i was in SAVH,
    Singapore Association for the visually handicapped.
    the white cane pressed into my hands,
    it's a slash in my heart.
    Knowing that the jeffrey in my memories,
    the one who loved his choir,
    the one who really want to write a book
    the one who loves to draw, sketched peiying's portrait,
    the one who was MJ's first soloist, Mj's first gold
    the one who had great times with his friends,
    the one who was in chinese orchestra playing YangQin,
    the one who wanted to read fantasy books of Mercedes Lackey,
    the one who had a black belt in karate
    the one whom a girl had written a special note to,
    the one who made it into industrial design, 30 ppl out of 500
    the one who had crushes in school but never had the courage,
    the one who wanted to be a broadway singer,
    the one who wants to repay his parents, make them happy,
    the one who sacrificed all he was worth for his choir,
    the one who didn't let anyone else know.
    the one who was bullied in school.
    the one who believed in life
    I died.

    In spite of everything,
    I knew what I had to do.
    I must get what belongs to me,
    I cannot stop because of this handicap.
    when i fall down, I have to eventually get up.
    Lying down there, it's not going to help my suitation.
    I need help in my future life,
    and since SAF owes me,
    i shall make an injury report,
    Of course, my officers didn't want me to,
    for fear of trouble,
    but it is a fact they neglected me,
    the MO filing my specialists letters and ask me to go back,
    Did I not ask for a post-out? There were 3
    Did I not tell them that I am very sensitive to dust? I did.
    Be it let it be known to the Media, on the newspaper.
    Bringing it to the Court.
    I shall be compensated.
    To the people who caused it.
    I hated.

    I celebrated my 21st birthday,
    with the real reason as to see my friends once more.
    I don't know when my sight will finally give in,
    with my 15% of vision field left,
    I invited all I could.
    I was really touched when 50 of my friends sang me
    "Happy Birthday to you.
    happy birthday to you.
    Happy birthday to jeffrey,
    happy birthday to you."
    It meant alot to me.
    21st birthday.
    huh, i'm really getting old.
    thank you my friends,
    for letting me see you once more.
    I smile and cried.

    Now, with the last hour before I go and collect my IC.
    I am ending my National Service life with this long post.
    No more free medical service,
    no more shelter, no more pretense.
    I am thrown out in the real world now.
    How I am to survive in the challenging world.
    The report will take months, even years.
    I shall do what's necessary.
    But what lies ahead, nobody knows.
    I have to be ready.
    Looking back at my 21 years,
    I grew.






    I sighed.
    I wondered.
    I teared.
    I sighed again.
    I stared.
    I rubbed.
    I smiled.
    I marched.
    I sang.
    I grinned.
    I pumped.
    I ran.
    I yawned.
    I applied.
    I didn't.
    I pushed.
    I knew.
    I pouted.
    I laughed.
    I whined
    I ;aughed.
    I crumbled.
    I gasped.
    I cried.
    I despaired.
    I weeped.
    I died.
    I hated.
    I smiled and cried.
    I grew.

    Have you?

  3. #3
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    Default Re: His last post as an NSF

    Poignant post. Absolutely love it!

  4. #4
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    Default Re: His last post as an NSF

    a wall of text. i cant stand it.

  5. #5

    Default Re: His last post as an NSF

    did he get compensation then? i mean i know no one wanted it to happen but after since such tradegy had happened i hope media could do something for him about the stupidity and loopholes of the whole national service issue.

    i don't know if anyone feel the same way as i do but two years is pretty long for you to break about from the study life and lose any interest or lose touch with any skills u may have gotten in polytechnic even.

    why not be like taiwan. one year two months is enough and there's no such thing as reservist. they are also like us don't they? a small country against many big nations.
    Last edited by boresome; 14th March 2008 at 12:06 AM.

  6. #6

    Default Re: His last post as an NSF

    gosh.... if this is real......
    he should take action against his officers..
    well.. he cant sue SAF per se.. but I am sure the MOs, the officers who were there.. need to be held accountable........

    this is not an accident etc.. its basically negligence by the people in the system.
    I am sure all who served the NS knows wat its like inside..

  7. #7
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    Default Re: His last post as an NSF

    people serving their time governed by people serving their time. people who want to get out with minimal fuss managed by people who want to get out with minimal fuss.

    welcome to the life of an NSF. pity about the guy, it's quite a tragedy. unfortunately it always needs a tragedy to change the system.

    i experienced something like this myself too. i had a very bad sprained ankle and couldn't walk for 3 days. went to see the MO he just looked and said "sprained ankle. attend B" so i carried 20kg jerry cans while hobbling. 2 weeks later still swollen. went to see a specialist and she said my tendon was displaced in my ankle and i had to go for physiotherapy, and i should get an incident report.

    sergeant said ask PC, PC said don't waste his time he meeting his gf later. so no incident report.

    went to sispec, had to go for physio. PS said, "you go for any more physio sessions we have to fail you." so no more physio. 3 years later, tendon is still displaced, ankle gets swollen after walking more than 2 hours, and it aches in cold weather. not fun when i'm in NY now where the temperature hovers around 0 degrees everyday.

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  8. #8
    Senior Member josho's Avatar
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    Default Re: His last post as an NSF

    Wa.. antacid. I kinda same as you but not as bad. During my time in 6SIR BMT, i sprained my bloody ankle while jumping off from the ramp (last item for SOC), I had landed my ankle inwards! It is due to attend B personnel never straighten the sand thus cause one side to have loband (where my leg ankle land). It hurts for a week. I walked from SOC ground to Bunk is like taking 40min when u need 10min only.

    Next morning, woke up at 4.30am, from the first to wake up, i ended up last to finish. I took 30min to walk from bunk to toilet when it is just about 3m away. I walked to cookhouse, due to serious injury, i felt numb and pig ankle. Walked a while, sprain again. Until I went to MO, that god damn medic told me:"Mai Keng la!" (Koz i am crippling until so pitiful) Im like... wanna say F*** Ur A**! Until i removed my shoes and sock, the medic WA!!! Due to pig ankle... and had to have water bag on my ankle.. ya... I still injured and not allow to attend C home. I end up training w the rest for dummy generade throwing. Till now, I had cold weather and walk fast because I easily got muscle tension on my left ankle! Its not i hate army. I hate ppl who think soldier chao keng when they are seriously injured!

  9. #9
    Senior Member egnaro's Avatar
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    Default Re: His last post as an NSF

    I like your NS life... my BMT life is crap, book out every weekend, without fail.

    After BMT posted to naval school, basically do nothing and wait for 4.30pm dinner follow by beer in yacht club.

    when posted to base, still everyone together. Book in 9am and ready to book out at 4.15pm other then assignment and duties, we do nothing but chit chat and eat.

    last day of NSF life, didnt say too much bye to everyone as we proceed directly to NS office and collect our pink IC, few of us meet up together and go for lunch and that it.

    that is the most relax time in my life(study oso not so relax). no stress.
    Life is like Photography, to improve, you have to keep shooting!

  10. #10
    Senior Member felixcat8888's Avatar
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    Default Re: His last post as an NSF

    If this is a true case, I pity the guy. He should have got civilian help earlier, instead of keeping quiet and letting this happen.

    Oh well, for the sake of our country . . . sigh . . .
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  11. #11
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    Default Re: His last post as an NSF

    Quote Originally Posted by egnaro View Post
    I like your NS life... my BMT life is crap, book out every weekend, without fail.

    After BMT posted to naval school, basically do nothing and wait for 4.30pm dinner follow by beer in yacht club.

    when posted to base, still everyone together. Book in 9am and ready to book out at 4.15pm other then assignment and duties, we do nothing but chit chat and eat.

    last day of NSF life, didnt say too much bye to everyone as we proceed directly to NS office and collect our pink IC, few of us meet up together and go for lunch and that it.

    that is the most relax time in my life(study oso not so relax). no stress.
    wah lau ! your NS life so song ar ? there are some damm cham.. post to super chia lak units.. day in and day out see jungle and play spiders...

  12. #12
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    Default Re: His last post as an NSF

    Quote Originally Posted by Will03 View Post
    gosh.... if this is real......
    he should take action against his officers..
    well.. he cant sue SAF per se.. but I am sure the MOs, the officers who were there.. need to be held accountable........

    this is not an accident etc.. its basically negligence by the people in the system.
    I am sure all who served the NS knows wat its like inside..
    i guess if you've been through it you know you can do NOTHING about it. I got my eczema from NS due to long term exposure to soil and it comes and goes very irregularly. But what can I do? I've asked the MO and skin specialists outside, they just say "Can't be helped, just apply cream to ease the itch"

    Pity the author, loss of sight is just too much to take away from him.

    Let's think will anyone bother? let's face it, our cold system doesn't give a crap because firstly, he can't prove that NS did that to his eyes and secondly he has RODed.. therefore no longer the pasar of SAF.

    I'm still serving my cycles, have not missed anyone of them yet. Once I'm done, I'm going to burn those stuff so I get to see them in my after life.
    “How fortunate for leaders that men do not think.” - Adolf Hitler

  13. #13

    Default Re: His last post as an NSF

    So is this story true?
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  14. #14

    Default Re: His last post as an NSF

    Quote Originally Posted by SianZronG View Post
    So is this story true?
    it's true.

    the thread in hwz forums had people who are batch mates / colleagues of this guy.

    anyway, i'm very very curious on how SAF MOs are put to be MOs in the first place.

    i see this guy who's severely deformed at birth, he only has a thumb and a little finger, and walks with a big limp.

    he's still a clerk there.

    i thought only ABLE BODIED males are liable to serve?

  15. #15

    Default Re: His last post as an NSF

    It's true? he should be on the front page of new paper. he should be seriously compensated for this....

    For the clerk the goverment doesn't like to give exceptions. if he's a able body (able to walk and type) he can be a clerk or at least someone who can bring documents from point a to b.

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  16. #16

    Default Re: His last post as an NSF

    some MOs have a sick sense of humour..my bunk mate got put on a drip when he reported sick...insomnia...MO said had to put him on observation...it was a friday..kept him there till everyone booked out..then again, my bunk mate really is the chao geng sort, so he deserved it....

    i guess one reason why MOs, officers and specs don't pay much attention to these kind of things because they've encountered so many kengsters who use the same excuses..so much so it becomes hard for them to differentiate which is genuine...unfortunately, the genuine cases get lumped together with the malingerers

    as a sergeant myself, i have little patience for kengsters...it's really unfortunate they make genuine cases like this hard to sift out
    Last edited by agentmonkey; 14th March 2008 at 09:16 PM.

  17. #17

    Default Re: His last post as an NSF

    i beg to differ.

    no offence to sergents, but i think most dont have patience for anything with regards to the well being of their men.

    of course, i know really good platoon sarges who can go all out for them. but these are going to be extinct soon!

  18. #18

    Default Re: His last post as an NSF

    I feel sorry for this guy.
    I felt he should have pushed harder for his case.

    I guess he is all correct about the system.
    I rememder most national players are tag with pes "C".
    They are among the fittest but excused fron field trainings. Ironically, they can play sports for the country.

  19. #19

    Default Re: His last post as an NSF

    Quote Originally Posted by Stratix View Post
    it's true.

    anyway, i'm very very curious on how SAF MOs are put to be MOs in the first place.
    Most MO are just fresh M.D graduates out from NUS and given a CPT rank, thus think that they are mightily big shot.

    The sad fact is, most G.P outside know more then them, so if you are in trouble, ALWAYS go to find G.P/Specialist help and downgrade.

    Me? I got scaly / dry feet in NS. Was diagnosed with Foot Rot whenever I go see M.O for close to 2 years, always given the same cream that doesn't help. When I disrupted for NUS and came back, I already know how to play the system and asked to go see specialist for my 'Foot Rot' that didn't go away for 4 years. One look from the specialist and he told me that it was eczema.

    With constant treatment, it's getting more manageable now. I don't blame the SAF for eczema, because it's an allergy and trigger points are everywhere. But the fact remains that M.O are only there to give Combo A, B, C drugs for people that walk in and don't care much.

  20. #20
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    Default Re: His last post as an NSF

    You are absolutely right, the MOs are not very experienced and are usually fresh. If you know your condition is bad, get a referral to a specialist. Its your life you are talking about.

    Quote Originally Posted by waipeng View Post
    Most MO are just fresh M.D graduates out from NUS and given a CPT rank, thus think that they are mightily big shot.

    The sad fact is, most G.P outside know more then them, so if you are in trouble, ALWAYS go to find G.P/Specialist help and downgrade.

    Me? I got scaly / dry feet in NS. Was diagnosed with Foot Rot whenever I go see M.O for close to 2 years, always given the same cream that doesn't help. When I disrupted for NUS and came back, I already know how to play the system and asked to go see specialist for my 'Foot Rot' that didn't go away for 4 years. One look from the specialist and he told me that it was eczema.

    With constant treatment, it's getting more manageable now. I don't blame the SAF for eczema, because it's an allergy and trigger points are everywhere. But the fact remains that M.O are only there to give Combo A, B, C drugs for people that walk in and don't care much.

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