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Thread: Funny Emails. Post them here!

  1. #1

    Default Funny Emails. Post them here!

    got this email from my friend. thought i'll start a thread on funny and comical emails.


    Upon Purchase Of Aircraft - Registration Document

    Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey questions is not required, but the information will help us to develop new products that best meet your needs and desires.

    1. Your Details
    [_] Mr.
    [_] Mrs.
    [_] Miss
    [_] Lt.
    [_] Gen.
    [_] Comrade
    [_] Classified
    [_] Other
    First Name:............................................. ....
    Last Name.............................................. .....
    Password: .............................. (max. 8 char)
    Code Name:............................................. .....
    Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: ......................

    2. Which model of aircraft did you purchase?
    [_] F-14 Tomcat
    [_] F-15 Eagle
    [_] F-16 Falcon
    [_] F-117A Stealth
    [_] Classified

    3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): 19....... /......./......

    4. Serial Number:........................................... ....

    5. Please indicate where this product was purchased:
    [_] Received as gift / aid package
    [_] Catalogue / showroom
    [_] Independent arms broker
    [_] Mail order
    [_] Discount store
    [_] Government surplus
    [_] Classified

    6. Please indicate how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product you have just purchased:
    [_] Heard loud noise, looked up
    [_] Store display
    [_] Espionage
    [_] Recommended by friend / relative / ally
    [_] Political lobbying by manufacturer
    [_] Was attacked by one

    7. Please indicate the three (3) factors that most influenced your decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:
    [_] Style / appearance
    [_] Speed / manoeuvrability
    [_] Price / value
    [_] Comfort / convenience
    [_] Kickback / bribe
    [_] Recommended by salesperson
    [_] McDonnell Douglas reputation
    [_] Advanced Weapons Systems
    [_] Backroom politics
    [_] Negative experience opposing one in combat

    8. Please indicate the location(s) where this product will be used:
    [_] North America
    [_] Iraq
    [_] Iraq
    [_] Aircraft carrier
    [_] Iraq
    [_] Europe
    [_] Iraq
    [_] Middle East (not Iraq)
    [_] Iraq
    [_] Africa
    [_] Iraq
    [_] Asia / Far East
    [_] Iraq
    [_] Misc. Third World countries
    [_] Iraq
    [_] Classified
    [_] Iraq

    9. Please indicate the products that you currently own or intend to purchase in the near future:
    [_] Colour TV
    [_] VCR
    [_] ICBM
    [_] Killer Satellite
    [_] CD Player
    [_] Air-to-Air Missiles
    [_] Space Shuttle
    [_] Home Computer
    [_] Nuclear Weapon

    10. How would you describe yourself or your organisation? (indicate all that apply
    [_] Communist / Socialist
    [_] Terrorist
    [_] Crazed
    [_] Neutral
    [_] Democratic
    [_] Dictatorship
    [_] Corrupt
    [_] Primitive / Tribal

    11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
    [_] Deficit spending
    [_] Cash
    [_] Suitcases of cocaine
    [_] Oil revenues
    [_] Personal cheque
    [_] Credit card
    [_] Ransom money
    [_] Traveller's cheque

    12. Your occupation:
    [_] Homemaker
    [_] Sales / marketing
    [_] Revolutionary
    [_] Clerical
    [_] Mercenary
    [_] Tyrant
    [_] Middle management
    [_] Eccentric billionaire
    [_] Defence Minister / General
    [_] Retired
    [_] Student

    13. To help us better understand our customers, please indicate the interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy participating on a regular basis:
    [_] Golf
    [_] Boating / sailing
    [_] Sabotage
    [_] Running / jogging
    [_] Propaganda / misinformation
    [_] Destabilisation / overthrow
    [_] Default on loans
    [_] Gardening
    [_] Crafts
    [_] Black market / smuggling
    [_] Collectibles / collections
    [_] Watching sports on TV
    [_] Wines
    [_] Interrogation / torture
    [_] Household pets
    [_] Crushing rebellions
    [_] Espionage / reconnaissance
    [_] Fashion clothing
    [_] Border disputes
    [_] Mutually Assured Destruction

    Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve you better in the future - as well as allowing you to receive mailings and special offers from other companies governments, extremist groups, and mysterious consortia. As a bonus for responding to this survey, you will be registered to win a brand new F-117A in our Desert Thunder Sweepstakes!

    Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes?

    McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION Marketing Department Military, Aerospace Division

    IMPORTANT: This e-mail is intended for the use of the individual addressee(s)named above and may contain information that is confidential privileged or unsuitable for overly sensitive persons with low self-esteem, no sense of humour or irrational religious beliefs.
    If you are not the intended recipient, any dissemination, distribution or copying of this e-mail is not authorised (either explicitly or implicitly) and constitutes an irritating social faux pas.
    Unless the word absquatulation has been used in its correct context somewhere other than in this warning, it does not have any legal or no grammatical use and may be ignored.
    No animals were harmed in the transmission of this e-mail, although the kelpie next door is living on borrowed time, let me tell you.
    Those of you with an overwhelming fear of the unknown will be gratified to learn that there is no hidden message revealed by reading this warning backwards, so just ignore that Alert Notice that just popped up.

    However, by pouring a complete circle of salt around yourself and your computer you can ensure that no harm befalls you and your pets.
    If you have received this e-mail in error, please add some nutmeg and egg whites, whisk and place in a warm oven for 40 minutes.
    Last edited by raptor1988; 30th September 2007 at 01:07 AM.
    Kodak Easyshare C875

  2. #2
    Senior Member +evenstar's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Singapore / United Kingdom

    Default Re: Funny Emails. Post them here!

    eat. drink. shoot

  3. #3

    Default Re: Funny Emails. Post them here!

    Here is one recieved by the helpdesk of an Asset Company.

    Dear helpdesk,

    I like to report that my email is down and I am not able to use my email is not working.
    I cannot send or recieve any emails.
    Appreciate if you can send someone to check it out for me.

    Managing Director
    XYZ Asset Management.
    +65 9999 9999

    ************************************************** ****************

    Here is the reply from the helpdesk. The poor chap left the company shortly due to unknown reason.

    Dear Sir,

    I would like to inform you that we recieve your email just fine. As we treat all request for assistant important, We at the helpdesk have concluded that it could be a user problem and thus we have taken the liberty to apply for you the Basic Computer Knowledge course. We believe it will benefit you greatly.

    Thanks and best regards
    Helpdesk Assistant
    XYZ Asset Management.
    +65 9999 9999


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