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Thread: Programmer Jokes

  1. #1

    Default Programmer Jokes

    Well, since I've started off, might as well share some of the better ones:

    For many years molecular biologists have been mystified by the
    fact that very little of an organism's DNA seems to serve any
    useful function.

    I have solved the mystery.

    The reason why only 30% of human DNA performs any useful function
    is that the rest of it is comments.

    Once we decode a typical human genome, we see that the contents
    begin as follows:

    ===
    /* HUMAN_DNA.H
    *
    * Human Genome
    * Version 2.1
    *
    * (C) God
    */

    /* Revision history:
    *
    * 0000-00-01 00:00 1.0 Adam.

    * 0000-00-02 10:00 1.1 Eve.

    * 0000-00-03 02:11 1.2 Added penis code to male version. A bit
    messy -- will require a rewrite later
    on to make it neater.

    * 0017-03-12 03:14 1.3 Added extra sex drive to male.h; took
    code from elephant-dna.c

    * 0145-10-03 16:33 1.4 Removed tail.
    * 1115-00-31 17:20 1.5 Shortened forearms, expanded brain case
    * 2091-08-20 13:56 1.6 Opposable thumbs added to hand()
    routine.

    * 2501-04-09 14:04 1.7 Minor cosmetic improvements -- skin
    colour made darker to match my own
    image.

    * 2909-07-12 02:21 1.8 Dentition inadequate; added extra
    'wisdom' teeth. Must remember to make
    mouth bigger to compensate.

    * 4501-12-31 14:18 1.9 Increase average height.

    * 5533-02-12 17:09 2.0 Added gay option, triggered by high
    population density, to try and slow the
    overpopulation problem.

    * 6004-11-04 16:11 2.1 Made forefinger narrower to fit hole in
    centre of CD.

    */

    /* Standard definitions
    */

    #define SEX male
    #define HEIGHT 1.84
    #define MASS 68
    #define RACE caucasian

    /* Include inherited traits from parent DNA files.
    *
    * Files must be pre-processed with MENDEL program to provide
    proper inheritance features.
    */

    #include "mother.h"
    #include "father.h"

    #infndef FATHER
    #warn("Father unknown -- guessing\n")
    #include "*******.h"
    #endif

    /* Set up sex-specific functions and variables
    */
    #include <sex.h>

    /* Kludged code -- I'll re-design this lot and re-write it as a
    proper library sometime soon.
    */
    struct genitals
    {
    #ifdef MALE
    Penis *jt;
    #endif
    /* G_spot *g; Removed for debugging purposes */
    #ifdef FEMALE
    Vagina *p;
    #endif
    }

    /* Initialization bootstrap routine -- called before DNA
    duplication. Allocates buffers and sets up protein file
    pointers
    */
    DNA *zygote_initialize(Sperm *, Ovum *);

    /* MAIN INITIALIZATION CODE
    *
    * Returns structures containing pre-processed phenotypes for the
    organism to display at birth.
    *
    * Will be improved later to make output less ugly.
    */
    Characteristic *lookup_phenotype(Identifier *i);
    ===

    ...and so on.


    [ Note that God uses three-space tabs ]

  2. #2

    Default

    C++ programming for humans?

  3. #3
    Senior Member
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    Default

    Originally posted by mervlam
    C++ programming for humans?
    Looks more like regular C....

    anyone got a .NET or Java version?

    Regards
    CK

  4. #4

    Default

    Originally posted by ckiang
    Looks more like regular C....

    anyone got a .NET or Java version?

    Regards
    CK
    Oh no... those would quite be unthinkable... they would never mature out of their Virtual Machine womb...

  5. #5
    Senior Member
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    Default

    think it's C++ for DNA... else C shd hit at least 50+% hehe...
    "I'm... dreaming... of a wide... angle~
    Just like the ones I used to know~"

  6. #6
    Senior Member
    Join Date
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    L2TPYSG
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    Default

    Originally posted by munfai
    Oh no... those would quite be unthinkable... they would never mature out of their Virtual Machine womb...
    Let's just say Eden was JVM written by microsoft...
    "I'm... dreaming... of a wide... angle~
    Just like the ones I used to know~"

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