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Thread: What would you have done?

  1. #1
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    Default What would you have done?

    This morning, someone dear to me. Woke up and switched on the handphone, found 15 missed calls and one sms from an individual.
    A fellow whom we bumped into last month in a restaurant he worked in as manager , a guy who was his/her high school friend. But hasn't seen him for a long time.

    Now he asked my friend for 3k, said need money for funeral matter. My friend who was a soft hearted soul promised him 1k in the end. My friend did ask for my opinion.

    My answer was a NO.

    What would you have done?
    Please comment
    Thanks

  2. #2
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    Default Re: What would you have done?

    No .....

  3. #3
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    Default Re: What would you have done?

    $$ is a sensitive issue.

    My experience so far is, if u lend $$ to a friend and still want to maintain the friendship, then you can forget about getting the $$ back and hope he/she will return you. Otherwise the friendship will sours when you press the other party to return.

  4. #4

    Default Re: What would you have done?

    I would help but I want to transact with the funeral parlor personally. I won't give him the money physically.

  5. #5
    Senior Member StrifeYun's Avatar
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    Default Re: What would you have done?

    No...
    i have seen many ppl like that... i will only lend long time old friends whom u have always know and not those that disappear for years and when they contact u its for $$
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  6. #6
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    Default Re: What would you have done?

    15 miss calls for a funeral funding??

    NO.. it's a bluff

  7. #7

    Default Re: What would you have done?

    Loan what i can. But then don't expect the money back.

  8. #8

    Default Re: What would you have done?

    I've read enough from newspapers, heard enough from friends/colleagues/ coffeeshop talks that
    #1 Do not lend any money (or prepared to lose it forever)
    #2 Do not be a guarantor.
    #3 Do not be a good samaritan & give money to people on the streets who said they are foreigners lost here, looking for their friends but friends not in etc.

  9. #9
    Senior Member xtemujin's Avatar
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    Arrow Re: What would you have done?

    My friends and I have experience this before with one of our army buddy.

    We pitied him and lend him some money as he said that his mother was very sick.

    It has been about five years and he avoids us by not coming to ICT.

    A hard lesson learned. If you're going to lend the chap money, you've to make sure to treat the money like a donation as you will never know if you will get it back.

    I'll say no after this bad experience.

  10. #10
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    Default Re: What would you have done?

    Guys/gals, thanks for your advise
    At the time, I thought I was harsh to stop my friend helping someone in need...

    But last night, as we had teh with my friend's brother. Then we found out the same individual also called and sms him roughly 20times about needed money for his father funeral. Which was a slightly different funeral mentioned to my friend......my friend recalled that was a cousin funeral.......

    Over the years, I also helped quite a number of my friends. Although they paid back each time, but the amount was growing. Each time, when I said NO as the amount was too much....is also the time I lost a friend

  11. #11
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    Default Re: What would you have done?

    Quote Originally Posted by Benign View Post
    Guys/gals, thanks for your advise
    At the time, I thought I was harsh to stop my friend helping someone in need...

    But last night, as we had teh with my friend's brother. Then we found out the same individual also called and sms him roughly 20times about needed money for his father funeral. Which was a slightly different funeral mentioned to my friend......my friend recalled that was a cousin funeral.......

    Over the years, I also helped quite a number of my friends. Although they paid back each time, but the amount was growing. Each time, when I said NO as the amount was too much....is also the time I lost a friend
    Real friends won't borrow $ from you.

    They should know that $ always is sensitive and is the biggest taboo between friends.

    Whatever you do, don't loan the $

  12. #12

    Default Re: What would you have done?

    I wouldn't have done it

  13. #13
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    Default Re: What would you have done?

    ask for a death certificate. if cannot prodcue one, then report police?

  14. #14

    Default Re: What would you have done?

    Quote Originally Posted by wazzup View Post
    Real friends won't borrow $ from you.

    They should know that $ always is sensitive and is the biggest taboo between friends.

    Whatever you do, don't loan the $
    That's not true. My friend borrowed some 5K from me in the past. Paid back in full. It was a sensitive issue, and he was quite sheepish about it... but I have known him from years.... and the story leading to the cashflow problem was believable (no funeral involved). But this friend also brought me out and paid for all my meals and drinks when I was out of a job. He did not take offence when I gave him a tiny ang pow during his wedding when I was jobless. That's what friends are for, right? We take care of each other in times of need.

    But in Benign's scenario with the funeral story, I won't lend. First of all, he disappeared for a long time, and turned up just for money. That's a bit telling.

    You have to be the judge. Is the friend really a friend?

  15. #15

    Default Re: What would you have done?

    Quote Originally Posted by esmondng View Post
    ask for a death certificate. if cannot prodcue one, then report police?

    No lah... What is 3K between good friends? If you cannot afford to lend, then don't. If you don't like the fella, then don't lend. But if you lend, then don't do things to question the trust. It's very damaging.

    Even if my friend were to lie to me to borrow money, I would still lend if I consider him a friend. But I would tell him there is no need to tell me why he needed the money, so don't bother to explain, and I will pretend I didn't hear it.

  16. #16

    Default Re: What would you have done?

    i would say no.
    and whats up?dont even have 3k in savings for emerg situ?

  17. #17
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    Default Re: What would you have done?

    I'd say no but offer a small token sum of, say, $200 that I can afford and willing to write off for old-friendship's sake. I've had a similar experience from an old acquaintance who asked for a S$10K 'loan'. Gave him S$500 bucks and a load of excuses, didn't have that sort of spare money lying about anyway. As expected, didn't hear from him and of my S$500 since. It was 1993.....
    Last edited by monokydni; 14th May 2007 at 12:08 PM. Reason: Grammatical Correction

  18. #18

    Default Re: What would you have done?

    Quote Originally Posted by monokydni View Post
    I'd say no but offer a small token sum of, say, $200 that I can afford and willing to write off for old-friendship's sake. I've had a similar experience from an old acquaintance who asked for a S$10K 'loan'. Gave him S$500 bucks and a load of excuses, didn't have that sort of spare money lying about anyway. As expected, didn't hear from him and of my S$500 since. It was 1993.....
    within 1 year, can go to small claim tribunals...that is...if you are really anal about the 500.

  19. #19
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    Default Re: What would you have done?

    Quote Originally Posted by Benign View Post
    This morning, someone dear to me. Woke up and switched on the handphone, found 15 missed calls and one sms from an individual.
    A fellow whom we bumped into last month in a restaurant he worked in as manager , a guy who was his/her high school friend. But hasn't seen him for a long time.

    Now he asked my friend for 3k, said need money for funeral matter. My friend who was a soft hearted soul promised him 1k in the end. My friend did ask for my opinion.

    My answer was a NO.

    What would you have done?
    Please comment
    Thanks
    The last time someone tried to pull this stunt on me asked for, "U have how much give me how much." earned a, "Sorry, no money. I'm flying off to Japan tomorrow for my holiday."

    It was much later, I found out that this particular someone violated his job contract terms, refused to serve out his period of contract and the company wanted him to pay out X amount of money for violation of his contract.

    That chap is well known for vanishing for several years only to resurface to borrow money. Screw him I'll say.

  20. #20

    Default Re: What would you have done?

    Quote Originally Posted by Benign View Post
    .....Over the years, I also helped quite a number of my friends. Although they paid back each time, but the amount was growing. Each time, when I said NO as the amount was too much....is also the time I lost a friend
    Then he never was your friend to begin with, so you lost no friend but discovered the "real" person you thought you knew.

    Accquaintances come and go. If true friendships depends on money, then its no friendship.

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