talk it cheap.. wrong.. I meant FREE..
ďHow fortunate for leaders that men do not think.Ē - Adolf Hitler
lastly, some decisions may truly reflect what's hidden within ourselves (eg, we all love our loved ones a lot, but wonder how many actually live up to their promise? )
I have tried to think about your question seriously and I couldn’t help but always wander off to think about what exactly the problem you are facing now.
There is no one size fits all here, every sticky or painful situation requires a difference approach.
Tell us frankly; did you pregnant a girl and now the whole village are pressuring you to marry her??
According to my own theory of pain management, we first have to identify whether the pain caused by our decision is going to be temporary or permanent. If time can heal the pain, then let time do its job in healing the wounds. Don’t have to worry about the mass or me boring the pain now.
Take this case as an example and you do not love this girl;
If you decided not to marry this girl, the whole world will hate you for your self-centered decision. But human are always forgetful, a few years down the road, the girl is happily married and nobody will remembers you any longer. Isn’t this a better choice?
If you chose to marry her, she will be a constant reminder of your pain for life… And the whole world will also remember what you did to the girl for as long as you live.
But what happens if this poor girl committed suicide and die?
Then it depends on how forgetful and forgiving you are to yourself.
Last edited by Silence Sky; 23rd April 2007 at 09:28 PM.
Thanks for ur concern. Though I'm currently at the cross roads in my life, my personal principles would simply mean that playing a girl and dumping her is the last thing I would do. People who know me personally would know me better than to do such things.
But if u're putting an analogy across, yes, I guess I know roughly what u're putting across.
no matter where u go, it's a small world afterall...
Why your children is your immediate family and the parents of the children is not the childrenís immediate family?
A manís actions by large are guided by his religion; culture and upbringing.
You are not just disagreeing with Singaporeans; you are actually disagreeing with Asians since we regard parents and GRAND PARENTS as immediate family in this part of the world.
I know you call your dad by name, split the bill over the dinner table and I respect that as yours culture.
Go and watch Storm of the Century. You might get some answers.
i think very often, people forget that in the midst of their contemplation of self sacrificial, for the better good, they have neglected the fact, there ARE spillover effects of their sacrificial. If their self sacrificial is for the family in question, do you not think that the family will not mourn or grief over your sacriface.
At the end of the day, no matter what circumstances, or perhaps financial difficulties that one may face that requires him to make a decision as drastic as such , you will have to consider who are the ones that you are sacrifacing for.
ie. if it's family, as much you being the martyr, you assuming the role of a "noble" father, noble" husband", a " noble " son, do you think your family will be as happy as you want them to be , after knowing how you sacrifaced? By then, you would have sacrifaced for nothing.
I think. before anyone talks about sacrifacing yourself to makes others happy. i think it's only when you are capable of loving yourself,fulfilling yourself as a whole and a happy individual, that you are capable of making your family or the people in question happy. By then it will be a win win situation.
i am pretty much at a cross road myself. but i think i am constantly reminding myself that i cant play the role as a daughter to my parents my whole life, cos i am 'me', i have got my dreams to pursue too.
i am not denying my responsiblity towards them, but i feel that at there's a place and time for everything.
It really depends on which phase of life are you at now.
god bless to the ts
Silence Sky, how did I throw bones into into YOUR moral grounds? I am lost at your accusatory statement. All I stated, is to challenge some convention believes. Are these believes so fragile that challenges are to be prohibited?
Here is my priority. First and foremost, my wife or partner, then my children, then my borthers and sisters, then my parents and then my grand parents. Sorry, aunties, uncles and cousins need not apply.
Why do I put my siblings ahead of my parents? Very simple, they represent the future.
Silence Sky, you said the following and I quote again:
"A manís actions by large are guided by his religion; culture and upbringing.
You are not just disagreeing with Singaporeans; you are actually disagreeing with Asians since we regard parents and GRAND PARENTS as immediate family in this part of the world."
Of course, my believe is based on my upbringing and culture. I am not a religious man. Are you so flipant, to a point that you totally disregard my upbringing and culture?
Of course, I am not just disagreeing with Singaporean, but is that not my "god" given right, if there is a god, to think freely, to agree and to disagree with others?
What is your problem, Silence Sky. If you want to pick a fight, sorry, I am busy. If you want to engage is a civilise debate, be my guest.
jsbn, again I am very sorry I OT your thread.
No prob. SS had his say, u had ur say. End it here.
Right, back to our regularly scheduled programme.
Actually, I guess some of u might be wondering what's up with me raising such a question. Though I'm currently in the X-Road of my life, I've started down the path of my choice. Thanks to all for ur blessings. To set the line straight, I'm in the middle of a series of writing (not thesis) that touches on this dilemma. To keep things relatively neutral without it being tainted by my weird, twisted logic, I've been trying to examine things from a 3rd-person neutral perspective instead thus leading the formation of this thread and seeking opinions from as many ppl as possible to understand things from another angle (thus I kept asking for radically differing opinions).
To all who had shared their experiences, I couldn't thank you enough. Your experiences shall help me greatly.
I think DP's views are the best in this thread - especially the part about choosing to be a martyr. And Silence Sky is clearly wrong in generalising - and trying to sneak in a personal attack on DP's culture - I am Singaporean and Asian and do NOT regard my grandparents as immediate family. So am I now throwing a bone into your morals as well?
Time, is an effortless construction :)