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Thread: Abt SEPARATION *marriage failure*

  1. #101

    Default Re: Abt SEPARATION *marriage failure*

    Quote Originally Posted by MrBig View Post
    aiya i'm tired of starting relationships over and over again

    u won't know till u have been into many relationships and then come to a stage when u find yr surrounding friends who are either married or already have kids and how u wish u were like them
    Many relationships????? U are tried??? That too early to say.

    As for your surrounding, never marry for the sake of marriage.

    What i most concern, who is going or can give the baby the "best" home. He is innocent where he was brought to this world by both of your act.

  2. #102

    Default Re: Abt SEPARATION *marriage failure*

    Quote Originally Posted by jsbn View Post
    That is all?


    Erm... so u end up blaming her all the way? That's not really manly u know? Depression & misery, a person accepts them, a Man overcomes them.

    You don't seem to be accepting depression & misery and don't seem to have intention to fight & overcome them.


    Life & time can pass horribly slow if u're in agony. Believe me, I'd been thru that stage where 1sec seems like 10hrs.
    i'm an optimistic guy, always positive thinking no matter what

  3. #103

    Default Re: Abt SEPARATION *marriage failure*

    Quote Originally Posted by MrBig View Post
    PRECISELY!!!

    but my wife always want to change me to someone i'm not after marriage

    did u guys communicate?

  4. #104
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    Default Re: Abt SEPARATION *marriage failure*

    Quote Originally Posted by MrBig View Post
    aiya i'm tired of starting relationships over and over again

    u won't know till u have been into many relationships and then come to a stage when u find yr surrounding friends who are either married or already have kids and how u wish u were like them
    I've been thru several relationships (as well as heartbreaks) AND my best buddy got ROMed almost 4yrs ago in October, my other colleagues have been passing red bombs for the past 2yrs.

    Until now, I'm strongly resistant to finding a gf for the sake of going into another relationship and getting married for the sake of doing so.

    Well, that's me. And everyone says I'm going to be a monk or priest if I continue this mentality, but I can't be bothered. If there's a principle I'm not bending, its on relationships.

    Ultimately, it all depends on one's mentality. I can't force u to think my way if you think my way's not your way.

    Still, hope u'll get ur problem resolved. All the best.

  5. #105
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    Default Re: Abt SEPARATION *marriage failure*

    Quote Originally Posted by MrBig View Post
    i'm an optimistic guy, always positive thinking no matter what
    Too positively I must add...

    U'll need a touch of pessimism to inject a dose of self-reality. Come, let me rub some of my pessimism onto u.

  6. #106

    Default Re: Abt SEPARATION *marriage failure*

    Quote Originally Posted by Tupi Guy View Post
    Many relationships????? U are tried??? That too early to say.

    As for your surrounding, never marry for the sake of marriage.

    What i most concern, who is going or can give the baby the "best" home. He is innocent where he was brought to this world by both of your act.
    i also know my kid is innocent but it won't be right of me to fight legally for him with her.

    i want a WHOLE family but she doesn't want

  7. #107

    Default Re: Abt SEPARATION *marriage failure*

    Quote Originally Posted by jsbn View Post
    I've been thru several relationships (as well as heartbreaks) AND my best buddy got ROMed almost 4yrs ago in October, my other colleagues have been passing red bombs for the past 2yrs.

    Until now, I'm strongly resistant to finding a gf for the sake of going into another relationship and getting married for the sake of doing so.

    Well, that's me. And everyone says I'm going to be a monk or priest if I continue this mentality, but I can't be bothered. If there's a principle I'm not bending, its on relationships.

    Ultimately, it all depends on one's mentality. I can't force u to think my way if you think my way's not your way.

    Still, hope u'll get ur problem resolved. All the best.
    I do know exactly what you are going thru, mate

    simply just enter a relationship just becoz of loneliness and to satisfy the common norms in society

    ya, i'm hoping for a resolution soon

    *praying*

  8. #108

    Default Re: Abt SEPARATION *marriage failure*

    Sex is a important element of relationship and marriage ( both being who is more religious ).

    it is sanctify by God to unify the marriage in both body, mind and soul.


    most woman make use of Sex as a controlling factor on Man for the relationhip or Husband in a marriage, and for most reason, man / husband cannot take it, become distress, even violent....

    Hope this is not the problem u are facing?

  9. #109
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    Default Re: Abt SEPARATION *marriage failure*

    Quote Originally Posted by MrBig View Post
    I do know exactly what you are going thru, mate

    simply just enter a relationship just becoz of loneliness and to satisfy the common norms in society

    ya, i'm hoping for a resolution soon

    *praying*
    Maybe that's why I can't seem to 'fit in' at times.

    Common norms for SOCIETY. But it ain't a norm for ME.

    I'd rather choose to be an outcast even if the day comes when its absolutely legal to screw openly on the streets on anyone in plain view of everyone.

  10. #110

    Default Re: Abt SEPARATION *marriage failure*

    Quote Originally Posted by Tupi Guy View Post
    did u guys communicate?
    ??? u mean after she left the hse with the baby to her aunt's place?

    she created an ugly scene a few wks back and that forced me to move out of my own house

    my dad was the only person she can talk to in my family but that ended a couple of wks back cos he's disappointed in her

    bytheway, she was with SQ when i got to know her

  11. #111
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    Default Re: Abt SEPARATION *marriage failure*

    Quote Originally Posted by MrBig View Post
    bytheway, she was with SQ when i got to know her
    and so?
    “How fortunate for leaders that men do not think.” - Adolf Hitler

  12. #112

    Default Re: Abt SEPARATION *marriage failure*

    Quote Originally Posted by yanyewkay View Post
    and so?
    coz someone asked how i know her

  13. #113

    Default Re: Abt SEPARATION *marriage failure*

    U may want to close this thread before it goes OT and nasty.
    CS says, "We can't help you ignore yourself."

  14. #114

    Default Re: Abt SEPARATION *marriage failure*

    Quote Originally Posted by Caspere View Post
    U may want to close this thread before it goes OT and nasty.
    how to close this thread???

  15. #115

    Default Re: Abt SEPARATION *marriage failure*

    dont mean to rain on ur parade, but u mentioned u wanted to find a nice catholic girl? I hope for your sake you didnt marry in catholic church cos once married... u cant remarry.

  16. #116

    Default Re: Abt SEPARATION *marriage failure*

    Quote Originally Posted by jdredd View Post
    dont mean to rain on ur parade, but u mentioned u wanted to find a nice catholic girl? I hope for your sake you didnt marry in catholic church cos once married... u cant remarry.
    nope, neber marry in a church b4 but i wish to

  17. #117

    Default Re: Abt SEPARATION *marriage failure*

    Quote Originally Posted by MrBig View Post
    she looked pretty good, that's the main attraction

    marriage becos i'm tired of relationships and there's a baby coming
    I guessed so but didn't dare say it initially. Then the marriage is perhaps not based on true love and also, it's unfortunate that the baby becomes an excuse for marriage. It's disaster waiting to happen.

    People are judging you now very critically cos it's one-sided. I can imagine she has her faults too. And so do you. But the 2 of you went on a wild ride and tried to marry each other which is of cos a disasterous formula.

    Anyway, no point crying over spilt milk. Tyr to resolve the flat issue. Hope you will move on well from here.

  18. #118

    Default Re: Abt SEPARATION *marriage failure*

    Quote Originally Posted by MrBig View Post
    nope, neber marry in a church b4 but i wish to
    Hey MrBig,

    Remember it takes 2 to clap , be it a problem or solution. Mud slinging does not help.

    I wish you all the best, and hope you solve your problem.

    Do close this thread as I can see the current comments does not help in your solution- it gets more OT and we can only see 1 side of the coin which does not help you.

    Lastly , cheers up, and be strong in your faith.

  19. #119

    Default Re: Abt SEPARATION *marriage failure*

    Mr Big

    I do not think this is the right place to seek sound and correct advice. You need close friends who know you, or marriage counsellors to sit down and go through really honestly what went wrong and whether this marriage could be salvaged.

    People here do not know your unique circumstances and do not have the professional skills to go through, analyse objectively on your marriage.

    It takes a lot for two persons to come together. If you recognise that the child is innocent of what happened between the both of you (I do not use 'innocent' for the other meaning because of my belief that are are born in sin) you should then cool down first, and when the both of your wife and you are cool-headed, sit down and consider what could be the best for this family and your child.

    From what I see, you are still very angry at something that recently happened. Probably she is also angry.

    Cool down and when you are no longer angry, you might look ahead and come to a more objective sense on how you can proceed on this matter.

    Your best friend, or for that matter, your priest, marriage counsellor should be able to give you better advice than here, a photography forum.

    If this were to happen to me, I would certainly talk to my best friend, then to my pastor and certainly to my God (through reading the Bible) and not public forums.

  20. #120

    Default Re: Abt SEPARATION *marriage failure*

    Quote Originally Posted by Bernard Ong View Post
    It seems you are facing trials in your life.

    As a Christian (If you are one) , there are certain things you should not do and one of them is divorce. But sadly speaking, many Chirstians in Singapore do not live their faith but only hangs the name of a Christian while living an secular life.
    fully agree.
    my advice to you is to sit down and have a good talk with yr wife. Dun care abt how head-strong she is. If you want the marriage to work, you, yes, I mean you, have to take steps to improve the situation and not wait for one another or have negative thoughts abt her all the time.
    Strip away yr pride and humble yourself to save this marriage for the sake of your child.

    He is completely innocent and should never ever bear the brunt of mistakes made by 2 adults.
    1stly, ask yourself do you really want to save the marriage and do you really love her as a person and do you want to spend yr entirely life with her thru thick and thin? If the answers are YES, you better start doing something.

    One party must stop the blaming and hating in order to improve the situation.
    If she still insists on a separation, then you can tell yourself that you have tried yr best.

    We do not know the details here but you really need to playback to the trigger-points to identify when, how & why it went wrong and take steps to rectify them.

    here have a look at this url: www.divorcebusting.com
    Read the case stories in the forums and pick up a few tips. Divorce is never an option unless physical abusive,violence, sexual abuse comes into the picture.

    At the end of the day, marriage is all about compromise....when 2 pple live together dun expect to live life as a single person. You need to have the welfare of your soul-mate in mind and that's why compromise, tolerance and patience are key ingredients to a successful marriage. Sometimes to the extent of closing one's eyes to a person's peculiar faults.

    Unfortunately, some young adults these days take marriage and divorce too lightly.......
    Pls arrange for counselling....
    ...and pls do not ever think that marrying a Catholic girl will solve your problems.
    Conflicts are due to differences in personalities. I just cannot emphasise the importance of humily and compromise in a relationship.
    Humilty in this instance is to identify and acknowledge your faults and weaknesses and forgiving the faults of the other person.
    Work on them and if your partner sees the change in you, she may re-consider. It takes a lot of effort to do this but you must not give up.
    Again, I do not know the trigger-points here so I'm just assuming......

    Divorce is an easy way out.....working to improve a relationship and mend a broken marriage is tough work but you must persevere....

    why am I so 'anti-divorce'? Well, I have been thru pure hell and back......It only takes 1 person to initiate the 1st step....Divorce happens when both parties refuse to.
    Last edited by major_tom; 16th February 2007 at 06:32 PM.
    "ashes to ashes; funk to funky..we know major_tom's a junkie
    strung out on heaven's high....."

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