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Thread: Abt SEPARATION *marriage failure*

  1. #61

    Default Re: Abt SEPARATION *marriage failure*

    Quote Originally Posted by razor View Post
    HI,

    I did not read everything here, but why does your wife needs to beg for forgiveness?

    Does this separation involves a third party, eg having affairs etc?

    or is it character differences. if so, please seek professional help.

    Have you look towards yourself to see how you have contributed to issues? Can you change for the sake of your child living in an intact family?

    You dont need to reply to this. just some food for thought.
    cos it's all her fault which leads to this current state

    all she thinks is abt herself

    becos of her, my parents do not want their grandson anymore

    she thinks she can use the child as a leverage to her advantage

    she's so wrong

    i do not give in to threats

    bytheway i do not know or do not care if she has other man out there

    she's ain't worth it

  2. #62

    Default Re: Abt SEPARATION *marriage failure*

    Quote Originally Posted by kyo86sg View Post
    sorry to hear about ur marriage..... we bros here, just tot that getting the marriage back together will be another solution. we can advise this and that. but the ultimate choice is up to you. so hope u have arrived at a decistion of whats the next step.
    i view marriage seriously and sacred but my wife does not

    she gives up way too easily

    she just wants things her way or no way at all

  3. #63

    Default Re: Abt SEPARATION *marriage failure*

    MrBig.. I'm surprised that you say you are Catholic & yet you can say "divorce is not a sin". Did both of you go through Holy Matrimony in Church?

    The viewpoint of the Catholic Church on marriage & divorce is:

    • Marriage is a sacrament that is indissoluble. Once a valid marriage has been consummated, It endures until one spouse dies.
    • The church does not issue divorces or recognize divorces issued by other institutions.
    • The church can issue an annulment. However, the couple must first prove to a church tribunal that the marriage was invalid.


    The above could be refered to from here.

  4. #64
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    Default Re: Abt SEPARATION *marriage failure*

    To the TS,

    It seems to me that you have taken a very defensive approach towards the issue. In short, you are blaming the other party for the failed marriage, without even looking at yourself. A marriage takes two hands to clap and should be shouldered by both parties. Communication is the essence of a marriage and here, we are not too sure how much or what you have done.

    I'm sorry if it is biting into you but the fact is always harsh. Rather than being defensive, face it and learnt from the mistakes so that you'll not repeat it.

    Cheers

  5. #65

    Default Re: Abt SEPARATION *marriage failure*

    Quote Originally Posted by MrBig View Post
    Thanks mate

    Deep in me, I know there's no way of salvaging this marriage unless my wife comes back crying and begging for forgiveness

    By the way, I'm a Catholic and divorce is not a SIN.

    Share my little view and hope that helps you to rethink and give u some positive thought =)

    It sounds like you have big ego too, if u say your wife has big ego.. why not be the one to let go your ego first? and approach her to salvage this marriage? it is ego when we need someone to cry and beg then we give forgiveness..half-hearted.

    you take the sign that God wants you to find a better christian/catholic girls.. so do you mean christian/catholic girls are perfect girls that will match your expectation? and accept of what you are? they can be as worse as non-believer in my opinion..

    your wife may have problem but you are definitely the one who has problem too, taking a separation maybe a good time for your to learn something, quit your bad habit, care more people around you, live in a way that not always about ourself, i am not saying you are a bad person, but there are actually a lot of things we can do and change, especially those things we think it is good, but we don't like to do(behaviour like this is actually childalike and immature, selfish).. hopefully your wife do that way, so eventually both of your character grows mature and problem will be solved..

    hi friend, let's grow up and do something instead of hoping God gives you something, He had gave you a wife and a baby..they are not perfect, then so we have to learn how to live and help them to get better as a person. A relationship is really a progress of both grows and live in a mature attitude, and not selfish character.

    first thing you have to do is not to think the reason for this marriage is just because there was a baby, that's 1st wrong step, and it actually had prevent couples to build up strong relationship foundation. both of you could be very matched to each other, but with a wrong step, every quarrel you will think negatively that it is because of the wrong step.

    try to keep each a space..then try to build the relationship once again, with right way..learn how to love, not only to your wife or husbands. learn how to love parents, friends, strangers..and kick bad habits away, pick up responsibility in life, work hard, stay righteous..

    I am working on my relationship too =) hopefully we all learnt and be a better man!!

  6. #66

    Default Re: Abt SEPARATION *marriage failure*

    I'm sorry to hear tt MR Big.

    But may i ask... What were you attracted about her then to get married? I mean also the 3months dating phase... Her physical appearance, some parts of her character...?

    Ok this is personal so pls dun share openly if you feel difficult. Anyway, i hope u will move on and find something more beautiful from now.

  7. #67

    Default Re: Abt SEPARATION *marriage failure*

    Quote Originally Posted by chewraisins View Post
    MrBig.. I'm surprised that you say you are Catholic & yet you can say "divorce is not a sin". Did both of you go through Holy Matrimony in Church?

    The viewpoint of the Catholic Church on marriage & divorce is:

    • Marriage is a sacrament that is indissoluble. Once a valid marriage has been consummated, It endures until one spouse dies.
    • The church does not issue divorces or recognize divorces issued by other institutions.
    • The church can issue an annulment. However, the couple must first prove to a church tribunal that the marriage was invalid.


    The above could be refered to from here.

    I'm Catholic and my wife is not lar

    I didn't have a church wedding though I would like one but my wife is against it

    As a Catholic, I would love to marry another Catholic but I won't want to restrict my options in life.

  8. #68

    Default Re: Abt SEPARATION *marriage failure*

    Quote Originally Posted by LENS View Post
    Share my little view and hope that helps you to rethink and give u some positive thought =)

    It sounds like you have big ego too, if u say your wife has big ego.. why not be the one to let go your ego first? and approach her to salvage this marriage? it is ego when we need someone to cry and beg then we give forgiveness..half-hearted.

    you take the sign that God wants you to find a better christian/catholic girls.. so do you mean christian/catholic girls are perfect girls that will match your expectation? and accept of what you are? they can be as worse as non-believer in my opinion..

    your wife may have problem but you are definitely the one who has problem too, taking a separation maybe a good time for your to learn something, quit your bad habit, care more people around you, live in a way that not always about ourself, i am not saying you are a bad person, but there are actually a lot of things we can do and change, especially those things we think it is good, but we don't like to do(behaviour like this is actually childalike and immature, selfish).. hopefully your wife do that way, so eventually both of your character grows mature and problem will be solved..

    hi friend, let's grow up and do something instead of hoping God gives you something, He had gave you a wife and a baby..they are not perfect, then so we have to learn how to live and help them to get better as a person. A relationship is really a progress of both grows and live in a mature attitude, and not selfish character.

    first thing you have to do is not to think the reason for this marriage is just because there was a baby, that's 1st wrong step, and it actually had prevent couples to build up strong relationship foundation. both of you could be very matched to each other, but with a wrong step, every quarrel you will think negatively that it is because of the wrong step.

    try to keep each a space..then try to build the relationship once again, with right way..learn how to love, not only to your wife or husbands. learn how to love parents, friends, strangers..and kick bad habits away, pick up responsibility in life, work hard, stay righteous..

    I am working on my relationship too =) hopefully we all learnt and be a better man!!
    Yes I have no doubts that I do have a male ego

    But many times I have let her crashed it

    She has been the one wearing the pants in the house and calling the shots

    I let her be but when it comes to my parents, she has crossed that LINE.

    I already let her do whatever she likes but she wants to control my LIFE

    Seems like my ego is not as big or bigger than hers

  9. #69

    Default Re: Abt SEPARATION *marriage failure*

    Quote Originally Posted by MrBig View Post
    Yes I have no doubts that I do have a male ego

    But many times I have let her crashed it

    She has been the one wearing the pants in the house and calling the shots

    I let her be but when it comes to my parents, she has crossed that LINE.

    I already let her do whatever she likes but she wants to control my LIFE

    Seems like my ego is not as big or bigger than hers
    could it be like you are the one who need to change more? are you working hard to earn stable income? do you go out and drink with friends too much? do you comment negatively on her parents and friends too? we don't know how is your life style and so we don't know is she trying to help you? if she try to control your Life in positive way, maybe she just wants to help you but she doesn't know how and do it in wrong way..



    Fix yourself first, you have a problem.

  10. #70

    Default Re: Abt SEPARATION *marriage failure*

    I'm puzzled.. .why did you marry her in the first place or what do you see in her that attracted you to her? If I may hazard a guess, was it bcos she's nice-lookin?

    Seems to me right from the start there were already obvious probs. I may be stereotyping but for guys to go on with a marriage even though there are tons of existing problems, it's usually the gal is physically attractive. It's like a itmb bomb waiting to be exploded. Yours just did for some reasons.

  11. #71
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    Default Re: Abt SEPARATION *marriage failure*

    Quote Originally Posted by MrBig View Post
    How can you have a relationship without SEX? I definitely cannot lor. Guess the temptation is just too strong to resist. I believe in making LOVE and not simply having sex just to self pleasurise.

    Who doesn't want a perfect marriage. I do.

    My partner doesn't value marriage as much as I do
    I had several gfs when I was studying and during my NS.

    One of my ex INVITED ME HOME where her parents are not around and her brother was at school and BROUGHT ME TO HER BEDROOM and invited me to SIT ON HER BED.

    Sorry to disappoint u all but no hot & steamy sex at all. In fact, we ended up looking at some photos before we went out for dinner.

    Never believed in pre-marital sex or petting. Making love is NEVER tempting neither is it a temptation BTW.

  12. #72

    Default Re: Abt SEPARATION *marriage failure*

    Quote Originally Posted by Priscilia View Post
    I'm puzzled.. .why did you marry her in the first place
    It god give him signal to be married.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lmodel View Post
    To the TS,
    A marriage takes two hands to clap and should be shouldered by both parties.
    Cheers
    Ya, a clap need both hands, maybe some can do it in one hand

  13. #73
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    Default Re: Abt SEPARATION *marriage failure*

    Quote Originally Posted by MrBig View Post
    cos it's all her fault which leads to this current state

    all she thinks is abt herself

    becos of her, my parents do not want their grandson anymore

    she thinks she can use the child as a leverage to her advantage

    she's so wrong

    i do not give in to threats

    bytheway i do not know or do not care if she has other man out there

    she's ain't worth it
    Erm... wait a minute.

    All along I'd noticed its pretty much a "Her-Her-Her" thing.

    Ever tried looking inwards on "Me-Me-Me"?

    There's no 1-way street argument in life, only 1-way assumptions.

  14. #74

    Smile Re: Abt SEPARATION *marriage failure*

    concurred.

    Quote Originally Posted by jsbn View Post
    Erm... wait a minute.

    All along I'd noticed its pretty much a "Her-Her-Her" thing.

    Ever tried looking inwards on "Me-Me-Me"?

    There's no 1-way street argument in life, only 1-way assumptions.

  15. #75
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    Default Re: Abt SEPARATION *marriage failure*

    Quote Originally Posted by Tupi Guy View Post
    It god give him signal to be married.
    From the case, it sounded more like he shot himself in the foot like a case of unprotected pre-marital sex. Doesn't seem that God gave him the signal.

  16. #76

    Default Re: Abt SEPARATION *marriage failure*

    Quote Originally Posted by MrBig View Post
    I believe in making LOVE

    But maybe you maybe you dont know what is love.

    Human, only love themselves in general. Can you dont say the word "i" for one day?

    When things happen, human always find that they are the most poor thing one.

  17. #77
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    Default Re: Abt SEPARATION *marriage failure*

    Quote Originally Posted by MrBig View Post
    Yes I have no doubts that I do have a male ego

    But many times I have let her crashed it

    She has been the one wearing the pants in the house and calling the shots
    If u have a male ego and still stubbornly holding onto that 'Me Tarzan, U Jane'. Any marriage or relationship is not going to work out.

    There's a difference between tolerance (which builds up like Krakatoa, Mt Fuji or Mt Helens & explodes) and acceptance.

    I let her be but when it comes to my parents, she has crossed that LINE.
    Its your parents. I'm sure she has parents too.

    So, is it purely a 1-way street where insulting ur parents are concerned or did u do something to earn that thing in return?

    Unless ur wife's some physo crack, an unwarranted insult on her husband's parents is next to zero.

  18. #78

    Default Re: Abt SEPARATION *marriage failure*

    Quote Originally Posted by jsbn View Post
    From the case, it sounded more like he shot himself in the foot like a case of unprotected pre-marital sex. Doesn't seem that God gave him the signal.
    That the reason i cant stand, why ppl always find that it a "God" thing??? Anything wrong GOD!!!!

    It good to have a believe as it "culture" your mind and how to be a "good" man.

    I never believe any religions are bad, it human.

  19. #79
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    Default Re: Abt SEPARATION *marriage failure*

    Quote Originally Posted by Tupi Guy View Post
    But maybe you maybe you dont know what is love.

    Human, only love themselves in general. Can you dont say the word "i" for one day?

    When things happen, human always find that they are the most poor thing one.
    There's no temptation in making love.

    MrBig had already said he can't resist THE TEMPTATION of not having sex in a relationship.

    Where Making Love is concerned, its a 2-way street and comes naturally very much like a first kiss. Its not requested for, tempted into, neither is it demanded or taken. It just... happens.

  20. #80

    Default Re: Abt SEPARATION *marriage failure*

    Quote Originally Posted by jsbn View Post
    THE TEMPTATION .
    It just a mind thing

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