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Thread: Abt SEPARATION *marriage failure*

  1. #41

    Default Re: Abt SEPARATION *marriage failure*

    Quote Originally Posted by MrBig View Post
    Thanks mate

    Deep in me, I know there's no way of salvaging this marriage unless my wife comes back crying and begging for forgiveness

    By the way, I'm a Catholic and divorce is not a SIN.
    Marriage is something BOTH must work on every day. And in all relationship, there is one who will give more and the other take more. Once both recognize that, then will it work.

    If one already decided to give up, then there's nothing the other can do, except to wish each other well. Hopefully their lives would be better then when both of you are together. Neither of you must harbor hate, becos your children will feel it and bring it into their own relationships.

    Peace be with you.
    Last edited by Caspere; 16th February 2007 at 02:18 PM.
    CS says, "We can't help you ignore yourself."

  2. #42
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    Default Re: Abt SEPARATION *marriage failure*

    Quote Originally Posted by Caspere View Post
    Marriage is something BOTH must work on every day. And in all relationship, there is one who will give more and the other take more. Once both recognize that, then will it work.

    I used to think my spouse always give me and parents hard time, but after much conversation, quarrels, timeouts, did I realize that she is already like that with her parents. So it a matter of her experience and value taught by her parents vs your experience.

    If one already decided to give up, then there's nothing the other can do, except to wish each other well. Hopefully their lives would be better then when both of you are together. Neither of you must harbor hate, becos your children will feel it and bring it into their own relationships.

    I can say these cos I m married 15 yrs, and everyday it is our responsibility to work to keep the love going. I already forgotten how many times we had big quarrels and divorce is being mentioned. Luckily both of us apologises quick enough, and the WANT to keep it going.

    Peace be with you.
    Well said man. which couples dont get in fights? When there is a unhappiness, use words to express it show each other how you feel. Clear the air up and i believe everything is gonna be just fine. I admit that me and my wife did get into fight sometimes, but just sort things out calmly, there's nothing in this world you cant resolve.

  3. #43

    Smile Re: Abt SEPARATION *marriage failure*

    yes, you did not. hiring a lawyer to advise you eg. on the terms of separation, etc. to make an informed decision. to give you an example. an acquaintance of mine whose wife initiated separation. as part of term of separation, her lawyer advised her to put in a $1 claim for maintenance. my acquaintance was not sure what it meant. it meant she has not waive her right to claim maintenance from him under women charters. it may mean that she can apply to the family court to vary this amount upwards when she wants to. so, with $50, he sought a lawyer's advice. the lawyer told him as above. eventually, he refused to agree to this term. at last, she agreed to waive her right to claim maintenance from him. hopes it shed some light on the prudent move to get proper legal advice. unless you are a lawyer yourself and familiar with family laws.

    Quote Originally Posted by MrBig View Post
    why shld i hire a lawyer when i didn't ask for this (separation) in the first place

  4. #44
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    Default Re: Abt SEPARATION *marriage failure*

    Quote Originally Posted by raincool2005 View Post
    nothing new.. with pressures and stress of modern life... i expect such may happen.

    Sometimes it is better to be alone... but alone also means lonely.
    And the olden days are more carefree when ppl are struggling to meet the basic requirements in Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs?

  5. #45

    Default Re: Abt SEPARATION *marriage failure*

    Quote Originally Posted by shawnlim View Post
    is that he best solution? Anyway to salvage your marriage?
    make baby!

  6. #46

    Default Re: Abt SEPARATION *marriage failure*

    Yah man, there are no couples on Earth without quarrels. If there is, it is a big problem.

    I believe all marriage can be saved through professional help, provided both parties are willing to work on their marriage. Many couples fear 'losing their face' when approaching counsellors for help. Well, the rewards of seeking a counsellor outweighs the losing of 'face'.

    I agree that if 1 party decides to give up, The marriage is considered dead. I also agree that your child must be well taken care of mentally. The break-up will affect his/her marriage life in future. It is a pattern that can be sustained for generations in your blood-line. It will require professional help to break the pattern.

    God bless.

  7. #47

    Default Re: Abt SEPARATION *marriage failure*

    Quote Originally Posted by jsbn View Post
    And the olden days are more carefree when ppl are struggling to meet the basic requirements in Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs?
    Organisation Behavior

    5 needs

  8. #48
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    Default Re: Abt SEPARATION *marriage failure*

    feel sorry for the boy...ur cutody or ur wife's?

    take it to stride and move on.....

  9. #49
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    Default Re: Abt SEPARATION *marriage failure*

    Quote Originally Posted by amateur_photographer View Post
    make baby!
    Doubled-edged sword. It serves to save or destroy.

  10. #50

    Default Re: Abt SEPARATION *marriage failure*

    Quote Originally Posted by MrBig View Post
    3 months courtship then marriage coz found out got baby

    i took that as a sign from God that it's time to settle down liao...sighz...who knows...
    Har... I'm sorry to hear of your condition but maybe that's where the problem lie? It was a rash decision and act. Wow sign from God certainly it is not!

    I'm not reproaching you (no right to do that). But I think b4 marriage, it's important to consider what lies ahead. Many times, we think ok nevermind, he/she will change, the sun will shine after the rain somehow, take things as they come. Truth is many times, they don't happen. Also, premarriage conception is probably the toughest situation to be in.

    I'm surprised cos I thot the Catholic faith is very strict on such stuffs. Divorce and premarital thingy.

    Hope life will be better for u after this...

  11. #51
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    Default Re: Abt SEPARATION *marriage failure*

    Quote Originally Posted by Caspere View Post
    Marriage is something BOTH must work on every day. And in all relationship, there is one who will give more and the other take more. Once both recognize that, then will it work.

    I used to think my spouse always give me and parents hard time, but after much conversation, quarrels, timeouts, did I realize that she is already like that with her parents. So it a matter of her experience and value taught by her parents vs your experience.

    If one already decided to give up, then there's nothing the other can do, except to wish each other well. Hopefully their lives would be better then when both of you are together. Neither of you must harbor hate, becos your children will feel it and bring it into their own relationships.

    I can say these cos I m married 15 yrs, and everyday it is our responsibility to work to keep the love going. I already forgotten how many times we had big quarrels and divorce is being mentioned. Luckily both of us apologises quick enough, and the WANT to keep it going.

    Peace be with you.
    Agree agree...
    A marriage without quarrels and tiffs must be a "movieworld marriage". My personal experience is that having domestic argumants and quarrels does help strengthen the relation ship - provided during each incident, there must be one who give in...and problem settle peacefully. Usually the first 5 years is the challenge....

    Always remember the times of your courtship...how sweet its was and how it actually bring both of the couples together.

    I personally have a divorced immediate family member. Life is really tough with three kids along side and the husband just disappear into thin air. Its the Children who suffer. UNLESS the family circle of the child is relaly really really really strong and can give really good family care & love, the kid from a broken family may not be able to make it well in life. Thank god my nieces and nephew grew up well.

  12. #52

    Default Re: Abt SEPARATION *marriage failure*

    Quote Originally Posted by MrBig View Post
    Thanks mate

    Deep in me, I know there's no way of salvaging this marriage unless my wife comes back crying and begging for forgiveness

    By the way, I'm a Catholic and divorce is not a SIN.
    I am not going to touch on the topic of sin.

    If you have the bible, meditate on Matthew 19 and Galatians 5:22-33

    I hope God speak to you personally thru HIS Word.

    God bless.

  13. #53

    Default Re: Abt SEPARATION *marriage failure*

    Quote Originally Posted by Sjourn View Post
    feel sorry for the boy...ur cutody or ur wife's?

    take it to stride and move on.....
    on the separation paper, it states the child will solely be under his mum's custody and I'm only allow to visit him on saturday at a given time.

    if my wife doesn't want him then of course i'll take good care of him

    i won't fight for full custody of my child cos firstly i'm not capable of looking after him myself
    i'll need outsiders help
    secondly his mum has been carrying him for whole 9 months, it just won't be right to take him away from her

    i've never seen such a WOMAN b4

  14. #54

    Default Re: Abt SEPARATION *marriage failure*

    Quote Originally Posted by Priscilia View Post

    I'm surprised cos I thot the Catholic faith is very strict on such stuffs. Divorce and premarital thingy.

    Hope life will be better for u after this...

    I am surprised too. I am a strong protestant of not having sex before marriage and no divorce.

    Marriage unites 2 different persons into 1 body. Sex is the holy symbol that signifies this unity. However, the devil has managed to use the media to send a message across the World that having sex before marriage is ok. This act destroys the holy symbol of sex.

    Hope i dun sound too 'cheong hei' here.
    Last edited by Bernard Ong; 16th February 2007 at 11:14 AM.

  15. #55

    Default Re: Abt SEPARATION *marriage failure*

    Quote Originally Posted by Priscilia View Post
    Har... I'm sorry to hear of your condition but maybe that's where the problem lie? It was a rash decision and act. Wow sign from God certainly it is not!

    I'm not reproaching you (no right to do that). But I think b4 marriage, it's important to consider what lies ahead. Many times, we think ok nevermind, he/she will change, the sun will shine after the rain somehow, take things as they come. Truth is many times, they don't happen. Also, premarriage conception is probably the toughest situation to be in.

    I'm surprised cos I thot the Catholic faith is very strict on such stuffs. Divorce and premarital thingy.

    Hope life will be better for u after this...
    all along I thought I'm not the marrying kind cos I just like to do my own things

    I love to do what I want but on the other hand I see myself a very family person

    then all of sudden a baby appeared and I took that as a sign that it's about time to settle down and enter the next phase in life

    who knows, my wife does not share the same vision as mine

    bytheway, she's a free thinker and she's strongerly against me for wanting to bring my child to church on Sundays.

    I've been giving in to her alot. I stopped hanging out with my regular group of friends cos I know she didn't like them in the first place.

    Everytime after work, I'd definitely go home straight and that's basically my day.

    As a catholic, I believe in society shaping the religion, premartial sex and divorces are norms in todays' society

    Gone are days when women will stick to their men thru thick and thin

    It's just so rare

    I'd love to be like in my parents' state - married for 30 over years and still going strong

    Guess my wife is not the right woman *sighz*

  16. #56
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    Default Re: Abt SEPARATION *marriage failure*

    Quote Originally Posted by Bernard Ong View Post
    I am surprised too. I am a strong protestant of not having sex before marriage and no divorce.

    Marriage unites 2 different persons into 1 body. Sex is the holy symbol that signifies this unity. However, the devil has managed to use the media to send a message across the World that having sex before marriage if ok. This act destroys the holy symbol of sex.

    Hope i dun sound too 'cheong hei' here.

    *Yellow Card*

    Getting alittle too religious here. Not encouraged in forums.

  17. #57
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    Default Re: Abt SEPARATION *marriage failure*

    Quote Originally Posted by MrBig View Post
    Thanks mate

    Deep in me, I know there's no way of salvaging this marriage unless my wife comes back crying and begging for forgiveness

    By the way, I'm a Catholic and divorce is not a SIN.
    HI,

    I did not read everything here, but why does your wife needs to beg for forgiveness?

    Does this separation involves a third party, eg having affairs etc?

    or is it character differences. if so, please seek professional help.

    Have you look towards yourself to see how you have contributed to issues? Can you change for the sake of your child living in an intact family?

    You dont need to reply to this. just some food for thought.

  18. #58

    Default Re: Abt SEPARATION *marriage failure*

    Quote Originally Posted by Lmodel View Post
    *Yellow Card*

    Getting alittle too religious here. Not encouraged in forums.
    Ha, thanks for reminding.

  19. #59

    Default Re: Abt SEPARATION *marriage failure*

    Quote Originally Posted by Bernard Ong View Post
    I am surprised too. I am a strong protestant of not having sex before marriage and no divorce.

    Marriage unites 2 different persons into 1 body. Sex is the holy symbol that signifies this unity. However, the devil has managed to use the media to send a message across the World that having sex before marriage if ok. This act destroys the holy symbol of sex.

    Hope i dun sound too 'cheong hei' here.
    How can you have a relationship without SEX? I definitely cannot lor. Guess the temptation is just too strong to resist. I believe in making LOVE and not simply having sex just to self pleasurise.

    Who doesn't want a perfect marriage. I do.

    My partner doesn't value marriage as much as I do

  20. #60

    Default Re: Abt SEPARATION *marriage failure*

    sorry to hear about ur marriage..... we bros here, just tot that getting the marriage back together will be another solution. we can advise this and that. but the ultimate choice is up to you. so hope u have arrived at a decistion of whats the next step.

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