the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak......
the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak......
if we have made a conscious choice to be with someone for good, we have to make things work no matter what. hence, first come first served, others who come along later...too bad. live with no regrets.
but then, that's me.
It is not my intention here to seek permission or blessing to fling.
I think it is nice to talk about this topic since we face it all the times and having people like Zplus; Centuryegg; Begnin; Francis, Raptor and many others to share their inspirational thoughts. Form people’s experiences, maybe I can understand more about love which we have been yearning for or even willing to die for.
Love can cause the downfall of an empire.
Love can launch a thousand warships.
If you happen to meet apple first, you will have to give up on Orange for being the later. But if you did not try out the Orange, then how do you know how deep your love for Apple is. If you happen to love Orange more and you stick with Apple, wouldn’t your life be full of regrets?
Last edited by Silence Sky; 21st December 2006 at 06:39 PM.
Just my 2 cents.
You can try to decompose this situation into two parts, and hopefully this way you will find your happiness.
Before going into your newfound interest in another person, you should look at your current relationship. Try to do this independent from whether you have feelings for another person. Do you still love her? Is your feelings for her different now than when you marry her? why? can you do something about it? (is she driving you mad?) You definitely would want to resolve this first. If you do want to split, don't do it because you want to be with another person. Because some day, you may end up in the same situation with this new person.
Only after resolving the first issue, you can then move on to explore whether your feelings for the other person is "real". I do hope that the attraction is mutual. BTW, I believe it is normal to have feelings for another person even when you are already in a relationship (married, gf). It is just human to have such feelings. Once you accepted this, then you can start managing your feelings. I believe love is like a tree. If you don't take care of it, then it will die. As someone already pointed out, you can try to avoid contacts with this new interest of yours. That is, you need to choose which "tree" that you want to take care, and I do hope that you will be happy.
I'm sure in our life we will meet people that we may have strong feelings for. Today it may be this girl, but tomorrow it could be another. So in the end, you may end up alone. That is the worst case scenario.
FYI, I'm an engineer (can't you tell?), and this perhaps is an engineering approach your problem.
i tink love is not just about the inital falling in love feeling..... its much more than that man....
time to take out that 1K+ coffee book and start watching your wedding videos again!
that is why wedding photographers/videographers work is priceless!
also if you want to redo it, most of the time expenses would have increased, like wedding tables, MUA, photog and relatives will not give you go big an ang bao as the last one.
be a good husband or bf ..
just tell the girl " I am married / attached "
instead of appreciating Apple for what it is, crunchy and full of nutrients, you are tempted by Orange, in actual fact, a Forbidden fruit. who knows? Orange may appear bright and cheery on the outside, but after tasting, you may find it too sour and worse, allergic to it!
that's the worst case scenario. but all fruits will turn bad with time, even oranges....are you able to handle that fact?
my advice to you again is to find peace within your own heart. it is unfair and impossible to depend on others for our own happiness. ("only she can make me happy, but i cannot get her", etc). happiness is for you to find yourself, and give it to others, not to take. regrets come from a weakness of character, an inability to accept or deal with reality.
don't let the vicious cycle of regrets start within yourself.
many of the people here are posting out of compassion for your situation. even though you may not entirely agree with what they say, do take time to extract points which are relevant to you. personally i agree with what rudigunawan says in post #67. find out what it is that make you want to go 'shopping', and whether you can resolve the situation. choices you make ultimately comes around to affect you. so choose wisely.
Anyway, it is TS life.. up to him to deal with this his own way.
Just to add.... The thought suddentely sprang to my mind and I want to say I really really hope you are did not fall for a China girl you met in some place.... No offence but have seen too many of such cases... Seen so many friends married with kid, established in careers have their entire future sunk because of a Chinese lass they met during overseas biz trip, during entertainment trip to nightclub etc.
All of them the same reaction.... happily married today next day seperated and say they found their "real" or "new" love.. say the girl make them feel what they never feel before.... sigh poor souls....
anyway it appears to me that you already made up your mind that you love orange more. the very 1st reply said everything already, it's i-n-f-a-t-u-a-t-i-o-n. it's your own life, no one can live for you good luck to you.