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Thread: Gf's bro wanted my free service.

  1. #121
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    Default Re: Gf's bro wanted my free service.

    Tell them your camera spoil.

    And you can add nicely that this is an important, once-in-a-lifetime event, better to hire a professional.

    Seriously. That's *exactly* what I did when some relatives asked me to cover wedding. I was adamant. No way.
    Sony Alpha system user. www.pbase.com/synapseman

  2. #122

    Default Re: Gf's bro wanted my free service.

    very funny reading all the constructive comments posted.

    i feel the gf was bit silly in offering to shoot with a p&s, and now she got into a fix
    coz p&s will be hard to get the kind of standard shots for wedding.
    And u feel trapped coz u happen to have a dslr. lol

    if u gf is understanding, she wont insist u to help this one out, since her brother
    is so cheapskate. Better to let him hire someone else to take the shots. Or offer
    to find a replacement instead. (this way, it will be obvious to him, that u are simply
    not interested to shoot, excused from giving ang bao, and a chance to eat a dinner
    which probably you won't get more than 10 bites of the food.
    lol)

    Remember....once u screw up the photos...u are quite screwed for the rest of
    your life (if are really marrying ur gf, and her bro will be ur bro-in-law, and u will feel miserable every chinese new year...lol)
    One-North Explorers
    | Leave nothing but footprints, take nothing but photos |

  3. #123

    Default Re: Gf's bro wanted my free service.

    Well, I think you can simply tell him that you won't mind helping him to find someone who is better qualified. It's one in a lifetime thingy... so you dun want to screw up his event.

    If your gf is understanding enough she will understand your dilemna.

  4. #124

    Default Re: Gf's bro wanted my free service.

    lifetime?... .. .. ..

  5. #125

    Default Re: Gf's bro wanted my free service.

    Quote Originally Posted by palvin View Post
    If i were in your shoes, i would shoot for him too. But my gf's bro is those that is hard to part his money with. Don't think he will give me good ang pow.
    And talking about appreciation, my gf's bro's wife said "thank you" to me without looking at me but looked on the floor instead, when i took their ROM pics for free!
    Palvin,

    You are really between a rock and a hard place. Either way, you are screwed. The decision you made should be based on which is the lesser of 2 evils. Bear in mind, I really do not care how you feel about your future brother in law, how you think he is a cheapskate, how you are being taken advantage of. Those are neither of the 2 evils you are facing.

    I am making an assumption that you and your gf are in a or going towards a long term relationship. If not, decision is so much easier.

    I am also making another assumption that you are not a professional photographer, nor a semi-professional, nor a seasoned wedding photographer.

    So, here are your real problems.

    You don't shoot.
    1) Your gf gets unhappy. She is put on the spot becasue you refused to help.
    2) Your future father and mother in laws get unhappy. (you brother in law's feeling does not count.)

    You shoot.
    1) Your pictures came out ok, nothing great, and all your future in laws start complaining. (My assumption is your pictures won't be good because you don't want to shoot and you are not experienced)
    2) Your gf is put on the spot because your pictures were not masterpieces.
    If you shoot, there will be one more downside. Other relatives will be asking. And you won't be able to charge them, and even if you can, at slave labor rates.

    I don't know what you will do. I know what I will do. I never say no to any request for a shoot of anything, but I will always charge expenses. No exception. And I quote extremely high expenses, which scares away everyone, except one, and man, that was a tough experience. So, I triple my expenses since then. No one ask me to shoot things I don't like to shoot any more.

    I won't shoot. Simple. I would tell him straight up, that I never shoot if my expenses not covered. What's your excuses? You have to think of one. Be honest, but a white lie sometimes makes things easier to swallow.
    deadpoet
    my portfolio

  6. #126

    Default Re: Gf's bro wanted my free service.

    Quote Originally Posted by palvin View Post
    If i were in your shoes, i would shoot for him too. But my gf's bro is those that is hard to part his money with. Don't think he will give me good ang pow.
    And talking about appreciation, my gf's bro's wife said "thank you" to me without looking at me but looked on the floor instead, when i took their ROM pics for free!
    Hi Palvin
    I read thru the YOUR POSTINGS, and if you dun mind me saying, I think your gf's bro is selfish, stingy, got bad attitute, calculative and not humble, and sad to say, i feel that you are just as worse.
    When you love someone, it doesnt mean you have to do only nice things for her alone, or only doing good things to ppl related to her. A person's real worth is to do good things for everyone, and not looking for a return favour.
    You keep complaining abt yr gf's bro, but at the same time you are complaining abt "small ang pow", "free service", "not appreciating", etc.... why are you so petty? Yes anyone will complain, but take it as not everyone is the same and STOP looking at other ppl like that when you should look at yrself.
    The solution is very simple:
    If I love this girl, I will give my time and effort to give my best shots for his wedding, and also give him a presentable ang pow and NOT thinking of anything in return. My gf will be able to see the true me in this action. But if I have not enough confidence of my standard of photography, I will request that I can HELP in the shooting instead, and advise him to engage a "pro" instead.
    Come on, grow up. Dun be such a petty a55hole.....
    Last edited by Canonised; 12th December 2006 at 12:06 PM.
    always the Light, .... always.

  7. #127

    Default Re: Gf's bro wanted my free service.

    *i sense a disturbance in the Force*

    One-North Explorers
    | Leave nothing but footprints, take nothing but photos |

  8. #128
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    Default Re: Gf's bro wanted my free service.

    Quote Originally Posted by Canonised View Post
    Hi Palvin
    I read thru the YOUR POSTINGS, and if you dun mind me saying, I think your gf's bro is selfish, stingy, got bad attitute, calculative and not humble, and sad to say, i feel that you are just as worse.
    When you love someone, it doesnt mean you have to do only nice things for her alone, or only doing good things to ppl related to her. A person's real worth is to do good things for everyone, and not looking for a return favour.
    You keep complaining abt yr gf's bro, but at the same time you are complaining abt "small ang pow", "free service", "not appreciating", etc.... why are you so petty? Yes anyone will complain, but take it as not everyone is the same and STOP looking at other ppl like that when you should look at yrself.
    The solution is very simple:
    If I love this girl, I will give my time and effort to give my best shots for his wedding, and also give him a presentable ang pow and NOT thinking of anything in return. My gf will be able to see the true me in this action. But if I have not enough confidence of my standard of photography, I will request that I can HELP in the shooting instead, and advise him to engage a "pro" instead.
    Come on, grow up. Dun be such a petty a55hole.....
    I don't think Palvin is petty... We can't expect him NOT to gripe about doing sh*t for people he don't like...

    We all do things we do not like and we all complain don't we? Reminds me of NS times...

  9. #129
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    Default Re: Gf's bro wanted my free service.

    *sign*
    Only Sony device mostly, haha!

  10. #130
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    Default Re: Gf's bro wanted my free service.

    Quote Originally Posted by palvin View Post
    He's someone who is too calculative. Even his own sister, he will calculate every single cents. Hence, i don't think i have the heart to take pics for him.
    You keep harping on his faults.......don't make it become 'your' problem. That's his......just don't become like him too by weighing things against each other.

    The fact that you would do it for a better person, means you like to do the wedding photography. So, just do it, no matter for who it is.

    Whatever aftereffects it will create, that is not your current concern, unless you know your photography is lousy, then you have the responsibility to tell him.

    And whatever you do, do it with heart, and do your best for it!

    HS

  11. #131

    Default Re: Gf's bro wanted my free service.

    We really never asked Palvin, if he were to shoot, can he deliver. Can he to a degree of certainty, knows that his picture will be deliverable?
    deadpoet
    my portfolio

  12. #132

    Default Re: Gf's bro wanted my free service.

    Quote Originally Posted by dr34mc4st3r View Post
    say no to chao kuang people
    Agree, there are plenty of such people. There are some who even
    "siam" your calls and sms to collect their photos or videos after weddings.

  13. #133
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    Default Re: Gf's bro wanted my free service.

    Say yes, Then Fall Sick on the actual day lor....

    So cheap, Want Cheap, Want Fresh, Want big N*H N*H, His dinner worth so much money ah? riz calton also $1800/table thats $180/pax, im sure any free lance photographer even the most lousy one commands a better pay then that lor.

    Usually I don't entertain all these cheapo customers, they want cheap I always refer them to another sub-standard shop at dirt cheap prices. I give them the names, contact numbers, i even offer to make appointments for them.

    Relatives Get perks, in other means, maybe free gifts or free prints, i would glady throw in a collage or album, but still must pay. In fact people whom are more willing to pay, Im more willing to give them a discount or extra perks. Cheapos just don't get it. The last thing anyone running a business or providing services want to do is to give FOC, or dirt cheap. Bcos it will stick with you for a long time.

  14. #134

    Default Re: Gf's bro wanted my free service.

    I won't say "if I were you, I would... " 'cos for one, I don't have any problems with my 2 brothers-in-law..

    Jokes aside, I think in your current situation, you can only say yes or no.

    Now, if you say yes, are you able and willing to deliver? Are you able to connect and take good shots, or will you be sulking and fuming the whole day and as such, affects your eye, your judgement and results in badly taken shots?

    And if you say no, what is the reason you going to give and is it acceptable at face value? I do not advocate saying yes and then coming down with sickness, bad equipment or messing up the shots. It may give you a momentary sense of satisfaction at screwing him up, but is leaves a bad aftertaste, probably for years to come, maybe even life...
    • Perhaps just a statement that you are not up to it or
    • perhaps your equipment has been acting up frequently lately, you sent it in, but the technician cannot identify the fault, but it persists and you been missing shots because of the intermittent?


    Whatever reason you give for a no answer, stay firm with your "no" and leave enough room for everybody to exit gracefully; that the people who matter will be able to accept your "no" instead of saying you are BS

    Leave also enough time for the groom to make alternate arrangements. the worst possible alternate cheapo alternate is that if he insists your gf cover the event with her PnS ? Another poser for you?
    Last edited by skf; 12th December 2006 at 03:38 PM.

  15. #135
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    Default Re: Gf's bro wanted my free service.

    Quote Originally Posted by Belle&Sebastain View Post
    i have a better idea, why not email him a few photogs that you admire, and tell him that you spend effort finding a photographer for him?
    crafty!!

  16. #136

    Default Re: Gf's bro wanted my free service.

    So many comments and advises!!!

    Like they say, 'too many cooks spoil the food (or whatever)', well, here's one more cook...

    1. If you think you ought to be paid and you are paid, do a good job.

    2. If you think you're not good enough, tell him. If he insists then tell him if not good then don't blame you and he will NEVER mention about how lousy it is ever again, because he insisted on you taking.

    3. It's his wedding, probably his only wedding, he has the chance to screw-up his only wedding (through you of course), decision is his and so is responsibility, not yours. You may screw-up, but it's not your wedding, so what the heck (heh heh, sounds bad yah). You are probably wiser to hire a pro for your own wedding.

    4. Better for him to blame someone else if shots are no good than you. He'll only blame you for not taking the pics. He can't say your skills are lousy, etc.

    Good luck, let us know the outcome.
    Last edited by runes; 12th December 2006 at 05:32 PM.

  17. #137
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    Default Re: Gf's bro wanted my free service.

    Quote Originally Posted by palvin View Post
    True but how am i to tell my gf? Its her bro afterall.
    How does your GF feel about this? Have you discussed this with her? Seems like your (potential) brother-in-law is a real cheapskate! I think though, that it's important to get your feelings on this matter out in the open (with her), rather than let it bother you while keeping silent. After all silence IS consent!!

  18. #138

    Default Re: Gf's bro wanted my free service.

    Just tell him you are not confident of shooting a full wedding cause its a once in lifetime thing. Its hard to shoot something when your heart is not in it..

  19. #139

    Default Re: Gf's bro wanted my free service.

    The cheapskate people usually think in the same way. They want many many photographs, of them doing everything. So, I'm sure Palvin can deliver.

    All you need is a good flash, lots of battery, set the camera to 'P' or 'Auto' mode, and keep shooting. Save it as JPEG. No need superfine even. Keep the filesize small, and keep shooting at everything. No need to compose very well. Just keep it quite wide and get everything in the frame. Not so wide until got distortion (cheapskate people don't like that arty farty thing). It should be a rather brainless affair.

    Get a portable HDD and keep storing them. After that, burn a DVD for him. If he gets loads of pictures, he will say that you are good. Such is the mentality of the cheapskate people. I have a friend who is a bit like that. She paid for her photographer (but he was cheap). She got loads and loads of lousy shots of her looking like a ghost, but she loves it.

    I say shoot the event and enjoy yourself. You need to be there anyway, so there's no opportunity cost. So, you get to be there, enjoy yourself, save yourself one Ang Pow money, and he'll be happy if he gets loads of shots... and you won't need to confront your girlfriend.
    Last edited by nottipiglet; 12th December 2006 at 06:29 PM. Reason: typo

  20. #140

    Default Re: Gf's bro wanted my free service.

    The comments given here are all over the fence... anyway, here's my advice:

    Firstly, since your gf said that she wants you to help take photos, I guess she was expect you to do it on your part, maybe because she trust you, maybe because she felt that she could save on expenses(remember that most people probably won't understand why photographers are so expensive to hire, since 'anyone' can just pick up a camera and shoot. Goes the same for alot of other jobs.)

    Secondly, for me, I wouldn't mind doing the photoshoot, cuz firstly, I'm doing it on the request of my gf, not on her brother's request. It makes a difference. Secondly, I won't be so calculative on money matters.. treat it as though it's a practice session. Or a day out just to enjoy your hobby (shooting).

    Now think of the short term vs long term possible gains/damages.
    Yes, you'll save on shuttercount, you save on services, you'll save on alot of other things.. However, what happens to that faith your gf had of you, what happens to the relationship between you and her family members? Would they think of you as a money-minded individual? (not that i'm implying you're one) I just feel that sometimes, we shouldn't be too calculative.. For example, I've given treats to my friends numerous times, but have never thought of wanting a similar treat back. Why then, should it apply to a future family member? Sometimes, money just isn't everything.

    Put yourself in your gf's shoes, she's probably sandwiched in between right now. She want's both you and her brother to have what they want. It isn't easy to be in that position.
    Last edited by Lolrence; 12th December 2006 at 09:58 PM.

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