Results 1 to 7 of 7

Thread: Some jokes again.

  1. #1
    Senior Member Canew's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Tampines
    Posts
    2,229

    Default Some jokes again.

    1. An elderly couple were on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard. They searched for days and couldn't find her, so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something. Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat. It read: "Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom of the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her butt was an oyster and in it was a pearl worth $50,000. please advise." The old man faxed back: "Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap."

    2. A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive! She lives for ten more years, and then dies. Once again, a ceremony is held, and at the end of it, the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket. As they carry the casket towards the door, the husband cries out, "Watch that wall!"

    3. When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady sitting on a park bench sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong. She said, "I have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love to me every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee." I said, "Well, then why are you crying?" She said, "He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies and then makes love to me for half the afternoon. I said, "Well, why are you crying?" She said,
    "For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then makes love to me until 2:00 a.m." I said, "Well, why in the world would you be crying?" She said, "I can't remember where I live!"

    4. Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me....I know we've been friends for a long time.....but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is. "Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"

    5.

  2. #2

    Default Re: Some jokes again.



    Love #4!!
    The Art of Flying - Aviation Art Prints for sale
    http://TheArtofFlying.wordpress.com/

  3. #3

    Default Re: Some jokes again.

    Great~!... my smile of the day after a day of miserable work...

  4. #4
    Senior Member Canew's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Tampines
    Posts
    2,229

    Default Re: Some jokes again.

    Phillip (my Idol) and Ross, glad that you liked them.
    For me, the best was #5.

  5. #5

    Default Re: Some jokes again.

    Thanks for the laugh!

    I've seen #5 before. I really liked #2 & #3
    sk.images, ex - cyber_m0nkey

  6. #6

    Default Re: Some jokes again.

    hahaha...cool jokes

  7. #7

    Default Re: Some jokes again.

    A timeless lesson on how consultants can make a difference for an organization.

    Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange.

    When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.

    When the waiter came back to serve our soup, I asked, "Why the spoon?"

    "Well," he explained, "the restaurant's owners hired ABC Consulting to revamp all our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift."

    As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare.

    "I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now."

    I was impressed. I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies.

    So before he walked off, I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?"

    "Oh, yes!" Then he lowered his voice. "Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in the restroom. By tying this string to the tip of you know what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39 percent."

    "After you get it out, how do you put it back?"

    "Well," he whispered, "I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon."

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •