9th February 2006, 05:10 PM
A young Executive was leaving the office at 6 p.m., and then he found the Manager standing in front of the shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.
"Listen," said the Manager, "this is a very sensitive and important document. Can you make this thing work?"
"Certainly," said the young Executive. He turned the machine on, insert the paper, and pressed the Start button.
"Excellent, excellent!" said the Manager as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need two copies."
Lesson 1: Never, never assume that your boss knows everything.
A grumpy old man walks into a bank and says to the Teller at the counter, "I want to open a damn checking account."
To which the astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misheard you. What did you say?"
"Listen up bitch! I said, I want to open a damn checking account right now!"
"I'm very sorry sir, but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this bank."
Having said this, the Teller leaves the window and goes over to the Manager to tell him about her problem customer. They both return and the manager asks the old geezer, "What seems to be the problem here?"
"There's no damn problem, sonny," the elderly man says. "I just won 50 million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to open a damn checking account in this damn bank!"
"I see," says the Manager thoughtfully. "And you're saying that this bitch here is giving you a hard time?"
Lesson 2: If you are rich, you can get away with almost anything.
An American and a Japanese were sitting on the plane on the way to LA when the American turned to the Japanese and asked, "What kind -ese are you?"
The Japanese confused, replied, "Sorry but I don't understand what you mean."
The American repeated, "What kind of -ese are you?" Again, the Japanese was confused over the question. The American, now irritated, then yelled, "What kind of -ese are you...Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese!?"
The Japanese then replied, "Oh, I am a Japanese."
A while later the Japanese turned to the American and asked "What kind of -kee" was he. The American, frustrated, yelled, "What do you mean what kind of -kee am I?!" The Japanese said, "Are you a Yankee, donkee, or monkee?"
Lesson 3: Never insult anyone.
There were these 4 guys, a French, a Russian, a German and a Singaporean, who found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appeared. Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle, he said, "Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you a wish.
When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool of water to become, then your wish will come true."
The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted "wine". The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The Frenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool.
Next is the Russian's turn, he did the same and shouted, "vodka" and immersed himself into a pool of vodka.
The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "beer". He was so contented with his beer pool.
The last is the Singaporean. He was running towards the pool when suddenly he steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted, "shiiittt...!!!"
Lesson 4: Think twice before you say something, because sometimes accidents do happen.