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Thread: Single and staying with your parent

  1. #1
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    Default Single and staying with your parent

    Anybody out there single and staying with your parent?
    I understand old folks they have some bad habbit and they can't change overnight.
    How do you overcome this problem if you are the only one who is staying with them and taking care of them?
    Care to share your experience?
    Last edited by ghost77; 26th January 2006 at 09:34 AM.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Single and staying with your parent

    depends wat type of habits... if u stay long enuff with them, u might even incorporate the habits as your own...

    anyway, either u live with it, or u go... its their place unless u bought it & invite them to stay over...
    Logging Off. "You have 2,631 messages stored, of a total 400 allowed." don't PM me.

  3. #3

    Default Re: Single and staying with your parent

    Quote Originally Posted by ghost77
    Anybody out there single and staying with your parent?
    I understand old folks they have some bad habbit and they can't change overnight.
    How do you overcome this problem if you are the only one who is staying with them and taking care of them?
    Care to share your experience?
    What kindof bad habits are you refering to?
    cannot on the hifi too loud?
    cannot return home late?
    or cannot cook in the kitchen?

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Single and staying with your parent

    Well, the house is belonged to me and they are staying with me.
    I am the owner of the house. Both of them are not working and I gave them money to spend monthly.
    One of them smoke in the house and I always take in the second-hand smoke, I have no choice that I have to tell them off.
    The other one likes to keep all the old stuff and never bother to keep them in place and letting the cockroach and lizard to breed.
    Every year of this time, I always have to do the house cleaning. I have been doing this for years and this thing keeps on happening the same over the years.
    For example, last night after I finished my work, went home and cleaned the kitchen until 11pm. I went to sleep very very tired. Today early in the morning at 5am I heard my father walking in and out of the house watering the plant. I walked out and saw the flower pot are flooding with water. This is wasting of water and killing the plant.
    I just washed away those green green thing that grown below the flower pot two days ago and I have to use a lot of strength to scrap away the stubborn stain. In fact, those plant on the flower pot are all dead but my mother disagree to throw them away.
    Do you thing i am being unfilial if I shouted are them?
    Last edited by ghost77; 26th January 2006 at 10:03 AM.

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    Default Re: Single and staying with your parent

    Quote Originally Posted by ghost77
    Anybody out there single and staying with your parent?
    I understand old folks they have some bad habbit and they can't change overnight.
    How do you overcome this problem if you are the only one who is staying with them and taking care of them?
    Care to share your experience?
    U have been born, bred and lived with ur parents for like... the past 20yrs (?) and u tell me that u can't stand them for what u'd lived with for the past 20yrs?

    *clap-clap-clap*

    Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to u the Latest Generation of Young Singaporeans!
    "Wonders of the Human Mind. Unfathomable to the highest degree."

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Single and staying with your parent

    Which type of flat do you live in? 3rm or 4rm?


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    Default Re: Single and staying with your parent

    Wahaha.. it's the uniqueness of old folks in their own areas... live with it, complain and kpkb if you want, but when they're no longer around... you'll be missing it.

    Treasure what you have...

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    Default Re: Single and staying with your parent

    we only see 1 side of the story anyway...

    if u really can't live with them, den find another place to move... den let them stay there... its just about adapting & adopting...
    Logging Off. "You have 2,631 messages stored, of a total 400 allowed." don't PM me.

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    Default Re: Single and staying with your parent

    I never said I can't stand them. If I can't stand I would not have them stay with me for so many years and take care of them for so many years.
    I just hoping that someone out there having the same problem with me and care to share the experience with me.

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Single and staying with your parent

    Quote Originally Posted by ghost77
    Well, the house is belonged to me and they are staying with me.
    I am the owner of the house. Both of them are not working and I gave them money to spend monthly.
    One of them smoke in the house and I always take in the second-hand smoke, I have no choice that I have to tell them off.
    The other one likes to keep all the old stuff and never bother to keep them in place and letting the cockroach and lizard to breed.
    Every year of this time, I always have to do the house cleaning. I have been doing this for years and this thing keeps on happening the same over the years.
    For example, last night after I finished my work, went home and cleaned the kitchen until 11pm. I went to sleep very very tired. Today early in the morning at 5am I heard my father walking in and out of the house watering the plant. I walked out and saw the flower pot are flooding with water. This is wasting of water and killing the plant.
    I just washed away those green green thing that grown below the flower pot two days ago and I have to use a lot of strength to scrap away the stubborn stain. In fact, those plant on the flower pot are all dead but my mother disagree to throw them away.
    Do you thing i am being unfilial if I shouted are them?
    Ur house or not, this are ur PARENTS whom we're looking at.

    Second-hand smoke? If its going to kill u now, it would have killed me 10yrs ago as I'd lived with it for the past 20++yrs. I'm still a bouncing chap who enjoys photography.

    Well how many more good years on the human world do they have left? U'd lived with them for the past 20yrs and now u can't stand them?

    2 choices presents before u:
    - Throw them outta the house
    - Live with it

    They brought u up, tolerated u for ur whatever stuff for the past xxx years before u gained full independence. Now its payback time my friend. Its ur duty to put up with whatever stuff THEY have for the remaining xxx years.
    "Wonders of the Human Mind. Unfathomable to the highest degree."

  11. #11

    Default Re: Single and staying with your parent

    Its a very hard & touchy situation you are in.

    Perhaps talking to them and trying to understand why "they-do-what-they-do" might help.
    All said, each situation is unique and I don't think there's a "standard" solution.

    Hope it works out for you.

  12. #12
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    Default Re: Single and staying with your parent

    Quote Originally Posted by Del_CtrlnoAlt
    we only see 1 side of the story anyway...

    if u really can't live with them, den find another place to move... den let them stay there... its just about adapting & adopting...
    It is easy to say then done.
    I love my parent very much and I was hoping that they can show some understand and Of cos I will not want to lose anyone that I loved most.

  13. #13
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    Default Re: Single and staying with your parent

    Anybody out there single and staying with your parent?
    I understand old folks they have some bad habbit and they can't change overnight.
    How do you overcome this problem if you are the only one who is staying with them and taking care of them?
    Care to share your experience?

    My parents got the worst habit, they alway hide the bank account lah, keys to the safe lah.....

    For the $ factor, I tried to think and be nice.....coz they are my paymaster lor.

    Pssstttt, give you one survival skill: See no evil, hear no evil. Worst come to worst, you cried lor. They like to play parents mah......

  14. #14
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    Default Re: Single and staying with your parent

    Quote Originally Posted by ghost77
    Well, the house is belonged to me and they are staying with me.
    I am the owner of the house. Both of them are not working and I gave them money to spend monthly.
    One of them smoke in the house and I always take in the second-hand smoke, I have no choice that I have to tell them off.
    The other one likes to keep all the old stuff and never bother to keep them in place and letting the cockroach and lizard to breed.
    Every year of this time, I always have to do the house cleaning. I have been doing this for years and this thing keeps on happening the same over the years.
    For example, last night after I finished my work, went home and cleaned the kitchen until 11pm. I went to sleep very very tired. Today early in the morning at 5am I heard my father walking in and out of the house watering the plant. I walked out and saw the flower pot are flooding with water. This is wasting of water and killing the plant.
    I just washed away those green green thing that grown below the flower pot two days ago and I have to use a lot of strength to scrap away the stubborn stain. In fact, those plant on the flower pot are all dead but my mother disagree to throw them away.
    Do you thing i am being unfilial if I shouted are them?
    i'm living with both my maternal grandparents. i adore them becos as the Chinese saying goes, Jia You Yi Lao, Lu You Yi Bao

    Old people are like that lor, they have their own habits that they dont realise that, aint that hygienic or good. i think you could engage a part time housekeeper (once a week) to keep your house in order. your parents already old, wat to do? staying with parents dont mean just feeding 'em. it also means you have to take care of their emotion and physical needs as well.

    Dont forget, we'll grow old ourselves and i dont know about you, but i want my children to accept me the way i am. means they have to tolerate me, vice versa

    aiyah dont say old people lah.. even married couples have problems, adjusting to each other's 'irritating' habits. you just have to be tolerant, unless you prefer sending them to old folks' home?
    爱是要时间慢慢培养的。。

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    Default Re: Single and staying with your parent

    i believe this is not a question of filial piety or not

    ghost77 just wants to know if anyone is in a similar situation as his, and how they cope with the physical and emotional stress, and frustrations.

    every human has their limitations, likes and dislikes...if he just turns a blind eye to all these, i think its worst to be apathetic. i don't think i can put up with 2nd hand smoke, wasting of water etc. he did nothing wrong to voice out his displeasure.

    i cannot offer any advice since i don't fully understand your situation fully ghost77, plus i don't experience this myself. but i can say, tolerance and patience will be the key.

  16. #16

    Default Re: Single and staying with your parent

    Quote Originally Posted by ghost77
    I never said I can't stand them. If I can't stand I would not have them stay with me for so many years and take care of them for so many years.
    I just hoping that someone out there having the same problem with me and care to share the experience with me.

    Hi ghost77,

    I emphathize your problem. It is a common issue face by many households who has more than 1 generations. In fact, as long you live in with anyone , you many face some issue of settling.

    What usually I do , is to gradually accept with my older folks. I will discuss with them and share with them my thoughts and feelings. Continuous dialogue is most important in here. I believe in any relationship, an established strong trust communication is a must to break solve any situations.

    Perharps , you may gain some (of their) perspective why they conduct this actions after several dialogue ? Yes, the reasons itself may not be so important sometimes as reason can be irrational (depending on parties). It is the outcome of the person who feel frustrated (that is "you").

    What I find most important in gaining their love and attention , is to accept (even if it is a bad habits) and tolerate them. Communication is important between your folks (dun give up), treat them with dignity.

    It is just a "give and take" situation. We may not succeed in changing someone habits , but , if we change how we view the situation , we will live a happier household.

  17. #17
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    Default Re: Single and staying with your parent

    Like I said.. kpkb a bit, complain a bit... but at the end of the day just accept them for who they are, just like they accept you for who you are.

    Next time, you want to kpkb, you also no chance liao.

    I use to complain about my mom's cooking also. One day I just accidentally comment my mom's cooking infront of a friend whom I invited to have dinner at my place. Also, whom just happened to lose his mom not too long ago. His words struck me hard.

    "At least you have a mom who still cooks."

    Till today, I yearn so much for a home cooked meal, when I was not working a month ago, lunch was a pleasure moment with my parents. I used to work very late last time, most of the time I hardly had dinner at home. When I managed to have one dinner at home. Wah.. that feeling, the effort, warmth... no horse run
    Last edited by espn; 26th January 2006 at 10:20 AM.

  18. #18
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    Default Re: Single and staying with your parent

    Quote Originally Posted by espn
    Wahaha.. it's the uniqueness of old folks in their own areas... live with it, complain and kpkb if you want, but when they're no longer around... you'll be missing it.

    Treasure what you have...


    my grandma used to cook a certain kind of fish (those that are used in nasi lemak), which i don't really fancy (cos of the bones). "why ah ma always cook this one?" but after she's gone .. suddenly i just miss it. she won't be around to cook it for me anymore.

  19. #19

    Default Re: Single and staying with your parent

    Quote Originally Posted by ghost77
    It is easy to say then done.
    I love my parent very much and I was hoping that they can show some understand and Of cos I will not want to lose anyone that I loved most.
    Breathe and relax dude. It's tough going through what you're going through. Your parents had it hard to "take care of you" and getting used to having you around, with your coming into existence changing their life drastically.

    You will get used to it. Just treat it like getting used to drivers we have on the roads or something unpleasant u face daily and yet can't change. You can live with it after you devote less of your attention to it.

  20. #20

    Default Re: Single and staying with your parent

    Quote Originally Posted by ghost77
    It is easy to say then done.
    I love my parent very much and I was hoping that they can show some understand and Of cos I will not want to lose anyone that I loved most.

    I find most reasons are inconsequential , as both parties sometimes may not understand each other. What is most important, is to accept their "faults" (from your perspectives point of view it is a bad habit) and give them continous loving kindness.

    Just imagine in 20 yrs down the road, your kids start to view your good habits as bad habits or vice versa of you as an old man (getting the "pinch" from your kid).

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