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Thread: got joke to share?

  1. #1

    Default got joke to share?

    hi guys... im dam sian now... got any jokes to share???

  2. #2
    Senior Member
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    Default Re: got joke to share?

    Long Long time ago, in the Tiger Kingdom lived a pair of siblings. Both
    were blessed with some gifts.
    Brother had a pair of eyes who could see a distance far far away
    Sister had a pair of ears who could listen to anything

    They grew up together and experienced happiness and sadness together.
    They like to run to the hills to play. Brother would look at far away
    countries and tell the sister the majestic view that he see. Sister
    would listen to the beautiful sounds and describe for the brother.

    As time goes by, brother and sister started to fall in love with each
    other. They knew that it was wrong, but they could not control
    themselves. They continued to love each other.

    Alas, their parents found out about it. Father was very mad, mother was
    very sad. The neighbours would point fingers at them and gossip about
    them. Brother and sister were adamant about their love for each other.

    To prove that they were truly in love with each other, Brother
    destroyed his eyes and Sister destroyed her ears. They felt that since
    they could not get the blessings, they did not want the gifts…

    Long long after, a musician heard this beautiful love story and was
    touched by it. He decided to compose a song for the lovers.

    I came across this song and it touched my heart too. However, I did not
    buy his CD, so I cannot share with you the lovely song.

    I remembered the lyrics though, and will share with you how touching
    this song is… enjoy..




    (Chinese hanyu pinyin)

    Liang zhi lao hu, Liang zhi lao hu
    Pao de kuai, pao de kaui
    Yi zhi mei you yan jing, yi zhi mei you er duo
    Zhen qi guai, zhen qi guai….

  3. #3
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    Default Re: got joke to share?

    Got...

    u go ask your Wuji to grow some balls...
    Logging Off. "You have 2,631 messages stored, of a total 400 allowed." don't PM me.

  4. #4
    ClubSNAP Idol Adam Goi's Avatar
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    Default Re: got joke to share?

    Quote Originally Posted by kcuf2
    Long Long time ago, in the Tiger Kingdom lived a pair of siblings. Both
    were blessed with some gifts.
    Brother had a pair of eyes who could see a distance far far away
    Sister had a pair of ears who could listen to anything

    They grew up together and experienced happiness and sadness together.
    They like to run to the hills to play. Brother would look at far away
    countries and tell the sister the majestic view that he see. Sister
    would listen to the beautiful sounds and describe for the brother.

    As time goes by, brother and sister started to fall in love with each
    other. They knew that it was wrong, but they could not control
    themselves. They continued to love each other.

    Alas, their parents found out about it. Father was very mad, mother was
    very sad. The neighbours would point fingers at them and gossip about
    them. Brother and sister were adamant about their love for each other.

    To prove that they were truly in love with each other, Brother
    destroyed his eyes and Sister destroyed her ears. They felt that since
    they could not get the blessings, they did not want the gifts…

    Long long after, a musician heard this beautiful love story and was
    touched by it. He decided to compose a song for the lovers.

    I came across this song and it touched my heart too. However, I did not
    buy his CD, so I cannot share with you the lovely song.

    I remembered the lyrics though, and will share with you how touching
    this song is… enjoy..




    (Chinese hanyu pinyin)

    Liang zhi lao hu, Liang zhi lao hu
    Pao de kuai, pao de kaui
    Yi zhi mei you yan jing, yi zhi mei you er duo
    Zhen qi guai, zhen qi guai….

  5. #5
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    Default Re: got joke to share?

    For a boring Wed morning, just got it from some frens.... no mood to do anything.... think it's the festive season
    ------------------------------------------------

    A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
    The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
    The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."
    The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
    The little girl replied, "Then you ask him. "
    --------------------------------------------------

    A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
    The teacher paused & said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
    Without missing a beat or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."
    ---------------------------------------------------

    A Sunday school teacher: was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five & six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father & thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers & sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill."
    ------------------------------------------

    One day a little girl was sitting & watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother & inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?" Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong & make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white." The little girl thought about this revelation for a while & then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"
    -------------------------------------------

    The children had all been photographed, & the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
    "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up & say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, he's a doctor." A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead."
    ---------------------------------------------

    A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, & I would turn red in the face.."
    "Yes," the class said. "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?" A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty."
    -------------------------------------------

    The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, & posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching."
    Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
    A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples".

  6. #6

    Default Re: got joke to share?

    Quote Originally Posted by kcuf2
    Long Long time ago, in the Tiger Kingdom lived a pair of siblings. Both
    were blessed with some gifts.
    Brother had a pair of eyes who could see a distance far far away
    Sister had a pair of ears who could listen to anything

    They grew up together and experienced happiness and sadness together.
    They like to run to the hills to play. Brother would look at far away
    countries and tell the sister the majestic view that he see. Sister
    would listen to the beautiful sounds and describe for the brother.

    As time goes by, brother and sister started to fall in love with each
    other. They knew that it was wrong, but they could not control
    themselves. They continued to love each other.

    Alas, their parents found out about it. Father was very mad, mother was
    very sad. The neighbours would point fingers at them and gossip about
    them. Brother and sister were adamant about their love for each other.

    To prove that they were truly in love with each other, Brother
    destroyed his eyes and Sister destroyed her ears. They felt that since
    they could not get the blessings, they did not want the gifts…

    Long long after, a musician heard this beautiful love story and was
    touched by it. He decided to compose a song for the lovers.

    I came across this song and it touched my heart too. However, I did not
    buy his CD, so I cannot share with you the lovely song.

    I remembered the lyrics though, and will share with you how touching
    this song is… enjoy..




    (Chinese hanyu pinyin)

    Liang zhi lao hu, Liang zhi lao hu
    Pao de kuai, pao de kaui
    Yi zhi mei you yan jing, yi zhi mei you er duo
    Zhen qi guai, zhen qi guai….

  7. #7

    Default Re: got joke to share?

    LOL good jokes xing

  8. #8

    Default Re: got joke to share?

    Just got this email this afternoon

    Question: Why is the '69' position also called the 'smokers position?'
    Answer: Because while she is smoking the cigar, he is cleaning the ashtray.

    Question: Why is sperm donation more expensive rather than blood donation?
    Answer: Because it's HANDMADE!!

    Man 1 : "My wife is obsessed with cars. While asleep, she holds my bird and say '1st gear, 2nd gear...'" Man 2 : "My wife is worse! She puts my bird inside her and say 'Full tank please'."

    Question : What is the closest thing that is similar to a woman's period?
    Answer : Your salary; it comes once a month, lasts about 5-7 days and if it doesn't come, it means you are in big trouble!

    Question : What is the smallest hotel in the world?
    Answer : It's Vagina Inn because it can only accommodate 1 standing occupant who must leave his 2 baggages outside!

    Two prostitutes were in a taxi, on their way home after "work".
    Bitch 1 : I smell sperm!
    Bitch 2 : Sorry, I burped!

    A woman gave birth to six babies and on seeing this she got off the hospital bed, slapped her husband and shouted, "I told you not to do it doggy style!"

    A man went to the chemist to buy 1/4 of a Viagra. The Chemist said that it would be useless. The man said, "I am 70, sex is out of question, I just want to stop peeing on my shoes."

    Whoever first said that "A dog is man's best friend" had never seen a pussy before.

    Why is breast milk good for health?
    Because it is great for blood circulation, provides heat, is refreshing and comes in attractive containers.

    Dracula asked God, "May I be reincarnated as a white angel with wings and still suck blood?" God said, "Okay, I will turn you into a sanitary pad.

    Why was the two-piece bikini invented?
    To separate the meat section from the dairy section.

  9. #9

    Default Re: got joke to share?

    Superman was feeling bored after a long break of crime fighting andwanted to go out and party. He called Batman to ask if he wanted to go toa club & pick up some young girls. Batman said Robin was ill & he had tolook after him.A little disappointed, Superman "SMS" Spiderman to see ifhe fancied a few beers but Spiderman said he had a date with Catwoman. As a last resort, Superman flew over to Wonderwoman's apartment to seeif she was free.

    As he landed on her balcony, he saw Wonderwoman naked on the bed with her legs open and her eyes closed. Superman thought tohimself, "So exotic, should I or shouldn't I ....wait ...I'm faster thana speeding bullet! I can be in there, have sex & out again before sheknew what happened." So Superman did his super thing in a split secondand flies off happily. Meanwhile on the bed, Wonderwoman said, "What is going on? Did you hear anything..........????" Invisible-Man replied, "No! But....... my ASS hurts like hell!"

  10. #10

    Default Re: got joke to share?

    the dracula part is funny! oh gosh.. it's sure bloody for him..

  11. #11
    Moderator Francis247's Avatar
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    Default Re: got joke to share?



    莫问前程有愧,只求今生无悔. Time pasts, Places changed, Beauty faded, what is left are Photos of Memories…

  12. #12
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    Default Re: got joke to share?

    Quote Originally Posted by Francis247


    HAHAHHAHA LOL, wonder what will happen if I really put that answer during my O'levels.

  13. #13

    Default Re: got joke to share?

    NEW EVENING CLASSES FOR MEN!!!

    ALL ARE WELCOME
    OPEN TO MEN ONLY


    Note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will accept a maximum of eight participants

    The course covers two days, and topics covered in this course include:



    DAY ONE

    HOW TO FILL ICE CUBE TRAYS
    Step by step guide with slide presentation

    TOILET ROLLS- DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS?
    Roundtable discussion

    DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKET & FLOOR
    Practicing with hamper (Pictures and graphics)

    DISHES & SILVERWARE; DO THEY LEVITATE/FLY TO KITCHEN SINK OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES?
    Debate among a panel of experts.

    LOSS OF VIRILITY
    Losing the remote control to your significant other - Help line and support groups

    LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS
    Starting with looking in the right place instead of turning the house upside down while screaming - Open forum


    DAY TWO

    EMPTY MILK CARTONS; DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE BIN?
    Group discussion and role play

    HEALTH WATCH; BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH
    PowerPoint presentation

    REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST
    Real life testimonial from the one man who did

    IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS?
    Driving simulation

    LIVING WITH ADULTS; BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR PARTNER
    Online class and role playing

    HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION
    Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques

    REMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES & CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE
    Bring your calendar or PDA to class

    GETTING OVER IT; LEARNING HOW TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME
    Individual counsellors available

  14. #14
    Moderator Francis247's Avatar
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    Default Re: got joke to share?

    Quote Originally Posted by kit_fisto
    HAHAHHAHA LOL, wonder what will happen if I really put that answer during my O'levels.
    Glad you like this joke, I guess the marker will laugh until he/she fall off the chair.
    莫问前程有愧,只求今生无悔. Time pasts, Places changed, Beauty faded, what is left are Photos of Memories…

  15. #15
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    Default Re: got joke to share?

    have 2 jokes to share,
    but how do u upload ex-wives???

    jude

  16. #16

    Default Re: got joke to share?

    Quote Originally Posted by Francis247
    Glad you like this joke, I guess the marker will laugh until he/she fall off the chair.
    no her her veins will brust and the blood stain will hv a pattern X on the paper

  17. #17

    Default Re: got joke to share?

    Here's one

    I need some advice on what could be a life changing decision. Thanks in advance guys.

    I've suspected for some time now that my girlfriend has been having an affair. The usual signs. Phone rings, I answer, someone hangs up. She started going out 'with the girls' a lot recently although when I ask which girls it is always "Just some friends from work, you don't know them". I always look out for her taxi coming home but she always walks down the drive although I can hear a car setting off. As if she has got out of the car round the corner. Why? Is it not a taxi? I once picked her mobile up just to see what time it was and she went beserk and screamed that I should never touch her phone again and why was I checking up on her.

    Anyway, I have never approached the subject with her. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth but earlier tonight something odd happened. She had come over to use my computer and had forgotten to sign off of AIM after she left. It was whilst I was going through her buddy list that I noticed my my boss was on her list.

    So what I need to know is, what's the best lens to use for indoor sporting events?

  18. #18

    Default Re: got joke to share?

    Quote Originally Posted by michhy
    Here's one

    I need some advice on what could be a life changing decision. Thanks in advance guys.

    I've suspected for some time now that my girlfriend has been having an affair. The usual signs. Phone rings, I answer, someone hangs up. She started going out 'with the girls' a lot recently although when I ask which girls it is always "Just some friends from work, you don't know them". I always look out for her taxi coming home but she always walks down the drive although I can hear a car setting off. As if she has got out of the car round the corner. Why? Is it not a taxi? I once picked her mobile up just to see what time it was and she went beserk and screamed that I should never touch her phone again and why was I checking up on her.

    Anyway, I have never approached the subject with her. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth but earlier tonight something odd happened. She had come over to use my computer and had forgotten to sign off of AIM after she left. It was whilst I was going through her buddy list that I noticed my my boss was on her list.

    So what I need to know is, what's the best lens to use for indoor sporting events?
    huh???

  19. #19
    Senior Member +evenstar's Avatar
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    eat. drink. shoot

  20. #20
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    Default Re: got joke to share?

    Quote Originally Posted by michhy
    Here's one

    I need some advice on what could be a life changing decision. Thanks in advance guys.

    I've suspected for some time now that my girlfriend has been having an affair. The usual signs. Phone rings, I answer, someone hangs up. She started going out 'with the girls' a lot recently although when I ask which girls it is always "Just some friends from work, you don't know them". I always look out for her taxi coming home but she always walks down the drive although I can hear a car setting off. As if she has got out of the car round the corner. Why? Is it not a taxi? I once picked her mobile up just to see what time it was and she went beserk and screamed that I should never touch her phone again and why was I checking up on her.

    Anyway, I have never approached the subject with her. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth but earlier tonight something odd happened. She had come over to use my computer and had forgotten to sign off of AIM after she left. It was whilst I was going through her buddy list that I noticed my my boss was on her list.

    So what I need to know is, what's the best lens to use for indoor sporting events?
    tragicomedy

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