Results 1 to 16 of 16

Thread: Dealing With Aggression

  1. #1

    Default Dealing With Aggression

    Just want to share with the CSers, slice of life from FM93.8:


    One of the most difficult things to deal with in this life is a sense of injustice. We may strive to walk a kinder, more gentle and compassionate path; we accept, forgive, smile and send blessings unselfishly. Yet there are people who seem bent on directing their wrath and hatred towards us.

    When negative or aggressive people confront us, why are we unnerved? It's because we're human after all, and we have feelings, and yes, egos. When we're upset by an aggressor, it's our ego reacting to the attack. We only feel wronged because we ourselves feel that we have been doing right. And because we feel we've done no wrong, we feel that any provocation is undeserved. In a sense, it's a subtle form of self-righteousness that ultimately defeats us.

    So how do we gently thwart an abusive aggressor and still hold true to our beliefs and spirituality? It is a hard road, but here are some tips which might be useful.

    Let spirit guide you. Always trust your higher self to guide you to the correct course of action. Listen to your inner voice and discern what your emotions are telling you. Remember, the ego will always defend by attacking or withdrawing, so we must know and curb our ego and settle into our spiritual higher selves. When we think and act out of love, we will always pick the correct actions.

    You could also try to see and agree with their point. We sometimes can understand the motives behind people's actions if we give thought to their situation. Remember there is no right or wrong, there is only different points of view and opinion. So seek to see the other side of the disagreement. Let them speak, and be truly interested in what they say. For all its bombast and swagger, the ego is really a simple thing. Give it your undivided attention, and it is happy. Sometimes people just want to be heard and noticed.

    Keep your cool. If you do not accept the aggressor's gift of anger, it remains the aggressor's own. Most abusive people are looking for a reaction; a provocation cannot earnestly exist unless something is provoked. So do not give fuel to the fire. If you choose not to armour up, then the potential confrontation is merely one person venting.

    Know that the anger and negativity within your attacker is only a reflection of what is inside of them, and not inside you. You are not the negative things this person says about you. The things people say may hurt our feelings, but we can choose our actions to these negative situations and let them go.

    So the next time you are confronted with aggression and anger, take the high road - let your spirit and inner strength rule the situation.

  2. #2

    Default Re: Dealing With Aggression


  3. #3
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    Central
    Posts
    295

    Default Re: Dealing With Aggression

    ... or you could just smite him. On the nose.

  4. #4

    Default Re: Dealing With Aggression

    Actually, its still easy to deal with direct aggression.

    What is worse, is that the person bear a hatred and anger, and do things behind your back, while maintaining his smile at you.... Chinese saying, "Xiao Li Chang Dao". Direct translation is "Smile Behind Hide Knife".

    Those are the scary ones....

  5. #5

    Default Re: Dealing With Aggression

    Quote Originally Posted by Sun_Of_The_Beach
    Just want to share with the CSers, slice of life from FM93.8:


    One of the most difficult things to deal with in this life is a sense of injustice. We may strive to walk a kinder, more gentle and compassionate path; we accept, forgive, smile and send blessings unselfishly. Yet there are people who seem bent on directing their wrath and hatred towards us.

    When negative or aggressive people confront us, why are we unnerved? It's because we're human after all, and we have feelings, and yes, egos. When we're upset by an aggressor, it's our ego reacting to the attack. We only feel wronged because we ourselves feel that we have been doing right. And because we feel we've done no wrong, we feel that any provocation is undeserved. In a sense, it's a subtle form of self-righteousness that ultimately defeats us.

    So how do we gently thwart an abusive aggressor and still hold true to our beliefs and spirituality? It is a hard road, but here are some tips which might be useful.

    Let spirit guide you. Always trust your higher self to guide you to the correct course of action. Listen to your inner voice and discern what your emotions are telling you. Remember, the ego will always defend by attacking or withdrawing, so we must know and curb our ego and settle into our spiritual higher selves. When we think and act out of love, we will always pick the correct actions.

    You could also try to see and agree with their point. We sometimes can understand the motives behind people's actions if we give thought to their situation. Remember there is no right or wrong, there is only different points of view and opinion. So seek to see the other side of the disagreement. Let them speak, and be truly interested in what they say. For all its bombast and swagger, the ego is really a simple thing. Give it your undivided attention, and it is happy. Sometimes people just want to be heard and noticed.

    Keep your cool. If you do not accept the aggressor's gift of anger, it remains the aggressor's own. Most abusive people are looking for a reaction; a provocation cannot earnestly exist unless something is provoked. So do not give fuel to the fire. If you choose not to armour up, then the potential confrontation is merely one person venting.

    Know that the anger and negativity within your attacker is only a reflection of what is inside of them, and not inside you. You are not the negative things this person says about you. The things people say may hurt our feelings, but we can choose our actions to these negative situations and let them go.

    So the next time you are confronted with aggression and anger, take the high road - let your spirit and inner strength rule the situation.

    What a long-winded treatise! The longer the treatise, the less the understanding.

    A couple of simpler versions:

    Jesus: Turn the other cheek

    Dao: Wu Wei

    tingchiyen: smite him on the nose.

  6. #6

    Default Re: Dealing With Aggression

    Quote Originally Posted by tingchiyen
    ... or you could just smite him. On the nose.
    this method works well against sharks...

  7. #7
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    eastern past
    Posts
    108

    Default Re: Dealing With Aggression

    we all have temper, but really have to control lah. the better you control your temper, the less conflicts there would be (hopefully). arguments often incurred when both trying to get their own pts across and not listening. which human being doesnt experience this...

    there's bound to have disagreements esp in internet forums. agree to disagree?

    i find that conflicts are inevitable at times but too many aint good for one's health.
    爱是要时间慢慢培养的。。

  8. #8

    Default Re: Dealing With Aggression

    Quote Originally Posted by Sun_Of_The_Beach
    Actually, its still easy to deal with direct aggression.

    What is worse, is that the person bear a hatred and anger, and do things behind your back, while maintaining his smile at you.... Chinese saying, "Xiao Li Chang Dao". Direct translation is "Smile Behind Hide Knife".

    Those are the scary ones....
    very true... sometimes u never know who is going to stab u in the back. better not be too trusting of ppl until u know them really well.

  9. #9

    Default Re: Dealing With Aggression

    Quote Originally Posted by furrycake
    we all have temper, but really have to control lah. the better you control your temper, the less conflicts there would be (hopefully). arguments often incurred when both trying to get their own pts across and not listening. which human being doesnt experience this...

    there's bound to have disagreements esp in internet forums. agree to disagree?

    i find that conflicts are inevitable at times but too many aint good for one's health.
    that's why anger is one of the seven deadly sins mah....

  10. #10

    Default Re: Dealing With Aggression

    Quote Originally Posted by zaren
    very true... sometimes u never know who is going to stab u in the back. better not be too trusting of ppl until u know them really well.
    Sometimes, people whom you think you can trust, also backstab you, especially in times of trouble. The pain is not in the backstab, but the betrayal of the trust by him/her.

  11. #11

    Default Re: Dealing With Aggression

    Quote Originally Posted by Sun_Of_The_Beach
    Sometimes, people whom you think you can trust, also backstab you, especially in times of trouble. The pain is not in the backstab, but the betrayal of the trust by him/her.
    that reminds me of the scene from "julius caesar" when caesar was stabbed (literally) by his close and trusted friend brutus.

  12. #12

    Default Re: Dealing With Aggression

    Quote Originally Posted by zaren
    that reminds me of the scene from "julius caesar" when caesar was stabbed (literally) by his close and trusted friend brutus.
    Jesus also got betrayed by his own disciple.

  13. #13

    Default Re: Dealing With Aggression

    Quote Originally Posted by Sun_Of_The_Beach
    Jesus also got betrayed by his own disciple.
    and He also forgave His killers.

  14. #14

    Default Re: Dealing With Aggression

    Quote Originally Posted by Sun_Of_The_Beach
    Jesus also got betrayed by his own disciple.
    A bit different in this case, becos Jesus knew beforehand who was going to betray Him. In Caesar's case, it came as a complete shock and surprise.

  15. #15
    Member
    Join Date
    May 2002
    Location
    Singapore
    Posts
    390

    Default Re: Dealing With Aggression

    The key to non aggression can be link to the weakness in
    personal foundation. The problem is not what you can't
    do in order to win... it's what you won't do.



    None of us wants our choice robbed from us and that is to win.
    The truest characters often display in man is of ignorance, vanity, pride and arrogance.

  16. #16
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Bukit Panjang
    Posts
    2,940

    Default Re: Dealing With Aggression

    Well, to illustrate one of the things u said, I'm displaying my ignorance by asking u what has the picture got to do with what u said??

    Is it an illustration of 'weakness in personal foundation'? Or for people like me to display ignorance?

    Quote Originally Posted by forward
    The key to non aggression can be link to the weakness in
    personal foundation. The problem is not what you can't
    do in order to win... it's what you won't do.



    None of us wants our choice robbed from us and that is to win.
    The truest characters often display in man is of ignorance, vanity, pride and arrogance.
    Last edited by wiz23; 14th December 2005 at 03:09 AM.

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •