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Thread: Helpdesk jokes!!

  1. #1
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    Default Helpdesk jokes!!

    Since it's Friday woohoo!, thought I start this thread to lighten up the weekend. Here are some jokes that Computer Helpdesk gets alot. Feel free to add in.

    Customer: I couldn't get on the Internet.
    Helpdesk: Are you sure you used the right password?
    Customer: Yes I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
    Helpdesk: Can you tell me what the password was?
    Customer: Five stars.


    Helpdesk: How may I help you?
    Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
    Helpdesk: OK, and, what seems to be the problem?
    Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I Get the circle around it?

    Get the second one circle around it... @


  2. #2
    Moderator nightwolf75's Avatar
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    Default Re: Helpdesk jokes!!

    most common complaint from Helpdesk - the problem with the system lies bet the table and the chair.
    If Life worked on auto mode then manual mode for photography would have never existed. ― Deeksha Mittal

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Helpdesk jokes!!

    Quote Originally Posted by nightwolf75
    most common complaint from Helpdesk - the problem with the system lies bet the table and the chair.
    A very profound statement.
    -Express yourself not in words-
    http://www.majere2sg.com

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    Default Re: Helpdesk jokes!!

    Personal experience...

    Me: "Hi thanks for calling XXXX helpdesk, how may I help you?"
    C: "I can't install the internet s/w on the disc"
    Me: "Have you inserted the disc, did any screen pop up?"
    C: "The disc is in the drive, but there's no screen"
    Me: "Can you try Start->Run and key in D:\Setup.exe"
    C: "Nope, no such drive was the error message"

    *After half an hour of trying to figure out, getting the application to install*

    Me: "Double click on my computer, do you see a CD ROM icon there?"
    C: "Nope, there's A:, C: but no CD ROM drive"
    Me: Does your system have a CD ROM drive?"
    C: "Yes"

    *5 mins more of thinking, decided to test the dummy way*

    Me: "Is there a grey bar towards the right of the window that showed up after double clicking on 'My Computer'?"
    C: "Oh yeah, there is!"
    Me: "Can you use your mouse click on the bar and drag it down?
    C: "Yeah yeah, now got CD ROM drive!!!"

    *I mute the headset's microphone and laughed loudly*

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Helpdesk jokes!!

    Quote Originally Posted by espn
    Personal experience...

    Me: "Hi thanks for calling XXXX helpdesk, how may I help you?"
    C: "I can't install the internet s/w on the disc"
    Me: "Have you inserted the disc, did any screen pop up?"
    C: "The disc is in the drive, but there's no screen"
    Me: "Can you try Start->Run and key in D:\Setup.exe"
    C: "Nope, no such drive was the error message"

    *After half an hour of trying to figure out, getting the application to install*

    Me: "Double click on my computer, do you see a CD ROM icon there?"
    C: "Nope, there's A:, C: but no CD ROM drive"
    Me: Does your system have a CD ROM drive?"
    C: "Yes"

    *5 mins more of thinking, decided to test the dummy way*

    Me: "Is there a grey bar towards the right of the window that showed up after double clicking on 'My Computer'?"
    C: "Oh yeah, there is!"
    Me: "Can you use your mouse click on the bar and drag it down?
    C: "Yeah yeah, now got CD ROM drive!!!"

    *I mute the headset's microphone and laughed loudly*
    You are helpdesk or the user ?
    -Express yourself not in words-
    http://www.majere2sg.com

  6. #6

    Default Re: Helpdesk jokes!!

    i dun understand..

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Helpdesk jokes!!

    Quote Originally Posted by majere2sg
    You are helpdesk or the user ?
    I was the helpdesk la of course!

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    Default Re: Helpdesk jokes!!

    Wahaaa! you must have alot of these jokes then... once I heard a friend tell me that the user don't know what is a monitor or screen and he had to say what's on the "TV".

    High blood pressure a common problem for Helpdesk? but I'm sure there are many good laughs to reduce the pressure.

    Another one.

    Helpdesk: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
    Customer: Your left or my left?

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    Default Re: Helpdesk jokes!!

    Helpdesk: What's on your monitor now madam?
    Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.

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    Default Re: Helpdesk jokes!!

    Helpdesk: What anti-virus program do you use?
    Customer: Netscape.
    Helpdesk: That's not an anti-virus program.
    Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.
    Last edited by hanz170; 21st October 2005 at 12:18 PM.

  11. #11
    Senior Member sykestang's Avatar
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    Default Re: Helpdesk jokes!!

    My personal encounter:

    ME: "Helpdesk... may I help you?"
    C: "Yes... my files is missing, I cannot find them!"

    ME: "Where did you save your files previously?"
    C: "I saved them in the Recycle Bin"

    ME: ...angry... "Why do you want to save your files in the Recycle Bin?"
    C: "This is because I notice that when files save in the Recycle Bin, it doesn't takes any disk space... nevermind lah those files not so important anyway!"

    ME: "I can't help you recover those missing files now. How many files did you see in the Recycle Bin now? And How long have you been saving files in the Recycle Bin?"
    C: "There quite a lot... I have been saving files in the Recycle Bin back few years ago, there isn't any missing files until now."

    ME: "Can you quickly move all your files out of the Recycle Bin to your C Drive before more starts to go missing?"
    C: "Nevermind lah... I still prefer to save them in the Recycle Bin, more convenient!"

    ME: .. angry... "Good luck to you then, please don't call me again for missing files. Thank You!"

    *hangs the phone up and scold '... what an idiot!...'
    Visit me at my studio: http://www.studiospace.com.sg

  12. #12
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    Default Re: Helpdesk jokes!!

    This adds onto the saying.

    "There is no stupid computer. Only stupid users."
    "Wonders of the Human Mind. Unfathomable to the highest degree."

  13. #13
    Senior Member sykestang's Avatar
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    Default Re: Helpdesk jokes!!

    My 2nd encounter...

    ME: "Helpdesk... may I help you?"
    C: "My excel got problem. Can you come and help me?"

    ... 2min later when I am at the user station...

    ME: "Nope no prob... your excel is running... what's the problem?"
    C: "I don't seems to be able to see the data I keyed yesterday in the file"

    ... User opened a Excel spreadsheet... All data intact.

    ME: ...angry... "What data is missing that you cannot see?"
    C: "I cannot see beyond the J column... yesterday I type until P column"

    ME: ...angry and flustrated... Drag the horizontal scroll bar to column P... "Ok what. Your column P is still there what!"
    C: "A.... how did you do it? How about the data below?"

    ME: ...very angry and flustrated... Drag the vertical scroll bar to the lower rows... "Your data is still here!"
    C: ...Argue Tone... "But last time I open this file, I can see everything on the screen. Can I see everything on the screen"

    ME: ...very very angry... "That is because you have not type in so much data!!! Is this your first day using Excel?"

    ...flustrated and click on the menu 'Tools -> Zoom -> 25%'...

    "Now you see everything damn thing on 1 screen, but I don't know how you going to read it, use a magnifying glass maybe... And stop disturbing me anymore!!!"


    '... Another one of those idiot!!!...'
    Visit me at my studio: http://www.studiospace.com.sg

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    Moderator nightwolf75's Avatar
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    Default Re: Helpdesk jokes!!

    personal experience during my time as a student assistant in NUS comp lab during the exam online registration exercise

    freshie: excuse me? i got some problem with the registration.
    me: wat seems to be the problem?
    freshie: erm.. i can't proceed onto the next screen...
    me: well, u need to put the mouse on this icon and click.

    now, wat happened next was really the god-honest truth and not some twilight zone story...

    freshie: like this ah? (took the mouse off the table, place on screen and click)
    me: .... (took me a while to recover from shock and not to die laughing on my feet...)

    If Life worked on auto mode then manual mode for photography would have never existed. ― Deeksha Mittal

  15. #15
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    Default Re: Helpdesk jokes!!

    Quote Originally Posted by nightwolf75
    personal experience during my time as a student assistant in NUS comp lab during the exam online registration exercise

    freshie: excuse me? i got some problem with the registration.
    me: wat seems to be the problem?
    freshie: erm.. i can't proceed onto the next screen...
    me: well, u need to put the mouse on this icon and click.

    now, wat happened next was really the god-honest truth and not some twilight zone story...

    freshie: like this ah? (took the mouse off the table, place on screen and click)
    me: .... (took me a while to recover from shock and not to die laughing on my feet...)

    So... was she a cute freshie??

  16. #16
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    Default Re: Helpdesk jokes!!

    Quote Originally Posted by espn
    Personal experience...

    Me: "Hi thanks for calling XXXX helpdesk, how may I help you?"
    C: "I can't install the internet s/w on the disc"
    Me: "Have you inserted the disc, did any screen pop up?"
    C: "The disc is in the drive, but there's no screen"
    Me: "Can you try Start->Run and key in D:\Setup.exe"
    C: "Nope, no such drive was the error message"

    *After half an hour of trying to figure out, getting the application to install*

    Me: "Double click on my computer, do you see a CD ROM icon there?"
    C: "Nope, there's A:, C: but no CD ROM drive"
    Me: Does your system have a CD ROM drive?"
    C: "Yes"

    *5 mins more of thinking, decided to test the dummy way*

    Me: "Is there a grey bar towards the right of the window that showed up after double clicking on 'My Computer'?"
    C: "Oh yeah, there is!"
    Me: "Can you use your mouse click on the bar and drag it down?
    C: "Yeah yeah, now got CD ROM drive!!!"

    *I mute the headset's microphone and laughed loudly*


    how you know it was a grey bar huh? sekali he use some themes and the bar was green siaz.

  17. #17

    Default Re: Helpdesk jokes!!

    Quote Originally Posted by sykestang
    My 2nd encounter...

    ME: "Helpdesk... may I help you?"
    C: "My excel got problem. Can you come and help me?"

    ... 2min later when I am at the user station...

    ME: "Nope no prob... your excel is running... what's the problem?"
    C: "I don't seems to be able to see the data I keyed yesterday in the file"

    ... User opened a Excel spreadsheet... All data intact.

    ME: ...angry... "What data is missing that you cannot see?"
    C: "I cannot see beyond the J column... yesterday I type until P column"

    ME: ...angry and flustrated... Drag the horizontal scroll bar to column P... "Ok what. Your column P is still there what!"
    C: "A.... how did you do it? How about the data below?"

    ME: ...very angry and flustrated... Drag the vertical scroll bar to the lower rows... "Your data is still here!"
    C: ...Argue Tone... "But last time I open this file, I can see everything on the screen. Can I see everything on the screen"

    ME: ...very very angry... "That is because you have not type in so much data!!! Is this your first day using Excel?"

    ...flustrated and click on the menu 'Tools -> Zoom -> 25%'...

    "Now you see everything damn thing on 1 screen, but I don't know how you going to read it, use a magnifying glass maybe... And stop disturbing me anymore!!!"


    '... Another one of those idiot!!!...'

    maybe your company should start using 50" monitors for those who need to see all their data on the screen

    cheaper still, use a projector with a white wall but for goodness sake, ask the user not to stand between the projector and the wall

  18. #18
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    Default Re: Helpdesk jokes!!

    Quote Originally Posted by hwchoy
    how you know it was a grey bar huh? sekali he use some themes and the bar was green siaz.
    If he don't even know what is a scroll bar, I doubt he know how to change the colour scheme. Unless he is still using a monochrome green monitor.

  19. #19
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    Default Re: Helpdesk jokes!!

    Me : (dial the Helpdesk number)
    Helpdesk : (ring, ring, ring...)
    Helpdesk : (ring, ring, ring...)
    Helpdesk : (ring, ring, ring...)
    Helpdesk : (ring, ring, ring...)
    Helpdesk : (ring, ring, ring...)
    Helpdesk : (ring, ring, ring...)
    Helpdesk : (ring, ring, ring...)
    Helpdesk : (ring, ring, ring...)
    Helpdesk : (ring, ring, ring...)
    Helpdesk : (ring, ring, ring...)

    End of story.

  20. #20

    Default Re: Helpdesk jokes!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Astin
    Me : (dial the Helpdesk number)
    Helpdesk : (ring, ring, ring...)
    Helpdesk : (ring, ring, ring...)
    Helpdesk : (ring, ring, ring...)
    Helpdesk : (ring, ring, ring...)
    Helpdesk : (ring, ring, ring...)
    Helpdesk : (ring, ring, ring...)
    Helpdesk : (ring, ring, ring...)
    Helpdesk : (ring, ring, ring...)
    Helpdesk : (ring, ring, ring...)
    Helpdesk : (ring, ring, ring...)

    End of story.
    the help desk is not serving 50 or 100 persons, but they are serving 3000-10000 persons. the helpdesk is run by 10 persons. With 10 persons only, they can't possibly handle so many calls.

    So....that explained why line was busy.
    Objection !!!

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