by K.K. Cheow
A*Star Chairman Philip Yeo’s recent comments that he prefers giving scholarships to foreigners and girls has led to a surge in sex change operations and emigration.
In a recent interview, the ever voluble Mr. Yeo gave Bush UN appointee John Bolton a run in the diplomacy stakes when he told The Nude Paper that “I don’t want whining Singapore boys. They are not mature enough even though they have national service and are over 22 years old when they take up undergraduate studies. They give me so much trouble and waste our precious time.”
The State’s Times then did a follow up piece on the brouhaha that ensued, and even included a pinup of a woman A*Star scholar agreeing with Mr. Yeo, and hypothesizing that Singapore men start complaining because they’re not used to army regimentation or physical training.
In the wake of his comments, Singapore hospitals are apparently now backed up with bookings for sex change operations – all by prospective male scholars.
“Boh pian lor,” said prospective scholar Khee Tuck Chek. “Mr Yeo says we’re too wimpy, but also says we should be more like girls. I’m damn confused, man! But I really want the scholarship, so I think better potong to improve my chances.”
Similarly, Lieutenant (NSF) Desker Loh has begun taking oestrogen to improve his chances of scoring a scholarship to study biotech.
“What better way to demonstrate my sincerity than to experiment with my own biology?” said LTA (NSF) Loh, displaying significant cleavage. “Anyway, I also think I can tap into Mr. Yeo’s preference for girls, because in NS, I was in the Music and Drama Company.”
“It’s true that we guys get whiny thanks to NS,” said Corporal (NSF) Choe Sai Kang, who is also contemplating an A*Star scholarship. “But that’s all you can do when you encounter stupidity and can’t do anything about it because if you do, you’ll kena DB. Anyway, if we’re whining about A*Star scholarship conditions even after doing NS, what does that say about A*Star except that they’re more condemned than the SAF? I guess that’s Singapore for you: they want us not only to face up to stupidity, they want us to like it too.”
Those who can’t bear changing their sex, have opted to change their nationality instead.
“After taking two years of **** for my country, not only is it not appreciated, I’m told they’d rather have foreigners who have never endured a single day for Singapore,” said Mr. Mohd Cabut bin Negara. “I wish I’d known earlier. If so, I’d have emigrated long ago so I can be the kind of person that Mr Yeo wants for Singapore.”
Meanwhile, a spokesman for A*Star has said that the hoopla has only proven Mr. Yeo’s point that Singapore men are whiny, thin-skinned girly men who can’t take unpleasantness.
“Yeah, right,” said Corporal Choe. “I really accept that criticism from someone who threatens to sue obscure bloggers for defamation.”