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Thread: Jokes Thread

  1. #601
    Senior Member UncleFai's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    If only SMRT knew this...


  2. #602
    Senior Member UncleFai's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    Working coming our way! Take cover!

    http://imgur.com/gallery/87FMGMB

  3. #603
    Senior Member UncleFai's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes Thread


  4. #604
    Senior Member UncleFai's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    A letter from a teacher to a parent:
    Dear Parent, Kamal doesn't smell nice in class. Please try to bathe him.
    Parent's answer:
    Dear Teacher, Kamal is not a rose. Don't smell him. Teach him ...

    ==============================================

    Mother to Son : Who is Iskandar Zulkarnain?
    Son : Don't know.
    Mother : Sometimes give attention to ur study also.
    Son to Mother : Do you know Chinky Aunty?
    Mother : Don't know.
    Son : Sometimes give attention to Dad also.

    ================================================== ======

    A Cute Excuse:
    Teacher : Why are you late?
    Student: Mom & Dad were fighting
    Teacher : So what makes you late if they were fighting?
    Student : One shoe was in mom's hand and one in dad's ...

    ============================================

    Wife : I hate that beggar.
    Husband : Why?
    Wife : Rascal, yesterday I gave him food today he gave me a book "How to Cook!!!"

    =================================

    Husband came home drunk. To avoid wife's scolding, he took a laptop & started working.
    Wife : Had alcohol?
    Husband : No No Darling
    Wife: Idiot ... Then why you opened my suitcase and acting like typing ... !

  5. #605
    Senior Member UncleFai's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    A little girl was awaken by noise in her parent's bedroom... so she went to investigate. That surprised her parents as her mum was bumping up and down while sitting on her dad's tummy.

    "What are you doing?" asked the girl.

    The shocked mother said, "Oh... honey... your dad has too much gas in his big tummy and I am trying to press it out."

    "It's useless", said the little girl.

    "You press it out and Aunt Jane from next door will just blow back the air into daddy's tummy like she did this morning."

  6. #606

    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    hi..i am renting my 2 kids for this coming year end holiday (nov-dec 2015)
    details:-
    -2 sickening boys.pri 3 and sec 2.
    -ungrateful and problematic.
    -perfect "strawberry generation" kids.
    -selfish and uncaring.
    good for:-
    -parents to be....first hand experience of what to expect when you have children.
    -married without children..the emptiness will be fulfilled with joy and madness.
    -kids all grown up....relived your bitter memories when they were once young.
    -or just stupid enough to pay me for my kids.
    leasing agreement:-
    -$500 for one kid.take both for $800 and you save $200!!
    -guaranteed to make your life miserable or full refund.
    -basic lodging and food only.other spending's are not claimable.
    -anything/object/belongings that breaks in your house is under your responsibility. They are not my children while under your care.
    -NO DEPOSIT...!!!take first pay later scheme.if you do not return them, you don't have to pay at all.(BEST DEAL EVER)
    interested parties do PM me.please,anyone!

    -

  7. #607
    Senior Member richiemccaw1's Avatar
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    Default

    Maybe can consider early enlistment? Should do them some good.

  8. #608
    Moderator catchlights's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by loath View Post
    hi..i am renting my 2 kids for this coming year end holiday (nov-dec 2015)
    details:-
    -2 sickening boys.pri 3 and sec 2.
    -ungrateful and problematic.
    -perfect "strawberry generation" kids.
    -selfish and uncaring.
    good for:-
    -parents to be....first hand experience of what to expect when you have children.
    -married without children..the emptiness will be fulfilled with joy and madness.
    -kids all grown up....relived your bitter memories when they were once young.
    -or just stupid enough to pay me for my kids.
    leasing agreement:-
    -$500 for one kid.take both for $800 and you save $200!!
    -guaranteed to make your life miserable or full refund.
    -basic lodging and food only.other spending's are not claimable.
    -anything/object/belongings that breaks in your house is under your responsibility. They are not my children while under your care.
    -NO DEPOSIT...!!!take first pay later scheme.if you do not return them, you don't have to pay at all.(BEST DEAL EVER)
    interested parties do PM me.please,anyone!

    -
    Shoot to Live, Live to Shoot
    www.benjaminloo.com | iStock portfolio

  9. #609

    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by catchlights View Post
    mmm..thought this was the joke thread.no malice here,,just kidding around.cheers!

  10. #610
    Senior Member UncleFai's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by loath View Post
    mmm..thought this was the joke thread.no malice here,,just kidding around.cheers!
    Chill... I think the reply itself was meant to be a joke.

  11. #611
    Moderator catchlights's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by loath View Post
    mmm..thought this was the joke thread.no malice here,,just kidding around.cheers!
    Uncle Fai is right.

    Yours is a fake ads, mine is a genuine bumper sticker.

    http://www.zazzle.com/be_nice_to_you...67546243230375
    Last edited by catchlights; 1st November 2015 at 04:34 PM.
    Shoot to Live, Live to Shoot
    www.benjaminloo.com | iStock portfolio

  12. #612

    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    Shamelessly copied from another website -
    Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to tell them his results after the examination.

    "First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure whilst making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector", says the Coroner.

    "Second body: "Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol Poisoning, hence the smile."

    The Inspector asked, "What of the third body?"
    "Ah," says the coroner, "this is the most unusual one. Paddy from Belfast, 30, struck by lightning."
    "Why is he smiling then?" inquires the Inspector.
    "Thought he was having his picture taken.”

  13. #613
    Senior Member UncleFai's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes Thread


  14. #614
    Senior Member UncleFai's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    Dentist to patient: "Miss, are you ok? Is it painful?"

    Patient: "No, it is not painful. The anaesthetic is working well."

    Dentist: "Then why are you crying?"

    Patient: "It's the cost."

  15. #615
    Senior Member UncleFai's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes Thread


  16. #616
    Senior Member UncleFai's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes Thread


  17. #617
    Senior Member UncleFai's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes Thread


  18. #618
    Senior Member Nikonzen's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by UncleFai View Post
    That's no joke...
    Expand your mind or get left behind

  19. #619
    Senior Member UncleFai's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    Brudder...


  20. #620

    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    "Lexophile" is a term used to describe those who are clever with words, such as "you can tune a piano but you can't tuna fish" , or "to write with a broken pencil is pointless."

    A competition to see who can come up with the best lexphillies is held every year in Dubuque, Iowa. The year's winning submissions:

    ... A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

    ... The batteries were given out free of charge.

    ... A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.

    ... A will is a dead giveaway.

    ... With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

    ... A boiled egg is hard to beat.

    ... Police were called to the daycare centre, where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

    .. Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

    ... A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

    ... The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.

    ... He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

    ... When she saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she'd dye.

    ... Acupuncture is a job well done. That's the point of it.

    For people with a good sense of humor😂😂😜

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