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Thread: Jokes Thread

  1. #561
    Member Foxshade's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Kit View Post
    What does security guards at the Samsung factory call themselves?

    Guardians of the Galaxy!!
    Nice. Didn't see it coming
    A true photograph need not be explained, nor can it be contained in words.
    ~Ansel Adams

  2. #562
    Senior Member UncleFai's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    Translations...


  3. #563

    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by UncleFai View Post
    Translations...

    屄检查室 = C-U-N-T Examination Room
    or
    阴道镜检查室 = Vagina Mirror Examination Room

    急诊室 = Emergency Room
    观察室 = Observation Room
    胎心监护室 = Fetal Heart Custody Room
    妇产科咨询室 = Obstetrics Consultation Room
    Last edited by Yutaka Go; 1st February 2015 at 08:03 PM.
    I eats, shoots & leaves

  4. #564
    Senior Member UncleFai's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    Question: What do one earthquake say to another?

    Answer: It's not my fault.

  5. #565
    Senior Member UncleFai's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes Thread


  6. #566
    Moderator Francis247's Avatar
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    Read too many news on political parties bashing each other that a thought crept up my mind.

    Why not people just start a new political party call “工民改革行动党”。Direct translation, "Citizens Reform Action Party".

    Very high and nice sounding but not so for the acronym because we end up with "CRAP".

    Just a lighter note to ease off the tension and frustration these days. Smile more people. Take it more light hearted these days and keep shooting.
    莫问前程有愧,只求今生无悔. Time pasts, Places changed, Beauty faded, what is left are Photos of Memories…

  7. #567
    Moderator Francis247's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
    莫问前程有愧,只求今生无悔. Time pasts, Places changed, Beauty faded, what is left are Photos of Memories…

  8. #568
    Senior Member UncleFai's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes Thread


  9. #569

    Default

    What did a lady Left thigh say to her Right thigh ?

    Ans: Between two of us, we can make a lots of money.

  10. #570
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    Quote Originally Posted by UncleFai View Post
    LOL.. this is funny
    http://www.shimmeryphotography.com

  11. #571

    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    lolol guardians of the galaxy.
    http://www.shimmeryphotography.com/ - Shimmery Wedding Photography And Videography In Singapore

  12. #572

  13. #573

    Default

    Had a good laugh when I saw this. But kudos for their courage and never say die attitude. I know I will have problem even trying to jump off the spring board.

  14. #574

  15. #575

    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by baletan90 View Post
    LOL.. this is funny
    I get the joke but i don't find it funny :P
    http://www.shimmeryphotography.com/ - Shimmery Wedding Photography And Videography In Singapore

  16. #576

    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    was clearing my old mails, this one is dated 2006 !!!


    ----- Original Message -----
    From: Serene Koh Puay Kiang
    To: undisclosed-recipients:
    Sent: Tuesday, August 29, 2006 10:40 AM
    Subject: FW: Singapore ah beng Jokes

    Hi

    nice jokes to de-stress yourself. Enjoy reading .. ..


    AH BENG the Crazy Singaporean.
    Why did Ah Beng go to a movie with his 18 friends?
    Because below 18 not allowed Lah !
    -------? ? ? ? ? ?-------



    Ah Beng wants to buy a TV set. He goes to a shop.
    Ah Beng : "Do you have color TV ?"
    Salesgirl : "Yes !"
    Ah Beng : "Give me a green one, please "
    -------? ? ? ? ? ?-------




    Ah Beng is filling up an application form for a job.
    He supplied the information for the columns on Name, Age, Address etc.
    Then he comes to column on "Salary Expected", but he is not sure of the
    question.
    After much thought, he writes " Yes "
    -------? ? ? ? ? ?-------




    Ah Beng goes to a store and sees a shiny object.
    Ah Beng : "What is that shiny object ?"
    Salesgirl : "That is a thermos flask."
    Ah Beng : "What does it do ?"
    Salesgirl : "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold"
    Ah Beng : "I'll buy it"
    The next day, Ah Beng goes to work with his thermo flask
    Boss : "What is that shiny object ?"
    Ah Beng : "It's a thermos flask."
    Boss : "What does it do ?"
    Ah Beng : "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold"
    Boss : "What do you have in it !?"
    Ah Beng : "Two cups of coffee and one cup of ice cream"
    -------? ? ? ? ? ?-------




    After taking photocopies of documents, Ah Beng always compares
    it with the original for spelling mistakes.
    -------? ? ? ? ? ?-------



    Ah Beng always smiles during lightning storms because he thinks
    his picture is being taken.
    -------? ? ? ? ? ?-------



    Why can't Ah Beng dial 911?
    Because he can't find the number 11 (eleven) on the phone.
    -------? ? ? ? ? ?-------



    Ah Beng had just bought a new computer and was using it.
    When he encountered some problems. He decide to use the 'Help'command after
    some tries.
    Soon after, he became very irritated and called the computer retailer for
    support.
    Ah Beng : "I press the 'F1' key for help lah, but it's been over half an
    hour and still nobody come and help me Lah ?!"
    -------? ? ? ? ? ?-------



    Ah Beng with two red ears went to his doctor.
    The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered, "I was
    ironing a shirt and the phone ring, lah - but instead of picking up the
    phone, I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear, lah" "Oh
    dear !" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But .. what happened to the
    other ear ?"
    Ah Beng answered : "That stupid dumbo called back, lah !!!!"
    -------? ? ? ? ? ?-------


    Ah Beng talk to a long-distance telephone operator.
    Ah Beng: "COULD YOU PLEASE TELL ME THE TIME DIFFERENCE BETWEEN Taipei AND
    LAS VEGAS ?"
    Operator: "JUST A MINUTE..."
    Ah Beng : "THANK YOU lah" AND PUTS DOWN THE PHONE.
    -------? ? ? ? ? ?-------


    After completing a jigsaw puzzle he'd been working on for
    quite some time, Ah Beng proudly shows off the finished puzzle to a friend.
    "It took me ONLY 5 MONTHS TO DO IT", Ah Beng brags.
    "FIVE MONTHS ? THAT'S TOO LONG", the friend exclaims.
    "YOU ARE A FOOL." Ah Beng replies, "SEE THIS BOX, IT IS WRITTEN
    FOR 4-7 YRS".
    -------? ? ? ? ? ?-------


    At a bar in New York, the man to Ah Beng's left tells the bartender,
    "JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE"
    and his companion says, "JACK DANIELS, SINGLE".
    The bartender approaches Ah Beng and asks, "AND YOU, SIR ?"
    Ah Beng replies : "Tan Ah Beng, MARRIED lah"
    Last edited by ninelives; 15th June 2015 at 10:48 AM.
    Objection !!!

  17. #577
    Senior Member UncleFai's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    Two minute management course.

    Lesson One
    ==========
    An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.

    A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"

    The eagle answered: "Sure, why not."

    So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit, and ate it.
    Management Lesson - To be sitting doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

    Lesson Two
    ==========
    A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
    "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."

    The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

    He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

    Management Lesson - Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

    Lesson Three
    ============
    A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold; the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
    While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realise how warm he was.

    The dung was actually thawing him out!

    He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

    A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

    Management Lessons -
    (1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
    (2) Not everyone who gets you out of **** is your friend.
    (3) And when you're in deep ****, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

    The end.

  18. #578
    Moderator catchlights's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    Anyone knows what is the different between Outlaw and Inlaw?
    Shoot to Live, Live to Shoot
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  19. #579

    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by UncleFai View Post
    Two minute management course.

    Lesson One
    ==========
    An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.

    A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"

    The eagle answered: "Sure, why not."

    So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit, and ate it.
    Management Lesson - To be sitting doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

    Lesson Two
    ==========
    A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
    "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."

    The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

    He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

    Management Lesson - Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

    Lesson Three
    ============
    A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold; the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
    While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realise how warm he was.

    The dung was actually thawing him out!

    He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

    A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

    Management Lessons -
    (1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
    (2) Not everyone who gets you out of **** is your friend.
    (3) And when you're in deep ****, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

    The end.
    LOL heard of these a long time ago but nice business jokes.
    http://www.shimmeryphotography.com/ - Shimmery Wedding Photography And Videography In Singapore

  20. #580
    Senior Member UncleFai's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes Thread


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