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Thread: Jokes Thread

  1. #541

  2. #542

    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    A bookseller conducting a market survey asked a woman - "Which book has helped you most in your life?"

    The woman replied - "My husband's cheque book !!

    When you are in love,
    Wonders happen.
    But once you get married,
    You Wonder, what happened.

    Philosophy of marriage:
    At the beginning, every wife treats her husband as GOD...
    Later, somehow don't know why….
    alphabets get reversed..

    Secret formula for married couples...
    "Love One Another"
    And if it doesn't work, bring the last word to the
    the middle.!!!!

    A woman finds Aladdin's magic lamp.
    She starts rubbing it and a Genie comes out as usual.
    The woman looks at the Genie and asks him to grant her the following wishes:

    - I want my husband to have eyes only for me
    - I want to be the only one in his life
    - I want that when he gets up in the morning I'm the first thing he grabs and takes me everywhere he goes."

    The Genie turned THE LADY into a IPhone 6
    宁愿遇见丢失幼崽的母熊,也不愿碰上做蠢事的愚人

  3. #543

  4. #544
    Senior Member UncleFai's Avatar
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    Default

    Medical quote:

    Obesity is not because it runs in the family.

    It is because no one runs in the family.

  5. #545

    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    宁愿遇见丢失幼崽的母熊,也不愿碰上做蠢事的愚人

  6. #546
    Senior Member UncleFai's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes Thread


  7. #547

    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by UncleFai View Post
    only the pharmacist understand them ?

  8. #548
    Member Foxshade's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    Guy from India, China and Singapore went to a saloon bar for a drink.

    After he finished his drink, the Indian guy threw his glass up in the air, pulled out his gun and shot it.
    To his confused drinking buddies he explained: In India we have unlimited amount of glass. I don't want to drink from the same glass each time.

    The guy from China follow suit. He finished his drink, threw his glass up in the air, pulled out his gun and shot it.
    In China we have unlimited supply of sand from our desert to be processed in to glass. I don't want to drink from the same glass each time.

    The guy from Singapore finished his drink, pulled out his gun and shot the other two.
    To his dying buddies he explained: In Singapore we have so many people from China and India. I don't need to drink with same Chinese and Indian buddies each time....
    A true photograph need not be explained, nor can it be contained in words.
    ~Ansel Adams

  9. #549

    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    here's two of them. and they're recent and are getting rampant on social media:

    Canon See Impossible Parody Teaser Skewers the Company for Not Innovating

    What Canon Sees


    What everyone else sees



    http://petapixel.com/2014/10/10/dire...t-facts-right/


  10. #550
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    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    The 2nd pic shd be this rite..


  11. #551

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    Quote Originally Posted by Limsgp View Post
    The 2nd pic shd be this rite..
    yes

  12. #552
    Senior Member UncleFai's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by kei1309 View Post
    here's two of them. and they're recent and are getting rampant on social media:

    Canon See Impossible Parody Teaser Skewers the Company for Not Innovating

    What Canon Sees


    What everyone else sees



    http://petapixel.com/2014/10/10/dire...t-facts-right/

    We see possible but they see impossible lor.

  13. #553
    Senior Member UncleFai's Avatar
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    I never knew what "movements" in classical music meant till I saw this...

    Video Missing

  14. #554
    Senior Member UncleFai's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes Thread


  15. #555
    Senior Member UncleFai's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    Son asks dad: "Dad, is there such a thing as ghosts?"

    Dad: "Absolutely not son! There is no such thing as ghosts in this world."

    Son: "But nanny says that there are ghosts for sure."

    Dad: "We need to move house."

    Son: "Why?"

    Dad: "I never hired any nanny for you."

  16. #556
    Senior Member UncleFai's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    Very punny...

    http://sgag.sg/posts/503

  17. #557
    Moderator Francis247's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    Confucius said, "Men who go through airport door sideway... is going to Bangkok..."
    莫问前程有愧,只求今生无悔. Time pasts, Places changed, Beauty faded, what is left are Photos of Memories…

  18. #558
    Member Foxshade's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up Jack’s station-wagon and headed north.

    After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farmhouse and asked the attractive lady of the house if they could spend the night.

    “I’m recently widowed,” she explained, “and I’m afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house.”

    “Not to worry,” Jack said, “we’ll be happy to sleep in the barn. We’ll be gone at first light.”

    The lady agreed and they settled into the barn for the night.

    Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they went on their way.

    Nine months later, Jack got a letter from an attorney. After reading it, he thought for a few minutes and realized he must be the widow’s attorney.

    He called up his friend Bob and said, “Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow at the farm we stayed at?”

    “Yes, I do.”

    “Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?” Jack asked.

    “Yes, I have to admit that I did.”

    “Did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?” Jack asked.

    Bobs face turns red and he said, “Yeah, I’m afraid I did.”

    “Well, thanks!” Jack replied, “She just died and left me everything!”
    A true photograph need not be explained, nor can it be contained in words.
    ~Ansel Adams

  19. #559
    Senior Member Kit's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    What does security guards at the Samsung factory call themselves?

    Guardians of the Galaxy!!

  20. #560
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    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Kit View Post
    What does security guards at the Samsung factory call themselves?

    Guardians of the Galaxy!!

    LOL..
    Shoot to Live, Live to Shoot
    www.benjaminloo.com | iStock portfolio

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