Page 27 of 34 FirstFirst ... 21722252627282932 ... LastLast
Results 521 to 540 of 675

Thread: Jokes Thread

  1. #521
    Moderator catchlights's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Location
    Punggol, Singapore
    Posts
    23,821

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by junction88 View Post

    This is very tcim. Catch no ball leh. LOL
    Ok, now we know you are also a blonde. Lol.
    Shoot to Live, Live to Shoot
    www.benjaminloo.com | iStock portfolio

  2. #522
    Senior Member UncleFai's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Singapore
    Posts
    4,236

    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    Soon I too will be using...


  3. #523

    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    Height of embarrassment

    A young man goes into a pharmacy and asks the
    pharmacist: "Hello, could
    you give me condom. My girlfriend has invited me for dinner and I think she is expecting something from me!"

    The pharmacist gives him the condom; and as the young man is going out, he returns and tells him: "Give me another condom because my girlfriend's sister is very cute too. She always crosses her legs in a provocative manner when she sees me and I think she expects something from me too.." The pharmacist gives him a second condom; and as the boy is leaving he turns back and says : "After all, give me one more condom because my girlfriend's mom is still pretty cute and when she sees me she always makes allusions... and since she invited me for dinner, I think she is expecting something from me!!

    During dinner, the young man is sitting with his girlfriend on his left, the sister on his right and the mom facing him. When the dad gets there, the boy lowers his head and starts praying: "Dear Lord, bless this dinner... thank you for all you give us...!!!"

    A minute later the boy is still praying: "Thank you Lord for your kindness..." Ten minutes go on and the boy is still praying, keeping his head down.

    The others look at each other surprised and his girlfriend even more than the others. She gets close to the boy and tells him in his ear: "I didn't know you were so religious!!!"

    The boy replies:" I didn't know your dad is a pharmacist!!!"
    Objection !!!

  4. #524

    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    John and David were both patients in a Mental Hospital.

    One day, John suddenly dived into the deep end of the swimming pool


    David jumped in and saved him, and the medical director came to know of his
    heroic act.

    He immediately order David to be discharged from the Mental Hospital as he
    is OK.

    Doctor: We have good news and bad news for you, David. The good news is that
    we are going to discharge you because you have regained your senses, since
    you are able to jump in and save another patient you are now a normal
    person. The bad news is that, the patient Mr. John, whom you have saved,
    hung himself in the
    toilet and died.

    David: Doctor, he didn't hang himself. I hung him there to dry !
    Objection !!!

  5. #525

    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    Researchers for the Ministry of Transport found over 200 dead crows near greater Manchester recently,and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu.

    A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu.

    The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.

    However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colours of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws.

    By analysing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with lorries, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.

    Ministry of Transport then hired an Ornithological Behaviourist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills.

    The Ornithological Behaviourist very quickly concluded the cause:

    --- when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger.


    They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "Lorry."

  6. #526
    Member Foxshade's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    In cat's stomach
    Posts
    851

    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    Blonde: Phew, I just took two weeks to solve a tough puzzle which normally take years to solve. How do I know? Duh, the puzzle box shows "3 years and above"
    A true photograph need not be explained, nor can it be contained in words.
    ~Ansel Adams

  7. #527

    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    NEW GENERATION !!

    Daughter: "Dad, I'm in love with a boy who lives far away from me. I am in Singapore and he lives in the UK . We met on a dating website, became friends on Facebook, had long chats on Whatsapp, he proposed to me on Skype and now we've had two months of a great relationship through Viber. Dad, I need your blessings and good wishes." Father: "Wow! Really!! Then get married on Twitter, have fun on Line, buy your kids on Amazon and pay through Paypal. And if you are fed up with your husband...... sell him on Ebay.

  8. #528
    Senior Member UncleFai's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Singapore
    Posts
    4,236

    Default Re: Jokes Thread


  9. #529

    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    Sherlock Holmes and his side kick Watson check into a budget hotel to conduct surveillance on the brothel opposite.

    After a few hours of futile waiting next to the drawn curtains, Watson was feeling very thirsty indeed. He opened the mini-bar fridge and look through all the drinks, but they were depressingly expensive. He finally grew so frustrated, that he made a move to drink from the tap in the bathroom.

    Sherlock stopped him by tossing him a bottle of Evian.
    "What is this my dear Holmes? How are we going to afford this?"

    Sherlock looked at the good Doctor gravely. "Complimentary, my dear Watson!"
    宁愿遇见丢失幼崽的母熊,也不愿碰上做蠢事的愚人

  10. #530
    Senior Member richiemccaw1's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Singapore
    Posts
    3,093

    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Shizuma View Post
    Sherlock Holmes and his side kick Watson check into a budget hotel to conduct surveillance on the brothel opposite.

    After a few hours of futile waiting next to the drawn curtains, Watson was feeling very thirsty indeed. He opened the mini-bar fridge and look through all the drinks, but they were depressingly expensive. He finally grew so frustrated, that he made a move to drink from the tap in the bathroom.

    Sherlock stopped him by tossing him a bottle of Evian.
    "What is this my dear Holmes? How are we going to afford this?"

    Sherlock looked at the good Doctor gravely. "Complimentary, my dear Watson!"

  11. #531
    Senior Member UncleFai's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Singapore
    Posts
    4,236

    Default

    Important letter to all employees

    To:

    Dear Employees,

    Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of economy, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age and above on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

    Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be eligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW programme (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers). A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate.

    Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).

    Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management.

    Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much **** (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount of **** it gives employees. Should you feel that you do not receive enough ****, please bring to the attention of your Supervisor. They have been trained to give you all the **** you can handle.

    Sincerely,
    The Management

  12. #532
    Senior Member UncleFai's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Singapore
    Posts
    4,236

    Default Re: Jokes Thread


  13. #533
    Member Foxshade's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    In cat's stomach
    Posts
    851

    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by UncleFai View Post
    I should stick this on my server room door.
    A true photograph need not be explained, nor can it be contained in words.
    ~Ansel Adams

  14. #534

    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    sharing......

    Name:  Joke of the day.jpg
Views: 0
Size:  57.5 KB

  15. #535
    Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    Singapore, Bedok
    Posts
    1,130

    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by yqt View Post
    Pentax buys over 51% of Olympus and new camera will be know as a Penpus
    SGX news..

    Lum Chang bought over Haw Par....

  16. #536

    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    haw Chung? *innocent cat*
    宁愿遇见丢失幼崽的母熊,也不愿碰上做蠢事的愚人

  17. #537
    Senior Member UncleFai's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Singapore
    Posts
    4,236

    Default Re: Jokes Thread



    You like?

  18. #538
    Moderator catchlights's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Location
    Punggol, Singapore
    Posts
    23,821

    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by UncleFai View Post


    You like?
    Some time you really need to hire Ah Beng Designers.....
    Shoot to Live, Live to Shoot
    www.benjaminloo.com | iStock portfolio

  19. #539

    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by catchlights View Post
    Some time you really need to hire Ah Beng Designers.....
    Slurpee
    宁愿遇见丢失幼崽的母熊,也不愿碰上做蠢事的愚人

  20. #540

    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    [img]www.tickld.com/cdn_image_article/a_838_20140905161257.jpg[/img]
    宁愿遇见丢失幼崽的母熊,也不愿碰上做蠢事的愚人

Page 27 of 34 FirstFirst ... 21722252627282932 ... LastLast

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •