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Thread: Jokes Thread

  1. #461

    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    a programmers wife tells him to buy a bag of potatoes and peel half of them...
    宁愿遇见丢失幼崽的母熊,也不愿碰上做蠢事的愚人

  2. #462
    Senior Member oceanpriest's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    My physics teacher told us a joke today:

    Three guys are on a boat and they have four cigarettes, but no lighters or matches or anything to light them with. What do they do?

    They throw one cigarette over-board and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

  3. #463

    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by oceanpriest View Post
    My physics teacher told us a joke today:

    Three guys are on a boat and they have four cigarettes, but no lighters or matches or anything to light them with. What do they do?

    They throw one cigarette over-board and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
    I sure hope they know how to swim when the vessel catches fire.
    宁愿遇见丢失幼崽的母熊,也不愿碰上做蠢事的愚人

  4. #464
    Senior Member UncleFai's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    So that's what the words really meant...


  5. #465

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    At a Chicago High School, as a fundraising campaign, the school played Justin Bieber's "Baby" over the PA system between classes and students could pay to make it stop. They raised $1000 in 3 days.
    宁愿遇见丢失幼崽的母熊,也不愿碰上做蠢事的愚人

  6. #466

    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    "Don't knock Justin Bieber. His music saved my life. I was in a coma after an accident for six months, and the doctors weren't sure if I'd survive it. One day a nurse came in and turned on the radio which was playing a Bieber song. I immediately woke up and turned it off."
    宁愿遇见丢失幼崽的母熊,也不愿碰上做蠢事的愚人

  7. #467
    Moderator Octarine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Shizuma View Post
    "Don't knock Justin Bieber. His music saved my life. I was in a coma after an accident for six months, and the doctors weren't sure if I'd survive it. One day a nurse came in and turned on the radio which was playing a Bieber song. I immediately woke up and turned it off."
    In a few weeks it will also cure cancer and kidney malfunctions. And maybe also lens fungus
    EOS

  8. #468

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    When I put the following in Goggle Translate

    the Chinese proverb "The older the ginger the hotter the spice"
    I got the following

    中国成语姜是老的越热辣妹
    I eats, shoots & leaves

  9. #469

    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    As good as this bar is," said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home In Glasgow, there's a wee place called McTavish's....
    The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth drink."

    "Well, Angus," said the Englishman, "At my local in London,the Red Lion, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two."

    "Ahhh, dat's nothin'," said Paddy Sheehan, the Irishman. "Back home in me favorite pub in Galway, the moment you set foot in the place, they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like, actually. Then, when you've had enough drinks, they'll take you upstairs and see dat you get laid, all on the house!"

    The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of the claims. "Did this actually happen to you?"

    "Not meself, personally, no," admitted the Irishman, "but....
    it did happen to me sister quite a few times."
    宁愿遇见丢失幼崽的母熊,也不愿碰上做蠢事的愚人

  10. #470
    Member Foxshade's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    Don't Pray Pray with Blonde

    There was a blonde who was sitting next to a lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer was naturally bored, so he kept bugging the blonde to play a game of intelligence with him.

    The blonde was reluctant, so the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds. He told her that every time she could not answer his question, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50. The lawyer figured the blonde was so dumb, he could not lose, and the blonde thought for a few minutes and reluctantly accepted to play his game.

    The lawyer fires his first question "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"

    Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. The blonde then asked the lawyer "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"

    The lawyer's face looked extremely puzzled. He spent several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to figure out the answer. Finally, the angry and frustrated lawyer handed the blonde $50.

    The blonde put the $50 into her purse quickly without saying a word. The lawyer was outraged at this point and asked, "Well, what is the answer?"

    The blonde glanced at him with a smirk on her face and handed him a $5 bill.
    Last edited by Foxshade; 18th March 2014 at 09:44 AM.
    A true photograph need not be explained, nor can it be contained in words.
    ~Ansel Adams

  11. #471
    Senior Member UncleFai's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes Thread


  12. #472
    Senior Member richiemccaw1's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    UncleFai - saw this sometime back. still a classic!

  13. #473

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    Quote Originally Posted by UncleFai View Post
    can share in FB??
    Eat breath LIVERPOOL!!!

  14. #474
    Senior Member UncleFai's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fotoudavid View Post
    can share in FB??
    Sure... do know that it is not my photo... I got the link from a friend's FB posting... he probably got it from somewhere else too...

  15. #475
    Senior Member UncleFai's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes Thread


  16. #476
    Senior Member UncleFai's Avatar
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  17. #477
    Member Foxshade's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    Where's your lens hood, dude?

    - Oh, my cam circumsized leoz...
    A true photograph need not be explained, nor can it be contained in words.
    ~Ansel Adams

  18. #478
    Senior Member richiemccaw1's Avatar
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Foxshade View Post
    Where's your lens hood, dude?

    - Oh, my cam circumsized leoz...
    LOL. Mai lai....

  19. #479
    Member Foxshade's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    Model application letter:
    A true photograph need not be explained, nor can it be contained in words.
    ~Ansel Adams

  20. #480

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    Quote Originally Posted by Foxshade View Post
    Model application letter:
    So sorry to let you know that there us no vacancy. His coffin is for one and the incumbent is still occupying it.

    We wish you the best in your job search.

    Yours truely
    No vacancy

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