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Thread: Jokes Thread

  1. #301
    Member Foxshade's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    Ah Beng was admitted to hospital due to his car suddenly flipped and rolled.

    His friend was visiting him and asking him what happened.

    I challenged a Ferrari in a race.
    At first I won with my 1st gear, when he started to gain on me, I shifted to 2nd gear.
    Again when he gained on me. So, I shifted to higher gear.

    Until I was at 5th, he still gained on me, so I shifted to Racing Gear lor. That's when my car flipped. I need to tune my spoiler.

    Huh? U dunno which one is Racing Gear? That one loh... The one with the letter "R".
    Last edited by Foxshade; 13th June 2013 at 02:21 PM.
    A true photograph need not be explained, nor can it be contained in words.
    ~Ansel Adams

  2. #302
    Senior Member UncleFai's Avatar
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    Two cannibals, a father and son, were elected by the tribe to go out and get something to eat.

    They walked deep into the jungle and waited by a path. Before long, along came this little old man. The son said, "Ooh dad, there's one." "No," said the father. "There's not enough meat on that one to even feed the dogs. We'll just wait."

    Well, a little while later, along came this really fat man. The son said, "Hey dad, he's plenty big enough." "No," the father said. "We'd all die of a heart attack from the fat in that one. We'll just wait."

    About an hour later, here comes this absolutely gorgeous woman. The son said, "Now there's nothing wrong with that one dad. Let's eat her."

    "No," said the father. "We'll not eat her either." "Why not?" asked the son.










    "Because, we're going to take her back alive THEN we eat your mother."

  3. #303

    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Foxshade View Post
    Huh? U dunno which one is Racing Gear? That one loh... The one with the letter "R".
    One day I was driving when drowsy (high carb lunch)
    Thought my vehicle had a 6th gear (righttt...goods van...where got...LOL)
    I shifted from 5th down to my "6th" gear...Reverse...clutch bounced it out thankfully.
    宁愿遇见丢失幼崽的母熊,也不愿碰上做蠢事的愚人

  4. #304
    Member Foxshade's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Shizuma View Post
    I shifted from 5th down to my "6th" gear...Reverse...clutch bounced it out thankfully.
    Before your post, there was always a tingling temptation to try it just to see if it would really flipped.

    Any damage to the gear?
    A true photograph need not be explained, nor can it be contained in words.
    ~Ansel Adams

  5. #305

    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    Two young guys appear in court after being arrested for taking drugs.

    The judge says, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance instead of jail time.

    I want you to go out this weekend and try to convince others of the evils of drug use. I'll see you back in court Monday."

    On Monday, the judge asks the first guy, "How did you do over the weekend?"

    "Well, your honor, I persuaded 20 people to give up drugs forever."
    "Twenty people? That's wonderful How did you do it? "

    "I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this: O o. Then I told them that the big circle is your brain before drugs - and the small circle is your brain after drugs."

    "That's admirable," says the judge. Then he turns to the second guy. "And how did you do?"

    "Well, your honor, I persuaded 80 people to give up drugs forever."

    "Wow!" says the judge. "80 people! How did you manage to do that?"

    "Well, I used a similar diagram," the guy says. "I drew two circles like this: o O. Then I pointed to the little circle and said,

    'This is your ****hole before prison, and (pointing to the big O) this is your ****hole when you are release from prison"



    Always laugh when you can - it's cheaper than medicine !!!
    Last edited by Aim; 20th June 2013 at 04:18 PM.

  6. #306
    Member XavierShoot's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    MAKES MY boring Day
    Canon 60D | And Legs as Lens to cover every single focal length i ever needs.

  7. #307
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    Q: Why does wolf like rainbow?

    A: So that he can turn into a color wolf aka 色狼。
    Only Sony device mostly, haha!

  8. #308

    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    As ClupSnap is a photography community, I would like to share this joke on baby photography and it's without any dirty word. Enjoy the hilarious joke.


    The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family.
    On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Darling, I'm off now. The man should be here soon."

    Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer ring the door bell. "Good morning Ma'am," he said, "I've come to.."

    "Oh, no need to explain," Mrs Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been expecting you."

    "Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?" he asked.

    "Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat."
    she said and she asked blushing, "Well, where do we start?"

    "Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes I do it on living room floor, it's fun too. You can really spread out there."

    "Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me."

    "Well, Ma'am, I cannot guarantee a good one everytime. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you will be happy with the results."

    "That's a lot!" gasped Mrs Smith.

    "Ma'am, in my line of work I would like to take my time as I enjoy what I am doing. I'd love to be In and Out in 5 minutes, but I'm sure you will be disappointed with that."

    The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a truck." he said.

    "Oh, my God!" exclaimed Mrs Smith.

    "And these twins turned out exceptionally well, when considering their mother was so difficult to work with."

    "Why was she difficult?" enquired Mrs Smith.

    "Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look while I was working hard."

    "Four and five deep?" asked Mrs Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

    "Yes," the photographer replied proudly, "And for more than 2 hours too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I had to pack it all in."

    Mrs Smith leaned forward, concerned and asked shyly, "Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh .... equipment?"

    "It's true, Ma'am, yes. Well if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod and we can get to work right away."

    "Tripod?" Mrs Smith puzzled.

    'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long."

    Poor Mrs Smith fainted.


    Always laugh when you can, it's cheaper than medicine and helps relive stress.

  9. #309

    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    people in Beijing can roll down their windows anytime they want to smoke.
    宁愿遇见丢失幼崽的母熊,也不愿碰上做蠢事的愚人

  10. #310
    Senior Member digitalpimp's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shizuma View Post
    people in Beijing can roll down their windows anytime they want to smoke.
    Do the pork soup joke!

  11. #311

    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by digitalpimp View Post
    Do the pork soup joke!
    whenever people in shanghai want to drink Pork Bone Soup, they just open the tap and drink.

  12. #312
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    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    Singapore tobacco tax is too high, so Indo farmers give Singapore free smoke.
    Now everyone Singaporean can claim that they're smoking hot.

  13. #313

    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    the haze is so bad, i am considering taking up smoking again. at least there's a filter on a cigarette.
    宁愿遇见丢失幼崽的母熊,也不愿碰上做蠢事的愚人

  14. #314

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Shizuma View Post
    the haze is so bad, i am considering taking up smoking again. at least there's a filter on a cigarette.
    Join me. My healthy friends are all falling sick, while the smokers are all surviving

    Ohhhhh the irony

  15. #315

    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    My new Thai girl friend assures me that a small p___s would not affect our loving relationship.


    Still I prefer she does not have one.

  16. #316

    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    3 little tomatoes were walking down the street with their father...

    one of them keep asking..are we there yet...

    this get on the nerves of their dad..who squashed the little tomato..and say...

    KETCHUP! (as in shut up!)

  17. #317

    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    Brochure circulated by a 5-Star Chinese Hotel

    ----------------

    Getting There:
    Our representative will make you wait at the airport. The bus to the hotel runs along the lake shore. Soon you will feel pleasure in passing water. You will know that you are getting near the hotel, because you will go round the bend. The manager will await you in the entrance hall. He always tries to have intercourse with all new guests.

    The hotel:
    This is a family hotel, so children are very welcome. We of course are always pleased to accept adultery. Highly skilled nurses are available in the evenings to put down your children. Guests are invited to conjugate in the bar and expose themselves to others. But please note that ladies are not allowed to have babies in the bar. We organize social games, so no guest is ever left alone to play with them self.

    The Restaurant:
    Our menus have been carefully chosen to be ordinary and unexciting. At dinner, our quartet will circulate from table to table, and fiddle with you.

    Your Room:
    Every room has excellent facilities for your private parts. In winter, every room is on heat. Each room has a balcony offering views of outstanding obscenity. You will not be disturbed by traffic noise, since the road between the hotel and the lake is used only by pederasts.

    Bed
    Your bed has been made in accordance with local tradition. If you have any other ideas please ring for the chambermaid. Please take advantage of her. She will be very pleased to squash your shirts, blouses and underwear. If asked, she will also squeeze your trousers.

    Above all:
    When you leave us at the end of your holiday, you will have no hope. You will struggle to forget it."


    COME, LET'S GO BEIJING!!

  18. #318

    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Aim View Post
    Brochure circulated by a 5-Star Chinese Hotel

    ----------------

    Getting There:
    Our representative will make you wait at the airport. The bus to the hotel runs along the lake shore. Soon you will feel pleasure in passing water. You will know that you are getting near the hotel, because you will go round the bend. The manager will await you in the entrance hall. He always tries to have intercourse with all new guests.

    The hotel:
    This is a family hotel, so children are very welcome. We of course are always pleased to accept adultery. Highly skilled nurses are available in the evenings to put down your children. Guests are invited to conjugate in the bar and expose themselves to others. But please note that ladies are not allowed to have babies in the bar. We organize social games, so no guest is ever left alone to play with them self.

    The Restaurant:
    Our menus have been carefully chosen to be ordinary and unexciting. At dinner, our quartet will circulate from table to table, and fiddle with you.

    Your Room:
    Every room has excellent facilities for your private parts. In winter, every room is on heat. Each room has a balcony offering views of outstanding obscenity. You will not be disturbed by traffic noise, since the road between the hotel and the lake is used only by pederasts.

    Bed
    Your bed has been made in accordance with local tradition. If you have any other ideas please ring for the chambermaid. Please take advantage of her. She will be very pleased to squash your shirts, blouses and underwear. If asked, she will also squeeze your trousers.

    Above all:
    When you leave us at the end of your holiday, you will have no hope. You will struggle to forget it."


    COME, LET'S GO BEIJING!!
    source please!

  19. #319

    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Hinata76 View Post
    3 little tomatoes were walking down the street with their father...

    one of them keep asking..are we there yet...

    this get on the nerves of their dad..who squashed the little tomato..and say...

    KETCHUP! (as in shut up!)
    failed !! ketchup is catchup !
    Objection !!!

  20. #320

    Default Re: Jokes Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by kei1309 View Post
    source please!
    Unknown. Internet circulation.

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