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Thread: Streats: No man is right for picky women

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    ClubSNAP Idol Adam Goi's Avatar
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    Default Streats: No man is right for picky women

    Found this interesting article in Streats today.

    Your views? Guys and gals?


    November 12, 2004

    No man is right for picky women

    By Philip Lee

    AT the opening of En Bar in Mohamed Sultan Road last year, I chatted with a group of men - all 30-somethings.

    One of them, a short fellow with a strong voice, impressed me with his knowledge, from Greek mythology to etymology, his philosophy of life, his use of the English language and his humour.

    I remember thinking, "This guy is very interesting," and proceeded to banter with him and his pals to whom I was but a stranger who had merely chanced by during an event where such serendipitous encounters happen.

    I stayed with this group for a while because they were a lively, engaging bunch. All six of them were single.

    Then I learnt that the short man, a senior executive in a commercial firm, had trouble getting dates.

    "Who would date someone who is vertically challenged?" he said without emotion, as if he had long been resigned to his fate.

    "Ah, but you stand tall in other areas," I ventured, sipping my third glass of shiraz.

    "Really? But that won't help, anyway," he replied. "I am too "katik' (Malay for short) to attract women as a potential mate. They look at a short man and say to themselves: No, I don't want short children."

    Then last week, while chatting with a group of women, this time all in their late 20s and single, at the Blue Bar Bistro in Central Mall, I asked what kind of man a woman desired most.

    One of them, Jennifer, always talkative and always with an opinion, said: "He must make me laugh."

    I said: "This is what you want most?"

    "Yes," she said. "I don't need his money. But I need him to be a lively, interesting companion. I don't want to live my life with a bore."

    Another woman said: "He must have a goal to aim for. I don't mind if he is not earning much now, but he must have a passion for something bigger. And of course, he must be well read and be funny."

    Tsui Ping, an events manager, said: "He must care for me and like Jennifer said, he must have a sense of humour."

    A sense of humour. How often have I heard young women say this and how often have they said that meeting such a man is like finding that proverbial needle.

    I think the humourless Singapore male might have evolved from our rigid school system where the relentless paper chase leaves him no time for levity.

    When these women talked about humour, they did not mean they wanted clowns or jokers.

    A person with a sense of humour looks at life, including mistakes, philosophically. He is not uptight about his own shortcomings or those of others. He tends to be more forgiving and is much less judgmental.

    And women tell me that best of all, such a man has that ability to make light of troublesome situations and does not throw a tantrum, shout or go to a corner and sulk.

    Of course, he is also always exposing life's lighter side and this helps spread the sunshine.

    I have quite a number of such men as friends when I lived in Canada. They were all Caucasians. Now I sometimes wonder if this better sense of humour among Caucasians is a reason why so many Singaporean women have "ang moh" boyfriends.

    When the women were telling me about their ideal man, my brief meeting with that short clever fellow in En Bar flashed back. He would have fitted their requirements, I thought.

    So I asked them: "Would you be interested in a man who has a sense of humour, is a professional, is well-read, is 30-something but is about five feet three inches tall?"

    "What is five feet three inches?" they chorused.

    "Okay, err... about 1.6 metres" I said.

    They giggled and wrinkled their noses in unison.

    Young men today, I thought to myself that night, face many kinds of obstacles in winning a woman's heart. It would appear women have become much more fastidious than their mothers when it comes to picking mates.

    I remember my aunts used to say that all a woman wants is a man with a "good heart".

    Today's demanding lasses are certainly not settling for merely good-heartedness. They seem to want perfection - an impossible dream.

    If he is tall and strong, he has thinning hair. If he is lively, he is too flirtatious. If he is very successful, he is too full of himself. If he is intelligent, he is too opinionated. If he is the faithful type, he is too possessive and jealous. The exceptions go on.

    I even know of a woman who will only date men with cars. Her reason: I don't want to go home late at night by myself and pay the midnight taxi surcharge.

    But have her dates done this? Yes, she said. Most of those who don't drive put her in a cab and wave her goodbye.

    Which brings me to another point: the lack of chivalry in young men today.

    But this topic will have wait until next time.
    Last edited by Adam Goi; 12th November 2004 at 10:15 AM.

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    Hehehe... when I read this I was smirking, I think the lady beside me caught me doing that.

    I just feel very ironical, are they really that satisfied? Many a times, not... it's more than just what they chatted. It's just soooo fake.

  3. #3

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    yup alot of people out there dun usually mean what they claim they believe in. Tats my opinion. Those people rank low in my levels of respect for people.
    Don't juz say something nice or politically correct just because it sounds good and you don't mean it all. It's a farce. :P

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    It is...

    "I want my women/guy to be faithful, religious, fillial, caring, sincere"

    They apparently forgot to add "beautiful/hunksome, rich, car, credit cards, give me freedom, don't want kids, have big house, etc"


  5. #5

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    Well...hehe...i can't say more either.
    Everybody seems to only want to hear the good stuff. Until its too late...you see all the divorce, etc etc...maybe they werent honest bout what they want in the first place. Hee
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    Quote Originally Posted by espn
    It is...

    "I want my women/guy to be faithful, religious, fillial, caring, sincere"

    They apparently forgot to add "beautiful/hunksome, rich, car, credit cards, give me freedom, don't want kids, have big house, etc"

    Yeah... ! Well, maybe not necessarily big houses or hunks or Merc 300 series, GREAT if have! But if there's a car, and the guy is nicely tall and fairly good looking, more than 1/2 the battle's won.

    I may be somewhat biased but I feel all this "sense of humor" -- the guy must make me larff, he has goals etc are just diplomatic ways women here try to answer questions posed to them by the media or even their friends.

    At the end of the day, physical appearance (ie looks and height included) do matter. They may not strictly want the drop dead handsome type or hunky, but at least the guy must be pleasing to the eyes. But to say this truth sometimes put the women in a spot, unless they themselves are physically attractive to begin with! So instead, they'll say things like "Oh, I only look for guys with good heart, etc etc".

    Disclaimer!!! There are some women who really simply go for good hearted men, though he may not be tall or handsome... but my 'stereotype' mode tells me these are more of a minority than the above. Pleeasz dun flame me!! Just my observation and exepriences from friends, etc.

    Maybe the ladies here might wanna comment...

  7. #7
    Senior Member denniskee's Avatar
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    yap, agree with

    "I want my women/guy to be faithful, religious, fillial, caring, sincere"

    They apparently forgot to add "beautiful/hunksome, rich, car, credit cards, give me freedom, don't want kids, have big house, etc"

    some of my lady friends told me their BF has to be tall like those guys in F4 But they forgot just the other day, they told me they are looking for guys that are

    faithful, religious, fillial, caring, sincere.

    and that they are not looking for guys that must have the 5Cs, dont have to be a hunksome.

    Oh well, as the saying goes, "woman's heart, needle in the sea".
    photography makes one sees things from all angles.

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    Quote Originally Posted by kiwi2
    Yeah... ! Well, maybe not necessarily big houses or hunks or Merc 300 series, GREAT if have! But if there's a car, and the guy is nicely tall and fairly good looking, more than 1/2 the battle's won.

    I may be somewhat biased but I feel all this "sense of humor" -- the guy must make me larff, he has goals etc are just diplomatic ways women here try to answer questions posed to them by the media or even their friends.

    At the end of the day, physical appearance (ie looks and height included) do matter. They may not strictly want the drop dead handsome type or hunky, but at least the guy must be pleasing to the eyes. But to say this truth sometimes put the women in a spot, unless they themselves are physically attractive to begin with! So instead, they'll say things like "Oh, I only look for guys with good heart, etc etc".

    Disclaimer!!! There are some women who really simply go for good hearted men, though he may not be tall or handsome... but my 'stereotype' mode tells me these are more of a minority than the above. Pleeasz dun flame me!! Just my observation and exepriences from friends, etc.

    Maybe the ladies here might wanna comment...
    Wahahah how true... the "some women who simply go for good hearted men" are those approximately 28 and up and single already, they have no choice... Muahaha I sound bad. And the problem is the women don't need to be attractive to be choosy, I've met very urm... well u know, and they're choosy and put on airs.

    Meanwhile, guys at 40 are still on the prowl for girls younger than 20...

  9. #9

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    Many a times a woman what this attribute want that attribute but most of the time, their future spouse is not what they previously wanted eventually.

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    ClubSNAP Idol Adam Goi's Avatar
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    Keep it coming people! Let the feelings out! It can be therapeutic!

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    Wants and Needs are two different things....
    AMPA * WPPI * J team

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    Quote Originally Posted by KNIGHT ONG
    Wants and Needs are two different things....
    Agreed, but often, it's the wants that drives the needs.

  13. #13

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    Quote Originally Posted by kiwi2
    Yeah... ! Well, maybe not necessarily big houses or hunks or Merc 300 series, GREAT if have! But if there's a car, and the guy is nicely tall and fairly good looking, more than 1/2 the battle's won.

    I may be somewhat biased but I feel all this "sense of humor" -- the guy must make me larff, he has goals etc are just diplomatic ways women here try to answer questions posed to them by the media or even their friends.

    At the end of the day, physical appearance (ie looks and height included) do matter. They may not strictly want the drop dead handsome type or hunky, but at least the guy must be pleasing to the eyes. But to say this truth sometimes put the women in a spot, unless they themselves are physically attractive to begin with! So instead, they'll say things like "Oh, I only look for guys with good heart, etc etc".

    Disclaimer!!! There are some women who really simply go for good hearted men, though he may not be tall or handsome... but my 'stereotype' mode tells me these are more of a minority than the above. Pleeasz dun flame me!! Just my observation and exepriences from friends, etc.

    Maybe the ladies here might wanna comment...



    I don't really understand why guys (not all but most) think that women only go for rich, handsome guys with cars or big houses?!?

    Are women really so materialistic in guy's opinion? Personally I feel that women in this era are finanicially independent and can or are able to acheive what they need and want by themselves.

    From my personal observation of friends (they are not those approx 28 and up, single gals) around me, they go for guys who are kind, sincere, thoughtful, etc... Most of them believe that it is better to have a guy with such character who is diligent than having a handsome, rich guy with simply no character at all.

    The above are my personal views only.

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    Hi Bluecoral, just for the sake of a healthy reply, no offence.

    Quote Originally Posted by Bluecoral
    I don't really understand why guys (not all but most) think that women only go for rich, handsome guys with cars or big houses?!?

    Are women really so materialistic in guy's opinion? Personally I feel that women in this era are finanicially independent and can or are able to acheive what they need and want by themselves.
    Yes, and they still are, they are financially independent, thus their counterparts cannot be any lesser, condos, car, credit cards and cash are everything else they want, more is never a sin for them. Less is. They want more, and you have to give them more. Satisfaction doesn't seem to be a valid word.



    Quote Originally Posted by Bluecoral
    From my personal observation of friends (they are not those approx 28 and up, single gals) around me, they go for guys who are kind, sincere, thoughtful, etc... Most of them believe that it is better to have a guy with such character who is diligent than having a handsome, rich guy with simply no character at all.

    The above are my personal views only.
    WRT to the above... one of my earlier replies to kiwi2 was

    Quote Originally Posted by espn
    Wahahah how true... the "some women who simply go for good hearted men" are those approximately 28 and up and single already, they have no choice... Muahaha I sound bad. And the problem is the women don't need to be attractive to be choosy, I've met very urm... well u know, and they're choosy and put on airs.

    Meanwhile, guys at 40 are still on the prowl for girls younger than 20...
    And read denniskee's reply.

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    Nice article..sad to sad its just a realistic side of sg woman nowadays...Want looks want $ want humourous and want a good heart etc...Hell lots of wants. But wasn't it the same for some of the guys...angelic face demonic figure

    Well all I can say is humans are realistically searching for things they want plus looking for abit of dream.

    Guys/gals out there! Dun be disheartened by what the article said...Its just a matter of finding the right person at the right time! Cheerz!

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    most girls don't go for looks.... but if a charming guy comes along of coz they won't mind. Most guys go for looks, but if a wonderful but plain looking gal comes along we might not mind too!

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    I find that Most of the guys appear nice in front of girls at the initial stage. They are somehow mutually attracted and all flaws are considered good during this stage.

    After they got a relationship for say , about 1 year, flaws will appear unbearable in both guys and girls. This will commence to a stage where one must reach a decision: whether to accept the flaws and consider marriage or end the relationship. All the romance stories women like to read in novels are mostly bullshits which do not happen in reality.

    I must say that all relationships can be saved if both parties are willing to do something about it.

    er....it seems i am a bit side track liao.... paiseh

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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Goi
    Keep it coming people! Let the feelings out! It can be therapeutic!
    Dr Adam in da house?

    the anecdotes given, are only "interviews" or "conversations" at face value - when people ask you, "why are you single?", would you give a 10 minute explanation of your heartbreaks, near-misses and more? or how would you sum up everything in one sentence because you wouldn't know whether the apparently nice lad in the bar would actually pay attention to you for so long to vent out previous greviances?

  19. #19

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    I find that the girls interviewed in the articles are just saying things they are unsure of. Their opinions may change over time. Also, being interviewed, they tends to give an answer is is 'generally accepted' by the public. Their response is influneced by the interviewer and may not be able to give a genuine answer.

    Anway, its just a 'Jik Teh Chui' (One piece of mouth) answer to the press

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    Actually on a lighter side, one might be turned off by looks and ways the opposites are, but somehow, mother nature always has a weird sense of humour.

    First impressions don't really count, it's being together for a while that one will notice the good points over the bad points in time to come.

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